Marriage advice

[Daphne . 1,679]

2 hours ago, ckaw41586 said:

That's not my reason at all. I love the woman. I guess the fear is that it's going to be harder for her to come back if she has to leave first. Maybe the info I've heard is incorrect?

This...

Please think with your head instead of your hart.. I don't know which country she is from but there are possibilities for her to have more visits. I am from a VWP country and I was able to visit my (now) husband throughout the whole process without any issues. Even if she would need a visitor's visa to come and see you (or you could maybe visit her?), this does not have to be a problem.

 

Please realize that when you bring a foreign fiancee or spouse to the US, you not only make a huge long term commitment (marriage) to a person, but also a huge long term financial commitment because you will be financially responsible for her by signing the paperwork (and in case you need a joint sponser to meet the income requirements, you also make somebody else responsible).

 

Just some advice.. I know the seperation seems unbearable to think about, this huge commitment needs some good planning and thinking...

I wish you all the best! ❤️

[Cryssiekins 976]

Is the urgency on your side or hers?  If she’s pushing for marriage, that should indicate a red flag to you if her intentions are genuine.  I’m not trying to be rude, but simply love is blind and not everyone has pure intentions, even if we want them to.  

 

I knew 3 dates in that I wanted to marry my husband.  We didn’t marry that soon, and spent more time getting to know each other and build trust.  Trust yourself, but also verify.  Maybe that means she leaves, maybe it doesn’t.  You ultimately make the decision, but please heed the advice above and evaluate the totality of the consequences.  There’s a chance, maybe slim, that she’s only in it for a gc.  None of us can know for sure - that, again, is your decision.  Just involve your brain in the decision in tandem with your heart.

 

In the grand scheme of things, being apart for a year won’t destroy a relationship if it’s genuine. 

 

[Springleaf 37]

OP please pay attention to all the people talking about exercising patience. I am an immigrant too and i also have experience with dating. Less than a year seems like a very short time to make a nearly lifelong financial commitment to someone. My spouse and I dated for 3 years before marrying and even went for pre marital counseling before taking the step.

 

There are a lot of posts floating around here where people divorce after green card approval and ask about how to deport their ex and they can't.

 

I am not questioning your love for each other, but you guys need to seriously think about consequences of a fast paced relationship. Even if your gf leaves and you do LDR for some time, you can apply for fiance visa at a later point. Yes it is more expensive than staying here, but IMHO, it is worth it. If you are really compatible than these things should not affect you. 

 

Also AFAIK, it does arouse suspicion if you marry soon after the visa expires.

 

Good luck. 

 

[BethyWink 96]

I might have to disagree with a lot of the posters, your main question on is it possible is YES, you have to fill out a few forms, but she will get an extention to stay in the US.   

While 3 months is not a long time, I know many couples on here have only met their partners once before they get K1 visas, or have only dated long distance, my parents (Both USC) married after 3 months of dating and are together 38 years later, while I have friends who dated for 8 years - got married and divorced within a year.   

 

Who is ANYONE to judge someone else's relationships?!  

 

Work together to find out what is best, do your research and know it is your life, do not let strangers dictate how to have a relationship.  

[databit 328]

15 hours ago, ckaw41586 said:

She's currently in the Aupair program, and living with the family she's working for. She's here with me every chance she gets, but not fully living together yet. 

So she will be quitting her job and moving in with you immediately, right? 

[mytruelove18 607]

16 hours ago, ckaw41586 said:

My girlfriend and I want to get married, but we have only been together for three months. Her visa is about to expire, so we can't wait if we are going to do it. Does that look bad that we're getting married after a short time and her visa is up? And what if she has to overstay while we wait for the interview?

I dont know her, maybe she is honest, but be carefull getting married that soon, many inmigrant use us citizen just to get legal status and then leave the usc.

Just read here many of stories about that.

Be carefull and sure she isnt with you for a green card.

[Russ&Caro 1,548]

If she's an au pair, she's probably here on a J1 visa and these are sometimes issued with an obligation for the person to return home for a period of 2 years after completion of their au pair duties. Before you do anything else, check what obligations, if any, she has associated with her J1 visa.

[ckaw41586 0]

3 hours ago, databit said:

So she will be quitting her job and moving in with you immediately, right? 

That would be the plan upon her completion of the program

58 minutes ago, Russ&Caro said:

If she's an au pair, she's probably here on a J1 visa and these are sometimes issued with an obligation for the person to return home for a period of 2 years after completion of their au pair duties. Before you do anything else, check what obligations, if any, she has associated with her J1 visa.

It is a J1, and she's not required to the two year return. 

[Ash.1101 1,755]

6 hours ago, BethyWink said:

I might have to disagree with a lot of the posters, your main question on is it possible is YES, you have to fill out a few forms, but she will get an extention to stay in the US.   

