stepdaughter will not arrive unless we allow boyfriend to arrive

[frankLarissa 3]

I need some direction on this moral issue please....my wife and I recently married and applied for I 485. Originally her daughter was to go to college in Moscow for three years. we were to pay 500 per month for her schooling. now because of new laws for out of country students studying in Russia, (they must leave every three months) it is difficult for her to school there. And my wife misses her daughter so she wants daughter here. She is age 17 and this is not a problem for me, we have the extra bedroom and college is walking distance away. But daughter will not arrive unless we provide for her 18 year old boyfriend to arrive a year later, at which time he would go to college also. I don't wish for my new family to be responsible for the boyfriend. At age 58, I think I am too old for this added responsibility. or is this greed on my part? please comment. thank you.

[cdneh 3,112]

I'm sorry, but no. That's just totally wrong. That's almost like a form of blackmail really. If her daughter won't join her Mother and you, and persue her education, and she can't go to school where she is, then she'd better pack up and go home, and go to school there.

I also don't think anyone at 17 really knows what they will want a year from now. But I wouldn't be manipulated into that situation.

[Ontarkie 13,925]

Does she know what it will take for her boyfriend to be able to get in the US? The other thing is you would not be responsible for the boyfriend at all, he would have to prove he has the funds to go to school, then I would make him stay on campus NO Way on Earth would I let my teenage daughter live with her boyfriend.

[Boiler 43,622]

Just when you think you have seen it all.

As a matter of interest how are you to arrange for b/f to arrive a year later and why a year?

[aaron2020 11,651]

Who is the adult here?

Are you going to let a 17 years old child dictate how you live your life? Are you going to let a child dictate that you spend $40,000 yearly on her boyfriend?

Lay down the rules before you get screwed.

She can either come alone or she can stay in Moscow. Her call.

If you let her make the rules, expect her to push it even further when she gets here.

What happens if she wants you to get an apartment for her and her boyfriend, are you prepared to do that

And which magical way are you expected to bring the boyfriend to the US?

This is an easy one. Put on te adult pants and tell this spoiled child no.

[slowlyman 118]

It is not a moral issue at all. It sounds like you are just starting out with a new wife. It might be a good idea to solidify your own relationship before adding to the household.

Additionally, even if you filed today, it would be months to a year before the daughter arrived.

Teenagers being what they are, you could pay the bill to bring over the boyfriend, then she could find some sweet hunk of something on campus and decide to ditch the boyfriend. The what?

I understand bringing over the daughter, but the boyfriend no way.

I'm also curious what visa you would try to bring the boyfriend over on. Student?

[BlovesD 14]

i agree with aaron^^

There's no way you can guarantee her boyfriend will be able to come to the US lol

You are not being greedy at all.....

If the daughter wants to come to the US that's great....I would tell her if she wants HER boyfriend to come to the US then he can be HER responsibility and she can go through the process of getting him to the US.....

[Boiler 43,622]

i agree with aaron^^

There's no way you can guarantee her boyfriend will be able to come to the US lol

You are not being greedy at all.....

If the daughter wants to come to the US that's great....I would tell her if she wants HER boyfriend to come to the US then he can be HER responsibility and she can go through the process of getting him to the US.....

Marriage?

[frankLarissa 3]

Dear vj friends, thank you very much for your comments. I will continue to view any comments that you write, this is very difficult for me. Again, my sincere thanks

[apple21 953]

You're the US citizen and soon-to-be petitioner/sponsor, you call the shots.

[slowlyman 118]

Agreed it's tough spot. It's easy for us to say don;t do it, but if the OP's wife really wants the daughter here and the daughter is being stubborn........ Not an easy situation.

[scienceworks 64]

But how can the OP bring the BF? Not thru the OP. Unless Op adopts him or something.

[slowlyman 118]

Ya, the path is undefined at this point.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

".....unless we provide for her 18 year old boyfriend to arrive a year later"

You can not petition her BF. Case closed.

[JnRMo 16]

But how can the OP bring the BF? Not thru the OP. Unless Op adopts him or something.

I assume he can sponsor the daughter... then when she comes to the U.S., he can be the sponsor (financial) on their K1 visa application (not sure if it's different for permanent residents?, which she would be). The chances a relationship involving a 17 year old lasts the 2+ years that would likely take are negligible. He could probably take the gamble and just try to get the daughter to come over as soon as she's able..