Tips on How to Ease the Transition

[Celie 793]

Hi y'all,

 

My fiance is coming here in 4 days and even though I am very happy (very very much!) I also get these weird guilt spells when I know how much he's leaving behind. His family is SUPER close and all his relatives visit weekly and he has a good solid foundation. When he comes here, he will have me, my mom (who doesn't speak English) and sister. I know rationally this was his choice because he loves me and he wants us to be together and life in Lebanon for us would be hard, but I can't shake this feeling.

 

Anyway, so for those who have come to the US from a completely different cultural region, what suggestions do you have that might make it easier for him to adjust? We will be attending mass weekly at the Maronite church (which I hoped would be a slice of home to him) but even then he's already seen the stark differences in culture (like allowing a gambling event for fundraising purposes on church grounds).

 

What can I do to make this transition a bit easier on him?

Edited April 26, 2019 by celie&joseph

[Lil bear 3,831]

3 minutes ago, celie&joseph said:

Hi y'all,

 

My fiance is coming here in 4 days and even though I am very happy (very very much!) I also get these weird guilt spells when I know how much he's leaving behind. His family is SUPER close and all his relatives visit weekly and he has a good solid foundation. When he comes here, he will have me, my mom (who doesn't speak English) and sister. I know rationally this was his choice because he loves me and he wants us to be together and life in Lebanon for us would be hard, but I can't shake this feeling.

 

Anyway, so for those who have come to the US from a completely different cultural region, what suggestions do you have that might make it easier for him to adjust? We will be attending mass weekly at the Maronite church (which I hoped would be a slice of home to him) but even then he's already seen the stark differences in culture (like allowing a gambling event for fundraising purposes on church grounds).

 

What can I do to make this transition a bit easier on him?

You are well on the way and definitely seeing things from his perspective. 

Now multiply the degree of difficulty that you have thought iof by 3,5,10.... it comes in waves , often for no apparent reason, does not mean that he regrets what he has done ... it just means he has left behind a lot and it is hard !!

An understanding and compassionate heart goes a long way. Often   there is nothing you can do but be present for him and let him know you are ok with him struggling .. it’s not about you .., it will lessen and soften with time .. there will always be harder times and days even years after immigrating .. but for us immigrants it’s a slow choice to lay down things that are precious to us and choose to make room for different things. Be patient  You’ll get there and so will he. 

[Fe.Ta 857]

12 minutes ago, celie&joseph said:

Hi y'all,

 

My fiance is coming here in 4 days and even though I am very happy (very very much!) I also get these weird guilt spells when I know how much he's leaving behind. His family is SUPER close and all his relatives visit weekly and he has a good solid foundation. When he comes here, he will have me, my mom (who doesn't speak English) and sister. I know rationally this was his choice because he loves me and he wants us to be together and life in Lebanon for us would be hard, but I can't shake this feeling.

 

Anyway, so for those who have come to the US from a completely different cultural region, what suggestions do you have that might make it easier for him to adjust? We will be attending mass weekly at the Maronite church (which I hoped would be a slice of home to him) but even then he's already seen the stark differences in culture (like allowing a gambling event for fundraising purposes on church grounds).

 

What can I do to make this transition a bit easier on him?

Congratulations!  YAY!  I am in the same situation.  My fiance will be moving here.  Fortunately, my parents, family, and friends do speak the same language as he does, so that would give him more people.  But, as a person that also moved to the U.S., leaving another life behind, I can tell you that exploring is going to be a big one!  Try to find him hobbies that you both like and those that he likes to do alone.  Most cities nowadays have a bunch of local activities for different hobbies and interests.  This will help him get settled and meet new people outside of your own relationship, especially if you need to work.  Also, when you do spend time together, try to take him through your city as if you both are new to it.  So, things that would be ordinary to you (a local park, best bakery, etc.) should become "new" again through his eyes.  I hope that makes sense!  

Edited April 26, 2019 by Fe.Ta
Misspelling

[Celie 793]

2 minutes ago, Lil bear said:

You are well on the way and definitely seeing things from his perspective. 

Now multiply the degree of difficulty that you have thought iof by 3,5,10.... it comes in waves , often for no apparent reason, does not mean that he regrets what he has done ... it just means he has left behind a lot and it is hard !!

An understanding and compassionate heart goes a long way. Often   there is nothing you can do but be present for him and let him know you are ok with him struggling .. it’s not about you .., it will lessen and soften with time .. there will always be harder times and days even years after immigrating .. but for us immigrants it’s a slow choice to lay down things that are precious to us and choose to make room for different things. Be patient  You’ll get there and so will he. 

