Dating And Finding That Real Relationship

[smore 19]

4 hours ago, Lover_Boy said:

Yes that is the way they are raised with old school morals

 

Like my wife is from Middle class family, with 4 sisters and all have  4 year degrees, my wife is Registered Nurse in USA and Philippines, she was 22 year old when I met her 2 years out of college and she was still a virgin.  Pretty common in PHilippines from what I have seen.  

 

I suggest to do you due diligence on Philippine, the culture and society in the Philippines, it will put you with a marked advantage.  Personal suggestion, look for partner that come from good home and educated, dont waste time on partners with : Kids, No education, Come from broken home, or poor.

I like that they are raised with old school morals. Here in USA that is rare now days. I was not aware of such women in Philippines who had college, 4 year degrees. It did seem like most were poor, no education, and a few from broken homes. You seem to say don't waste time on poor, no education, broken homes or ones with kids. I mean yes it would be nice to find a woman who is educated, good home, but again I did not know many existed.

[Redro 4,600]

I do so enjoy the discussion you generate @smore… 

Just a question, are you looking for advice, hope, to find a girlfriend from this thread? Are you solely focused on finding love in the Philippines? 

[beloved_dingo 1,932]

11 hours ago, Lover_Boy said:

Yes that is the way they are raised with old school morals

 

Like my wife is from Middle class family, with 4 sisters and all have  4 year degrees, my wife is Registered Nurse in USA and Philippines, she was 22 year old when I met her 2 years out of college and she was still a virgin.  Pretty common in PHilippines from what I have seen.  

 

I suggest to do you due diligence on Philippine, the culture and society in the Philippines, it will put you with a marked advantage.  Personal suggestion, look for partner that come from good home and educated, dont waste time on partners with : Kids, No education, Come from broken home, or poor.

Dang, and there's men out there getting pressed that some women like tall guys. Wow. 

[Boiler 43,451]

1 minute ago, beloved_dingo said:

Dang, and there's men out there getting pressed that some women like tall guys. Wow. 

6ft minimum, however I have seen a few suggesting this may not be enough now. Standards are going up.

[Kawika & Michelle 108]

If you really are seeking a Christian Filipina wife then I would say take a look at ChristianFilipina.com. The main reason I did not go that route was due to the cost. I had already paid for a few of the US based dating services in the past & just felt like it was a waste of time & money...so I was wary of throwing more money away. I do think that the quality of woman that you find there will be a lot higher & you should find much less scammers on that site versus some of the free sites that people are suggesting. If you don't mind taking the time to sift through the scammers in hopes of finding a genuine woman...then certainly going the route of the free dating websites should be a good place to find some eligible women. ChristianFilipina.com seems to do a fairly good job of vetting the women on the site.

 

I can understand the feeling of wanting/needing a wing man to go along with you...but I think you'll find that things there are a lot different than you find here. People are generally friendly & open to foreigners. I don't think you'll find women throwing themselves at you...but most will be at least open to chatting & getting to know you versus the general temperament you may find here. I'm a fairly laid back & shy guy myself...but once you get a feel for the lay of the land & the "competition" you have over there...I think you'll feel more at home than you realize. 

 

I'd definitely consider starting friendships with 2-3 women when you have a hard date set on when you can go there. That will give you a chance to date a couple of different women to get an idea of how each woman may or may not fit with you & your expectations. I'd just be sure to be open with them & let them know that you aren't in a committed relationship. What you'll have to accept is that giving them that information may end up also opening the door to them seeking attention from other people too & rightfully so. 

 

Just keep in mind that everyone's recommendations will be tainted with their success & failures they may have experienced...things which may never happen to you. If you just go there with an open mind & an open heart...I think you'll find a lot of other women there who are looking for the same things that you are.

[mam521 1,725]

Just a couple of questions/comments.  

 

First, are you 100% legitimately happy with yourself?  Because it doesn't sound like it.  Being alone and happy is an extremely powerful thing.  Will Smith wasn't wrong when he said everyone's happiness is their own responsibility.  

 

Second, have you traveled internationally?  No offense to Americans, but many Americans love America but have never left America to even know why they should love America.  They have no idea what else is out there or an appreciation for the other good things out there because not 100% of America is perfect and wonderful.  Additionally, there are challenges people in other countries face and unless you see it and live it in person, you'll be naïve to it. If you don't understand some of the challenges of your potential partner's life situation, how are you going to be able to provide support? 

 

A corollary to the point above: if you found the right person, would you move to their country?  Again, many Americans think the US is the best place on earth and sure, there's lots of good here, but why is it your partner's responsibility to move to the US?  If you aren't willing to go the other way, my personal opinion is it's a deal breaker.  Relationships are about compromise, but that's by BOTH partners.  One sided relationships rarely work.  

