Separated 4 months after Marriage. Well that was fun

[vermont77 12]

VisaJourney helped me no doubt about it. The k1 visa process went well with the help of fellow members. I made some new friends from this forum. We married Sept 2015 and now we are separated. It has been a ROLLERCOASTER. She is from the Dominican Republic. I am American. We met December 2014. I flew down 4 times. We talked every day on whatsapp and phone. Her English is enough to get by on, but not enough to have a deep political conversation - if you're into that. I don't speak Spanish. Bad combo right? Haha...so blah blah, we fell in love the first trip down. It was December and freezing in the North East. I think I fell in love with the warm Dominican temperature in the winter. I was on vacation. I was drinking a lot. I was having a good time. Flash forward to the day she gets off the plane at JFK August 17...it has been quite a train ride. She is the laziest person I have ever met. Dear god the woman can sleep 20 hours a day and not be bored. I spent thousands of dollars on her, buying winter clothes, paying for the entire visa process, supporting her, paying for an apartment in the DR that we don't even use. omg. I realized that having not ever lived together longer than 10 days was a gamble to jump into living with each other full-time. I know it is a major culture shock for her to come to the USA. She has never left the DR before. The weather is different. She was sick everyday for the 1st month in August and September - mainly due to the change in weather. She made $200 a month working 70 hours a week in the DR. She knows every fashion store that has clothes that cost over 1 grand. I am boggled on how a woman who made less than $3,000 a year working as a secretary knows how good shopping can be. I spent thousands of dollars on her for clothes. She doesn't even like sales racks. She goes for the best clothes. Sorry, yes this is a rant. We argue and it gets bad. Like, you can't win an argument with a Dominican Woman. NOPE, sorry, can't be done. My 1st trip in Puerto Plata, an English guy at a bar told me he was divorced twice from Dominican women. He said to me "The best advice I can give you is to wear the pants in the relationship." How can I wear the pants when she doesn't give a **it about anything. Nothing is ever her fault. She never takes blame. She's not grateful for anything. You could buy her a $400,000 Lamborghini and she wouldn't say thank you. We were in an elevator in at a hotel in Boston and this poor crippled guy with a cane was standing next to us. When the elevator made the stop, she rushed past him first. I told her, please baby, here in the USA it is common courtesy to let the elderly and handicapped go first. She looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. When we go to the mall or anywhere in public where there is a lot of people, I am usually behind her apologizing to everyone that walks by, because she doesn't look where she is going, she will literally bump into everyone. If your in her line of walk, she will just bump you out of the way, like you don't exist. She has family in Manhattan and all along I had a feeling she would move there. I am not a big city person. She is. We have our differences. When all seems good when your on the beach drinking margaritas sitting next to a hot babe and your mind starts to wonder about how good it would be to get married to this hot babe...LIVE WITH HER FIRST. Lesson learned

[Jo Së 200]

Run.

If you haven't, you need to file for divorce.

I would also recommend not file the AOS or stop it if you already did.

[Deagle 494]

Sorry to hear that. Do you have any legal question?

[Jawaree 717]

You right take time ti know a girl its not an over-nite thing

So you both want out, or some counseling could be in the cards?

Think on these things...for her some culture shock, but there's also

much selfishness...she thought she her own personal Santa, she

might have been schooled by those in Manhattan what to do to you

If you have done no paper-work yet & sure you are done with the marriage

then get info-pass & report it and file for a divorce

[vermont77 12]

I'd appreciate legal advice. What should I do? I'd hate to send her packing. I am not trying to sound selfish, money shouldn't be an object when you are in love. I have a good job but I am by no means well-off or rich. I tried to take into consideration that she was leaving her friends and family. I enrolled her in English classes 3 weeks after she arrived. She went 5 times and then just stopped going. We literally still text on whatsapp in the same house using google translator. One of my pet peeves is she still has on her facebook that she lives in the DR. Doesn't say anything about our marriage on her facebook. 2 weeks ago I got upset with her because she posted a photo of "us" on facebook that had me cropped out of the photo. My neck and part of my shoulder was showing. One of my relatives asked me about it. She shrugged it off like it was nothing. I said to her, I am sorry hun but normal people don't do things like this. You should be proud to be my wife and not be cropping me out of pictures using the $600 iphone I bought you. She doesn't have her work permit yet and I am working from home at the moment, so being glued to each other 24/7 isn't helping. I have tried to take her on trips to other parts of the USA so she is not bored. These trips turn into shopping nightmares. She buys stuff even if she doesn't need them. I am basically a walking credit card. She has no money to her name.

