american wife cheated and has a baby

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

It's not the end of the world. and you can love the kid like it is your own. If you still love each other I would keep trying. Don't worry about the green card and visa stuff that will work itself out you shouldn't base your decisions on that. I personally would adopt the kid and get the other guy out of the picture ASAP. Good luck in whatever you decide.

And when the dad decides a few years from now to sue for visitation or custody, what then? Biological father does have rights, at the very least to visitation. Cheating this early on in a marriage, and cheating that produces a child is a deal-breaker to anyone with common sense.

OP: get the paternity test done. Find out for sure if its yours or not. Even if it's yours you have no obligation to stay married to an adulterer. You can still be there for your kid but find a woman who will love and respect you. If it's not yours, well, at least you get a shot at a clean break. You say you love this woman, but the love you have for her was partly derived from a lie. From a betrayal. You may never be able to trust her again, and she doesn't deserve that trust anyhow. Not only did she cheat on you, but it was probably more than once and without (or broken) condoms, so not only did she get knocked up, she could have contracted a sexually transmitted infection and infected you with it. This is not paranoia, it happens to a lot of people.

You can get your 10 year green card if you divorce and file a waiver. Sounds like you have plenty of evidence that you entered your marriage on good faith.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

You're getting two different situations mixed up here. Your marriage and your legal status. These are two different things and should be treated as such. If you're worried about your status, that's not going to get any better if you try to do what "looks better on paper."

You can file for removal of conditions jointy, if you plan to stay with her, or you can get a divorce and file for removal of conditions without her if you don't plan to stay with her. The sure way to get kicked out of the country is to stay with her for immigration purposes. Trust me, I know it's a tough battle, I'm there myself as my wife and I separated before the summer, and I'm still battling with myself. Ultimately, the only person who can make this decision is you. You guys' situation is different, your history is different, and I cannot make any decision as to what might be best for you, or if she has owned up and can be trusted again. These are decisions that you need to make, independently of immigration status. In the end, if you entered into the marriage in good faith, and you can show this, you will be able to stay in the country whether you're married still or divorced.

The USCIS knows that infidelity happens, and they're not going to punish you for leaving her, and they're not going to punish you for trying to stay. Their ultimate concern is whether the marriage was entered into in good faith.

On a personal note, since she had a baby, you not only have to figure out if you can forgive and forget - You have to have an honest conversation with yourself on whether or not you love this baby and if you're willing to raise this baby. This baby is an innocent part to all of this.

GET OUT of that Relationship, apply for your permanent residency and the GET OUT of that relashionshipp.

And when the dad decides a few years from now to sue for visitation or custody, what then? Biological father does have rights, at the very least to visitation. Cheating this early on in a marriage, and cheating that produces a child is a deal-breaker to anyone with common sense.

OP: get the paternity test done. Find out for sure if its yours or not. Even if it's yours you have no obligation to stay married to an adulterer. You can still be there for your kid but find a woman who will love and respect you. If it's not yours, well, at least you get a shot at a clean break. You say you love this woman, but the love you have for her was partly derived from a lie. From a betrayal. You may never be able to trust her again, and she doesn't deserve that trust anyhow. Not only did she cheat on you, but it was probably more than once and without (or broken) condoms, so not only did she get knocked up, she could have contracted a sexually transmitted infection and infected you with it. This is not paranoia, it happens to a lot of people.

You can get your 10 year green card if you divorce and file a waiver. Sounds like you have plenty of evidence that you entered your marriage on good faith.

[Adepeju 4]

I don't normally reply to posts on here, but I do read quite a bit of them. I have to say, I heard OP's original post as well as the question he was asking. Then I read all the replies. What I noticed most in the replies is ... leave her, get away, she cant love you, run Forest run. I did see some replies that stated that he could ROC whether he stays or leaves.

First thing I want to say is to the OP. You stated that you don't know if you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not for "her". Forgiveness is for YOU! When you forgive, and I mean truly forgive her, it releases you from carrying the pain of the situation. It releases the anger you are holding on to. You may have to forgive her multiple times. So just think about it, the forgiveness is not for her, it is for you.

Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...I thought that was only God and I am quite sure, none of you are him.

My point is, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second and maybe third chances. You cannot tell the OP that his wife does not love him because she cheated. Yes, she had a moment or maybe even a few moments of weakness, but that does not mean she does not love him. When we, as humans, make mistakes, we ask, or should be asking, God for forgiveness. Imagine if he didn't forgive.....we would ALL be going to hell, not to mention that if we made a mistake, we must not love God. I am here to tell you, I make mistakes and I LOVE my God. God gives second and third and fourth.......chances. Why can we not be more like him. I am not saying it is easy. Trust is huge and once lost it is very very hard to get back.

