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My husband has only been in the u.s. A year. He is dominican and racist against haitians. He hates mexicans too. He hates texas because he says its a poor state and is full of mexicans. When i met him i knew the mexican spanish. So now i know more dominican spanish, but everytime i misspeak a word and use the mexican word he gets angry. He said that haitians and mexicans are alike because they both try to cross illegally.

Sometimes he says he wants to live in ny, or nj where the dominicans are. I have a teen in school so i cant just pack up and move. I also own my house and have a really good job. Sometimes he says he wants a divorce because he feels like he is in a prison. And because i mess up and speak mexican spanish he calls me a mexican, or a mexican lover. Then the next day he tells me he loves me and that we will never be divorced because he promised God that it was forever...

He plans on visiting the DR soon, and says he is not coming back.

Im not sure what to do. Im sure he wont go to counseling. He says why tell your problems to someone else? They cant fix them, only you and your spouse can. I just wish he was less racist and less hateful.


 

8/22/15 Received notice of interview "call in letter" for September 1st 8am

9/01/15 AOS Interview Houston-APPROVED!

9/01/15 Card in production, Welcome notice has been mailed

9/05/15 Welcome Notice Received

9/08/15 Greencard was mailed

9/10/15 GREENCARD RECEIVED!!!!!!!!

 

ROC

6/2/17 mailed I-751 to csc priority mail

7/1/17 I-751 returned rejected (multiple items)

7/3/17 I-751 mailed again with signature confirmation

7/6/17 second I-751 delivered and signed for by Daniel Manchaca

7/10/17  Check Cashed

7/10/17  NOA

7/22/17  Biometrics letter for 8/2/17

8/02/17 Biometrics appointment DONE

3/05/18 case moved to local office

8/25/18 Extension letter (18 months)

9/29/18 service request submitted

10/06/18 response to service request

10/11/18  approved. No RFE, no interview

10/16/18  approval letter received in the mail

10/19/18 greencard received

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Not trying to scare you but,

Classic problem. Be careful and get out if you think it is too much.

When he fights you and shout at you he is sad/mad/crazy. Then he realize that he has not got greencard yet, and needs to stay with you he becomes good.

Wait till he gets permanent GC. Do not move if you have good job here, do not mess up your kids life.

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So...is it correct that

1) you don't like his (racist) character

2) and you are unsure of his commitment to the marriage

3) but you still like him

4) therefore, you are confused???

I would say men in general don't like to ask for help as much as possible...

you know...things like asking for directions, getting counseling, going to doctors, etc.

we are (sometime foolishly) too proud. :bonk:

That said, I wonder if he's racist comments are really because he has deep rooted racism inside,

or its just due to his stupidity, immaturity, and sloppy big mouth thing...

Even aside from this racist behavior, for him to taunt you with expressions like

"divorce" and "not coming back", etc. just few months into the marriage is really troubling to understand.

Why don't you talk this through deeply with close friends and family members that also had

chance to observe his character and seek opinions.

So far, based on your descriptions, this appears to be a big red flag...

I think you deserve someone with better character and sincerity.

Good luck.


10-04-2013 We met online
11-21-2013 We met in person in Shanghai for 2 weeks

12-13-2013 I-129F packet sent via express

12-19-2013 USCIS NOA #1 (text and email) received

12-24-2013 USCIS assigns Alien Registration Number
12-31-2013 USCIS NOA #1 hard copy received
06-02-2014 USCIS web site shows NOA #2 approval
06-06-2014 USCIS web site shows case sent to NVC

06-xx-2014 Fiancee acquired birth, marriage, and police certificates from local police station (wrong)

06-16-2014 NVC creates case with GUZ### number

06-19-2014 NVC sends case sent to Guangzhou, China
06-24-2014 Received packet 3 express mail from embassy
06-25-2014 Completed DS-160 and paid K1 visa fee

