Kawika & Michelle

So even if he has his K2 VISA...we are still leaving this blank?

Hi Folks, In the process of filling out the AoS for my stepson...in the I-485 form...do I use his mother's Alien Registration Number when filling out the form or should he have his own number? Thanks! Kawika

Hi Folks, My wife & I are in the process of bringing her son over from the Philippines on a K2 "Follow To Join" VISA option. She came to the US last May & we were married in June. She asked me about potentially changing her son's last name to my/our last name since he would be the only one in the house with a different last name. Does anyone know what options we have to make this happen? Thanks! Kawika

Which one? Our AoS?

Hi Folks, It's been awhile since I posted here & as such a lot of this stuff is a little foggy in my memory. My wife & I (she came here as a K1 fiancé visa holder) need to bring her 4 year old son to the US as part of the follow to join option. Both her 4 year old & her 10 year old was included on the original K1 visa application, but only her youngest will be joining us. She received her K1 VISA on May 4th, 2023 so we are assuming that he will need to get his VISA issued to him prior to that date. What we are trying to determine now is the best way to get him here that will account for any bumps we may have along the way. He already has his passport. As far as I know & can recall from the original process, we still need to complete a DS-160 for him, complete his medical examination & finally the embassy interview. We know that we ideally need to get his medical exam done at least 2-3 months prior to his interview just in case he gets flagged for the 2 month sputum test. Can I go ahead & complete the DS-160 now even if we have no plans to do anything until 2024? I'm not sure if that DS-160 is only valid for a period of time or not. Do we complete the DS-160, pay the MRV fee, then set up the interview & then schedule the medical exam? Am I forgetting anything? I know the medical exam is only valid for 6 months...so the earliest we should consider having him do the medical exam is in November or December for it to last through May. Does the medical exam need to be valid post entry into the US? I'm guessing we'll be starting his AOS shortly after he arrives in the US as well. Any input or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Kawika

I'm not sure if this is specific to your case, but for my wife's adjustment of status petition...we got an RFE to prove that her sponsor (me) is an American citizen. I sent them a copy of my Passport & State certified Birth Certificate (either would have been sufficient) as a response electronically through their website. It was accepted a couple of days later & the review process continued shortly thereafter.

My wife is in the same status right now. For what it's worth...we took the advice of the group & got her a SSN before she was married. We got the SS card issued. We went back to the SS Administration to have her SS card updated with her married name, but because we attempted to do about a week or two prior to her K1 VISA due date they would not issue a new SS card. They told us that we would have to wait until her green card was issued before we could update her SS card. It seems that had we made the time to get to the SS Administration 3+ weeks prior to her K1 VISA due date...then they would have just issued her a new SS card with her married name. Hopefully this helps someone out there.

Have you tried contacting the embassy directly via phone to ask about your particular situation?

If you really are seeking a Christian Filipina wife then I would say take a look at ChristianFilipina.com. The main reason I did not go that route was due to the cost. I had already paid for a few of the US based dating services in the past & just felt like it was a waste of time & money...so I was wary of throwing more money away. I do think that the quality of woman that you find there will be a lot higher & you should find much less scammers on that site versus some of the free sites that people are suggesting. If you don't mind taking the time to sift through the scammers in hopes of finding a genuine woman...then certainly going the route of the free dating websites should be a good place to find some eligible women. ChristianFilipina.com seems to do a fairly good job of vetting the women on the site. I can understand the feeling of wanting/needing a wing man to go along with you...but I think you'll find that things there are a lot different than you find here. People are generally friendly & open to foreigners. I don't think you'll find women throwing themselves at you...but most will be at least open to chatting & getting to know you versus the general temperament you may find here. I'm a fairly laid back & shy guy myself...but once you get a feel for the lay of the land & the "competition" you have over there...I think you'll feel more at home than you realize. I'd definitely consider starting friendships with 2-3 women when you have a hard date set on when you can go there. That will give you a chance to date a couple of different women to get an idea of how each woman may or may not fit with you & your expectations. I'd just be sure to be open with them & let them know that you aren't in a committed relationship. What you'll have to accept is that giving them that information may end up also opening the door to them seeking attention from other people too & rightfully so. Just keep in mind that everyone's recommendations will be tainted with their success & failures they may have experienced...things which may never happen to you. If you just go there with an open mind & an open heart...I think you'll find a lot of other women there who are looking for the same things that you are.