Thank you! I'm afraid you're right. The ultimate key is time. I just hope I can offer him things to look forward to here to make the pain bearable. I so admire the sacrifice y'all do to be with the one you love. Truly, it takes a special and strong person.

[Lil bear 3,831]

1 minute ago, celie&joseph said:

Thank you! I'm afraid you're right. The ultimate key is time. I just hope I can offer him things to look forward to here to make the pain bearable. I so admire the sacrifice y'all do to be with the one you love. Truly, it takes a special and strong person.

Keep telling him that !  It’s not so much about making the pain bearable .. it’s about it being  the worth going through the pain. Two different things. 😁

Edited April 26, 2019 by Lil bear

[Celie 793]

5 minutes ago, Fe.Ta said:

Congratulations!  YAY!  I am in the same situation.  My fiance will be moving here.  Fortunately, my parents, family, and friends do speak the same language as he does, so that would give him more people.  But, as a person that also moved to the U.S., leaving another life behind, I can tell you that exploring is going to be a big one!  Try to find him hobbies that you both like and those that he likes to do alone.  Most cities nowadays have a bunch of local activities for different hobbies and interests.  This will help him get settled and meet new people outside of your our relationship, especially if you need to work.  Also, when you do spend time together, try to take him through your city as if you both are new to it.  So, things that would be ordinary to you (a local park, best bakery, etc.) should become "new" again through his eyes.  I hope that makes sense!  

That is so true. I am equally excited to visit the usual places with him like Walmart or the Dollar Store... Omg the Dollar store lol he is obsessed with it already! He can't believe EVERYTHING is a dollar there. like everything??? Yes lol everything. And he really likes the idea of the "movie vending  machines" (Redbox lol)

 

I really hope we meet other lebanese people in the area or arab in general that he can speak to in his native language and hang out with while I'm at work!

[TBoneTX 43,059]

20 minutes ago, celie&joseph said:

what suggestions do you have that might make it easier for him to adjust?

1.  MAGA cap

2.  T-shirt that says "Relax, Gringo -- I'm Legal!"

[Fe.Ta 857]

1 minute ago, celie&joseph said:

That is so true. I am equally excited to visit the usual places with him like Walmart or the Dollar Store... Omg the Dollar store lol he is obsessed with it already! He can't believe EVERYTHING is a dollar there. like everything??? Yes lol everything. And he really likes the idea of the "movie vending  machines" (Redbox lol)

 

I really hope we meet other lebanese people in the area or arab in general that he can speak to in his native language and hang out with while I'm at work!

Ha!  My fiance is the same (no idea why, maybe we take it for granted? LOL).  If you are going to the local church, they should have small groups as well, so that might be helpful too?  Also, the internet is your best friend.  Did you check to see if there is a VJ subforum for that?  In the subforum that I am at, there are several people that will be living in the same state and city and they are already planning to get together!

[Celie 793]

11 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

1.  MAGA cap

2.  T-shirt that says "Relax, Gringo -- I'm Legal!"

That's perfect! lol

 

11 minutes ago, Fe.Ta said:

Ha!  My fiance is the same (no idea why, maybe we take it for granted? LOL).  If you are going to the local church, they should have small groups as well, so that might be helpful too?  Also, the internet is your best friend.  Did you check to see if there is a VJ subforum for that?  In the subforum that I am at, there are several people that will be living in the same state and city and they are already planning to get together!

We did find two couples who also went through the fiance visa process this year and moved to Texas! lol but Texas is huge so they still live quite a bit from us but yes it's in the plans to make a visit to each other   Hopefully for my birthday on Memorial Day weekend.

[databit 328]

17 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

1.  MAGA cap

2.  T-shirt that says "Relax, Gringo -- I'm Legal!"

Adding: Lose the bushy beard

[TBoneTX 43,059]

12 minutes ago, celie&joseph said:

That's perfect! lol

Fit in right away!

9 minutes ago, databit said:

Adding: Lose the bushy beard

replace with purple mohawk

[Celie 793]

12 minutes ago, databit said:

Adding: Lose the bushy beard

I completely agree!!! I've told him he looks amazing with a clean cut barely-there beard, but trust me when I say God himself would have to come down from the skies and do a personal shave on him for him to take that off lol 😴😭

[TBoneTX 43,059]

10 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

purple mohawk

pink mohawk, then.

[Celie 793]

2 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

pink mohawk, then.

He wanted to let his hair grow a bit and make a pony tail so he might fit right in haha I'm gonna be walking around Walmart with Steven Seagal 😭

[Becci391 339]

I moved from Germany to the US so there was not a huge cultural transition but there were a few things that I had to get used to. Especially here in the South.

There  might and will be some things that he has to get used to and accept that might be uncommon in his culture.

That might be the hardest part.