06-26-2014 Mailed packet 3 response back to Embassy

06-26-2014 Requested police certificate from Russian embassy

07-08-2014 Received packet 4 email from Embassy

07-17-2014 Picked up Russian police certificate

07-25-2014 Fiancee medical exam (received MMR & Varicella, but they missed required TD shot)

07-31-2014 Picked up medical exam reports

08-01-2014 Request (correct) birth, marriage, and police certificates from Notarial Service (GongZhengChu)

08-06-2014 Picked up birth, marriage, and police certificates from Notarial Service

08-14-2014 Passed Interview Guangzhou embassy

09-01-2014 Received passport, visa, & sealed envelope

09-13-2014 POE

09-17-2014 Went to CBP office to get (US entry) I-94 updated correctly

09-18-2014 Applied for Social Security Card
09-19-2014 Applied for Marriage License (via online)
09-25-2014 Received Social Security Card
09-30-2014 Picked up Marriage License
10-09-2014 Marriage by Justice of Peace
10-09-2014 Got Certified Marriage Certificate Copies
10-17-2014 Received a letter from SS office that they need the marriage license
10-09-2014 Applied to change the social security card name
10-24-2014 Went back to SS office to provide the marriage certificate documents again!!!
12-09-2014 Submitted AOS, EAD, and AP
12-16-2014 Received 16 emails and 16 text NOA messages
01-05-2015 Received Biometrics appointment letter for (01-12-2015)
01-12-2015 Had Biometrics (fingerprint & picture) - Required Marriage Certificate!!!
02-17-2015 EAD and AP is approved
02-23-2015 Received AP is approval letter
02-25-2015 Received EAD/AP combo card (expires 02/16/2016)
02-27-2015 Applied for SS card name change (they took her SS card)
02-27-2015 Driver's learner permit test was denied since the SS card was given to SS office for name change
03-17-2015 Received SS card with married name
03-17-2015 Started to change all her accounts to married name
03-23-2015 Received potential interview waiver letter
03-27-2015 DMV rejects learner's permit due to "legal status=pending" and vision test failure
04-05-2015 Vision test for learner's permit
04-06-2015 DPS sent us letter that DHS cleared my wife's status to acquire driver's license.
04-10-2015 Passed Driver Learner's Permit
04-22-2015 Received Driver Learner's Permit ID card (expires 02/16/2016)
08-27-2015 Green Card approved
08-31-2015 Received Green Card "Welcome Notice Was Mailed" letter
09-05-2015 Received Green card
10-26-2015 Passed Driver's License Road Test (on 3rd attempt)
11-03-2015 Received Driver's License (expires 02/16/2022)
11-06-2015 Applied to remove conditional work remark on SS card
11-23-2015 Received updated Social Security Card.
- - - - - - - - - - Pending Future Processing - - - - - - - - - -
05-27-2017 File 10 Year Green Card
08-27-2017 2 Year Green Card Expires
05-27-2018 File USC

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My husband has only been in the u.s. A year. He is dominican and racist against haitians. He hates mexicans too. He hates texas because he says its a poor state and is full of mexicans. When i met him i knew the mexican spanish. So now i know more dominican spanish, but everytime i misspeak a word and use the mexican word he gets angry. He said that haitians and mexicans are alike because they both try to cross illegally.

Sometimes he says he wants to live in ny, or nj where the dominicans are. I have a teen in school so i cant just pack up and move. I also own my house and have a really good job. Sometimes he says he wants a divorce because he feels like he is in a prison. And because i mess up and speak mexican spanish he calls me a mexican, or a mexican lover. Then the next day he tells me he loves me and that we will never be divorced because he promised God that it was forever...

He plans on visiting the DR soon, and says he is not coming back.