If a man is only motivated by lust...then in today's world...there are zero benefits to a man getting married or seeking out any kind of binding relationship. Typically a man's sexual market value will only continue to increases as he ages while a woman's hits its peak in their 30s and rapidly declines thereafter. The only reason a man who is driven by lust would seek marriage is for the raising of children. Beyond that...men driven by lust are far better off simply bouncing from relationship to relationship continuing to upgrade his partner while not being financially tied to any of them.

I think it's been proven time & time again that women in general will always focus on their partners overall financial well-being whereas men are primarily motivated by love. It doesn't necessarily mean that all women are gold diggers per say...but it does speak to the importance that financial security means to a woman. I never understand why some folks seem to try to shame women in other countries for them to seek financially secure partners from other countries when women in other countries are looking for the same thing. If America was full of poor men & foreign men who were more financially secure had an interest in American women...we would be seeing the same situation happening in our country. You can't blame them for looking outside of their country if what they want is not as easily found in their home country. Men on the other hand rarely consider a woman's career or financial situation other than making sure she isn't bringing in huge debt or perhaps was in a questionable career path like a stripper or prostitute. At least for me...I really couldn't care less what career path my partner was in or if she just wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was more interested in whether she was a Christian, was she attractive to me, was she a good person, did she have a fun personality, did she have good morals & values, did I enjoy her company, could I make her happy, etc. As a man, when I found myself divorced and back on the market 4 years ago...I spent a good year healing by going to church, attending DivorceCare & other relationship related activities. I didn't necessarily feel like I needed it...but I also wanted to be sure that I took the time to heal so that I wouldn't bring any unnecessary baggage into any future relationship. I took the time to reflect on myself & more importantly define what it was that I was looking for in a partner. Identifying the things that I was no longer willing to compromise on in a future partner. As a Christian, I joined several of the single Christian groups at a few of our local churches & took part in their activities to get an idea of what was out there in my local area. During my initial search, I had not even considered looking outside of the country or even outside of my local area (except for perhaps back in my home state) for a partner. I personally met a lot of nice women & had expressed interest in a few of them which didn't pan out. In my past I was normally the kind of guy who found what he wanted & would pursue her but this time around I wanted to give God a say in things. So instead of pursuing women like I did in the past, I decided to simply express my genuine interest in a woman when I happened to find someone that I felt might be a good match...and if she didn't reciprocate interest, I would just accept that God had someone else for me & move on. I think I expressed interest in 2-3 women at that time...but none of them were interested. I also had a few women express their interest in me, but for whatever reason I wasn't interested in them. At that point I expanded my search to the online dating world. It doesn't take long to realize that the majority of the dating profiles you'll find online are filled with fake scammers looking to take advantage of lonely people. You will also quickly realize that in the online space is primarily made up of people who are simply looking to hook up which wasn't something I was interested in at all. When you do happen to connect with other genuine people online...I think what you do quickly find is that there are a lot of broken people out there that haven't taken the time to heal from their past relationships. My first contact with a foreign woman (not scam related) was actually with a woman from the Philippines. We happened to connect on OKCupid. Up until that point, I hadn't really even given thought of looking outside of the US. I was also not fully versed with the Philippines culture or the challenges that the majority of the people face there...especially a woman who was in the province & didn't have regular access to a phone, internet, electricity, etc. At the time, it just sounded like yet another scam being played. While I was getting to know her, I decided to take the time to do watch some YouTube videos on the Philippines and Filipina women in general. This was roughly in 2019/2020 when most of the now prevalent YouTube channels on Filipinas didn't exist. But there was enough out there to peak my interest. If you are dead set on finding someone in another country...then I would make plans to travel to that country for at least a week at some point in the future. Once you choose your destination...start taking time to learn more about the women there & their culture. About a month prior to your trip, start making contacts with women there via dating sights or even Facebook groups so that you have a few options when you get there. I didn't do this...but it has been suggested before to have 2-3 women there that you are interested in & date both of them while you are there to see if you have a genuine connection with any of them. If you don't, don't be afraid to just go to your local mall and simply walk around. I traveled to the Philippines...and to be honest...there were beautiful women everywhere. They aren't all physically beautiful of course...but there were a good amount of them. They may not all be interested in you...but I am sure that you can get at least a few dates if you put yourself out there. In the end...you pretty much just have to be honest with yourself & figure out what it is that you are looking for. Are you just looking to date? Are you looking for a wife? Once you figure that out...then the rest just sort of falls into place...

