The end.

[Sparkle Sparkle 913]

5 minutes ago, Morgan&Stacey said:

We planned to move to the UK if needed in the future. I honestly don’t care where I am, i would live on a boat in the middle

of the atlantic for the rest of my life if needed. 
There is no question of my commitment to her and as far as I was aware there was no question on her part but the communication unfortunately broke down and depression got in the way. 

It’s nothing i can control and I don’t want to give up but I’m also not going to push her into something that she can’t be in right now. My heart is honestly in a million pieces right now and only time will tell, but as far as I am aware she’s done with this. 

Man!...you should focus on your relationship now...you won her over once, you can win here again...you have dreams of paradise with her?..show her those dreams let her see things the way you do...relationships are not 50/50...sometime its 90/10 (like yours is now) you dont spend time looking for how to pull out of your petition  ...she filed it and she knows how to pull it if she wants to...your job is to convince her to believe in "us" again and not pull out.

Edited September 11, 2020 by Sparkle Sparkle

[Morgan&Stacey 20]

Just now, Sparkle Sparkle said:

Man!...you should focus on your relationship now...you won her over once, you can win here again...you have dreams of paradise with her?..show her those dreams let her see things the way you do...relationships are not 50/50...sometime its 90/10 (like yours is now) you dont spend time looking for how to pull out of your petition  ...she filed it and she knows how to pull it if she wants to...your job is to convince her to believe in "us" again and not pull out.

I have tried so hard. Last week she told me that she never wants to leave me and that i never have anything to worry about, this week it’s in can’t do this anymore.’ 

Ive been told that fighting when she’s asking for it to be over will only push her away more, but I feel the longer I leave it the more she’s gonna like the idea of being seperated. My mind is in 2 places  

[LibertyBears 22]

18 minutes ago, Morgan&Stacey said:

I have tried so hard. Last week she told me that she never wants to leave me and that i never have anything to worry about, this week it’s in can’t do this anymore.’ 

Ive been told that fighting when she’s asking for it to be over will only push her away more, but I feel the longer I leave it the more she’s gonna like the idea of being seperated. My mind is in 2 places  

She doesn't seem like she's certain if one week she doesn't want to leave you and the next she wants to end things....
I personally do not think that sending a letter to revoke the application is a smart choice for you guys, only from what you said here.

You do not have to do anything, you can simply abandon the process by not doing anything further 
This seems like a better choice than to send a letter/email to officially revoke the application.

 

This is so if she suddenly changes her mind again next week, you will still have the K1 application pending. 
and if she doesn't change her mind, then the application will simply expire on it's own..

Hope that helps. 
Good luck with everything. 

[J&A1234 181]

You mentioned depression among other things. This year has been super stressful for everyone, especially those in the immigration process. I would encourage you to try to get her some mental health support and see if that helps her understand what she wants long term with you. 

[Morgan&Stacey 20]

1 minute ago, J&A1234 said:

You mentioned depression among other things. This year has been super stressful for everyone, especially those in the immigration process. I would encourage you to try to get her some mental health support and see if that helps her understand what she wants long term with you. 

I have tried encouraging talking to a therapist. I suggested therapy and couples therapy. 

I truly believe seeing each other would’ve helped but she’s advised me to cancel my flights and even looked up how I do this. 
All that everyone is saying is giving me hope, but at the same time I don’t want to fill myself with false hope. I love her to no ends, and would do whatever needed to fix this but she doesn’t seem as if she’s in the same head space and I don’t want to push either. 
It’s a very sad and distressing situation and I suppose we just maybe came to the end of our magical journey. 

[Crazy Cat 39,254]

3 minutes ago, Morgan&Stacey said:

I have tried encouraging talking to a therapist. I suggested therapy and couples therapy. 

I truly believe seeing each other would’ve helped but she’s advised me to cancel my flights and even looked up how I do this. 
All that everyone is saying is giving me hope, but at the same time I don’t want to fill myself with false hope. I love her to no ends, and would do whatever needed to fix this but she doesn’t seem as if she’s in the same head space and I don’t want to push either. 
It’s a very sad and distressing situation and I suppose we just maybe came to the end of our magical journey. 

Unfortunately, it seems to me that this is no longer an immigration issue, but a relationship issue........I hope you can find peace and happiness somewhere in the future....good luck.

[Morgan&Stacey 20]

Just now, Lucky Cat said:

Unfortunately, it seems to me that this is no longer an immigration issue, but a relationship issue........I hope you can find peace and happiness somewhere in the future....good luck.

Yeah, thanks for your advice and help. 

[werdna 65]

Depression is a serious issue.  It sounds like that's the real culprit here.  You clearly love her very much.  I think continuing your trip will prove that to her and hopefully seeing her will remind her how good things are together.  You'll need to be prepared she may refuse to see you. And you can't force her, but if it were me, I would go and try to be there for her and show you are there for her so that I don't regret it for the rest of my life.

