Marriage advice

[laylalex 7,247]

1 minute ago, Ash. said:

Agree'd.

Just because it works for some people doesn't mean it works for everyone, and there is a general consensus to these things.

My sister got married to a guy she met on a one night stand, three months after meeting him. She wasn't even going to give him her phone number the next day. They've been married happily for 21 years and have two very intelligent children.

I married my first husband (USC) 6 months after meeting him and should have never married him in the first place, but people can be very inspiring when you talk about how love and never give up and yadda yadda. It can be blinding to those willing to do anything to be together.

So for my second and ideally last husband (non-USC), we agreed to date for a couple of years before marrying. We talked about married within a couple of months of dating, waiting didn't hurt our relationship, we knew we were going to get married, it just became a matter of when.



Would I want my daughter dating someone she only knew for a few months? Nah not at all.

Yeah, I get it. My parents were dating for about 2 months before they "knew" but put off getting married until they graduated from college a couple of years later. I knew my first husband for about 4-ish years before we got married. I even lived with him over in the UK for 6 months after graduation, but all that time didn't make our marriage any happier. I met my (almost-)fiance around the same time as my ex -- they were good friends then which is VERY AWKWARD now -- so we've known each other since 2005. We dated a bit before my ex and I got serious. So I've known him for about 14 years and we are still taking it slow. I'm just lucky he is over here on an L1 for work so we at least don't have distance now. 

 

I do remember what it was like to be apart from my ex, and how desperately I wanted him to be here. Even though we'd known each other a while, I think the distance and the pressure of getting a K1 sped everything up once we knew we wanted to get married. I guess what I'm trying to say from the other side to the OP is that a little more time is unlikely to make things worse. ❤️ I wish I'd taken my foot off the gas a little but that's not to say that others could be a little more speedy!

[SmallTownPA 71]

If you look at many cultures dating is just not really done.  Marriage has traditionally been a financial exchange that combine families in both wealth and blood.   The 'west' is really kind of unique when you look at the 'dating for a long time and try a partner on for size'.   In many countries if you date for a long time and don't marry (ie waste the best/most desirable physical years.. both in beauty and pregnancy) you can be sued and have to compensate the family for wasting her opportunity.

 

SJWs will say any man that looks for a wife to improve his status is a misogynist.  

 

On list of things I want in a wife, 'true love' is just not that high.  Many more things are more important.

 

Her desire to have a family.

Her appearance.

Her education.

Her ability to work.

Her ability to contribute to the home.

Her financial status.

 

So can you carry in 90 days?  Sure.  but if you are selfish and can cannot adapt, dating for 90  days or 90 years won't make a difference.

 

if you have any doubts, don't get married.  Sure, you can divorce, and a short marriage will not entail alimony.  But you should really be, from day one, committed to WORK at the marriage, or at least accept the sortcomings of your wife.  You should have figured out the huge issues before you did the I-129.

[TBoneTX 43,059]

"Marry in haste, repent in leisure."