To clarify...the last part for each child you list here asks: "Is this child applying with you?" What should be the answer for a K2 Follow To Join situation where the child has not yet moved to the US? Thanks! Kawika

Hi Folks, My wife & I were married last weekend and I am looking for the best way to take care of her name change. Supposedly here in Texas a name change is allowed after marriage but I haven't been able to find any kind of guide on what exactly needs to be done to make all of this happen. I filed for her SS card as suggested here in the forums once she arrived, so I plan to submit a form to update her name for her new SS card. She does not have a Texas ID or driver's license as of yet, so is there any where else that I would need to update her name change? Perhaps with the Philippines embassy so that her passport can be updated? In addition, I have heard on a YouTube video that the name change only applies to her last name & not her middle name. Can anyone else confirm this? I guess in the Philippines it is tradition to move your maiden name to your middle name upon marriage. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Kawika

Looking for clarification...it seems that you are only allowed to change your last name after marriage. So in cases like the Philippines where they like to move their former last name to their middle name, this apparently is not allowed until much later in the immigration process. From what I understand, my wife will only be allowed to use her current first & middle name along with my last name as her legal name during the AoS process. After naturalization there is apparently a three year point at which time they will be allowed to change their middle and/or first name. Can anyone else confirm or verify this? I am in the process of completing the AoS forms & had been filling out the forms using my wife's first name former last name as her middle name & our shared last name. Thanks!

Found the answer to the W-4 part: "To qualify for the child tax credit, the child must be under age 17 as of December 31, must be your dependent who generally lives with you for more than half the year, and must have the required social security number." So based on the legal definition, he will not qualify as a dependent until he arrives in the US & we request a SSN for him.

Hi Folks, I just got married over the weekend & am in the process of updating my benefits to include my wife & updating my W-4 forms. I am planning to go with "Married Filing Jointly" even though my wife will likely not work for the first couple of years that she is here. She has two children still in the Philippines. Her oldest will be staying with his father while her youngest (4 years old) will be coming over next May on a K-2 Follow To Join VISA. My question is...do I add him as a dependent for my W-4? I am currently supporting him financially in the Philippines. Or do I add him as a dependent next May when he enters the US? On a different note...do I need to adopt him for him to be able to stay in the US? Are there benefits for this or reasons I shouldn't? Do I need to adopt him to add him on to my medical benefits for my work or can he be added as a step child? Would we need the consent of his father if I decided to adopt him? Any insight on all of this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Kawika

You can get it directly from the office clerk. At least in Fort Bend County you have to pay per page...looks like your fiancé's is 40 pages long...mine was 54+ and it's like a dollar or two per page. I gave my fiancé a copy I got from our county clerk for her interview (Philippines). They took that and put it in to the envelope that was given to the immigration officers during her entry in to the US. For whatever reason, the immigration officer kept the divorce decree & whatever other documents that the consulate put into the envelope during the interview process. She asked the officer during entry if they would be returning those documents but the officer told her that it was their copies & kept it. This was only a few weeks ago, so I'm not really sure what documents were a part of that envelope package.

Hi Folks, My wife & I were married yesterday and I am looking for the best way to take care of her name change. Supposedly here in Texas a name change is allowed after marriage but I haven't been able to find any kind of guide on what exactly needs to be done to make all of this happen. I filed for her SS card as suggested here in the forums once she arrived, so I plan to submit a form to update her name for her new SS card. She does not have a Texas ID or driver's license as of yet, so is there any where else that I would need to update her name change? Perhaps with the Philippines embassy so that her passport can be updated? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Kawika