The OP and his wife need to have a calm, serious conversation, but not before thinking very hard, about what they want for the future. Now there is a child involved wether the child is biologically his or not, the wife is now a package deal. Perhaps, if they decide their love is strong enough to try to mend their marriage...kudos...try some marriage counseling, prayer and maybe some support groups. If they decide, well, this is a little to much for me right now, maybe separate and take some alone time to try and figure things out. If it is just something that cannot be mended, then end things on humble terms.

Some or most of you may not agree with what I have said, but I have spoken from my heart. I wish everyone well with their marriages/relationships and remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.

Have a blessed day.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I don't normally reply to posts on here, but I do read quite a bit of them. I have to say, I heard OP's original post as well as the question he was asking. Then I read all the replies. What I noticed most in the replies is ... leave her, get away, she cant love you, run Forest run. I did see some replies that stated that he could ROC whether he stays or leaves.

First thing I want to say is to the OP. You stated that you don't know if you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not for "her". Forgiveness is for YOU! When you forgive, and I mean truly forgive her, it releases you from carrying the pain of the situation. It releases the anger you are holding on to. You may have to forgive her multiple times. So just think about it, the forgiveness is not for her, it is for you.

Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...I thought that was only God and I am quite sure, none of you are him.

My point is, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second and maybe third chances. You cannot tell the OP that his wife does not love him because she cheated. Yes, she had a moment or maybe even a few moments of weakness, but that does not mean she does not love him. When we, as humans, make mistakes, we ask, or should be asking, God for forgiveness. Imagine if he didn't forgive.....we would ALL be going to hell, not to mention that if we made a mistake, we must not love God. I am here to tell you, I make mistakes and I LOVE my God. God gives second and third and fourth.......chances. Why can we not be more like him. I am not saying it is easy. Trust is huge and once lost it is very very hard to get back.

The OP and his wife need to have a calm, serious conversation, but not before thinking very hard, about what they want for the future. Now there is a child involved wether the child is biologically his or not, the wife is now a package deal. Perhaps, if they decide their love is strong enough to try to mend their marriage...kudos...try some marriage counseling, prayer and maybe some support groups. If they decide, well, this is a little to much for me right now, maybe separate and take some alone time to try and figure things out. If it is just something that cannot be mended, then end things on humble terms.

Some or most of you may not agree with what I have said, but I have spoken from my heart. I wish everyone well with their marriages/relationships and remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.

Have a blessed day.

Comparing watching porn to having an extra marital affair that results in the birth of a child is about as silly of a comparison as I can imagine.

Are you serious?

[QueenE 173]

Op obviously its not as easy as just leave her. People here are really big advocates of divorce it seems. Yes cheating is next to unforgiveable and the fact that she has a child with someone else is a huge deal breaker, but once you commit yourself to a person it requires a little more effort than "deal breakers."

My opinion is that you love your wife. She seems to realize the emotional stress she has put you through when she says that she understand if you can not forgive her. Its not true that once someone is a cheater they are always a cheater. People go through situations that causes them to make stupid decisions. Not saying she couldn't hurt you again. But if you have truly looked at everything and know its going to be hard for you to forgive her, then its best for all of you to call it quits.

Wish I could answer your questions about your status but I have no idea how it will effect you, hopefully someone who knows more about that could address the issue here.

But like the previous person stated forgiveness is not for her. Its for you. If you are able to forgive and want to help her with the child ( regardless of whether or not the biological father steps in) I think that makes you that much more of a stronger person than everyone else. But of course this is not your responsibility and you should not do anything that will make you miserable.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Hi. I got married over 2 years ago and had no problems getting the 2 year residence, which is expiring in 6 months (april).

At first everything was going great. We both lived at my sisters place. i bought a car and we are both on the title. We have a savings account with some money but hardly ever use it (only in emergencies), we have car insurance and always did taxes together. We even went to my country sonthat she could meet my parents. I'm supposed to send the application for the the permanent in 3 months. I'm still married to my wife but she cheated on me and had a baby with another man, at first I tought the baby was mine but then she told me that it wasn't, that it was someone else's. We had a huge fight and I left her for a couple of weeks, when the baby was birn the biological father signed it but now that the baby is 1 month old, he dissapared and she has applied to ask him for child support.

I still love her and she says she still loves me too. That he never never meant anything to her, we are still together but it is not the same anymore. I'm not sure of what to do, I still love her but I dont know if I will ever forgive her. when I told her I was thinking of divorcing her she told me she understood and that if that's what i wanted she would accept it. I'm also thinking how all that would would affect my status and the new new application I have to send. Will it make the case more complicated if I file for a divorce? Will I get kicked out of the country? Or they will understand my situation and the reason why I want to divorce? I've even read that divorcing might actually make it easier.

