General advice for someone new to the US

[acabrelles 2]

2 minutes ago, ineedadisplayname said:

You already called him SO.... and mentioned "move with him" and you were not even under pressure by a CBP officer....  basically if I play the devil's advocate you just admitted that it's more a bf/bf thing and you are planning to move in with him.... And I am not even trained to ask the right questions or pull out a contradicting sentence.

Oh! Thank you for pointing that out. It's really difficult for me to really make sense of so much in so little, and also with a little bit of language barriers acting up, so I tried to summarize it as well as I could explaining my situation. I do want to eventually move with him, but I understand that there's a lot that needs to go through before that can happen, so that was a long term plan. This first visit is so we both decompress from everything going on, together. I wanted to give the full context for this thread, so I know what to say or how to go through it.

 

7 minutes ago, ineedadisplayname said:

Ahh I see. Did not see that. Probably was writing my response.

Good luck. Let us know when you will be admitted. Hopefully they won't question you too much!

I will update my status the moment I get there. Thank you for everything.

[acabrelles 2]

1 hour ago, Jorgedig said:

So besides the post surgical follow-up, what would bring you back to Spain?  The border patrol will assume that you will marry the American love interest, and stay to adjust status.   They are required by law to screen incoming travelers for this.  

 

Merely having a return ticket and a doctor's appointment back home will not be adequate, in my opinion.

 

And honestly, as you've titled this thread as advice for someone "new to the US" who has quit his job to devote spending his life with an American partner, it seems quite suspect.

 

Most people who genuinely want to travel to meet someone for the first time that they've been in an online relationship with are not yet inquiring about these things.

 

I urge to you research things thoroughly and read as much as possible (both of you).  It is the best wait to avoid costly mistakes, delays, and denials.

I just saw the update. I am sorry for asking questions out of anxiety before making any sense of my thoughts in an ordered manner. I am a really nervous and anxious person, and I see why what I asked sounds so suspicious.

 

I asked what I asked because I am someone who plans way ahead as someone who doesn't like going through trouble in said plans. This thread has helped me a lot already to understand what steps to go through, and I tend to go 10 steps at a time instead of 1 at a time.

 

I see how poorly I presented my case now, and how fast paced my mind went while doing so in such an unfair manner. For that, I deeply apologize. You have already helped me a lot to know how to explain myself when the interview happens as a result, though, and what steps to take in order to make the right moves. This help is priceless, thank you kindly.

[SalishSea 16,791]

2 hours ago, acabrelles said:

I am fully vaccinated against COVID, but in the embassy information I found, I needed to be vaccinated for basic things I never got vaccinated for as a kid due to my parents being anti-vaxxers (and still dealing with the consequences today, sadly). They are not an obligation for visits, as far as I found, but if I want to go for a visa, they are still a requirement. I think, at least, that's with the info I found https://www.uscis.gov/tools/designated-civil-surgeons/vaccination-requirements

It took me so long to finally act against their beliefs, but I'm finally getting it sorted out. I've.. been in a really rough spot in many ways, this is why this first visit was so important to me.

You are totally putting the cart before the horse.  NONE of you vaccine history is even close to being important until literally a few weeks before the interview, when you would have a medical exam performed by a panel physician in your country.  That is YEARS from now.

 

Also:  the "job search" thing is not what you think it is.  Work visas in the US are very tightly regulated, there are quotas, and you would need to find a company willing to petition you.  It is a complex and expensive process which also merits you reading about it in depth.

[SalishSea 16,791]

2 hours ago, ineedadisplayname said:

s it your first time visiting the US? 88 days feels a lot. Usually I was coming for like 2-3 weeks at a time. That is more acceptable for CBP and I had work back home.

Totally agree.  My (then) fiance and I had multiple visits back and forth before we decided I would petition him, and the longest period he ever stayed was when I was having major surgery - about 6 weeks.

 

Most adults cannot afford (time/money/workwise) to drop everything and leave the country for months at a time.

[SalishSea 16,791]

2 hours ago, acabrelles said:

I am unsure about how to find the adjusting status requirements.

Not something you will need to worry about for years.

 

For K-1 visa applicants, it is generally recommended that you have all of the required vaccines completed in your country before coming to the US.  It is much easier and usually cheaper.