I was not familiar with that specific verbiage but definitely familiar with the concept. It's definitely not something I believe in when it comes to personal relationships as it goes against everything it is to be a Christian. It certainly has its place in a business related world...but not much beyond that. I think that is one of the primary reasons why there is so much divorce today because so many people go into marriages solely for the purpose of doing it for their own benefit. When things get bad they would much rather decide that they chose the wrong person or that there is simply someone better out there for them. The reality is that part of the problem (yourself) is always going to go with you into every future relationship. I definitely hesitated sharing some of the things I did about my partner's past simply because they should remain private...but at the same time I felt that most people would react with the plethora of knee-jerk reactions responses that people gave anyways. I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond whether good or bad. Everyone has their right to their own opinions...and I think we all know that opinions are like #######...we all have one...unfortunately our noses are too far away from our ####### so we don't realize how much they can stink at times. All that being said...my fiancé is a good woman...and a good mom...and I'm not just going to toss her aside because maybe she has a little growing up to do. She may be in her 30s but this is only her second real relationship she has been in so far. She's struggled all her life just to provide food for her sons & herself. She isn't fully at fault for our problems. I'm sure I contribute on some level in every situation we tackle & overcome together. There are a lot of different factors & dynamics in play in ours & everyone's relationships so there is never going to be a fool proof method that works for everyone. Just like every other international couple we have our share of cultural differences to work through & learn from one another. We're both first time step parents. This is the first time being on her own...being away from her family...her children...and still not being confident enough with her English skills to feel comfortable enough to interact with my kids most of the time. She's simply under a lot of stress...and that's to be expected & perfectly OK. I'm not trying to say that I condone or agree with how she lashes out when she is angry...but I certainly understand it. I also don't think people realize how hard it can be for someone to be in a relationship with someone who is always as calm, cool & collected as I am even in the fiercest of storms in life. Sometimes when people are hurt...they want the person that hurt them to feel some pain too and because I don't respond in the way she hopes...she only escalates things in hopes of getting that response from me...so it only frustrates her more & more when I don't respond. All that being said...as luck would have it...after spending most of the day talking about this on the forums...I get home from work only to find my fiancé & my youngest daughter hanging out like best friends singing songs on YouTube and eating candy. It's like I stepped in to the Twilight Zone from the world I had left earlier that morning. These were the types of interactions that I was familiar with during the time they spent together in March.

This comment was in reference to something else & is being taken out of context. This is in relation to how we have our children address adults. If I thought for one second she was a truly mean person, I would have ended the relationship long ago. As I had explained previously...the kids were formally introduced to her in person in March. They knew of her existence well before then and that we were on the K1 immigration process. This is not just like a brand new person randomly showed up in their house. They were told in March that based on our speculation and what little everyone knew of the timelines that she would be living with us no later than June. As luck would have it...it moved up a couple of weeks from what we had all planned. Granted...I could have & should have explained every step of the process for them...but I didn't...and it cannot be undone. No one had an unkind word to say about her & everyone got along during our trip to meet her & her family. There were no red flags that made me feel that any of my children needed any additional conversations regarding the situation. If I had noticed any issues between my children & my fiancé...we would have addressed it immediately and if it could not have been resolved...then we would not have moved forward with our relationship.

Not directly in front of them per say...but we were staying in a suite with two bedrooms in the Philippines...so when she left...they would become aware of her absence. We have never fought in front of my kids. I simply wouldn't do that or allow it. On some level I have thought about this as she is the only Filipina I have dated and we all see the videos online talking about how wonderful Filipinas can be...but in the same respect I know enough about her background to know why she acts the way she does. She has had some severe trauma in her life including being in an abusive relationship with her only other partner (both physically & emotionally), she has been abused by her family both physically & emotionally, she has been told by her own family members that she is ugly & worthless, she willingly gave up her oldest son because he wanted to be with his father & his family (they spoiled the oldest son), she has been through the loss of a stillborn child, etc. I only bring these things up to kind of give you the depth of the damage that she's experienced in her life & has not fully recovered from it. Sure if I wanted an easier road...I could certainly abandon her like everyone else has done in her life to find someone "better" or I can stay and help her through these hurdles in her life. For me at least...I feel like God has shown me who she can be & not just who she is now. I think what she does is primarily out of fear. She knows that I could find someone "better", "prettier" or whatever if I wanted to...I have all of the "6"s that most women here in the US are looking for...I just don't want them. So in my fiancé's mind...it is easier for her to run away from me & be the one to break us up than to take the risk of having her heart broken yet again. I know it's not healthy...but this is who I am with...and I am not just going to abandon her if she is willing to fight for us. The oldest doesn't want to come and she has already allowed him to stay with his father's family...so we have no plans to petition for him unless he changes his mind. Her youngest will be coming on the follow to join program. I already knew that she would have a hard time adjusting to life here as well as adjusting to being a wife, step mom, etc...so I felt it was best for her son to remain behind until we got settled here first. We second guessed this choice a few times...but ultimately we decided against it in the end. Her son is at the age where he needs almost 24/7 attention so I knew that if he was here that she would not have time for anything or anyone else. We also needed time to make the house safer for him as I am sure that he will be curious and wanting to get into every possible thing that he can here. It's been awhile since we've had a young child that I've had to really keep my eye on constantly...so we needed that time to get our home ready. I also wanted the extra time to set our marital foundation before we added his dynamic into the mix. I am still supporting her mom & her son while he is there.