 

Third, and this is 100% NOT to start a debate, but Christianity sounds important to you.  Have you explored what Christianity is and how other countries interpret and practice Christianity?  It's not a cut and dry thing.  It might even be worth it for personal growth and development to take a Religious Studies course offered by an institution of higher learning.  Your interpretation of Christianity and what you consider "wholesome Christian values" may not align even within other regions of the US, let alone another country.  Be open minded to organized religion versus spirituality.  

 

On the topic of morality, what are "old school morals" and why are they so important?  Women are not dogs and don't require owners to dominate them and tell them what to do.  Why is it wrong if a woman doesn't want to take a subordinate role, wants to have an education, a career, be a player in the community?  Are these important because your masculinity is fragile?  No, I'm not being facetious, but I am being real here.  Why or what about these things is important? Are relationships lopsided in your mind or are they legitimate partnerships, 50:50 the majority of the time with one partner or the other picking up the slack from time to time when the other is facing some difficulties? Many American women have realized that it's in their best interest to be self sufficient and happy rather than 100% dependent on another person and that's ok.  

 

I'm 100% with Rocio - stop focusing on the search.  Seriously.  Friendships evolve organically.  Relationships evolve organically.  Just like many couples having fertility issues find themselves pregnant as soon as they give up, many people find each other when they aren't looking.  I did - my hubs was my colleague long before my partner.  I never in a million and one years would have imagined being in a relationship with him when I met him, let alone marrying him and doing life with him!

 

I'll also add that yeah, I understand it's scripted, but all of these TV shows (90 day fiance and it's spin offs, MAFS, etc) involve people that are very, very broken.  They all have personal issues that they should have worked through before being ready to open up their hearts, be vulnerable and enter into a partnership.  To me, a K-1 shouldn't be your future partner arrives in the US and you figure out if you should get married in 90 days.  You should already know that that is your person because you've done all the hard work on the front end and now getting to the marriage is the good part.  

[Boiler 43,451]

2 minutes ago, beloved_dingo said:

Well, according to you, women "always focus" on financial status, so looks don't matter right? ☺️

Not always, never always, Hypergamy is a thing. 

[RO_AH 1,615]

1 minute ago, beloved_dingo said:

That was my bad, @Kawika & Michelle made that generalization. 

 

I misread the mix of replies to the stripper vs. child molester conversation 😂

Lumping people into one basket or generalizing is often not good to do. But if we want to go that route, often for women, security is very high up on the list and financial security falls into that category. In the PH I have noticed that women truly looking for a future and not for scamming, are looking for for men that are loving, kind and make them feel secure.. Just my personal observation.

[smore 19]

5 hours ago, Redro said:

I do so enjoy the discussion you generate @smore… 

Just a question, are you looking for advice, hope, to find a girlfriend from this thread? Are you solely focused on finding love in the Philippines? 

Looking for advise, guidance, suggestions. Being this is not really a dating site I don't believe I would find a girlfriend from this thread. I had focused on the Philippines but am open to other areas.

[smore 19]

1 hour ago, Kawika & Michelle said:

If you really are seeking a Christian Filipina wife then I would say take a look at ChristianFilipina.com. The main reason I did not go that route was due to the cost. I had already paid for a few of the US based dating services in the past & just felt like it was a waste of time & money...so I was wary of throwing more money away. I do think that the quality of woman that you find there will be a lot higher & you should find much less scammers on that site versus some of the free sites that people are suggesting. If you don't mind taking the time to sift through the scammers in hopes of finding a genuine woman...then certainly going the route of the free dating websites should be a good place to find some eligible women. ChristianFilipina.com seems to do a fairly good job of vetting the women on the site.

 

I can understand the feeling of wanting/needing a wing man to go along with you...but I think you'll find that things there are a lot different than you find here. People are generally friendly & open to foreigners. I don't think you'll find women throwing themselves at you...but most will be at least open to chatting & getting to know you versus the general temperament you may find here. I'm a fairly laid back & shy guy myself...but once you get a feel for the lay of the land & the "competition" you have over there...I think you'll feel more at home than you realize. 

 

I'd definitely consider starting friendships with 2-3 women when you have a hard date set on when you can go there. That will give you a chance to date a couple of different women to get an idea of how each woman may or may not fit with you & your expectations. I'd just be sure to be open with them & let them know that you aren't in a committed relationship. What you'll have to accept is that giving them that information may end up also opening the door to them seeking attention from other people too & rightfully so. 

 

Just keep in mind that everyone's recommendations will be tainted with their success & failures they may have experienced...things which may never happen to you. If you just go there with an open mind & an open heart...I think you'll find a lot of other women there who are looking for the same things that you are.