Im not sure what to do. Im sure he wont go to counseling. He says why tell your problems to someone else? They cant fix them, only you and your spouse can. I just wish he was less racist and less hateful.

you have your own home a great job and a child thats in school. the only issue is him and his racism..which doesn't look like he will change since he wants to move to a place that will boost it even higher. stay put! if he is going to divorce you he will do it where you are, he will do it in nj he will do it in ny. doesn't matter. and if he does leave then you still have everything going for you where you are now. if you move. you will lose everything and possibly him as well? the risk is to high. moving there will be depended of him .and being from new York its super easy to fall into the wrong crowd of Dominicans. this is where you need to lay aside the emotions and do things with wisdom. just sit down and write a list , one side risk and one side opportunities. and I think your answer will soon come to you .. I just cant think of one good opportunity in moving to another place just because his hate for people ior being in a marriage where he threatens to leave with one foot outside the door already .. I know you will do the right thing for you and your child !

good luck!

Edited by ItsGonnaBeWorthIt

USCIS : 7 months
Marriage : March 21, 2014
I-130 Sent : April 18, 2014
I-130 NOA1 : April 22, 2014
I-130 Approved: November 14, 2014 
after two service request

NVC6 months
Received : December 1, 2014
Received DS-261 / AOS Bill : January 1, 2015
Pay AOS Bill : January 9, 2015
Submit DS-261 : January 7, 2015
Receive IV Bill : January 15, 2015 
called after AOS showed paid, they released it overnight)
Pay IV Bill : January 23, 2015
Send IV and AOS: January 29, 2015
Scan date: February 3, 2015
Checklist: March 19, 2015
 (only need to send south Africa police report)
Case Complete: June 3, 2015 

EMBASSY: 10 months
Interview appointment letter : December 4, 2015
Interview Date : January 21, 2016 
medical wasn't complete
Second interview date: April 4th 2016
Interview Result :APPROVED!!!

Visa Received : 4/13/2016 ( they sent us a email stating our visa was ready for pick up)

USA LIFE
US Entry :4/29/2016 
Social Security : 5/10/2016 (filed from the actual office)
State ID: 5/14/2016
Started working!!: 5/25/2016
Finally paid green card fee: 6/24/2016 ( note said we will receive it within 60 days)
Green card in hand: 7/5/2016 10 year green card we done!! 

1st king born: 6/30/2016

April 2017 update: Marriage still going strong, baby boy getting bigger. Life is good 

 

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Let him go back if he wants to, (though I doubt that he will). If he is that bad now, he will only get worse once he gets his green card. You need to put yourself and your child first, do not move anywhere.

He is only going back to visit. He has a roundtrip ticket, but he mentions he is just going to stay in the dr


 

8/22/15 Received notice of interview "call in letter" for September 1st 8am

9/01/15 AOS Interview Houston-APPROVED!

9/01/15 Card in production, Welcome notice has been mailed

9/05/15 Welcome Notice Received

9/08/15 Greencard was mailed

9/10/15 GREENCARD RECEIVED!!!!!!!!

 

ROC

6/2/17 mailed I-751 to csc priority mail

7/1/17 I-751 returned rejected (multiple items)

7/3/17 I-751 mailed again with signature confirmation

7/6/17 second I-751 delivered and signed for by Daniel Manchaca

7/10/17  Check Cashed

7/10/17  NOA

7/22/17  Biometrics letter for 8/2/17

8/02/17 Biometrics appointment DONE

3/05/18 case moved to local office

8/25/18 Extension letter (18 months)

9/29/18 service request submitted

10/06/18 response to service request

10/11/18  approved. No RFE, no interview

10/16/18  approval letter received in the mail

10/19/18 greencard received

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My husband has only been in the u.s. A year. He is dominican and racist against haitians. He hates mexicans too. He hates texas because he says its a poor state and is full of mexicans. When i met him i knew the mexican spanish. So now i know more dominican spanish, but everytime i misspeak a word and use the mexican word he gets angry. He said that haitians and mexicans are alike because they both try to cross illegally.

Sometimes he says he wants to live in ny, or nj where the dominicans are. I have a teen in school so i cant just pack up and move. I also own my house and have a really good job. Sometimes he says he wants a divorce because he feels like he is in a prison. And because i mess up and speak mexican spanish he calls me a mexican, or a mexican lover. Then the next day he tells me he loves me and that we will never be divorced because he promised God that it was forever...