[Cathi 5,610]

You seriously need to do A LOT more research. Everything in your post and you replies SCREAM someone coming to the US without any intentions to leave. A simple medical appointment at home and a return ticket are NOT strong ties to you country. Period. End of story.

Every time someone points out the reality of your situation, your reply with an excuse. You need to LISTEN to the very experienced members of this forum. Seriously. Just listen. NOTHING about immigration is easy, quick or inexpensive. You are looking at YEARS, not weeks or months to immigrate here. Having a Masters degree does not equal a work visa, not even close. In order to get a work visa, the employer has to prove that there are no qualified US citizens to fill said position and that is a VERY high bar to overcome. You would need a VERY specialized degree in a VERY specialized field to even begin to qualify. Then they have to be willing to petition you while you are in your home country, be willing to pay the very expensive fees to get you here AND be willing to wait a long time to get you here. 

[carmel34 3,531]

For any relationship that has only been online, the first step is to meet in person somewhere.  If you try to enter the US and are denied entry because of weak ties to your home country, and likely immigrant intent, then your boyfriend can go to Spain to visit you.  Once you have met in person for the first time, for a couple of weeks, then see where the relationship goes.  Where you eventually live together, and related immigration issues should only be considered after you have met in person and know each other better.  Immigrating to the US, as a spouse (CR-1) or fiancé (K-1), will take 1-2 years at least, so patience is going to be needed.  Don't rush into anything, as we see here on VJ all the time all of the problems that can cause.  Good luck, I hope it eventually works out for you.

[acabrelles 2]

32 minutes ago, Cathi said:

You seriously need to do A LOT more research. Everything in your post and you replies SCREAM someone coming to the US without any intentions to leave. A simple medical appointment at home and a return ticket are NOT strong ties to you country. Period. End of story.

Every time someone points out the reality of your situation, your reply with an excuse. You need to LISTEN to the very experienced members of this forum. Seriously. Just listen. NOTHING about immigration is easy, quick or inexpensive. You are looking at YEARS, not weeks or months to immigrate here. Having a Masters degree does not equal a work visa, not even close. In order to get a work visa, the employer has to prove that there are no qualified US citizens to fill said position and that is a VERY high bar to overcome. You would need a VERY specialized degree in a VERY specialized field to even begin to qualify. Then they have to be willing to petition you while you are in your home country, be willing to pay the very expensive fees to get you here AND be willing to wait a long time to get you here. 

I'm sorry. I appreciate the advice. I'll inform myself better and reconsider my options. 

[acabrelles 2]

1 minute ago, carmel34 said:

For any relationship that has only been online, the first step is to meet in person somewhere.  If you try to enter the US and are denied entry because of weak ties to your home country, and likely immigrant intent, then your boyfriend can go to Spain to visit you.  Once you have met in person for the first time, for a couple of weeks, then see where the relationship goes.  Where you eventually live together, and related immigration issues should only be considered after you have met in person and know each other better.  Immigrating to the US, as a spouse (CR-1) or fiancé (K-1), will take 1-2 years at least, so patience is going to be needed.  Don't rush into anything, as we see here on VJ all the time all of the problems that can cause.  Good luck, I hope it eventually works out for you.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Nasirlahore 28]

To live in America  as a gay man is fine as long as you live in big cities  e.g nyc,la,san francisco  .but if move to countryside or southern  states, things might be difficult  since people in those  places  generally  don't  like gays & lesbians. I might be wrong but those were my observations. 

[igoyougoduke 1,605]

19 hours ago, acabrelles said:

Hello there!

 

I never knew that such a helpful place existed, thank you for the help you offer to so many people. I don't know if you answer these types of questions, or if I am in a proper forum page for it, but here goes.

 

I am a Spanish citizen that after two years in an online relationship, have decided to quit my job and plan ahead and spend all of my time and energy into finding a life with my significant other. This stay would be for 3 months, using an ESTA waiver (88 days), while I prepare medically at home (waiting times) to then make proper adjustments to go for a K-1 Visa or a working visa (I have a master's degree, so hopefully that'd help me out) in the future. The thing is, this relationship is with another man, and I don't know if I'll be undergoing discrimination in the interviews at the airport, or if I should say I'm staying with a friend, or with a significant other.

 

Would you please give me some advice as to what to say at customs, or if I'd be okay with saying the truth (which is what I said up there). I've been told in the past that some friends were brought into customs for hours after barely mentioning they were in a gay relationship (it slipped in the 'where are you going to stay' questions) and it made me anxious as to what I should say.