I just looked up ChristianFilipina and read some awful reviews about it, pretty much just like all other dating sites, the want your money, they have so many fake profiles. Years ago these sites never used to be this way, so who is ruining things for these sites the sites themselves to try and stay competitive or other people using it as a place to scam people. It would be nice to actually find a site with genuine people. I did find some good reviews about the site as well, so who knows about that site, but I do appreciate the suggestion, its certainly a thought and option.

 

Free dating sites, don't think there are anymore now days.

 

Yeah the friend or wing man thing would be nice, traveling alone does not sound to fun, and a bit scary and overwhelming to a country or just a place you do not know. I mean even here in the USA I would not go on some vacation alone, just not my idea of fun, safe, etc. Always seems no matter where you are going when you have a friend with you carry a bit more confidence and you just enjoy yourself more. Its great that the people there are way different than here, being that they are friendly and open to foreigners. What no women throwing themselves at me from across the street, thats it I am not going..... Just Joking.....But it does sound like women do like american men, are curious, attracted leading to them being open to talking, versus here in america they could care less about you, will usually not approach, and if you approach them your a creep. Its like leave me alone attitude. And before I get a comment on that, no not all women here are like that NO, but its an overall experience and everyones experience is different, but america in general is going down the tubes, where as it seems other countries esp ones with old school values like Philippines are very welcoming and friendly.

 

I get the starting to talk with a few thing, its difficult I guess for me as I try and focus on one person even in the beginning stages, but it also can set one up for lots of wasted time even here in the USA when you go on a date and the connection is just not there. But yes it would be nice to go on several dates and see who a person forms the best connection with and than proceed from there. Yes being upfront is best, and yes they could also be talking with several others, but I guess that is how it works until you both decide we are only moving forward with one another.

 

Yes I agree everyones advise and experience is different so I just try and take it all in and make my own choices. Its mainly about soaking in all the info and advise as it all helps.

[Boiler 43,451]

I must admit I have no personal knowledge of dating apps, now I have had friends share their experience over a beer so that is very much secondhand.

 

I thought they were free for females and men paid? Or have I go that wrong?

 

One guy I know who I can imagine coming across well used them for hookups, and I have third hand information they can work but that seems unusual.

 

In general a tale of disappointment..

[Dashinka 23,251]

For me is was luck, or fate, or Devine intervention.  Like the OP, I was mostly fine being single, but I did feel the need for something more.  One day, a click on a website and the rest is history.  My wife and I discuss this often, we have come to conclusion that something was happening to have us both clicking at the same time so-to-speak.  I am not sure why I looked in Russia, to my knowledge it was nothing specific, but after two visits over two years and countless video chats we knew, and started the process.  A little over 11 years later, it seems like it was just yesterday.

 

Now I am not saying anyone should wait for fate, but hey, it worked for us.

[smore 19]

8 minutes ago, Dashinka said:

For me is was luck, or fate, or Devine intervention.  Like the OP, I was mostly fine being single, but I did feel the need for something more.  One day, a click on a website and the rest is history.  My wife and I discuss this often, we have come to conclusion that something was happening to have us both clicking at the same time so-to-speak.  I am not sure why I looked in Russia, to my knowledge it was nothing specific, but after two visits over two years and countless video chats we knew, and started the process.  A little over 11 years later, it seems like it was just yesterday.

 

Now I am not saying anyone should wait for fate, but hey, it worked for us.

I do agree that fate does have something to do with it, the choices we make, places we visit whether in person or now days with our heads being so wrapped around technology the sites we visit and the other person was there at the same time. Its great fate worked out for you, congratulations.

[smore 19]

2 hours ago, mam521 said:

Just a couple of questions/comments.  

 

First, are you 100% legitimately happy with yourself?  Because it doesn't sound like it.  Being alone and happy is an extremely powerful thing.  Will Smith wasn't wrong when he said everyone's happiness is their own responsibility.  

 

Second, have you traveled internationally?  No offense to Americans, but many Americans love America but have never left America to even know why they should love America.  They have no idea what else is out there or an appreciation for the other good things out there because not 100% of America is perfect and wonderful.  Additionally, there are challenges people in other countries face and unless you see it and live it in person, you'll be naïve to it. If you don't understand some of the challenges of your potential partner's life situation, how are you going to be able to provide support? 

 

A corollary to the point above: if you found the right person, would you move to their country?  Again, many Americans think the US is the best place on earth and sure, there's lots of good here, but why is it your partner's responsibility to move to the US?  If you aren't willing to go the other way, my personal opinion is it's a deal breaker.  Relationships are about compromise, but that's by BOTH partners.  One sided relationships rarely work.  

 

Third, and this is 100% NOT to start a debate, but Christianity sounds important to you.  Have you explored what Christianity is and how other countries interpret and practice Christianity?  It's not a cut and dry thing.  It might even be worth it for personal growth and development to take a Religious Studies course offered by an institution of higher learning.  Your interpretation of Christianity and what you consider "wholesome Christian values" may not align even within other regions of the US, let alone another country.  Be open minded to organized religion versus spirituality.  

