wife wants me to support her family

[Unidentified 2,930]

I disagree with the others' post about talking to her. Was this discussed prior to her coming here? Trust me, after you talk about this, next week you'll get a call about a family member is in the hospital and they need $600, you send it to them and this will continue. $200 per month in Thailand is an average full time monthly income. Let her go or you will be poor the rest of your life. You brought her here to have a better life, you did enough for her and her family.

Talking does not hurt, then he'll know if she respect him saying no. And if she comes up with some story about family being sick... Well then he knows what she is after.

[Deagle 498]

i would prefer being married but after 2 divorces you learn, she came on a marriage visa. thanks folks for the support and advice

You need to know and figure out what to do about her moving out of city, if this will happen with or without a divorce. For legal purposes.

[NikLR 13,220]

Wow 2 weeks later. So much for telling people thry need to be understanding and patient with their spouses due to homesickness.

Obviously you guys can talk about this and come up with a plan if she wants to help send money back. I agree you dont have to support them since youre supporting your wife, but issuing each other ultimatums within 2 weeks of arrival sounds like a control battle and divorce in the works already.

Communication is key to every relationship.

Homesickness is very real.

[ExPatty 502]

i think once she gets a job, and see's how hard she has to work for so little she might have a revelation on sending money back, after all i am a cheap charley

No she won't. Post #8 nailed it. This isn't going to end well.

[Pinkrlion 2,617]

After being here two weeks and she wants to move to another city is a big red flag.

[Tommal 28]

i told her to get a job, pay for her car, insurance, part of household expenses. then she can send money home. i am not going to pay for all that plus send a car payment a month back to her family.i would rather be alone which i have been, i have no problem being alone anymore. I told her if she went to another city with her girl friend from her village not to look to me for any support

she is from Thailand i lived there for 6 years before moving back home

So you have known her for 6 years? WOW!! I think you didn't study her enough

What type of job she was doing there? Is she well educated to get a job in US?

How she found a good friend this sooner to trust more than her husband?

I think she was using you to enter the USA.

When you guys getting married from these countries.. you have to see from every angle... like what is 'this' country famous for

There are more witches under a beautiful skin... before she will make you a beggar... you will have to take a step. But you better not let her go that easily

I am so sorry brother...

[Soup Dragon 104]

You would rather be alone? Why did you marry someone if you prefer being alone? That was a little silly.

The fact that she sprung this on you almost immediately after settling down in the U.S. does make me question whether or not this is really just a cultural difference or something more.

There are plenty of cases where things like this are due to the emphasis on family ties and the responsibility for taking care of your parents that is present in many east Asian cultures. That being said, there are also cases where the immigrant spouse and/or their family is intentionally using the USC for financial support. It's nearly impossible to tell either way for sure, especially with the limited information you have provided us. Either way, discussing things like this BEFORE marriage and immigration would have been a smart thing to do.

I would hold off on giving any money for now, and see how she reacts. It may help you figure out which of the two situations you are in.

I agree.

[Sandra G. 5,026]

I think you have a bigger problem than sending money to her family. She wants to live in another city with her friend, It seems she took you for a ride, now she is here she doesn't need you anymore, except financially. Don't you worry that she just got here and she has already a plan to leave you?, yep man she is leaving you, she might come home some weekends but soon she won't come back anymore.I saw tons of case like yours.

You said that she used to ask you money every month when she was living abroad, just out of curiosity, how did she survive before she met you?

[NikLR 13,220]

I am always surprised at people who are willing to jump on a foreign spouse for fraud when a US spouse comes here to complain. We hear one snippet of a conversation (heated argument most likely) obviously angled to garner sympathy and wham, the other person must have alternative motives from the get go. Sigh...

[Unidentified 2,930]

I am always surprised at people who are willing to jump on a foreign spouse for fraud when a US spouse comes here to complain. We hear one snippet of a conversation (heated argument most likely) obviously angled to garner sympathy and wham, the other person must have alternative motives from the get go. Sigh...

Normally I would say "It's pretty obvious what's going on here" but this time I agree that so many people on here is making a pretty colorful bird after the discovery of a grey feather. We don't know enough in this situation though sending money was a very bad idea.

[templeton 120]

I am always surprised at people who are willing to jump on a foreign spouse for fraud when a US spouse comes here to complain. We hear one snippet of a conversation (heated argument most likely) obviously angled to garner sympathy and wham, the other person must have alternative motives from the get go. Sigh...

Normally I would say "It's pretty obvious what's going on here" but this time I agree that so many people on here is making a pretty colorful bird after the discovery of a grey feather. We don't know enough in this situation though sending money was a very bad idea.

Wow, voices of reason?!?! Haha! I'm usually the one saying these things (or at least thinking them) when everyone breaks out the torches and pitchforks for threads like this.

The funny thing is, in this case I kind of agree with the pitchforks. Unless it's just talk, or she's testing you, this is obviously a bad sign. If within two weeks of arriving she's serious about leaving the OP behind in order to get work in another city so she can support family, then it's pretty clear her priority isn't the marriage.

[NikLR 13,220]

Maybe she's issuing an ulimatum, fear, or homesickness response (perhaps family pressure) in response to his control issues?

Unless we hear the entire conversation we dont know! I'm sure my husband could easily put in snippets of our arguments and vice versa and have a forum in an uproar either way. But instead we work it out like married in love adults and communicate with each other.

[mallafri76 1,012]

You said you lived in Thailand for six years, was this with your now wife? Did you support her and her family during the relationship in Thailand, and with that I don't just mean cash in hand, support can also be buying a new couch, paying for medication or helping around the house?!

I have quite a few friends and colleagues from Asia, mainly Thailand, India, Pakistan and the Philippines, and culturally, families there are suppose to help and support each other. It's a much stronger cultural "demand" than what we're used to in most Western countries. And if your wife doesn't work right now, obviously, that expectation of support falls on the husband.

No offence OP but stories like yours are quite common, Western men marrying foreign women without understanding their culture and cultural expectations, then there's this clash and all of the sudden, the woman's accused of just being in it for the green card. I have a former Danish colleague who moved to the US years ago, everything was peachy until she got there and she wanted to continue her career and the American husband was expecting her to be a stay-at-home mum once they had kids. Their relationship ended six months later and all his family and friends went on and on about how she had only been after a green card, of course he wasn't at fault at all .

Honestly, I don't understand how things like these don't come up during the relationship and before the marriage. Like fundamental discussions about what you both want for the future, how you want to live, what are the expectations, how do you both look on finances, what does the foreign spouse want to do once he/she has moved to the US, where do you both want to live... Aren't these normal topics that come up in a relationship?!

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

i would prefer being married but after 2 divorces you learn, she came on a marriage visa. thanks folks for the support and advice

You have had two divorces in the past and you still didn't talk about things like this preemptively?

Even if she is intentionally using you, I feel like some of the responsibility falls on you for not taking the obvious steps and getting to know your wife.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I have quite a few friends and colleagues from Asia, mainly Thailand, India, Pakistan and the Philippines, and culturally, families there are suppose to help and support each other. It's a much stronger cultural "demand" than what we're used to in most Western countries. And if your wife doesn't work right now, obviously, that expectation of support falls on the husband.

Not all Asian people expect their so-called 'rich' foreign spouses to support the poor Asian families.

It should be appreciated but not expected.

It is all about the mindset.

Some culture just have a strong 'leech mentality'.