k1 Never met her child.

[VanDerFran 10]

1 hour ago, Randyandyuni said:

what part of the Philippines is she from? My wife is from Zamboanga Del Norte in Mindanao which is on the caution list. I feel safe there, safer than in NYC, Chicago or any other major US City, just be sensible, act quietly, don't flash cash, be respectful, you may be an oddity in the provinces but that's it.

 

On the kid front, inability to get along with the kid or tolerate his behavior will have a dramatic effect on your relationship with your fiancé/spouse, better to let that genie out of the bottle sooner than later

 

I agree with the rest, something appears "Not Right"

She does not live on the province for the last 6 years, and she does not feel safe there either.  The plan is to not bring the kid for another 2 years.

[VanDerFran 10]

1 hour ago, debbiedoo said:

as  mother, i cant imagine getting married to someone who i dont even know if they can tolerate my kid. or how they interact with my kid.

 

my kid comes first. ALWAYS.

 

i also cant imagine having my kid move in with a person they dont know, in a country they dont know and possibly a language they dont speak

 

this would be a deal breaker for me

She does not live with her mother for a long time, and visit maybe once a year.

[VanDerFran 10]

1 hour ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

This is not like  the opening but thank you for sharing. This type of thing is common in the Philippines when your trying to hide another bf or a husband.

This is not the case, but it is good to have in the back of our heads...  

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

4 minutes ago, VanDerFran said:

She does not live with her mother for a long time, and visit maybe once a year.

I know but it's always good to meet the family all the same. 

[VanDerFran 10]

She is from Manila, but her family members are around Misamis Occidental and Lanao del Sur not to far from Marawi.

 

Just to be clear, she will not move here, before I meet at least her children and mother, but I may not be able to do it before the interview. The questions was more related to the interview scrutiny, but I appreciate everyone ideas/concerns. 

 

This is fun.

 

 

 

[mcdull 474]

49 minutes ago, VanDerFran said:

Yes, She does want me to meet them , the way I put it made look bad... Her child is being raised by her mom since 6 months old, she only works and support the them. fro the last 5 years.

 

How long you know her?  Almost 2 years.

What about child's father? Nowhere to be found!

Is she divorced? Never married.

Is there any age gap between you? 16 years

it has nothing to do with the way you put it, stop blaming yourself.

 

It simply doesn't make sense.

[Devon&Julius 21]

She is fine with her child and family living in this “non so safe area” but she won’t let you go there to see or visit. Hmmm RED FLAG. Please be mindful. What you ignore today will make itself known load and clear tomorrow. I would insist to meet family. This is someone you intend to marry. I would insist that it is necessary. Good luck.

[debbiedoo 2,339]

1 hour ago, VanDerFran said:

She does not live with her mother for a long time, and visit maybe once a year.

Please understand, I do not say this to be rude or mean or disrespectful. I just don't know any other way to say it

 

Do you want to be with a woman who is coming up with excuses for not meeting her family and who seems to not be capable of taking care of her own child and only sees them once a year?

   for example, i dont speak to most of my family, but Paul has met my mom (who i dont have much of a relationship with at all), my brother and sister (several times and im not particularly close to them but they do at least live in the same state), and had phone discussions with my dad. Hes spent fairly extensive time with BOTH my kids - the grown one and the little one (especially him since the grown one doesnt live with me any longer. Thank goodness. HA!). Hes helped them with things, laughed with them, and yes, even gotten mad at them.  As a mother, it is important to see these interactions and see their relationships develop and grow. BEFORE anyone moves or gets married.

 

Its too dangerous for YOU but not for her KID?

    theres plenty of not safe places id go MYSELF and not let my kid go. No way in hell would I let my kid live somewhere that wasn't safe.

 

Please think all of this through with a very clear head, and have a very frank discussion with her (and maybe a 'surprise' trip down there).

    The first time I went to Canada to visit Paul, I had gotten a passport (didnt tell him) and made the trip myself. All without a word to him about any of it. I showed up at his door on a Thursday afternoon. While I had ZERO suspicions of anything, and that wasn't my reason for the surprise ( I was just going for shock value and to 'teach' him never to underestimate me LMAO), it certainly would have shown if he HAD BEEN hiding something from me. like another chick. Even when his friends came by later that evening they all made jokes about it.

 

This just doesnt add up for me, and it seems im not the only one.

Edited May 25, 2018 by debbiedoo

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

1 hour ago, VanDerFran said:

She is from Manila, but her family members are around Misamis Occidental and Lanao del Sur not to far from Marawi.

