Dating And Finding That Real Relationship

[Lemonslice 4,557]

2 hours ago, Daphne . said:

Maybe @Lover_Boy 's wife has an American lover on the side as well to keep her company when her partner travels to the Philippines alone  Gotta love those 1950's values!

Don't diss open relationships, it's a good get rich scheme.  Nothing to do with lust, nor love - I've been educated women do not care about those things.

[Daphne . 1,680]

24 minutes ago, Lemonslice said:

Don't diss open relationships, it's a good get rich scheme.  Nothing to do with lust, nor love - I've been educated women do not care about those things.

Whatever floats their boat and works for them, absolutely! If the ‘open’ aspect is available for both partners and works in their relationship, I see no issues. 

[top_secret 2,063]

My only comment is that anyone can present themselves as anything they want online, and could even keep up appearances in person for a fair amount of time before you start to know who they really are.  So for something important like marriage you probably should spend a fairly significant amount of in-person time being around each other before you start making any serious decisions.

[Rocio0010 5,565]

On 6/19/2023 at 8:58 PM, smore said:

So any advise on where to find a TRUE relationship

I’m going to go against the general thought in here. While I do agree with the suggestions people have given you about meeting people (meeting groups, online, etc etc), my advice is STOP LOOKING, STOP SEARCHING FOR IT. 
 

I’m 39 years old. I wanna say that mostly during my late 20s to early 30s I spent looking, day and night. I was almost forcing myself to want to be in a relationship, and I did meet some guys that obviously weren’t the right match for me, for different reasons. But at the end of the day, I realized it wasn’t working because I was forcing it to work. I was putting too much effort into having a relationship that I almost forgot about me. 
 

Once I “gave up” on the idea of meeting someone that truly loved me, I started spending time with myself, investing in me and my goals. I cherish those memories with all my heart. Being single is not a bad thing -it was quite the contrary for me. Then, when I met my husband I was and still am able to truly love him not because he completes me, but I love him for who he is. 
 

Therefore, my advice is : STOP LOOKING!

 

[RO_AH 1,615]

11 hours ago, smore said:

Travel I could do occasionally or a few times, the whole point is to meet and connect with someone and not have to travel and start a process to actually being together. Of course some talking before hand for it to be worth traveling, some sorta connection has to be there before jaunting off to meet them. None of this is ideal, ideal would be to meet someone closer to home so you can not only talk but also meet and meet more often, you know your typical relationship where you can plan dates, but you talk on the phone during the week or something. This long distance thing does sound difficult, than the process of waiting for some government to ok your relationship so you can actually be together. Seems sorta like a dictatorship to me having to wait for some government to process papers so you can be together, and its up to them to tell you whether they are going to or not. If I find love with someone in a foreign country wouldn't it be nice to move forward at the pace I want to just like one would with a relationship in the usa, when its time to move forward no one is stopping you from moving in, marriage, etc.

Maybe you are just not well suited for a long distance relationship especially someone as far away as SE Asia. I went to the PH 10x before my wife got here. A lot of things you explain are about what you desire and your Ideals. That does not leave much room for a partner's ideals and desires. Do you think you could find a foreign wife by going to her home to USA, and live happily ever after. Every person I know that has a Pinay wife has to take the wife home to visit family at least once every year or 2. Marrying someone from the Philippines will require international travel...Lots of it. Also like I said you need to spend time there and a lot of time talking to understand their culture. If you don't you will not be able to overcome the cultural differences. My wife and I talked 2-3 hours a day, EVERY DAY, for years before she got here. Most husbands and wives that live together don't spend that much time communicating. I think that your thoughts and ideas are very unrealistic. Nothing against you, I just want to share reality.

[smore 19]

9 hours ago, EatBulaga said:

Search the term "Passport Bros" on YouTube or TikTok. It's really nothing new that American men are going abroad to seek spouses/fiancés, but what is trending is that American women getting pissed at the guys doing that.

 

My own VJ research reveals that the ratio of US males filing for foreign spouses/fiancés to US females filing for foreign spouses/fiancés is about 4 to 1.

https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/796552-passport-bros/

 

My first advice about going the Passport Bros route is don't take it for granted and don't abuse your position of power in the foreign dating market. If you are scared of being scammed, being taken advantaged of, etc., think of it from the foreign women point of view: are the foreign women more likely to be taken advantaged of by the American men than the vice versa? Think about human trafficking, think of the average guy who all of sudden have a windfall of abundant 3rd world women who think he is "exotic", etc.

