Is anyone else so emotionally drained from the K-1 process that they want to forgo a proper wedding (with ceremony & reception) and just go to the courthouse instead?

[trudi 1,317]

45 minutes ago, DandY said:

I'm saying that you didn't walk in our shoes. You were done in less than half the time we will experience (and I'm not sure how you inferred blame from a statement of fact). My point was, it is a bit pejorative to tell us the "process will fly". Had you experienced 9+ months for the entire process, you could speak with some authority. I can tell you with some authority having talked to many going through this now that the the emotional toll of the process is not linear, it is exponential. 8 months is considerably more than twice as difficult as 4 months.

And you aren't walking in the shoes of the CR1 fliers or those who are in administrative processing for months/years or those who are denied because they are paying the price for others abusing the system...

 

The immigration process is stressful no matter how fast or slow it goes, it's your choice to either make your whole life miserable during it or to take the additional time to enjoy with your friends & family.

 

It is what it is and dismissing others because they were lucky enough to have filed at a time of faster processing isn't going to make your journey any quicker or easier. Be kind to each other, the immigration journey is a marathon not a sprint

 

When we filed there were people still waiting over a year for NOA2 from Texas, no one who went through California was smug or gloating, we were all very aware of how lucky we were.

I fully expect the tides of time to catch up either at ROC or naturalization!

 

But to answer the original question, we had a small wedding at our local church, nothing fancy just a simple ceremony

[Lemonslice 4,590]

The visa is valid for about 6 months after it is issued, then you have 90 days to get married. Realistically, you have over 6 months to plan a wedding and reception, which is absolutely feasible if it's important for you. The immigration process can make a few things more difficult, however it shouldn't be blamed for everything - roll up your sleeves and just plan your wedding! 

 

 

 

 

[Jeanne Adil 1,651]

we all need support so hope u take all this as not judgeing but saying it like it is

ii don't like to see us demean each other

we all go thru the same process / faster or slower

but i do want to tell you Algeria is a hard embassy also like Morocco as it is part of the high fraud countries

http://mypathtocitizenship.com/which-countries-are-on-the-uscis-high-fraud-list/

don't be surprised if financee does not get approved K1

first finacee needs to know everything /they can ask the stupiest questions if they suspect fiancee is just shopping for a green card thru u (this is not a judgement but immigration sees things different than we do)

second make sure he is serious in interview 

third make sure he answers honestly 

fourth make sure he answers with short answers / not adding additional informaiton that is not needed or asked for

fifth make sure your financee is confident for the interview

sixth make sure u don't take frustrations with this process out on each other as it is heartbreaking at times

 

[Dianalorena 1,153]

I keep seeing how K1 filers talk about the wait, how draining it is, how awful. You have every right to feel that way of course, although every process has pros and cons, I don't think the K1 is all that bad, you get to be with your loved one really fast in comparison. And 90 days isn't that crazy of a timeframe to plan a wedding, I planned my small wedding in a little over a month. 

 

We went the CR1 route, and although many R1 have been married for years and living together, a lot of us were just engaged and got married to start the process. In my first 10 months married I've only seen my husband a total of around one month, and many people haven't been that lucky. I've been waiting almost 9 months just for approval (Still waiting) and some are at month 11 and counting. After approval  I still have to go through NVC and the interview stage, so around 16-18 months total, which will mean I'll be spending almost two years away from my husband. This process is brutal, there's nothing simple or convenient about it. 

But I agree with the others, take the good out of it, grab those horrible lemons and make the best lemonade you possibly can. Good luck 

 

 

 

[mark y maria 0]

Keep the wedding simple with ceremony and a dinner after.  

[NikLR 13,220]

~~moved to progress from process and procedures.  Topic is not asking about the K1 process.~~

 

We didn't do a big wedding even for our CR1 and I'm glad.  All the money we saved was great.

 

I know people in Colorado who've just married themselves and had a party at their favourite brewery.  Seems like a great way to go vs stressing over some ceremony and reception. 