 

I am trying to inform myself as much as I can and this website has already helped me a lot before even making this post, so thank you for that already.

you simply answer the questions they ask at the border - truthfully 

[Sukie 1,439]

My spouse and I are a lesbian couple, and we "rehearsed" answers to questions she (Australian) might get from a border agent.  She knows herself well enough that she knows she gets anxious, and she has a tendency to run on at the mouth, instead of "Just the facts, ma'am".  All her answers were completely truthful.  ALWAYS.

 

So, she was always careful to say, "I am visiting my girlfriend, but we are doing this the proper way, and I am returning to Australia while our petition is being processed."  She always strove to show she knew what the law was, and that we were following it.  We were both retired at the time, so it wasn't like she had a job to return to.  She had a return ticket, and we only pressed the 90-day limit once.  After that, we were less than 60 days each time.

 

And now she is a citizen (and has been since 2018).  We were one of the first gay/lesbian couples to come through the CR-1 process after DOMA was repealed, and we never faced any discrimination in the process.  We also live in New York, so that made it a little easier.  I'm originally from Alabama, and I am glad we did not go through the process there.

 

Sukie in NY

[SalishSea 16,791]

53 minutes ago, Nasirlahore said:

To live in America  as a gay man is fine as long as you live in big cities  e.g nyc,la,san francisco  .but if move to countryside or southern  states, things might be difficult  since people in those  places  generally  don't  like gays & lesbians. I might be wrong but those were my observations. 

I am here to tell you that gay and lesbian people live everywhere throughout the USA.  Like I said, same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states.   

[acabrelles 2]

25 minutes ago, Sukie said:

My spouse and I are a lesbian couple, and we "rehearsed" answers to questions she (Australian) might get from a border agent.  She knows herself well enough that she knows she gets anxious, and she has a tendency to run on at the mouth, instead of "Just the facts, ma'am".  All her answers were completely truthful.  ALWAYS.

 

So, she was always careful to say, "I am visiting my girlfriend, but we are doing this the proper way, and I am returning to Australia while our petition is being processed."  She always strove to show she knew what the law was, and that we were following it.  We were both retired at the time, so it wasn't like she had a job to return to.  She had a return ticket, and we only pressed the 90-day limit once.  After that, we were less than 60 days each time.

 

And now she is a citizen (and has been since 2018).  We were one of the first gay/lesbian couples to come through the CR-1 process after DOMA was repealed, and we never faced any discrimination in the process.  We also live in New York, so that made it a little easier.  I'm originally from Alabama, and I am glad we did not go through the process there.

 

Sukie in NY

That's a very moving story... I am the same type, really anxious and nervous, as I've probably shown already with my replies. Thank you for sharing your experience. It gives me hope to cling to, a beacon of light to aim at.

 

3 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

I am here to tell you that gay and lesbian people live everywhere throughout the USA.  Like I said, same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states.   

With all the answers and advice I've gotten from this thread, I've learnt that I'll need to bring things back to a drawing board, to make sure no process is disturbed, so thank you for the dose of reality. We will try to make this first visit a special one if it works out and take things slower, better aimed in general from there. It's been a really painful dose of reality, though. I'm going to stop following this thread for a bit to recover. 

 

[SalishSea 16,791]

1 minute ago, acabrelles said:

That's a very moving story... I am the same type, really anxious and nervous, as I've probably shown already with my replies. Thank you for sharing your experience. It gives me hope to cling to, a beacon of light to aim at.

 

With all the answers and advice I've gotten from this thread, I've learnt that I'll need to bring things back to a drawing board, to make sure no process is disturbed, so thank you for the dose of reality. We will try to make this first visit a special one if it works out and take things slower, better aimed in general from there. It's been a really painful dose of reality, though. I'm going to stop following this thread for a bit to recover. 

 

I hope we didn't dissuade you in any way.  Like I said, the journey to an immigrant visa in the US is long, complex and expensive.  This thread is full of people with good intentions and a lot of experience with US immigration, and we have seen first-hand how lack of planning can lead to disaster or denials.   It would be terrible if you were to be turned away at the port of entry for example, so we want you to be prepared.

 

Take your time to enjoy meeting your bf for the first time.  If and when you both are ready to commit to an immigration process, come back and we will be happy to help you go about it the legal way.   Best wishes to you both!