 

Dating/mating has inherent risks (i.e. divorce rate). Your best safeguard is to invest the time into knowing your mate. If you meet someone online and both are interested, definitely make a trip to visit. If you don't have the time, then you are prioritizing other things with your time than choosing a mate.

 

Since @smore posted in the Philippines forum, then you are probably aware of the Filipino OFW (Overseas Foreign Worker) program. If not, look it up and compare your "don't have time" or other work/dating complaints compared to the Filipino OFWs'. From my experience, no matter how hard or abused worklife the OFWs have, they are grateful for the opportunity to work compared to the limited opportunity in their homeland.

 

So my last advice is to be grateful that you have an American passport, as opposed to not having it and wishing for a visa journey to get the US passport.

I agree its nothing new that american men are going abroad to seek spouses, they have been doing that forever. So american women are getting pissed that guys are going abroad, well perhaps they should change there attitudes and than we will seek women here. Finding a decent american woman is very difficult, our american society sure has done a great job of ruining people.

 

So I looked this passport bros up. Here is what it says: "passport bros are American men who travel to foreign countries in hopes of testing out the international dating pool and finding love overseas. According to some of the bros, the draw of dating foreign women is that there’s a higher likelihood of finding a “traditional wife.” So what is so wrong with finding a traditional wife, that is the issue in america we have lost all those great traditions our parents, grandparents had, we have all but tossed all those traditions to the side. I have not done much research on this "passport bros" but what is wrong with an american guy trying to find a traditional wife? I mean some might be players and all, everyone is different, but just like we seem to always do in todays society we have to come up with some slang term for everything, we just can't leave things alone.

 

I agree about not taking things for granted and being respectful and a man and gentleman and not a player. Many of these women do get taken advantage of. I am not looking to be taken advantage of or take advantage of anyone. I just want to genuinely find someone.

 

I am aware of the Filipino OFW (Overseas Foreign Worker) program. In fact the person I had been talking with for a long time was an OFW and WOW the amount of time they work, the harsh conditions, I always felt so bad that I work M-F. I seen the pride they had in working, that is really what connected to me to that person was the strong work ethic. I respected and admired that so much.

 

Yes the journey for those who want that american passport is not an easy one, I feel its not a fair system, but also I guess we do need laws, regulations, etc, but at the same time when you have 2 people who met and are in love, want a relationship and future and your held back by someone who has to view and decide based on your paperwork and the amount of time it takes to do that.

[Lemonslice 4,557]

1 minute ago, smore said:

I agree its nothing new that american men are going abroad to seek spouses, they have been doing that forever. So american women are getting pissed that guys are going abroad, well perhaps they should change there attitudes and than we will seek women here. Finding a decent american woman is very difficult, our american society sure has done a great job of ruining people.

 

So I looked this passport bros up. Here is what it says: "passport bros are American men who travel to foreign countries in hopes of testing out the international dating pool and finding love overseas. According to some of the bros, the draw of dating foreign women is that there’s a higher likelihood of finding a “traditional wife.” So what is so wrong with finding a traditional wife, that is the issue in america we have lost all those great traditions our parents, grandparents had, we have all but tossed all those traditions to the side. I have not done much research on this "passport bros" but what is wrong with an american guy trying to find a traditional wife? I mean some might be players and all, everyone is different, but just like we seem to always do in todays society we have to come up with some slang term for everything, we just can't leave things alone.

 

I agree about not taking things for granted and being respectful and a man and gentleman and not a player. Many of these women do get taken advantage of. I am not looking to be taken advantage of or take advantage of anyone. I just want to genuinely find someone.

 

I am aware of the Filipino OFW (Overseas Foreign Worker) program. In fact the person I had been talking with for a long time was an OFW and WOW the amount of time they work, the harsh conditions, I always felt so bad that I work M-F. I seen the pride they had in working, that is really what connected to me to that person was the strong work ethic. I respected and admired that so much.

 

Yes the journey for those who want that american passport is not an easy one, I feel its not a fair system, but also I guess we do need laws, regulations, etc, but at the same time when you have 2 people who met and are in love, want a relationship and future and your held back by someone who has to view and decide based on your paperwork and the amount of time it takes to do that.

What about American women marrying foreign men? Is it only because they didn't have the chance to meet you? 

 

[smore 19]

9 hours ago, Crazy Cat said:

EHarmony brought my wife and me together...😃

I have not been on eharmony? Seems match, eharmony they all have such bad reviews no matter where you check. So sounds like eharmony has a Philippines category, many sites either had it and removed it or do not even have it. I started to wonder why some sites had it and removed it or do not have a listing for Philippines when they have just about every other country. Thats the thing about the internet way to many places and options to meet someone, having to many options to meet someone is actually a bad thing as you have no clue which site to be on and you certainly cannot be on them all. And than of course there are the fakes, scams, etc which get worse by the day, 10-15 years ago I do not recall fake profiles being such an issue as it is now days.