He plans on visiting the DR soon, and says he is not coming back.

Im not sure what to do. Im sure he wont go to counseling. He says why tell your problems to someone else? They cant fix them, only you and your spouse can. I just wish he was less racist and less hateful.

Sorry to hear this, it must be really hard. Was your husband like this in DR (all the racist stuff and hateful)? I ask because if this is new behavior, or a more intensified version of how he was before perhaps it's an adjustment issue. Initially my husband had a hard time in the US- the snow, improving his english, people who aren't social and just look at their phones etc. He was really dependent on me for a while even on the basics like communicating with doctors. For men from latin/african cultures this kind of complete dependency on a wife can be a very uncomfortable role for them. Sometimes he would argue with me or pick small fights over stupid ####### and it was really just acting out his adjustment issues. Also, life in the US is not the butterflies and rainbows that people imagine. Problems exist everywhere just in different forms. My husband is doing better now- he developed a hobby (kung fu classes) that he does 4x per week. It gives him a social outlet and is something he likes. And after a few heart to hearts about the picking fights and taking things out on me-things are really good and we are building a very strong marriage. Communication and compromise are key and solving problems together.

Does he have any friends in Texas? How is he coping otherwise? Are you having other marital issues? Is he working and does he like his job? Have you had a heart to heart about his calling you names? I know it's not easy to just pick up and move right away. But perhaps if moving is something you are open to in the future- perhaps you can make a plan and then work towards that goal together? Like we will save up X amount of money and move in X months. Or visiting those areas to see if moving is really something that would make him happy and is something you'd be happy with as well before just uprooting your family.


K-1


January 27, 2014 - Submitted I-129F


January 31, 2014 - NOA1


August 3, 2014- E service request submitted


August 15, 2014- E service request received back saying our case is in a processing hold due to "pending security checks"


September 3, 2014 - NOA2


September 5, 2014 - Case shipped to NVC


September 8, 2014 - NOA2 Hardcopy received


September 17, 2014- Case # assigned by NVC


September 19, 2014- Case shipped to Consulate from NVC


October 1, 2014 - Case status "Ready"


October 3, 2014 - Packet 3 received- K1 Instructions


October 15, 2014 - Packet 4 received- Appointment letter


November 4, 2014 - Interview- APPROVED!!!


November 13, 2014 - Visa in hand


November 25, 2014- POE in Washington, DC


December 18, 2014- Marriage at Courthouse



AOS


January 8, 2015- AOS NOA1


January 28, 2015- Biometrics appointment


March 4, 2015- EAD card in production


March 16, 2015- EAD card in hand


May 2015- Notice of Interview Waiver and case processing delay


September 10, 2015- RFE- lost packet given at POE! Have to redo the medical :/


October 28, 2015- Approval of AOS and card in production- online case status updated


November 2, 2015- Green card in hand!!

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Sorry to hear this, it must be really hard. Was your husband like this in DR (all the racist stuff and hateful)? I ask because if this is new behavior, or a more intensified version of how he was before perhaps it's an adjustment issue. Initially my husband had a hard time in the US- the snow, improving his english, people who aren't social and just look at their phones etc. He was really dependent on me for a while even on the basics like communicating with doctors. For men from latin/african cultures this kind of complete dependency on a wife can be a very uncomfortable role for them. Sometimes he would argue with me or pick small fights over stupid ####### and it was really just acting out his adjustment issues. Also, life in the US is not the butterflies and rainbows that people imagine. Problems exist everywhere just in different forms. My husband is doing better now- he developed a hobby (kung fu classes) that he does 4x per week. It gives him a social outlet and is something he likes. And after a few heart to hearts about the picking fights and taking things out on me-things are really good and we are building a very strong marriage. Communication and compromise are key and solving problems together.