While 3 months is not a long time, I know many couples on here have only met their partners once before they get K1 visas, or have only dated long distance, my parents (Both USC) married after 3 months of dating and are together 38 years later, while I have friends who dated for 8 years - got married and divorced within a year.   

 

Who is ANYONE to judge someone else's relationships?!  

 

Work together to find out what is best, do your research and know it is your life, do not let strangers dictate how to have a relationship.  

USCIS judges someone else's relationships every day. They literally get paid to do it.

The OP needs to understand that there is going to be someone that they interview with, who's sole purpose is to determine if their relationship is real or not.

There are so many people here who get crushed on a weekly basis because they believed that their relationship was "real enough" because they "love each other so much", but had no idea how to appease the interviewers that judged them. The questions and concerns raised here by posters are no different than the thoughts going through the head of the interviewing officer.

[Kerege 3]

They don't care. Get married before her visa expires and file an adjustment of status before her visa expires. It's better to wait here while married than for her to go back and have to wait apart while married. It will take almost a yr to adjust her status so evidence will build. People have gotten married on less time than that. People meet on vacation for 2weeks call in love go back get engaged and file k1 and it's fine as long as the relationship is real you have nothing to worry about. 

[laylalex 7,247]

12 minutes ago, Ash. said:

USCIS judges someone else's relationships every day. They literally get paid to do it.

The OP needs to understand that there is going to be someone that they interview with, who's sole purpose is to determine if their relationship is real or not.

There are so many people here who get crushed on a weekly basis because they believed that their relationship was "real enough" because they "love each other so much", but had no idea how to appease the interviewers that judged them. The questions and concerns raised here by posters are no different than the thoughts going through the head of the interviewing officer.

Also, I think if you post on the internet asking about whether other people think that your relationship is on the short side, maybe people might think it's on the short side? I mean, some might not, but 3 months (objectively speaking) is kind of not a long time.

[ckaw41586 0]

4 minutes ago, Kerege said:

They don't care. Get married before her visa expires and file an adjustment of status before her visa expires. It's better to wait here while married than for her to go back and have to wait apart while married. It will take almost a yr to adjust her status so evidence will build. People have gotten married on less time than that. People meet on vacation for 2weeks call in love go back get engaged and file k1 and it's fine as long as the relationship is real you have nothing to worry about. 

Wow that's a lot of feedback from everyone haha. I do appreciate the different views, and will consider all of them, along with my own judgement. I do understand that whatever the decision, it's not an "easy" process. 

[ckaw41586 0]

1 minute ago, laylalex said:

Also, I think if you post on the internet asking about whether other people think that your relationship is on the short side, maybe people might think it's on the short side? I mean, some might not, but 3 months (objectively speaking) is kind of not a long time.

My question want if people here thought it was a short time, I'm aware of that. I was hoping to get some feedback from people that have been in a similar situation

[Ash.1101 1,755]

13 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Also, I think if you post on the internet asking about whether other people think that your relationship is on the short side, maybe people might think it's on the short side? I mean, some might not, but 3 months (objectively speaking) is kind of not a long time.

Agree'd.

Just because it works for some people doesn't mean it works for everyone, and there is a general consensus to these things.

My sister got married to a guy she met on a one night stand, three months after meeting him. She wasn't even going to give him her phone number the next day. They've been married happily for 21 years and have two very intelligent children, with very successful futures ahead of them.

I married my first husband (USC) 6 months after meeting him and should have never married him in the first place, but people can be very inspiring when you talk about how love and never give up and yadda yadda. It can be blinding to those willing to do anything to be together. I didn't even set up my own wedding, my family and  friends did because "Don't worry it'll all be fine! Ya'll will be great together!". I was naive and believed that the feeling of love could change a lot of things.

So for my second and ideally last husband (non-USC), we agreed to date for a couple of years before marrying. We talked about marriage within a couple of months of dating but still waited, waiting didn't hurt our relationship, we knew we were going to get married, it just became a matter of when.



Would I want my daughter dating someone she only knew for a few months? Nah not at all.

Edited June 6, 2019 by Ash.

[Ash.1101 1,755]

8 minutes ago, ckaw41586 said:

Wow that's a lot of feedback from everyone haha. I do appreciate the different views, and will consider all of them, along with my own judgement. I do understand that whatever the decision, it's not an "easy" process. 

Personally, I would go ahead and keep dating and do the K-1. It'll give ya'll time to get to know each other more and prepare more for the paper proof side of things that exists in immigration.

There's no harm per se in marrying her and keeping her here to adjust status if you truly want too, but note that she won't be able to work for 6 months or so until she gets her EAD, she can't leave until she gets her AP (or she won't be let back in the country and you will have to do a spousal visa), it'll take a long time for her to actually get her green card, and you will need to make sure you meet the financial requirements (21,200$ per year).