[Rocio0010 5,565]

12 minutes ago, smore said:

should change there attitudes

Maybe American women are realizing that they do not need a man to attain happiness; therefore, there is no need to change any attitude.

 

Listen, I’m not “American” myself (yet…) but I think it is very unfair for you to say that decent women are hard to come by. There are tons of them. The thing is,  maybe said women are not actively participating in the dating scene because they’ve finally understood that happiness comes in many ways, not just by being in a relationship. 
 

And yes, I do love my husband to no end. But before I met him, I was happy being single!

[Boiler 43,451]

And now we have reached The Wall.

[smore 19]

7 hours ago, Kawika & Michelle said:

I think it's been proven time & time again that women in general will always focus on their partners overall financial well-being whereas men are primarily motivated by love. It doesn't necessarily mean that all women are gold diggers per say...but it does speak to the importance that financial security means to a woman. I never understand why some folks seem to try to shame women in other countries for them to seek financially secure partners from other countries when women in other countries are looking for the same thing. If America was full of poor men & foreign men who were more financially secure had an interest in American women...we would be seeing the same situation happening in our country. You can't blame them for looking outside of their country if what they want is not as easily found in their home country. Men on the other hand rarely consider a woman's career or financial situation other than making sure she isn't bringing in huge debt or perhaps was in a questionable career path like a stripper or prostitute. At least for me...I really couldn't care less what career path my partner was in or if she just wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was more interested in whether she was a Christian, was she attractive to me, was she a good person, did she have a fun personality, did she have good morals & values, did I enjoy her company, could I make her happy, etc. 

 

As a man, when I found myself divorced and back on the market 4 years ago...I spent a good year healing by going to church, attending DivorceCare & other relationship related activities. I didn't necessarily feel like I needed it...but I also wanted to be sure that I took the time to heal so that I wouldn't bring any unnecessary baggage into any future relationship. I took the time to reflect on myself & more importantly define what it was that I was looking for in a partner. Identifying the things that I was no longer willing to compromise on in a future partner. As a Christian, I joined several of the single Christian groups at a few of our local churches & took part in their activities to get an idea of what was out there in my local area. During my initial search, I had not even considered looking outside of the country or even outside of my local area (except for perhaps back in my home state) for a partner. I personally met a lot of nice women & had expressed interest in a few of them which didn't pan out. In my past I was normally the kind of guy who found what he wanted & would pursue her but this time around I wanted to give God a say in things. So instead of pursuing women like I did in the past, I decided to simply express my genuine interest in a woman when I happened to find someone that I felt might be a good match...and if she didn't reciprocate interest, I would just accept that God had someone else for me & move on. I think I expressed interest in 2-3 women at that time...but none of them were interested. I also had a few women express their interest in me, but for whatever reason I wasn't interested in them.

 

At that point I expanded my search to the online dating world. It doesn't take long to realize that the majority of the dating profiles you'll find online are filled with fake scammers looking to take advantage of lonely people. You will also quickly realize that in the online space is primarily made up of people who are simply looking to hook up which wasn't something I was interested in at all. When you do happen to connect with other genuine people online...I think what you do quickly find is that there are a lot of broken people out there that haven't taken the time to heal from their past relationships. My first contact with a foreign woman (not scam related) was actually with a woman from the Philippines. We happened to connect on OKCupid. Up until that point, I hadn't really even given thought of looking outside of the US. I was also not fully versed with the Philippines culture or the challenges that the majority of the people face there...especially a woman who was in the province & didn't have regular access to a phone, internet, electricity, etc. At the time, it just sounded like yet another scam being played. While I was getting to know her, I decided to take the time to do watch some YouTube videos on the Philippines and Filipina women in general. This was roughly in 2019/2020 when most of the now prevalent YouTube channels on Filipinas didn't exist. But there was enough out there to peak my interest.

 

If you are dead set on finding someone in another country...then I would make plans to travel to that country for at least a week at some point in the future. Once you choose your destination...start taking time to learn more about the women there & their culture. About a month prior to your trip, start making contacts with women there via dating sights or even Facebook groups so that you have a few options when you get there. I didn't do this...but it has been suggested before to have 2-3 women there that you are interested in & date both of them while you are there to see if you have a genuine connection with any of them. If you don't, don't be afraid to just go to your local mall and simply walk around. I traveled to the Philippines...and to be honest...there were beautiful women everywhere. They aren't all physically beautiful of course...but there were a good amount of them. They may not all be interested in you...but I am sure that you can get at least a few dates if you put yourself out there.

