american wife cheated and has a baby

[fantonledzepp 159]

Dude, get out now and remove conditions.

That poster who said that watching porn is cheating, is out of his/her mind.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

ditabc213,

First off I would like to say I am sorry this is happening to you. I can't even imagine the pain you are suffering as a result of this. Many here are quick to judge others. If you really love her then only you can make the decision to stay with her. I think professional counseling is certainly in order for both of you. And here's something no one seemed to suggest yet. Is it possible that in a fit of anger your wife lied and told you that she had extramariatl sex, got pregnant and told you that you were not the father? I agree that a DNA test is in order but maybe it's to prove that YOU are in fact the father. Just don't let anger and resentment ruin your life. If you truly believe that you can forgive her, assuming she even had an affair then you have that option. Regardless of what you decide I will pray for you. GOD BLESS.

Aloha Ke Akua

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

ditabc213,

First off I would like to say I am sorry this is happening to you. I can't even imagine the pain you are suffering as a result of this. Many here are quick to judge others. If you really love her then only you can make the decision to stay with her. I think professional counseling is certainly in order for both of you. And here's something no one seemed to suggest yet. Is it possible that in a fit of anger your wife lied and told you that she had extramariatl sex, got pregnant and told you that you were not the father? I agree that a DNA test is in order but maybe it's to prove that YOU are in fact the father. Just don't let anger and resentment ruin your life. If you truly believe that you can forgive her, assuming she even had an affair then you have that option. Regardless of what you decide I will pray for you. GOD BLESS.

Aloha Ke Akua

What makes you think she didn't ? She admitted it and they talked about it long after the fact of disclosure. Who in their

right mind would lie in a fit of anger and then carry on with that lie ? Both roads of emotional instability are full of pot holes.

[David & Diana R 1,005]

ditabc213,

There are many bitter and angry people here as evidence by the many negative posts. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Until a DNA test is done NO ONE can say who the father of this baby is. Not even your wife. I am not sure I could forgive my spouse if she did this, but this decision is up to you...no one else. I will pray for you regardless of what you decide. God Bless you

Aloha Ke Akua

[ditabc213 0]

Thanks everyone for the support, it really helps a lot and as most of you said, the first thing ill do is get the dna test. Ill see what I do after the results. Will keep you guys posted

[Adepeju 4]

Comparing watching porn to having an extra marital affair that results in the birth of a child is about as silly of a comparison as I can imagine.

Are you serious?

Adultry is adultry...no matter if physical or emotional...I am not sure how your long distance relationship was, but many, while apart will have "cyber sex" or "phone sex" to satisfy their physical desires for each other. You are having a romantic relationship the best way you can due to the distance....right????? Yes...so when an individual, be it male or female, is watching porn and self satisfying themselves, masturbating, I see that as having some sort of "sex" with an individual other than your spouse...just because there was no physical touching to each other, it is still an act of adultry!!! So, ok, yea she ended up with baby...it happens...she made a mistake...nobody is perfect...it does NOT mean she does not love him. I am not saying that it is right to have affair, no, but what I am saying is that it happens everyday with couples accross the world. The marriage can still be salvageable.

I would like to add one more thing...I can almost bet if it was the man that cheated and created a baby with mistress, it would not be seen as much of a problem. In society, it seems more acceptable if it were the man cheating and the woman are supposed to forgive.

I know that God forgives and gives multiple changes...he never gives up on us...so why as humans, should we?????????

[Adepeju 4]

Wow... you are delusional. Where do I start? Ok, nobody said their relationships are perfect. But people don't have to be perfect to see the wrong; and to give advice. And our spouses don't screw other people and make babies.

Porn is adultery, huh? Mental adultery, is that right? Again... wow.

I am far from delusional!!! I am a woman of God and know that forgivness and second, third and fourth...chances are possible. Everything is possible with God, but from what I am reading from the majority here, ya'll need God in your lives.

Oh and yes, how old are you, and you have never heard of mental adultery?????? Just because you dont commit the physical act, the mental thought was there. You say that your spouses are not screwing other people and making babies....hhhmmmm....do you know that for an absolute fact???? Is everyone with their spouse 24/7? I think you are the one delusional. How many times have you heard one say...oh no, not my wife/husband...they know better than to cheat...i wish they might....i would leave in a heartbeat and then oh, truth comes out, the spouse has had an affair. It is not easy to swallow, but nobody would like to think our spouses are cheating, but fact remains, many do. Some get caught, some dont and some admit the affair due to feeling guilty. If there was no love, there would be no feelings of guilt!!!

I would also like to see most of you in this same situation. You sit here and say what you "would do", but quite frankly, if it happened to you, the decision is not so easy. I can almost guarantee that the majority of you would attempt to work out your marriage.

I am going to pray for each and every one of you that God touch your lives and soften your hearts. We as humans are not to judge, but seems that ya'll are doing just that.