Does he have any friends in Texas? How is he coping otherwise? Are you having other marital issues? Is he working and does he like his job? Have you had a heart to heart about his calling you names? I know it's not easy to just pick up and move right away. But perhaps if moving is something you are open to in the future- perhaps you can make a plan and then work towards that goal together? Like we will save up X amount of money and move in X months. Or visiting those areas to see if moving is really something that would make him happy and is something you'd be happy with as well before just uprooting your family.

No he was not like this in the dominican. He has a job as a cook at a mexican restaurant. However he works with a bunch of people from mexico. They depend alot on him. He is the only cook. His boss is the owner but he dont help cook or anything and he knows how to cook. He started being friends with another visa journey member from the dominican that moved to midland, texas. But thats 10 hours from here and they never met in person. He stopped chatting with him by phone. He said there are no dominicans here where we live. Ive tried looking for dominican culture groups in my area but there are none.

It seems the behavior is more intense. He keeps saying that he wants a vacation and a different job. Then he talks about visiting home and then he says that all his family wants is money. They think he is rich, and they dont realize what all he has to do and put up with to earn that money. I think its adjustment issues, but i think its his background too. I dont know how to handle this. We have discussed this over and over. About moving im not ready to give up everything but i would be willing to visit another state with him but i know he wont like it up north because he hates the "cold"

Mexican is not a race.

That is the way he puts it. I know the politically correct term but when he is angry im not going to correct him.


 

8/22/15 Received notice of interview "call in letter" for September 1st 8am

9/01/15 AOS Interview Houston-APPROVED!

9/01/15 Card in production, Welcome notice has been mailed

9/05/15 Welcome Notice Received

9/08/15 Greencard was mailed

9/10/15 GREENCARD RECEIVED!!!!!!!!

 

ROC

6/2/17 mailed I-751 to csc priority mail

7/1/17 I-751 returned rejected (multiple items)

7/3/17 I-751 mailed again with signature confirmation

7/6/17 second I-751 delivered and signed for by Daniel Manchaca

7/10/17  Check Cashed

7/10/17  NOA

7/22/17  Biometrics letter for 8/2/17

8/02/17 Biometrics appointment DONE

3/05/18 case moved to local office

8/25/18 Extension letter (18 months)

9/29/18 service request submitted

10/06/18 response to service request

10/11/18  approved. No RFE, no interview

10/16/18  approval letter received in the mail

10/19/18 greencard received

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No he was not like this in the dominican. He has a job as a cook at a mexican restaurant. However he works with a bunch of people from mexico. They depend alot on him. He is the only cook. His boss is the owner but he dont help cook or anything and he knows how to cook. He started being friends with another visa journey member from the dominican that moved to midland, texas. But thats 10 hours from here and they never met in person. He stopped chatting with him by phone. He said there are no dominicans here where we live. Ive tried looking for dominican culture groups in my area but there are none.

It seems the behavior is more intense. He keeps saying that he wants a vacation and a different job. Then he talks about visiting home and then he says that all his family wants is money. They think he is rich, and they dont realize what all he has to do and put up with to earn that money. I think its adjustment issues, but i think its his background too. I dont know how to handle this. We have discussed this over and over. About moving im not ready to give up everything but i would be willing to visit another state with him but i know he wont like it up north because he hates the "cold"

That is the way he puts it. I know the politically correct term but when he is angry im not going to correct him.

Perhaps he can try to making friends with people who are not Dominican? Are either of you active in church? Could that be a way to make friends for him? Social support aside from a spouse is important. Maybe try to make some changes and see if things get better... changing jobs for one, him making friends etc. I'd be pretty upset by the "D" word threats and name calling, that's incredibly damaging to a marriage. If both of you want to make it work, then I'd take that off the table and agree to not say things like that. He needs to put effort into resolving the issues in order to build a good marriage- it takes two.

If he won't go to a marriage counselor, what about a trusted friend or family member that both you and he feel comfortable with (either in US or DR)? In my husbands culture this is a common way to resolve marital difficulties and if you need outside support it may be more accepted by your husband than going to a US therapist. Frame it to him that it needs to be done and resolving it between yourselves hasn't helped.

