Next step

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Likewise, some of my family were concerned about Kim taking advantage of me. They too have come to see that we really are in love with each other.

Hi Gary, but Kim said that you wanted to spend the time on the K-1 to see if you really do love eachother... and here you say you do love eachother, so this is mismatched.

It doesn't matter how you met, or what happened in the beginning, but what everyone is saying is that your relationship is not developed enough for the visa, or for marriage for that matter. Being online is not the same as being in person. You should spend a lot more time together, in person.

If Kim has never flown before, why does he want to come and live in the US with a man he met for ONE day?

Good luck.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Harpa Timsah

[abhi_meli 150]

Hi, This is Gary. Kim asked me to post a response because he felt some of his comments were being misunderstood. I will admit that there are some parts of our story that sound a little off beat. I hope by giving some of my background and some more details we can assure people of the legitimacy of our relationship.

First, I was quality assurance engineer, an occupation not noted for its people skills. When I retired I approached finding a life partner the same as solving an engineering problem. That is not the way most people would do it so I can understand if some people find what I did a little cold. After spending a career being married to my job I went out to the Gay Cupid site with the intent to find a partner to spend the rest of my life with. I was overwhelmed with the number of responses I received so I started narrowing the number down. I spent months in text and cam chats talking to potential mates, but I realized that I needed to meet face-to-face in order to gauge a person and how their personality matches with mine. When I got down to a couple of people that showed strong possibilities I scheduled a trip to the Philippines to meet them in person. When I met Kim in Manila we had been chatting almost daily for 3 months.

I knew Kim was special from the very beginning because we shared so much in common. When we met in person I was fairly sure he was the one, but I had to fair and meet the others to be sure. I always stressed that this was a mutual decision not me picking someone, They had an equal opportunity to judge how they felt about me. At the end of my visit I talked with Kim and his feelings were just as strong as mine that we were meant for each other. After I got back to the US we have been in almost daily conversation, often four or more hours. I have met his family through Skype and Facebook and he has started the same with mine. Since I come from a much larger family he hasn't met everyone yet. His mother shared some of the same concerns expressed here but is feeling much more comfortable after cam chatting with me on Skype. Likewise, some of my family were concerned about Kim taking advantage of me. They too have come to see that we really are in love with each other.

I will be honest, we have had our differences. One of the tests of a true relationship is what happens when there is a strong disagreement. We have always been able to resolve our differences. There have been hurt feelings and tears, but in the end we have always come together stronger than before. Are we rushing things, maybe, but our feeling is why waste time that we could be spending together. I have done everything possible to prepare Kim for life in Minnesota, from videos of falling snow and daily weather reports on the cold to buying him warm winter clothing so he will be ready to face winter. We are already putting together a list of places to go and things to do when he gets here. One of those things is signing him up for college so he can complete the degree he started in the Philippines.

I want to say I appreciate the comments that have been made already. Because Kim has never flown before he had wanted me to fly over and fly back with him when his K1 was approved. But now we see the importance of me going over there sooner than that to strengthen our case. Rest assured, Kim will go into his interview with more than five pictures and a two day visit as proof of our relationship. Any other advice for Kim, me, or the two of us would be welcome.

So your's and his family members are happy with the relationship and the fact that you want to marry someone you met only for a day and who is the age of your grand son,from another country?

[Ischnura 285]

Harpa's right, Gary.

I feel that since you both came here for advice it would be daft, especially in this circumstance, for neither of you to listen. You're well within your rights to not take any of it on board and use it to your benefit, of course, but think logically.

It's not us you have to convince but you're receiving sound advice from a community that know their stuff. And logically, would you approve your case if you were the officer?

[Dutchster 1,106]

I agree to at least a couple of weeks visit IF the adjudicator doesn't deny your petition right away based on what you send in as evidence, the time span of how long you have been together and the age difference.

[Illiria 980]

Well I mean it's not even a legitimate route as far as I know due to the Philippians not recognizing same sex marriage.

Not sure if they have other visa options (employment, etc) to move there but I can't imagine any would be easier than just getting to know each other on a few more visits..

They can marry in a third country that does recognize same sex marriage and use that marriage certificate to file for a spousal visa should they wish to go that route. The Philippines not recognizing same sex marriage doesn't really matter, apart from dealing with the issue of CFO.

[Marc_us82 49]

Excuse me if my suggestion make you feel bad or being impolite to you guy. Example, if your k1 visa goes very smoothly and you get in the US , are you sure that you can be happy with him? Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years before we decided to apply for the K1 because we have a lot of challenges and the things to work out together. I wonder how you can be in love with a man who were shopping a boyfriend like the food ? Honestly , it's a kind of pressure on you since he told you guy that he'd would picked you up if you made he fall in love. You guy look young and cute and you you have so many opportunities to chose the right one in your life. 44 years differences are a lot man. i hope you forgive me if I say something to hurt your feeling dear?