[JamnSol 35]

If she doesn't show her friends on FB that she is married, and crops you out of photos (actively makes an effort to conceal your existence) then I would give her the boot. Put her, and the iPhone, and whatever else it takes to get her moving, and put it all on a plane back to DR. It will be cheaper and less painful in the long run...

[Vi Mazzella 4]

She used you to come here,

[JR loves JR 196]

You have three options: try to make it work, do nothing, or cancel your affidavit of support which will result in her being unable to legally stay in the US.

If you two are done and you're willing to make her go back to the DR, you have that option if her AOS hasn't been approved. You would have to contact the USCIS to have them cancel your I-864 affidavit of support. That will effectively cancel her AOS. But if you do that, she will not be able to get an EAD or adjust status to stay. And if you ended up staying together, you'd have to re-file and pay the fee again. Be sure you want to end your relationship before doing this because there's no easy way back. I'd also recommend seeing a divorce lawyer and starting to protect yourself from a VAWA accusation.

If her AOS is approved before you cancel your affidavit of support, you can be held liable if she received public assistance. And that liability lasts until she WORKS 40 quarters in the USA. That can be a long time if she doesn't like to work and can live with relatives.

If you stay together, be sure it's because you want to be together and not just for her status. At her AOS interview, they'll ask questions about your relationship. And you'll have to be honest. If they think the marriage was or is for status, they can investigate it as fraud. I don't know how often that actually happens but I know it happens. But if you're actively working to make your relationship work, even if it's a rough road, then the adjustment will be legal.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You're in a hard spot. But if you decide on getting a divorce, I'd read more of the topics in this thread. VAWA charges can wreck your reputation and be a huge headache. From how you describe your wife, I'd take precautions to protect myself.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

If she is doing all this stuff then she is either unaware of your feelings, nacacisstic, or something worse. But it doesn't look good for you at all. I say this because if someone has NOTHING on their facebook about the significant other at all, and is purposely editing out pictures, then there is a problem. My wife would have never done at all. Yeah my wife goes shopping but she does it in moderation.

You need to set some serious boundaries and try to work through this or just walk away.

[oliviaalexandra88 9]

Sorry to hear you dilemmas about your new wife bud but I think she just used you to get out of DR. Girls from there have really good packaging on the outside, but not everything that glitters is gold. Ask her to be more helpful at home, just try if she doesn't cooperate - send her back where she came from. You should both act like a team, looks as if she is just social climbing.

[deleted this acco 44]

I was sick for 3 months when l moved to the US. You married a shopaholic. Do you talk to her and tell her how you feel? Maybe there is something you can work on. What about taking away the Credit cards and give her an allowance on a debit card. If she runs out that's too bad. Someone who came from poverty may not realize what it takes and therefore they will spend like money is growing from trees. She may not even understand what a budget is. You need to continue teaching her until she adjusts to the way of life here.

[UnaMexicana 153]

Have you married her yet?

[UnaMexicana 153]

Sorry... I just re read the title. Ummmm... I don't know if this is a rant or you are actually seeking advise..

I disagree with the people here jumping to accusations and generalizations about DR women. That is just as bad as saying that if there is a significant age difference between you two, its all your fault.

I think most things that you mention would have easily been discussed before actually starting the process. But since you two are separated now, it doesn't make much difference.

What do you want? Do you want to work in the marriage? Do you care about this person? All the flaws she has and her values scale aside, do you want to stay married to this woman? If you do, then by all means try and get counseling. Otherwise, divorce.

Source: three years of rocky but beautiful marriage to a man that finds my spending excessive while I find his apprehension towards money a cause of concern.

UnaMexicana

[Shauna&Wael 211]

I was sick for 3 months when l moved to the US. You married a shopaholic. Do you talk to her and tell her how you feel? Maybe there is something you can work on. What about taking away the Credit cards and give her an allowance on a debit card. If she runs out that's too bad. Someone who came from poverty may not realize what it takes and therefore they will spend like money is growing from trees. She may not even understand what a budget is. You need to continue teaching her until she adjusts to the way of life here.

So after reading the entire story and thread here, your conclusion is that her only issue is a shopping addiction and adjustment? Are you f---ing kidding me? She clearly used him and the fact that she has family in the US is another huge red flag. Dump this trash and don't look back or feel an ounce of guilt OP.

[wrestling289 7]

I feel your pain brother. You sound like a good guy who has good intentions. I typically am always for working out problems, but there sounds like there are some strong personality characteristics that are going to be deal breakers.