[Timona 3,941]

Honestly, call it a day. You don't want to deal with someone who doesn't know if she's wants to be on the left or the right. It will cost you dearly when married. 

 

I'd let the petition die on its own and distance myself from her. You never know. She may end up getting a reality check and come back solid to you. 

 

If tickets are non-refundable, utilize them and enjoy yourself. Even the leg to US, use it but avoid meeting/ going to her and seek your own happiness. You never know, you may end up meeting a flight attendant or some beautiful lady on the street in US who would be charmed by you. Basically, don't curtail your own happiness for someone else especially if they're not doing the same. Why give you both my legs yet you won't even give me one of yours? 

 

And if all this fail, PM me. I still have 2 beautiful sisters who are spinsters. They're very highly educated. Do you know what that means interms of African culture????I won't tell you. Figure it out.

 

[Morgan&Stacey 20]

1 minute ago, Timona said:

Honestly, call it a day. You don't want to deal with someone who doesn't know if she's wants to be on the left or the right. It will cost you dearly when married. 

 

I'd let the petition die on its own and distance myself from her. You never know. She may end up getting a reality check and come back solid to you. 

 

If tickets are non-refundable, utilize them and enjoy yourself. Even the leg to US, use it but avoid meeting/ going to her and seek your own happiness. You never know, you may end up meeting a flight attendant or some beautiful lady on the street in US who would be charmed by you. Basically, don't curtail your own happiness for someone else especially if they're not doing the same. Why give you both my legs yet you won't even give me one of yours? 

 

And if all this fail, PM me. I still have 2 beautiful sisters who are spinsters. They're very highly educated. Do you know what that means interms of African culture????I won't tell you. Figure it out.

 

Hey Timona,

 

Thank you for this! 

 

Yeah i think i need to put myself first in this, as sad as it is. I mean i might take your advice and still fly. I have plenty of friends in the USA and i have a boat load of savings right now. Probably won’t meet anyone new for a wee while but maybe in the future. 

 

I think i may just have to take your advice. Cut ties and try and find happiness myself, as hard as it is to even say that or admit that right now, maybe i deserve more? 

❤️

[laylalex 7,247]

Morgan, you absolutely deserve more. ❤️ Maybe from someone else, maybe from her. Life can bring you very unexpected results, I am a case in point. I broke up with my now-ex before we even filed the K1 due to a betrayal, then we reconciled and filed about 9 months later. I file it now under "seemed like a good idea at the time..." I married him because I felt he deserved a second chance. He didn't. I'm now marrying the person who supported me emotionally after the first AND second breakups, the person who put time and energy and thoughtfulness into a friendship that eventually became something else over time. He's who I deserve, and I thank him every day for it. (I'm not the easiest person in the world, and I know it!)

 

I would say to you: take your time. There is no "right" way to handle what you're going through right now, just ways that make you feel more or less rubbish (I am being honest here). Think about what you would like your life to look like without her in it. Even if you do end up back together, it is useful to consider what a different way of being that is fulfilling to you would look like. Lean on your friends and family -- don't be ashamed of what has happened. I am a weird and secretive person by nature, and it took some effort to let those closest to me know exactly how much I was hurting when my marriage broke down. When I opened up, I was overwhelmed by the support and love that surrounded me. No one judged me, not even my sister who judged me on the day I was born for even being born in the first place! (Or so my parents say. ) 

 

Take the vacation if you like, and enjoy it. See your friends. Make new memories of the US. Be open to experience. Love yourself, even when it's really hard to. You deserve to live a life where you aren't second-guessing whether your partner is committed to you and your life together. You deserve love, you deserve kindness. 

 

My best wishes to you right now in this difficult time. ❤️ 

[noront 6]

Many of us here know what it’s like to be in a long-distance relationship for an extended period of time. It’s not easy and I’m sorry you are going through this.

 

The immigration advice here seems to indicate that you don’t actually need to revoke the application right away. You can wait until your application advances to the point that you are actually required to make a decision. (Apologies if that’s incorrect; I’m still pretty new to the immigration system here.)

 

And when that time comes, your fiancé can be the one to withdraw the application since it sounds like this is her decision.
 

That gives you some time to continue trying to work on the relationship without endangering your application. And if the relationship is not repairable then perhaps the two of you can mutually agree to withdraw the application.
 

But at the moment it sounds like you are not ready to give up, so where is the rush to withdraw an application that is just sitting in a queue? A few weeks or months might either help you fix things, or help you process the end of the relationship before you irreversibly end the immigration process.

 

If you are still able to fly to the U.S. to visit her, that seems like the best option, to speak face-to-face. Even if she says she doesn’t want to see you. She owes you at least that much.

 

Good luck.

[Ryan H 3,790]

Moved from K1 Progress Reports to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits forum.