 

In the end...you pretty much just have to be honest with yourself & figure out what it is that you are looking for. Are you just looking to date? Are you looking for a wife? Once you figure that out...then the rest just sort of falls into place...

I agree about financial security, it is important to have that, whether your the man, women or the person providing the financial security or the person the financial security is being provided to. However I do feel a difference between financial security and a bit more gold digger type and the ME, ME, ME, lavish, spend, spend, spend. To me financial security means living within your means and being respectful to whomever is proving that financial security, and if its both than you both have mutual respect.

 

I do agree if american men were poor and foreign men were financial stable we would be seeing lots of women trying to find a foreign partner.

 

I do somewhat agree on not caring so much about the career or job that a woman has and being more interested in whether she was a Christian, was she attractive to me, was she a good person, did she have a fun personality, did she have good morals & values, did I enjoy her company, could I make her happy, etc. I do agree with that, but I certainly have dated women with no job, no ambition to get a job, no work ethic, but again I do not care if they work at mcdonalds as long as they value that job, have that work ethic.

 

I wish the area I am in had Christian groups, singles groups. Its just not the area for that. I to never thought about seeking someone from a long distance away or overseas. But I have known a few people from a long time ago who had met someone from overseas and they had a great relationship, not knowing them any longer, I am sure they still have a great relationship and family as they did when I knew them. So in having failed relationships it got me thinking to expanding my search, outside my area, outside my state, and than outside the country. I think I pretty much skipped to outside the country as I knew american women were just not the values and morals I was seeking and I had many people putting the thought in my head about find yourself an asian woman they are amazing women.

 

That is the tough thing about this online dating finding genuine people, it seems its almost impossible as each day there seem to be more and more scammers, fake profiles, or profiles seeking nothing. And with new sites popping up every day its impossible to know which one to invest your money and time into as none are free.

 

I cannot say I am dead set on finding someone from another country, I mean if I could find a great woman here in the USA that would be wonderful and much easier. I just wanna finally find someone genuine, been in a few very long term relationships and stayed much to long in them when I should of gotten out and moved on. Life is short and I don't wanna keep giving the wrong women chances and wasting my life away. Life is much fuller with someone to enjoy it with.

 

Your idea about taking a trip sounds like an idea, a bit scary for sure. I had commented on that being a good idea before but also would be nice to have travel friends as well as just jetting off by yourself to a place you are not familiar with is certainly scary. A wing man, friends perhaps seeking the same thing I am would be nice, and I think that way would also let the nerves down and I would learn more, be able to relax more. Just like going out with friends you have a bit more confidence. Have a few women lined up to meet would also be great, problem goes back to finding genuine women on these horrible dating sites.

 

I certainly am seeking a wife, I always wanted that, and that is why I usually always had long term relationships, but was held back from marriage with them because things were not going well in those relationships and I did not want the marry/divorce thing that many of my friends have gone thru.

[smore 19]

5 hours ago, Jimmyzr1 said:

I met my wife on Dateinasia 5 years ago, went to visit her and travel around the Philippines for 30 days. I was already planning on moving there in 2-3 months though. 

When I had met her online, I really noticed the personality connection. She was actually in the process of becoming an OFW, like her sister had done. I just asked her to wait for me to come visit her first, which she did.

I ended up moving to the Philippines, 2.5 months later, rented a house for 3 months in her town, and then travelled with her to Cebu and decided to move there. Went back to her town, just out of Manila, picked up her son to move to Cebu City. We lived there for about 2 years. Then I decided I needed to get back to the US for medical reasons, also there were too many distractions living in the Philippines for me.

Less than a year later, I asked her to marry me. We got married online1.5 years ago and am now at the NVC stage waiting for DQ and an interview. It really helped me coming back to the US, realizing what I had found in her. She was so easy to live with, we have great memories together and our personalities just work. I had made mistakes in past relationships, but definitely knew what type of person I was looking for in her. Her personality is so fun to enjoy life with! 

I had been previously married to a different Filipina, I met on Cherry Blossoms before, that I brought to the US on a fiancé Visa, but was definitely a mistake not really getting to know her first.

Dateinasia was actually a free site for both men and women alike, if interested.

