stepdaughter will not arrive unless we allow boyfriend to arrive

[frankLarissa 3]

This is what i am told.....Boyfriend would apply for student visa and arrive in summer 2015. My wife and her daughter would work to help him pay for room and tuition. A year later daughter and bf would live together and continue education. I would be sponsor of daughter, if she gets pregnant, I pay? This seems like to many unknowns.......and now wife says she will return to her home country.

[Boiler 43,745]

You need to be a USC to K1.

[scienceworks 64]

This is what i am told.....Boyfriend would apply for student visa and arrive in summer 2015. My wife and her daughter would work to help him pay for room and tuition. A year later daughter and bf would live together and continue education. I would be sponsor of daughter, if she gets pregnant, I pay? This seems like to many unknowns.......and now wife says she will return to her home country.

No offense but your wife need to have a reality check about finances. If she gets pregnant and derives welfare of some sort, then your on the hook for that.

[AmyWrites 593]

NO.

Just no.

Do not let this happen. She's a teenager. She probably won't be with this guy for another year, especially if she comes to the US of A and meets a bunch of nice American guys who are into her Russian accent.

[Ontarkie 13,960]

Is your wife now telling you she wants to go back, because the daughter won't come without the boyfriend?

[cdneh 3,112]

I sure hope that's not what she's saying. That is blackmail.

[frankLarissa 3]

Ontarkie....yes

To all of you, thank you so much for your comments, I'm seeing the real issues more clearly.

[Ontarkie 13,960]

I'm so sorry Frank, they truly need to understand that is just not how it works, there is no way for you to get the boyfriend here.

[AmyWrites 593]

I think that, if wife is saying she'll leave if daughter's BF won't come, points to something very fishy going on. Tread carefully.

[slowlyman 118]

Frank, like I said earlier, you need to work on your own relationship first. (you've been married less then a month) My wife and I are getting better everyday at dealing with issues. It sounds like you've got some to work out.

None of us know about your relationship. It sounds a little from the outside looking in that there is some manipulation going on. The question is who is being manipulated.

Edited January 19, 2014 by slowlyman

[jessejames 0]

The answer is easy. No.

Imagine how out of control things could get once they got here if you let them hawk ultimatums (and gave in to them) now.

[sharky-rex 76]

This is a bit ridiculous, imo. Imagine if she was your daughter, living with you. Would you even entertain the idea of paying for her boyfriend's schooling?

[Dave&Roza 748]

This is what i am told.....Boyfriend would apply for student visa and arrive in summer 2015. My wife and her daughter would work to help him pay for room and tuition. A year later daughter and bf would live together and continue education. I would be sponsor of daughter, if she gets pregnant, I pay? This seems like to many unknowns.......and now wife says she will return to her home country.

Okay, first thing first. Your wife threaten to go home is a test (or at least that is what my wife did. She would just say, "I'll go back home." We had a major fight right around our first anniversary and she again threatened to go home. I looked up airfare and a RT ticket was not more expensive if I bought it for tomorrow or 3 months later. So I asked her if she was going home. She said "NO. I'll stay." Then I told her how close I was to sending her home. Once I called the bluff, it has not been used.) Most Kazakh women expect the man to be a MAN. So here is your chance.

I would tell them that the daughter can come over if that is what you wish. No guarantees on the BF. Should he still want to come to the US to study, HE must get a student visa. You might want to make the wife aware of the cost of things here in the US. College is not cheap nor is housing. Ask her where she and her daughter will get the $1000-$2000 per month for him to live on--make it clear that this is the daughter's decision and SHE has to pay for the BF. Might want to also remind her that in the US you really need a car and all the expenses that go with it.

If the daughter does not want to come over then she can get a job and go to school in Almaty or Pavlodar (much cheaper than Almaty). You can send her some extra money to help out. This is where $500 per month really goes a long way. If the wife decided to go home than I guess you will have no choice but let her go home, but I would give her an ultimatum that she has only so long before the marriage is over.

Go over everything that you want to happen with this situation and make your position crystal clear with all the possible out comes. Also explain what happens if the daughter get pregnant. Then see what happens. Right now the possible outcomes are daughter comes to US or does not. Wife goes home because daughter did not come to the US or wife stays in US with her new husband. Her prospects of a good husband in Kazakhstan are not very good--at least according to my wife when she talks about the men over there.

Good luck,

Dave

Edited January 19, 2014 by Dave&Roza

[belinda63 2,981]

I don't think explaining abstract things works well with a teenage girl. She needs to be taken step-by-step through the process. Ask her how her boyfriend is going to obtain a student visa. Only he can do this. Has he researched any colleges? Has he applied to any? Has he taken the TOEFL? Obtaining a student visa involves a lot of work and planning. She, the daughter, needs to understand how the process works and how long it will take for her boyfriend to obtain, if he can, a student visa.

The wife, who I know misses her daughter, needs to understand this is blackmail from her daughter. Sooner or later she is going to have to let her fly on her own and this might be the time for the first trial. She came to the US knowing her daughter was not coming here so why the change of heart now?

[Boiler 43,745]

BF is going to apply for a Student Visa.

So he is going to turn up having presumably applied for the cheapest course nearest where you live (still quite a bit for an International Student) and tell the Consulate that is going to be funded by his GF and her Mother.

The chances of being issues a Visa in such circumstances are somewhat low.

However this is minor compared to the basic principal involved here, give in now and the outlook is not pretty.