My relationship with my youngest hasn't changed per say. We still spend time together. I still show her the same level of love & affection I always have. I guess the main issue for her may be that my fiancé is encroaching on what used to be her space. After their mom left, my youngest still slept in the bed with me, used my ex's closet and we shared the master bathroom. She eventually moved in to her own room...but there were still occasions when she would sleep in my bed and she always got ready for school in the master bathroom (she still does). This is largely because all of my kids are selfish to some degree. Even when my ex was here our youngest got ready with us while my oldest daughter used the guest bathroom and our son primarily used the half bath (other than for showers). They all get upset if any of the others use "their" designated toilets. So much so that even in the middle of the night...my youngest would still walk all the way across the house to come in & use the master bathroom toilet instead of the guest bathroom right next to her room. My fiancé has already expressed that she is jealous when she sees how I interact with my daughter and somehow feels that I don't give her the same level of love. From my perspective...I think she overlooks the simple fact that our relationships are very different. My daughter is always loving & caring towards me...so it is just natural and easy for me to be the same way with her. But with my fiancé & I...we occasionally have to go through our ups & downs so there may be times when one of us may be hurt and that level of love that my daughter always gets may not be available right away. When my fiancé gets upset...she gets vicious...like no holds barred...will say anything she can to hurt you type of thing. I'm a very patient & slow to anger type of person...so when she tries to hurt me when she feels like I hurt her...she keeps escalating things because I am not giving her the response that she wants. It's not uncommon for her to escalate things to the point where she is swearing at me, throwing insults at me, telling me how bad of a partner I am, threatening to leave and most recently threatened to harm herself if I wasn't going to pay for her to go home right away. While I don't outwardly show her that I am hurt, it does take its toll over time and I need some time to realize that she was just hurt & lashing out. I think this is just a cultural & an age thing. I'm 50...so I'm sure I grew up in a different time than most. I never even knew my parent's names for most of my life as a kid lol. They were simply mom & dad. My relatives were Uncle FirstName, Aunt FirstName, Grandpa, Grandma, Oma & Opa, etc. I grew up in a time when your parents weren't your "friends"...they were adults...and your parents. When I was a kid...I would personally feel disrespectful if I was to refer to an adult by their first name alone. But that's just a function of how all of us were brought up. As far as the future goes...we haven't really thought about it. I thought it was more important to give the kids time to call her what made them most comfortable while still being respectful. I think I will leave that between my fiancé & the kids. I'd hope that at some point they would feel comfortable enough to refer to her as mom or some derivative of that...but that's not something I will ever expect or force them to do. While you may feel it is weird...I would feel the same level of weirdness to not do it. Even for just a teacher...I could never imagine just referring to them by their first name unless I was close to the same age as them...and still I would at least be respectful enough to recognize their position of authority. Even growing up my friends & I referred to one another's parents by Mr/Mrs LastName. For a chance at enlightenment, the Philippines teaches a tradition called "Mano Po" where anyone of a younger age presents themselves to the older people in the room...grabbing their hands & placing their hand to their foreheads while saying "Mano Po". It basically translates to "Bless me Sir/Ma'am". They are an Asian culture where in general the older generations are simply much more respected than in other cultures where you must "earn" respect first. I grew up in Hawai'i with a lot of Asian blood in me, so that type of respect is natural to me. My kids were just brought up differently...and while we have tried our best to course correct it over time...it still hasn't caught on yet. It isn't uncommon for my older kids to just walk into the room without acknowledging the existence of anyone else there...including my ex & I as their parents. So yes...you can blame us there for that one. If my kids had grown up around my family...things would have been different... I hear you & totally understand. I'm doing the best I can

