wife wants me to support her family

[slb1 13]

I have regularly supported my wife while we where apart. But after being here in the USA for 2 weeks she now wants me to keep sending money to support her family. My answer is you can get a job, help pay for your car and insurance and household share and if you want or have any left you can send it home. Her answer was i want to go with friend in another city to work, my answer ok is tomorrow to soon. How many of you have gone through this major cultural change with a spouse before.

[Deagle 494]

For me this looks more than a cultural difference/change. However, you have the right to agree or not to send money to her family. Saying No will not make you a bad person, especially that you are supporting her. We all work and have bills and know how it is. Regarding her moving to another city with friends, thats up to you.

Edited March 1, 2016 by azzein

[Lelyze 49]

American culture is much different than my culture. I supported my family when I was back home working, and even before I moved to USA my then fiance and I had an agreement on how much money we will send to support my family. It was really important to me to know that my family will be supported during the period when I can't work (I came on K1 visa). Year later we are still supporting them, but now I give half of the money. You should have talked about this before she came, so you could mentally and financially be prepared for this burden. My advice is for you to talk to her and explain her your budget. If there is no extra money left after you pay all the bills and food, then she and her parents should understand it, and wait until she finds work and/or your budget changes. It is her mistake she didn't tell you about this sooner.

[Deagle 494]

American culture is much different than my culture. I supported my family when I was back home working, and even before I moved to USA my then fiance and I had an agreement on how much money we will send to support my family. It was really important to me to know that my family will be supported during the period when I can't work (I came on K1 visa). Year later we are still supporting them, but now I give half of the money. You should have talked about this before she came, so you could mentally and financially be prepared for this burden. My advice is for you to talk to her and explain her your budget. If there is no extra money left after you pay all the bills and food, then she and her parents should understand it, and wait until she finds work and/or your budget changes. It is her mistake she didn't tell you about this sooner.

I am not trying to be mean in anyway and I totally understand that some families need to be supported and I encourage that to be done. But even if there is money left in the budget, its up to him to decide whether to send or not. If he did, that would be nice, if he didnt, that wont make him bad.

[slb1 13]

we did discus my obligations, english school. Driving school. and education needed to work, for her to help support our hose after she starts work and that I will not support her family, i paid my dowery so to me that part is over. her sisters and brothers can support them

[Lelyze 49]

I am not trying to be mean in anyway and I totally understand that some families need to be supported and I encourage that to be done. But even if there is money left in the budget, its up to him to decide whether to send or not. If he did, that would be nice, if he didnt, that wont make him bad.

I totally agree. As I said, she was supposed to discuss that before they got married. In this situation he has no obligations (since he didn't make any promises before marriage), it's his free will, and he should not feel guilty if he decides not to support them.

[Deagle 494]

If shes here only since 2 weeks, then she might be feeling bad about her family and missing them, she might be experiencing some emotional issues due to being away from home and family. Try to talk to her and explain her about bills and life expenses.

[clayr 35]

My wife's family did the same thing, I thought your wife would be from Vietnam, like mine. Let her go!!! When my wife got here her family called at least once a month needing $500 - $800. I 1.5 yrs we sent them 10K plus. That was enough for me. You were played, she wants to move to another city? That sounds like a wife to you? I wish I had listened to others but I didn't. These girls come from poor countries and they just want to come here and take your money, when there's none left, they are gone. Cut your losses before they get any bigger. I know you want to say I don't know your situation but if you are on here looking for advice, your story is typical. This will never end, her family wanting money, and the wife is in on it. I heard every medical emergency you can think of, everyone in the family needs operations in order to live. You feel you invested in this and don't want to quit but 10 - 20 yrs from now you will still be sending a monthly stipend. How long has she been here? And she wants to move to another city with a girlfriend to work? Great idea, let her go.

[slb1 13]

i told her to get a job, pay for her car, insurance, part of household expenses. then she can send money home. i am not going to pay for all that plus send a car payment a month back to her family.i would rather be alone which i have been, i have no problem being alone anymore. I told her if she went to another city with her girl friend from her village not to look to me for any support

she is from Thailand i lived there for 6 years before moving back home

[Anh map 2,098]

This is fairly common. It's gone from the fantasy of moving to the States to the reality. Sit down together and talk it all through. Doesn't matter if it's the 2nd, 3rd, 10th time. Hopefully you arrive at a mutual understanding that you as a couple can live with.

If you weren't in the picture how would they live? No reason for the family to live high on the hog just because daughter is in the US. She needs to set the expectations with the family. It'll be best for everyone.

[slb1 13]

i think once she gets a job, and see's how hard she has to work for so little she might have a revelation on sending money back, after all i am a cheap charley

[Deagle 494]

On what visa did she came to the US?

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

i told her to get a job, pay for her car, insurance, part of household expenses. then she can send money home. i am not going to pay for all that plus send a car payment a month back to her family.i would rather be alone which i have been, i have no problem being alone anymore. I told her if she went to another city with her girl friend from her village not to look to me for any support

she is from Thailand i lived there for 6 years before moving back home

You would rather be alone? Why did you marry someone if you prefer being alone? That was a little silly.

The fact that she sprung this on you almost immediately after settling down in the U.S. does make me question whether or not this is really just a cultural difference or something more.

There are plenty of cases where things like this are due to the emphasis on family ties and the responsibility for taking care of your parents that is present in many east Asian cultures. That being said, there are also cases where the immigrant spouse and/or their family is intentionally using the USC for financial support. It's nearly impossible to tell either way for sure, especially with the limited information you have provided us. Either way, discussing things like this BEFORE marriage and immigration would have been a smart thing to do.

I would hold off on giving any money for now, and see how she reacts. It may help you figure out which of the two situations you are in.

Edited March 1, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[slb1 13]

i would prefer being married but after 2 divorces you learn, she came on a marriage visa. thanks folks for the support and advice

[clayr 35]

I disagree with the others' post about talking to her. Was this discussed prior to her coming here? Trust me, after you talk about this, next week you'll get a call about a family member is in the hospital and they need $600, you send it to them and this will continue. $200 per month in Thailand is an average full time monthly income. Let her go or you will be poor the rest of your life. You brought her here to have a better life, you did enough for her and her family.