Most sites are pay, and also now days full of fake profiles or scams and as I have mentioned they are getting worse by the day and I think everyone knows that as well. I am not sure why people have to ruin things for others. Dating sites used to be decent, you could actually message people, they responded and you may or may not connect and go on a date but there was some sort of interaction at least and hope your going to find someone. Now its like ok there are 10 profiles, which one is the real one out of the 10.

 

I will have to check out this Dateinasia, is the site still free? Sounds like perhaps a way to connect with people and it perhaps might lead to a connection for a relationship and meeting? Rather than a strict dating site, more of a common interests type of thing which you form a connection with someone, sounds like how things used to be, you strike up a conversation and before you know it your dating, thats the old school way it used to be.

[smore 19]

2 hours ago, top_secret said:

My only comment is that anyone can present themselves as anything they want online, and could even keep up appearances in person for a fair amount of time before you start to know who they really are.  So for something important like marriage you probably should spend a fairly significant amount of in-person time being around each other before you start making any serious decisions.

I agree anyone can present themselves as anything they want online and keep up appearances in person for awhile. However the same is true for someone you meet locally, not on the internet and in real life and believe me I have lived through some of that. They can keep up appearances and than change as well. Meeting those who are genuine now days is near impossible whether its online or offline.

[smore 19]

59 minutes ago, Rocio0010 said:

I’m going to go against the general thought in here. While I do agree with the suggestions people have given you about meeting people (meeting groups, online, etc etc), my advice is STOP LOOKING, STOP SEARCHING FOR IT. 
 

I’m 39 years old. I wanna say that mostly during my late 20s to early 30s I spent looking, day and night. I was almost forcing myself to want to be in a relationship, and I did meet some guys that obviously weren’t the right match for me, for different reasons. But at the end of the day, I realized it wasn’t working because I was forcing it to work. I was putting too much effort into having a relationship that I almost forgot about me. 
 

Once I “gave up” on the idea of meeting someone that truly loved me, I started spending time with myself, investing in me and my goals. I cherish those memories with all my heart. Being single is not a bad thing -it was quite the contrary for me. Then, when I met my husband I was and still am able to truly love him not because he completes me, but I love him for who he is. 
 

Therefore, my advice is : STOP LOOKING!

 

I do get your point "STOP LOOKING", but I also feel one has to try. Not being from a populated area I am not going to just run into someone out of sheer luck. So I have to try and look, not like spend all my day looking but at least make an attempt and than let it happen from there. I guess I think of it this way also, if I did not have a job and I stopped looking for a job would I find a job, probably not, again it would be sheer luck if someone came up and offered me the job of a lifetime, could it happen sure, does it happen in the movies sure. So one has to at least try, but also let it happen as well.

[smore 19]

59 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

Maybe you are just not well suited for a long distance relationship especially someone as far away as SE Asia. I went to the PH 10x before my wife got here. A lot of things you explain are about what you desire and your Ideals. That does not leave much room for a partner's ideals and desires. Do you think you could find a foreign wife by going to her home to USA, and live happily ever after. Every person I know that has a Pinay wife has to take the wife home to visit family at least once every year or 2. Marrying someone from the Philippines will require international travel...Lots of it. Also like I said you need to spend time there and a lot of time talking to understand their culture. If you don't you will not be able to overcome the cultural differences. My wife and I talked 2-3 hours a day, EVERY DAY, for years before she got here. Most husbands and wives that live together don't spend that much time communicating. I think that your thoughts and ideas are very unrealistic. Nothing against you, I just want to share reality.

I myself am not sure if long distance relationship is for me, its a tough way to go, not ideal, but its an option. If I found someone I would have no issues going back home to visit there family, that would actually be nice, a nice vacation with each other. I am being upfront and honest that I am not retired, I work and have many responsibilities taking care of a home so I cannot just go traveling as I please. Luckily I have tried to simplify my life, as much as I like animals I do not have one now as that would make it even harder to travel, but some things and responsibilities you cannot simplify or find help to take care of if your gone all the time. If I met someone and connected with them I could find the time to go and visit them, but could I do that often probably not, the point would be to hopefully connect enough before meeting, while meeting, after meeting to make that choice to want to be together and start that process. Pretty typical normal process like you would with anyone your dating here, except for some major differences like not being able to go on a date this weekend, its more of talk this weekend.

 

All I can speak for is my own desires and ideals, not having met that person I cannot speak for there desires and ideals but would certainly want to know what those are.

 

I appreciate you sharing reality. I am certainly not set on finding someone overseas. Ideally I would like to find someone here in the USA, but in this journey I also told myself I am expanding my horizons so would be open to the idea of it.