Just like most Filipinos...she has tons of family who are teenagers or younger aged children. Her two children are 4 & 11. All of my kids knew the general timeline of when she might be there just not the specific day as that specific day was up in the air for a long period of time. They knew when her interview happened...when she was given the approval...when we tentatively hoped that she could be with us...but ultimately, I never officially said...hey kids...she's going to be here on this day. As I had stated before...even I was in doubt that she was going to be able to leave when she did. The day before she still had not received her passport or visa (it was lost in the mail), she had not had a chance to get her CFO sticker, etc. She literally went down to the courier office and had to have them search for the package even though she had spoken to them the night before to have them hold the package there for her to pick up. While the CFO sticker had been phased out as of May 1st, I knew that the immigration officer at the airport likely was clueless and would ultimately make the decision as to whether she would be allowed to travel or not. By the time she was finally on her way from Cebu, it was roughly 1 am in the morning our time. When I woke up in the morning to get my youngest to school...I let her know but by then my oldest two had already left for school. Could I have messaged them...sure...should I have...sure. I spoke with my fiancé while she was in Taiwan...but prior to boarding time...she went silent, and we had no communication again until roughly an hour after her flight landed. So for a good while I even stood at the airport waiting and wondering if she was even in the US...was she stuck in immigration...did she even get on the plane in Taiwan, etc...all a moot point in relation to this topic. As far as ages go...as I've stated above my kids are 17, 15 & 8...my fiancé is 31...turning 32 later this year. She's only a couple of years younger than my ex-wife & the mother of my children...so I don't think my fiancé's age has anything to do with how my kids see her. I knew better than to bring in a 20 year old into my life...let alone to the US. I've always intervened. Every time she's done that in the past I do my best to explain to her how much damage it does to our relationship and is akin to basically taking our relationship from wherever it was...all the way back to step one. I've also reiterated to her time & time again that for me...marriage is forever...so short of her sleeping around or giving me another Biblical reason for divorce...I will never divorce her. It doesn't create a healthy environment when you can't trust your partner to be there. And like I said...when she did that in front of my kids...I was fully prepared to let her walk away. My youngest daughter is what ultimately saved the relationship there.