Let's all be honest here, anyone who meet another person through an online dating site is essentially, as you put it, 'shopping' for a partner. It is no different from Tinder or Grindr or the thousands of sites that are out there. We are all 'shopping' for our partner at some point or another. The guy is 68 y/o and he hasn't much time to go through the whole date-one-guy-at-a-time thing, time is of the essence here for him to find a partner to spend the rest of his life with. And who are we to judge?

Live and let live.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Let's all be honest here, anyone who meet another person through an online dating site is essentially, as you put it, 'shopping' for a partner. It is no different from Tinder or Grindr or the thousands of sites that are out there. We are all 'shopping' for our partner at some point or another. The guy is 68 y/o and he hasn't much time to go through the whole date-one-guy-at-a-time thing, time is of the essence here for him to find a partner to spend the rest of his life with. And who are we to judge?

Live and let live.

I don't think any of us are questioning the online dating, but we are questioning the "visit one guy for a day then pick the best at the end" approach. What if no guy was good enough? Just pick anyway?

I don't think that is fair to the guys in the PI, and I don't think it's treating them very much like people, if I am honest.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Harpa Timsah

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

They can marry in a third country that does recognize same sex marriage and use that marriage certificate to file for a spousal visa should they wish to go that route. The Philippines not recognizing same sex marriage doesn't really matter, apart from dealing with the issue of CFO.

Er, the original suggestion was to marry and then move to the Philippines based on the marriage, so yes it does matter in that case. Moving to the US? No it wouldn't, but that wasn't what the user suggested.

Edited May 20, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Er, the original suggestion was to marry and then move to the Philippines based on the marriage, so yes it does matter in that case.

No im sorry maybe you misunderstood me since OP is in phillipines is to marry i even asked if it was legal to marry there meaning if they (the Philippines) would afficiate the marriage.

Then it takes 6 months living under the same roof to then apply at the embassy since he is retired that may or may not be a problem this way they can get to know each other. During the process.

But this was only an alternate route if they denied the already filed K-1 petition.

Again im only letting OP know the options.

Edited May 20, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Illiria 980]

Huh, emphasis seemed to me to be move temporarily to the Philippines in order to file direct consular filing and live in same house, which they could do if married in a third country and Gary was in the Philippines on another visa as it just has to be legally resident there to file dcf. If I interpreted this wrong then apologies :-)

Edited May 20, 2016 by Illiria

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

Huh, emphasis seemed to me to be move temporarily to the Philippines in order to file direct consular filing and live in same house, which they could do if married in a third country and Gary was in the Philippines on another visa as it just has to be legally resident there to file dcf. If I interpreted this wrong then apologies :-)

Yeah its what i mean when I posted im the poster... Just throwing ideas....

[Marc_us82 49]

I don't think any of us are questioning the online dating, but we are questioning the "visit one guy for a day then pick the best at the end" approach. What if no guy was good enough? Just pick anyway?

I don't think that is fair to the guys in the PI, and I don't think it's treating them very much like people, if I am honest.

I get what you are saying a 100%, it does sound like the boys are prostituting themselves and I can't say I agree to that (the prostitution). We are all well aware that many phillippinos are trying to escape the hardship in their country and resort to using marrying a foreigner to get out of their situation, that is not a secret. Look around the forum and we will find a thousand PI cases here, how many can we honestly say are legitimate relationships? People are willingly letting themselves be played just to have a partner and this could be due to many reasons; low self esteem, unattractiveness, age, and the simple fact that they just couldn't find someone in the US to fall in love with them.

I think I'm getting off topic here, what I wanted to say is, people will try different ways to get here to the US, and it is not our duty to play judge as to who is having a genuine relationship and who's not. They have to be accountable for their own actions and all we can do here in VJ is to offer advice to visa situation, not judgment.

Peace.

[Ortolan 381]

We're not trying to "play judge as to who is having a genuine relationship and who's not." We're telling the OP that, based on the evidence they'll present, it's likely a CO will see it the same way.

The CO will "judge" whether or not it's a genuine relationship; we're just trying to prepare the OP for that. That's the CO's job.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Huh, emphasis seemed to me to be move temporarily to the Philippines in order to file direct consular filing and live in same house, which they could do if married in a third country and Gary was in the Philippines on another visa as it just has to be legally resident there to file dcf. If I interpreted this wrong then apologies :-)

Yeah, I think that's where the confusion was. The "get married and then move to the Philippines" to me made it sound like they would be looking for a marriage-based visa.

If Gary is going to be using a different visa anyways, I wasn't sure why the marriage would have to happen first (unless they were referencing a marriage visa).

I understand now though.

[Boiler 43,446]

and it is not our duty to play judge as to who is having a genuine relationship and who's not. They have to be accountable for their own actions and all we can do here in VJ is to offer advice to visa situation, not judgment.

May not be a duty but VJ would not be VJ without doing so.

And this thread would not have gone beyond one page.