Edited October 24, 2013 by Adepeju

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Adultry is adultry...no matter if physical or emotional...I am not sure how your long distance relationship was, but many, while apart will have "cyber sex" or "phone sex" to satisfy their physical desires for each other. You are having a romantic relationship the best way you can due to the distance....right????? Yes...so when an individual, be it male or female, is watching porn and self satisfying themselves, masturbating, I see that as having some sort of "sex" with an individual other than your spouse...just because there was no physical touching to each other, it is still an act of adultry!!! So, ok, yea she ended up with baby...it happens...she made a mistake...nobody is perfect...it does NOT mean she does not love him. I am not saying that it is right to have affair, no, but what I am saying is that it happens everyday with couples accross the world. The marriage can still be salvageable.

I would like to add one more thing...I can almost bet if it was the man that cheated and created a baby with mistress, it would not be seen as much of a problem. In society, it seems more acceptable if it were the man cheating and the woman are supposed to forgive.

I know that God forgives and gives multiple changes...he never gives up on us...so why as humans, should we?????????

I continue to disagree with you. There's no sane way to consider watching porn to be the same as having an exra marital affair that ends up in a live birth. I am not morally flexible enough to see your point of view.

How did I manage my relationship while waiting?

(1) I bought a classic car to restore

(2) I rode my road bicycle hours every other day and

(3) I spent 3 hours a day on an average on RebTel with my Wife

What I didn't do is go out and impregnate someone else.

As far as Men vs Women in infidelity, they are both wrong equally and I'll leave it at that. OP has answers from both sides now and we'll see what he decides.

Yah all have a nice day.

[fantonledzepp 159]

I am far from delusional!!! I am a woman of God and know that forgivness and second, third and fourth...chances are possible. Everything is possible with God, but from what I am reading from the majority here, ya'll need God in your lives.

Oh and yes, how old are you, and you have never heard of mental adultery?????? Just because you dont commit the physical act, the mental thought was there. You say that your spouses are not screwing other people and making babies....hhhmmmm....do you know that for an absolute fact???? Is everyone with their spouse 24/7? I think you are the one delusional. How many times have you heard one say...oh no, not my wife/husband...they know better than to cheat...i wish they might....i would leave in a heartbeat and then oh, truth comes out, the spouse has had an affair. It is not easy to swallow, but nobody would like to think our spouses are cheating, but fact remains, many do. Some get caught, some dont and some admit the affair due to feeling guilty. If there was no love, there would be no feelings of guilt!!!

I would also like to see most of you in this same situation. You sit here and say what you "would do", but quite frankly, if it happened to you, the decision is not so easy. I can almost guarantee that the majority of you would attempt to work out your marriage.

I am going to pray for each and every one of you that God touch your lives and soften your hearts. We as humans are not to judge, but seems that ya'll are doing just that.

Because you are a "woman of god", do you think that only "god's" code of morals is the only right one? Trust me, there are a lot of people that don't "need god" in their lives in order to make sound decisions.

You should get off your preachy, high horse.

Oh, and watching porn is not cheating, having intercourse with another person, and getting pregnant, that's cheating.

[madtownguy 164]

Everyone has there own ideas of what is right and wrong, personally airing out dirty laundry online is just as bad as cheating to me. I don't really understand why people do it, but I guess it is one of the things that draws people to the internet.

[TBoneTX 43,061]

Please stop the bickering now, or people's rights to participate in this thread will be taken away. The OP will pursue a DNA test and get back with us, so no further commentary appears to be necessary. Thanks for your attention.

VJ Moderation

[Shiobhan 235]

Can they close a thread because someone feel ppl R bickering

I thought a healthy debate was ok on this forum as long as

there is not dis-respect, threats, obscenities, or childish

games.......tch

Edited October 25, 2013 by Jihana

[David & Diana R 1,005]

Can they close a thread because someone feel ppl R bickering

I thought a healthy debate was ok on this forum as long as

there is not dis-respect, threats, obscenities, or childish

games.......tch

Yes Jihanna,

They close threads all the time. Though you and I sometimes disagree I also think there is no problem but moderators...being the Gods that they are can do whatever they want. Perhaps this comment will be deleted also. Have a great day and God Bless.

Aloha Ke Akua

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Adultery and baby of questionable parentage.

Removal of conditions.

Not intertwined.

[jyaku 138]

It sounds like there wasn't drugs involved or anything else that coerced her into this situation. There is no reason for what she did except this is what she wanted.. and she wanted to live a crazy life.

So it comes down to you.. you may love her, but does she love you or does she loves only her own personal sexual gratification. And this isn't just an affair. Those take months or years to get over. You'll have a living reminder everyday of the child reminding you of you not being good enough. That will lead you to question and degrade yourself and it only ends in 1 thing.. POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

And you really don't want to risk staying with her long enough for divorce/ family court to prove that you cared for the baby. Then the court may decide you owe child support and alimony because they have gotten used to you in their life and you leaving is harsh on the baby.

Be a man, don't just walk, run and start over.

Unless ofcourse this relationship floats your boat.