I'm definitely suggesting a lot of these things. I'm just at work for the most part during the day...so by the time I get home...we have barely enough time for dinner and maybe spending a decent 30-60 mins together before beds start calling for most of them. Add in shared time with their mom & the expenses of a wedding & other things and it gets to be hard to make it all work. I've suggested they walk to the area parks, ride bikes to our community pool, etc. just to get out of the house. When I am able to work from home, I am happy to take them somewhere as well. I know all of this will take time. She just has to be willing to do what it takes to make it work for all of us. Tampo plays a very big part of it...but I've told her many times before that it doesn't work on me. All it does is end up making her isolate herself and then she eventually apologizes. We literally almost ended everything because I had the audacity to make myself a box of Macaroni & Cheese in between lunch & dinner and did not ask her if she wanted any or save her any. She never mentioned that she wanted any and she also had just went in to the room to pout about how she felt the kids were ignoring her. I was busy working from home & just let her be. She saw me cooking it...but in her mind she assumed that I was either making it for the both of us or that I should have asked her if she wanted some. I totally understand her position...but not to take it to the point where you want to end our relationship over it. Simply explaining the situation to me would have been more than sufficient & we could have both learned from one another without the need for all of the extra drama. As far as the kids seeing these things...outside of her doing it during our visit to the Philippines...they have not been aware of any issues since she's been here. I suppose they do notice when she isolates herself in our bedroom versus when she is out in the living room with me as my son has asked before when he sees me alone on the couch. Yep. 17, 15 & 8. I have certainly taken the time to explain to her that kids these days are largely on their own...especially when devices are involved. I tried to keep that to a minimum & relatively controlled but my ex blew that out of the water a couple of years ago when she got all of them their own phones to use as they please. I definitely don't ask her to mother them or expect her to. I expect her to be an adult in the household when I am not there & just make sure everyone is safe. I've explained to my kids that I have no expectations for them to say I love you to her or call her mom or anything like that. For now we simply go by Ms. FirstName. Their mom allows them to call her boyfriend by his first name alone but both my fiancé & I find that to be a little too disrespectful. I have spoken to her about what her expectations are...and I just think that culturally most kids in the Philippines are just taught to be far more respectful than most kids are taught to be today. As far as the jealousy goes...it is real. For awhile I thought it was only a one sided thing with my fiancé being jealous of my youngest daughter...but when I spoke with my youngest daughter about things earlier today since she has been distancing herself from my fiancé lately...she finally told me that she wanted things to go back to normal. And when I pressed her to explain what that meant...she basically admitted that she wanted it to go back to when it was basically just she & I. I've basically raised my youngest from the time she was 6 months old until today. I was still married when she was born & after I was laid off...I decided to stay home to be able to raise her for at least 6 months or so...but that ended up turning into much longer & led to our eventual divorce...but from 2015...I was her primary caregiver. I was lucky enough to be able to work from home up until just recently (December 2022) which was another transition for all of us. So as you can imagine...my youngest & I have been super close all of her life. I tried to explain to her that I have enough love for the both of them. And nothing needs to change in terms of our relationship or closeness...but she can't expect me to be alone for the rest of my life. I told her that in the end...the person that is getting hurt the most in all of this is me. She's seen her mom go through her parade of boyfriends over the last 4 years...so this isn't the first time she's seen one of her parents with someone else...but it is the first time she's seen me with someone else. I was careful to never just date randomly & I even took my time to introduce my kids to my fiancé for their protection as well. My fiancé also regularly tells me that she knows my daughter is my #1 priority and that she is #2. I try to explain to her that the love I have for my daughter is different than the love I have for her as my future wife. They don't need to be competing for my attention as if I only have so many hugs or kisses to give out each day. We got them involved shortly after the meeting over Spring Break. Both girls have taken the time to pick their dresses they wanted to wear, etc. We definitely need to find more time to do things together as a family...but that has been a challenge when the kids have primarily been with their mom for the last few weekends. This is the first weekend since my fiancé got here that they will not be with their mom...and that is only the case because their mom is helping one of her friends move or something. So we get them for the next three weekends in a row before not seeing them again until one weekend in July (she gets them for all of July as the non-custodial parent except for one weekend). I've already reached out to my kids again this morning (we've spoken about this before during the first week after she got here) and explained the situation once more and how their isolation is causing my fiancé to feel. The older two claim to like her. What I was not expecting is how my youngest has reacted. She had often complained to her mom that the only thing they were missing at my house was a mommy...and she & my fiancé always got along over video calls & over Spring Break. When my fiancé pulled one of her I'm leaving moments...I was actually ready to let her walk away but when my youngest found out that she had left (she physically packed up her luggage and walked to the front desk area at the resort we were at to go home)...she screamed no...and was crying as she ran down the road to stop her from leaving. I guess their relationship changed once my fiancé arrived here & the dynamic changed in some way. I'm no less or more affectionate with any of them than I have ever been...so I'm not sure what triggered my daughter's response to all of this. My only thought is that my fiancé's jealousy was likely felt by my youngest & caused my youngest to change how she felt about her as well.

In retrospect, it definitely could have been handled differently...but just like you said...it's water under the bridge now & what's done cannot be undone. She has been nothing but a blessing in their lives & has lightened the load for them considerably. They were all out of town visiting their mom for the weekend...and with how everything just fell into place...it was definitely an oversight on my part...but it's not like we hadn't spent 10 days together over Spring Break just 2 months prior. If they had brought up legitimate issues or I had noticed anything concerning...we would not be where we are today. I think the primary issue is that my fiancé is highly emotional & I guess she never full prepared herself for the reality that step parenting can be...especially initially. Patience has never been her strong suit.