[Grace&Matt 22]

This is true, we dont know what kind of life we're gonna have in USA, so it is better to enjoy the rest of our days (beneficiaries) with our family because this life that we choce has no turning back. We should be thankful instead of whinning because this is an opportunity for us already to derive an advantage from something that others are having difficulty to achieve. I am a whinner myself, but i got tired of it, tired of waiting and checking every single morning as possible. Besides, Christmas is something hard to give up, knowing that your fiance is going to celebrate it alone. Having high hopes isn't bad, but being anxious is terrible. So, my advice is to just think positive, and you arent the only one who is suffering. 

[Grace&Matt 22]

3 hours ago, NikLR said:

~~moved to progress from process and procedures.  Topic is not asking about the K1 process.~~

 

We didn't do a big wedding even for our CR1 and I'm glad.  All the money we saved was great.

 

I know people in Colorado who've just married themselves and had a party at their favourite brewery.  Seems like a great way to go vs stressing over some ceremony and reception. 

my fiance is from colorado, im dreaming for a winter wedding. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

2 minutes ago, Grace&Matt said:

. Besides, Christmas is something hard to give up, knowing that your fiance is going to celebrate it alone.

They were celebrating it alone or in someone else's arms before.  I'm sure they'll live.  

[Grace&Matt 22]

1 minute ago, N-o-l-a said:

They were celebrating it alone or in someone else's arms before.  I'm sure they'll live.  

We did celebrate Christmas together last year via skype, and so frustrating that we are gonna do same thing this year. Flying here is darn expensive so i dont want to tolerate it. 

[shawarma_frites 21]

15 minutes ago, Grace&Matt said:

This is true, we dont know what kind of life we're gonna have in USA, so it is better to enjoy the rest of our days (beneficiaries) with our family because this life that we choce has no turning back. We should be thankful instead of whinning because this is an opportunity for us already to derive an advantage from something that others are having difficulty to achieve. I am a whinner myself, but i got tired of it, tired of waiting and checking every single morning as possible. Besides, Christmas is something hard to give up, knowing that your fiance is going to celebrate it alone. Having high hopes isn't bad, but being anxious is terrible. So, my advice is to just think positive, and you arent the only one who is suffering. 

I'm the sponsor, not the beneficiary. Actually, we both suffered very difficult deaths in our immediate families during our time apart, so this has a different layer of difficulty to it. We watched in horror as our loved ones slipped away but couldn't physically support each other at the time because of stringent visa policies and other extenuating circumstances. When you watch your 23 year old sister die from brain cancer in a matter of months, it can ignite the kind of existential panic that makes you depressed over a visa and wedding. 

 

I'm trying to plan a small wedding of 50 family members/friends in order to welcome my "beneficiary" into the family. Having a small wedding is an important part of having our marriage socially recognized and respected. 

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

9 minutes ago, shawarma_frites said:

I'm the sponsor, not the beneficiary. Actually, we both suffered very difficult deaths in our immediate families during our time apart, so this has a different layer of difficulty to it. We watched in horror as our loved ones slipped away but couldn't physically support each other at the time because of stringent visa policies and other extenuating circumstances. When you watch your 23 year old sister die from brain cancer in a matter of months, it can ignite the kind of existential panic that makes you depressed over a visa and wedding. 

 

I'm trying to plan a small wedding of 50 family members/friends in order to welcome my "beneficiary" into the family. Having a small wedding is an important part of having our marriage socially recognized and respected. 

 

I actually watched my father die from stage IV cancer that had spread to his brain after filing the K1.  I moved to my husband's country afterwards and got married shortly thereafter.  Even the thought of having a wedding without him was too much to deal with.  Perhaps that is what is making you kind of depressed and saddened more so than the whole visa process?  I get it is hard to separate the two issues.  No one has ever questioned the legitimacy of our marriage, just doing it at a courthouse and all.  In fact, his parents and some friends were married in the same room at the same courthouse.