My husband gets a lot of pressure from his family back home too. He shields me from a majority of this, but I know it weighs heavily on him. It's just something that he has to learn to deal with. My husbands family thinks as soon as he walked off the plane he's now a rich American! Changing families perceptions of life in america & money is not easily done, so he has to manage their expectations and find a way to deal with money requests. It is not easy by any means.

Edited by sexymackeral

K-1


January 27, 2014 - Submitted I-129F


January 31, 2014 - NOA1


August 3, 2014- E service request submitted


August 15, 2014- E service request received back saying our case is in a processing hold due to "pending security checks"


September 3, 2014 - NOA2


September 5, 2014 - Case shipped to NVC


September 8, 2014 - NOA2 Hardcopy received


September 17, 2014- Case # assigned by NVC


September 19, 2014- Case shipped to Consulate from NVC


October 1, 2014 - Case status "Ready"


October 3, 2014 - Packet 3 received- K1 Instructions


October 15, 2014 - Packet 4 received- Appointment letter


November 4, 2014 - Interview- APPROVED!!!


November 13, 2014 - Visa in hand


November 25, 2014- POE in Washington, DC


December 18, 2014- Marriage at Courthouse



AOS


January 8, 2015- AOS NOA1


January 28, 2015- Biometrics appointment


March 4, 2015- EAD card in production


March 16, 2015- EAD card in hand


May 2015- Notice of Interview Waiver and case processing delay


September 10, 2015- RFE- lost packet given at POE! Have to redo the medical :/


October 28, 2015- Approval of AOS and card in production- online case status updated


November 2, 2015- Green card in hand!!

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My husband has only been in the u.s. A year. He is dominican and racist against haitians. He hates mexicans too. He hates texas because he says its a poor state and is full of mexicans. When i met him i knew the mexican spanish. So now i know more dominican spanish, but everytime i misspeak a word and use the mexican word he gets angry. He said that haitians and mexicans are alike because they both try to cross illegally.

Maybe ask him a question why exactly haitians or mexicans are worse than dominicans ?

Sounds like you married a person that has issues and unfortunately it will be extremely difficult to help you... To be blunt - can't help with somebody behaving this way (really restraining myself to use a stronger word here).

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there's got to be at least 1 church in Houston that focuses on people from the DR.

I suggest you keep digging, looking for it. And then go with him. Why? He'll have a few hours to dig in, there, with the possibility of making new friends from the DR. and new connections also (which are priceless).

How to find the church? Beats me..


Sometimes my language usage seems confusing - please feel free to 'read it twice', just in case !
Ya know, you can find the answer to your question with the advanced search tool, when using a PC? Ditch the handphone, come back later on a PC, and try again.

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Whoa Nelly ! Want NVC Info? see http://www.visajourney.com/wiki/index.php/NVC_Process

Congratulations on your approval ! We All Applaud your accomplishment with Most Wonderful Kissies !

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My husband has only been in the u.s. A year. He is dominican and racist against haitians. He hates mexicans too. He hates texas because he says its a poor state and is full of mexicans. When i met him i knew the mexican spanish. So now i know more dominican spanish, but everytime i misspeak a word and use the mexican word he gets angry. He said that haitians and mexicans are alike because they both try to cross illegally.

Sometimes he says he wants to live in ny, or nj where the dominicans are. I have a teen in school so i cant just pack up and move. I also own my house and have a really good job. Sometimes he says he wants a divorce because he feels like he is in a prison. And because i mess up and speak mexican spanish he calls me a mexican, or a mexican lover. Then the next day he tells me he loves me and that we will never be divorced because he promised God that it was forever...

He plans on visiting the DR soon, and says he is not coming back.

Im not sure what to do. Im sure he wont go to counseling. He says why tell your problems to someone else? They cant fix them, only you and your spouse can. I just wish he was less racist and less hateful.

Wow...He hates those of culture that conflict with his own......America was the wrong place to come.

He hates poor people also......He will definately hate me then.

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