 

On the topic of morality, what are "old school morals" and why are they so important?  Women are not dogs and don't require owners to dominate them and tell them what to do.  Why is it wrong if a woman doesn't want to take a subordinate role, wants to have an education, a career, be a player in the community?  Are these important because your masculinity is fragile?  No, I'm not being facetious, but I am being real here.  Why or what about these things is important? Are relationships lopsided in your mind or are they legitimate partnerships, 50:50 the majority of the time with one partner or the other picking up the slack from time to time when the other is facing some difficulties? Many American women have realized that it's in their best interest to be self sufficient and happy rather than 100% dependent on another person and that's ok.  

 

I'm 100% with Rocio - stop focusing on the search.  Seriously.  Friendships evolve organically.  Relationships evolve organically.  Just like many couples having fertility issues find themselves pregnant as soon as they give up, many people find each other when they aren't looking.  I did - my hubs was my colleague long before my partner.  I never in a million and one years would have imagined being in a relationship with him when I met him, let alone marrying him and doing life with him!

 

I'll also add that yeah, I understand it's scripted, but all of these TV shows (90 day fiance and it's spin offs, MAFS, etc) involve people that are very, very broken.  They all have personal issues that they should have worked through before being ready to open up their hearts, be vulnerable and enter into a partnership.  To me, a K-1 shouldn't be your future partner arrives in the US and you figure out if you should get married in 90 days.  You should already know that that is your person because you've done all the hard work on the front end and now getting to the marriage is the good part.  

I am happy with myself, I believe that I am. I am not the type or never been the type to have to be in a relationship, I carry on with life when I am alone. Where as some people just have to be in a relationship and hop from one to the next. So yes I believe I am happy even when alone. But I see nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, wanting to share life with someone and trying to find that person, but still remaining to live life until that occurs.

 

I actually have never traveled internationally, except to Canada and Mexico. I do know there are many places in this world much better than america, no offense to america, but our world is full of amazing places. I completely agree america is not 100% perfect and wonderful, no having to convince me of that. I have seen people face challenges here, my upbringing, faith, personality is one that understands this, and does not judge anyone for the challenges they have face or that they continue to face.

 

 I am not sure about moving to another country, with how GREAT america has become, thats a joke by the way the thought has crossed my mind. But with my life here I do not believe I could up and move, I don't have such a simple life here and to pick up and move would be pretty tough. If I lived in a small apartment with not much belongings it would be easier. A country life is not the easiest life, simple perhaps, peaceful yeah, but lots to do and also to maintain things. I do agree about compromise, but also I feel being upfront as well, and if I would be unable to move that would be something to let them know up front, and than its there choice to continue to get to know me. People even here in the US who have met others around the US are in those situations where one just cannot move and the other is the one who moves, in any situation one person is certainly going to have to move if you want to be together. Yes one sided relationships do not work, but some things you need to discuss and some things just cannot be changed and it could be a deal breaker.
 

Faith is important to me, morals, values and some sort of faith,  now it does not have to be a certain religion even. I was brought up with my faith but no I have not explored how that faith is around the world, I am really not that deep into religion for that sorta research, but I am open to learning from others when those moments arise. So I am not seeking someone of a specific religion, I am not limiting or narrowing it down to that. You never know who you will connect with, they could be of some different religion but your ideas line up for the most part, no two people are going to be the same.

 

I certainly do not see old school morals as women are dogs that require owners to dominate them, not sure where that came from, I do not see old school as women stay home and men work or the man dominates the woman and runs the house. I see old school as simple, genuine, kind, loving, unselfish, and having respect for one another, having respect for what you have with one another. Old school to me is simple common decency for each other.

 

You really went out into left field with this moral thing, your words you wrote are certainly not my view on women. Women can be anything they want, they certainly are not subs, certainly can have an education, work any job they want, be apart of what ever they want. And everyone I have been with I have been supportive of whatever they want to be. Again WOW you have really went OFF BASE with your comments and I do not appreciate you putting me in some level that other men are with there masculinity, not sure where you are coming from or why. I am being real here that I do not appreciate it and I am wondering why you would make such comments, although perhaps general comments they are disturbing that you might suggest I am thinking in such ways.

 

My view relationships are 50/50, yes each picks up the slack, each 100% respects each other, does not judge, look down upon, but lifts each other up. A woman can certainly be independent and be in a relationship, both need to have there independence, that is where you trust one another.

 

I do agree all these shows 90 day are scripted, stupid, fake, full of drama. Of course they are full of drama as why would anyone watch as we americans seem to love drama and other peoples issues. Those shows have probably ruined things for many out there who believe in finding someone abroad.

[TBoneTX 43,061]

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