 

Just to be clear, she will not move here, before I meet at least her children and mother, but I may not be able to do it before the interview. The questions was more related to the interview scrutiny, but I appreciate everyone ideas/concerns. 

 

This is fun.

 

 

 

I know Marawi was usually pretty decent from what I hear and that was a fluke. But you can meet in Illigan or CDO, those are two safe places to meet at and visit until you feel better. I actually have a friend of mine who is living in CDO and loving it, he is a retired white guy and doesn't have any issues. I have been there too and it was great. 

 

 

I didnt mean for this thread to turn into something like this and I apologize for that. It's just when you brought this up it set off red flags in my head.

[Orangesapples 1,954]

53 minutes ago, Devon&Julius said:

She is fine with her child and family living in this “non so safe area” but she won’t let you go there to see or visit. Hmmm RED FLAG. Please be mindful. What you ignore today will make itself known load and clear tomorrow. I would insist to meet family. This is someone you intend to marry. I would insist that it is necessary. Good luck.

Exactly. This makes no sense. Why would she let her child live in a dangerous area but not let you visit them? 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

4 hours ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

You have been there 3 times but never met any family at all, where is she from what province? This smells to me really bad.

 

Just telling you man to man that you need to met her family and go to her place. @Hank

I would have to agree with this.  The day after I arrived in Cebu my fiance asked if she could take me to meet her family the day after I arrived.  She was so proud and excited that she couldn't wait to introduce me to her family.  Something is not right here.  If I were a betting man I would bet that she also has a husband or live-in partner where her child is now living. Just saying...

[Randyandyuni 2,682]

I broached this with my wife who is also Pinay, she suggests meeting in davao city or samal island, convenient for you and fiance and close for her mother. Avoids the dangers of travel, convenient for all parties and you will love Davao City, it is a wonderful place. If all goes well go to the SM and request her Cenomar, 

[David & Diana R 1,005]

4 minutes ago, Randyandyuni said:

I broached this with my wife who is also Pinay, she suggests meeting in davao city or samal island, convenient for you and fiance and close for her mother. Avoids the dangers of travel, convenient for all parties and you will love Davao City, it is a wonderful place. If all goes well go to the SM and request her Cenomar, 

I would respectfully disagree with this.  Not going to where her child is will never answer the question of if she has a live-in partner.  My bet is she has a live-in or husband and this is why she hasn't dragged him to the Mindanao.  I took my wife to Mindanao to see her mothers grave.  You just have to be careful.  Cenomar does not prove that she doesn't have a live in partner. 

 

Don't forget this on Samal Island a few years back:

Canadian tourist John Ridsdel beheaded by Philippines Islamist - ABC

www.abc.net.au/news/2016-04-26/philippines-militants-behead...tourist/7356888

 

Apr 25, 2016 - Canadian tourist John Ridsdel beheaded by Philippines Islamist militants ... A Canadian held hostage by Islamist militants in the Philippines has been killed, ... Six weeks after the abduction, Abu Sayyaf gunmen released a video on social ... on Samal island where the men and one woman were kidnapped.

 

Personally I would not go to Samal Island at this point.  You really need to visit her home in person.

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

1 minute ago, David & Zoila said:

I would respectfully disagree with this.  Not going to where her child is will never answer the question of if she has a live-in partner.  My bet is she has a live-in or husband and this is why she hasn't dragged him to the Mindanao.  I took my wife to Mindanao to see her mothers grave.  You just have to be careful.  Cenomar does not prove that she doesn't have a live in partner. 

 

Don't forget this on Samal Island a few years back:

Canadian tourist John Ridsdel beheaded by Philippines Islamist - ABC

www.abc.net.au/news/2016-04-26/philippines-militants-behead...tourist/7356888

 

Apr 25, 2016 - Canadian tourist John Ridsdel beheaded by Philippines Islamist militants ... A Canadian held hostage by Islamist militants in the Philippines has been killed, ... Six weeks after the abduction, Abu Sayyaf gunmen released a video on social ... on Samal island where the men and one woman were kidnapped.

 

Personally I would not go to Samal Island at this point.  You really need to visit her home in person.

That is a very rare incident. I go to Davao all the time with no issues

[Ontarkie 13,976]

~~Moved to the Regional forum, from K1 Progress Reports. - The Op's Visa question has been answered, but as many members have pointed out some red flags and are familiar with the PI it is best to be moved.~~