Wow...you were finally reunited here and pretty much as soon as you get here she cheats.

Has she been cheating the whole time while you were separated too ?

Search out if she wants you for the stability you can now offer for her and the baby or does she really love you.

Are you an ATM to her ? A place to live ?

Cheating so soon in a marriage seems to point to her having issues with the relationship from day one.

Whether she is a serial cheater or a one time cheater, you lost trust and trust must be earned back if you chose to stay.

I would put some distance between you both and live in separate places for several months to get clarity and observe her actions.

This will tell you her motivation. Two weeks away is not enough.

It is hard getting this clarity living under one roof. Who knows if you do that she may have someone else in a few weeks or she

will wait for you. Make her put some effort into earning your trust back, don't make it so easy on her if you will take her back.

If she is truly remorseful and truly loves you or if she is just putting on an act now to use you is impossible

for anyone but you to determine.

I feel sorry for the baby.

Also know that she will be in touch with the baby's father if he decides to take an active role in raising it later.

It will be baby daddy drama. Can you handle that and will you trust her enough to not wonder what she is

up to every time they talk about their child ?

This just happened so it is very difficult to decide everything now so my advice is to separate until you gain

clarity in time.

What gets me is this huge betrayal of making you believe it was your child for some time.

That shows a very dishonest weak character. I can't stand it when women lie like that.

No transparency, just pretense.

And yes...get a DNA test as advised so you know for sure.

I also advice counseling for YOURSELF to help you with the betrayal and decisions.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

I don't normally reply to posts on here, but I do read quite a bit of them. I have to say, I heard OP's original post as well as the question he was asking. Then I read all the replies. What I noticed most in the replies is ... leave her, get away, she cant love you, run Forest run. I did see some replies that stated that he could ROC whether he stays or leaves.

First thing I want to say is to the OP. You stated that you don't know if you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not for "her". Forgiveness is for YOU! When you forgive, and I mean truly forgive her, it releases you from carrying the pain of the situation. It releases the anger you are holding on to. You may have to forgive her multiple times. So just think about it, the forgiveness is not for her, it is for you.

Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...I thought that was only God and I am quite sure, none of you are him.

My point is, nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second and maybe third chances. You cannot tell the OP that his wife does not love him because she cheated. Yes, she had a moment or maybe even a few moments of weakness, but that does not mean she does not love him. When we, as humans, make mistakes, we ask, or should be asking, God for forgiveness. Imagine if he didn't forgive.....we would ALL be going to hell, not to mention that if we made a mistake, we must not love God. I am here to tell you, I make mistakes and I LOVE my God. God gives second and third and fourth.......chances. Why can we not be more like him. I am not saying it is easy. Trust is huge and once lost it is very very hard to get back.

The OP and his wife need to have a calm, serious conversation, but not before thinking very hard, about what they want for the future. Now there is a child involved wether the child is biologically his or not, the wife is now a package deal. Perhaps, if they decide their love is strong enough to try to mend their marriage...kudos...try some marriage counseling, prayer and maybe some support groups. If they decide, well, this is a little to much for me right now, maybe separate and take some alone time to try and figure things out. If it is just something that cannot be mended, then end things on humble terms.

Some or most of you may not agree with what I have said, but I have spoken from my heart. I wish everyone well with their marriages/relationships and remember, God will never give you more than you can handle.

Have a blessed day.

Dropping a coffee cup is a mistake. Having an adulterous affair that results in a child is a cold calculated decision and choice

that will have consequences. There is difference between a little mistake and ongoing betrayal.

I do deserve another coffee cup if I drop one or two......but to abuse someone emotionally with betrayal does not "deserve"

another chance with that partner.

That deserves some life changes and integrity pursuing.

Enablers stopping enabling the one who manipulates and betrays....that is what is deserved.

[loladolly 51]

i agree with everyone here.... DUMP HER ! The 3 main reasons:

1-Cheating

2-Not being smart enough to protect herself from STDs

3-Keeping a baby that resulted of her affair... really???

You can file ROC without her... She is a fool....

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

Second thing I want to say is to the individuals that replied with leave, run, get out, etc. From what ya'll have said, I guess it would be safe to assume that you have perfect relationships and that you and/or your spouses have never done anything out of character that you would have to forgive for. It may not be cheating and having baby, but it could be a number of other things. For example, I know I have read many posts that people are upset that their spouse watches porn. Well, this is also a form of adultry. He/she may not have had the physical encounter but they have a mental encounter. I guess it is safe to assume that perhaps ya'll are perfect....hhhmmm...