[shawarma_frites 21]

1 hour ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

I actually watched my father die from stage IV cancer that had spread to his brain after filing the K1.  I moved to my husband's country afterwards and got married shortly thereafter.  Even the thought of having a wedding without him was too much to deal with.  Perhaps that is what is making you kind of depressed and saddened more so than the whole visa process?  I get it is hard to separate the two issues.  No one has ever questioned the legitimacy of our marriage, just doing it at a courthouse and all.  In fact, his parents and some friends were married in the same room at the same courthouse.

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

 

I feel bitter about the barriers that kept us physically apart at that time and that includes the bureaucratic barriers as well. USCIS does not give a about extenuating circumstances, but the family members in question are dead now anyway, so the extenuating circumstances are over. 

 

Outside of my immediate family, I don't really talk about him much, so it will come as a surprise to many people that I'm engaged. I'm just a private person anyway. Once he's here, I want total transparency. 

I feel very protective of him given the bad reputation of K1 visa beneficiaries, especially for brown men. (It drives me crazy that people don't know that it was our long term plan to settle in *his* country indefinitely until my family requested otherwise. It drives me crazy that they'll think that we immediately decided to have him immigrate to the U.S.)

 

He/we deserve to have people know that we have a committed and long term relationship and they should know about the losses and barriers that we faced to be together. Why? Because it's humanizing. People should have the opportunity to meet my humorous, caring and intelligent fiancé before falsely judging our union. I don't want any air of perceived illegitimacy.  And the best way to manage this? It's a small wedding.  

 

After that, their perceptions are completely out of my hands, but at least I did my part to give us a respectable start in the eyes of my community and extended family. 

 

Where I am from, even with local couples, a courthouse wedding doesn't grant the same kind of social legitimacy that a proper wedding ceremony provides. And I guess I feel like because our wedding is a one time experience that we would regret not having a small ceremony and reception. 

Edited October 29, 2017 by shawarma_frites
clarification

[Kat&Joel 484]

I consider myself a bit lucky as both my partner and I decided we didn't want to deal with the stress of planning a big wedding.  Unfortunately my emotional state isn't good enough to be able to go through that.  The money involved is also a big factor.  We are going to do something really small and maybe have a small reception.  We have to sell our house and our belonging and worry about our finances running out before we move.  We are transporting 2 cats and a dog with us to Utah so that's going to be a mission as well.  There is so much stress involved in getting moved that the wedding part needs to be very low stress.  I'd say that's the one part of this that I'm not disappointed about.  

 

I do have to say that the surprise additional 3 -4 months has been very stressful for recent filers.  There wasn't any way to predict that the process would be delayed by that long.  Some people have their lives on hold completely and lengthening the time is absolutely excruciating.  There really isn't a good way to tell people to just be positive about this.  I think the better option is to acknowledge how stressful this is and encourage people to hang in there.  This isn't a delightful situation for anybody.  

[Grace&Matt 22]

6 hours ago, shawarma_frites said:

I'm the sponsor, not the beneficiary. Actually, we both suffered very difficult deaths in our immediate families during our time apart, so this has a different layer of difficulty to it. We watched in horror as our loved ones slipped away but couldn't physically support each other at the time because of stringent visa policies and other extenuating circumstances. When you watch your 23 year old sister die from brain cancer in a matter of months, it can ignite the kind of existential panic that makes you depressed over a visa and wedding. 

 

I'm trying to plan a small wedding of 50 family members/friends in order to welcome my "beneficiary" into the family. Having a small wedding is an important part of having our marriage socially recognized and respected. 

My fiance and I did try to expedite our case because her mom wants to meet me in person before she dies. Unfortunately, they didn't approve our request. She just died 2 weeks ago due to lung cancer. It is so unfair because she was vegetarian, non smoker, and no other risk factor that we can associate to her condition. Even I wasn't there, I know that she is a good person, my fiance loves her so much. I saw her deteriorating for just 7 months of time. My fiance was about to breakdown and so as I because her mom was just in his house couple weeks ago, but now he is all alone, so instead of complaining, we are looking for ways how to cope up. I do feel you. Im sorry for your lost.