Wow... you are delusional. Where do I start? Ok, nobody said their relationships are perfect. But people don't have to be perfect to see the wrong; and to give advice. And our spouses don't screw other people and make babies.

Porn is adultery, huh? Mental adultery, is that right? Again... wow.

[cestlaviecheri 4]

Hi. I got married over 2 years ago and had no problems getting the 2 year residence, which is expiring in 6 months (april).

At first everything was going great. We both lived at my sisters place. i bought a car and we are both on the title. We have a savings account with some money but hardly ever use it (only in emergencies), we have car insurance and always did taxes together. We even went to my country sonthat she could meet my parents. I'm supposed to send the application for the the permanent in 3 months. I'm still married to my wife but she cheated on me and had a baby with another man, at first I tought the baby was mine but then she told me that it wasn't, that it was someone else's. We had a huge fight and I left her for a couple of weeks, when the baby was birn the biological father signed it but now that the baby is 1 month old, he dissapared and she has applied to ask him for child support.

I still love her and she says she still loves me too. That he never never meant anything to her, we are still together but it is not the same anymore. I'm not sure of what to do, I still love her but I dont know if I will ever forgive her. when I told her I was thinking of divorcing her she told me she understood and that if that's what i wanted she would accept it. I'm also thinking how all that would would affect my status and the new new application I have to send. Will it make the case more complicated if I file for a divorce? Will I get kicked out of the country? Or they will understand my situation and the reason why I want to divorce? I've even read that divorcing might actually make it easier.

Very sorry that this happened to you. It's none of my business whether you decide to stay or leave but whatever you choose to do, know what you need to file. That's the only real advice people should be telling you. No one else is in your relationship but you and your wife. Go with your gut feeling.

Please read up on how and what forms to file and do your best to have or gather most of the proof requirements like bank statements, lease agreement, joint taxes, credit cards, etc from now going back to when you first filed for your 2 yr GC. Be certain that you have access to proof that are under her name in case the divorce gets nasty. FYI, a change of address once you have submitted your application can sometimes be a pain.

Good luck and all the best to you.

Some links for you:

http://www.visajourney.com/content/751guide

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.5af9bb95919f35e66f614176543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=745218a1f8b73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=4ca43a4107083210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

[Ontarkie 13,917]

~~Multiple post removed for TOS violation and those quoting - Condone or instruct, either directly or indirectly, others on how to commit fraudulent or illegal immigration activities in any way, shape, manner or method.- Do not continue in this manner.

[Laser1 63]

Basically, what happened here, having a baby, is more significant than the previous choice to marry her. By staying with her, you may be standing in the way of the father taking care of the baby. In any case, unless you are convinced that she is now super-serious about having a normal marriage, I would advise you to leave.

[Ketsuban 1,034]

My two cents: If my SO so much as kissed another person romantically, I would be gone so fast I'd accidentally knock the planet out of orbit a little.

[Alsinet 0]

Dropping a coffee cup is a mistake. Having an adulterous affair that results in a child is a cold calculated decision and choice

that will have consequences. There is difference between a little mistake and ongoing betrayal.

I do deserve another coffee cup if I drop one or two......but to abuse someone emotionally with betrayal does not "deserve"

another chance with that partner.

That deserves some life changes and integrity pursuing.

Enablers stopping enabling the one who manipulates and betrays....that is what is deserved.

Amen to that. I have been there several times, victim of betrayal and it's hard but the best decision to me, staying will only make you suffer more to my opinion. After that of course I don't know you so I can't absolutely judge but you were asking in your post if you were ever going to be able to forgive her and live with that..... I think you already know the answer, if you're asking the question...... You just need to be gentle with yourself and do treat your relationship and presence in the USA as different things.

[Shiobhan 235]

That woman loves the man who got her pregnant

in this day and age only irresponsible people, those

in love, and those in a serious relationship is having

sex without a condom, she never cared a hoot for you

SHE cannot be trusted, and will never change, I know

a man in Duncanville, wife had 2 kids by another man,

he decided to forgive her, and of course she repeated her

action, here's the kicker as she continued to cheat 8

years later his family and others convinced him she

would not changed , he left and she filed child support

(the kids had his last name) they were DNAd, concrete

proof they are not his, the judge decided all kids should

have a dad, they know him as dad (real father ran off to

another state) and ordered him to pay her child support

The oldest boy is quick to tell him don't say nothing to me

you're not my dad. I say let this woman go, there will always

be trust issues, and the child will forever be a reminder of

her cheating....they grow up you know? and may not even

like you.