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Tom1440

Did she just want a green card? Money?

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Greetings VJers

So tonight my now ex-girlfriend and I split up after 1 year and 7 months of dating. I would like opinions on whether I was right/wrong to end it. Regardless, I’m sad it ended.

Tension has been building over the past few months. Allow me to elaborate.


The ex is an international student from Vietnam and has been here in the U.S. for the past 6 years. She started in Seattle, WA, later moved to Houston, TX and is now in California (as of October 2013) where we met. We began dating in December 2013 and I knew she was an international student going into the relationship. Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals. Nor do I need the money. I told her I would only get married when I was ready.

We continued dating, hoping we would make progress and enter into a bona fide marriage. However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant. At around 7 months of dating, she asked what my plans were for our future. Since we were only dating for such a short time, I asked her if she would sign a prenuptial agreement if we were to marry because I was in possession of family assets. She was infuriated and offended by the idea, interpreting it as mistrust. I explained to her that the property was NOT MINE and was that of my family. Therefore, they have a right to want it protected. She accused me of being like “everyone else” who thinks she just wants a green card and my money. She rejected the idea and I called it quits. She came back a week later saying she finally understood why I needed the prenup and wanted to proceed. However, that offer was no longer available since she turned it down the first time. We continued dating

Fast forward to this week (around 1 year 7 months in). After she asked me if I was ready to move forward, I decided to make the commitment despite us only dating for roughly 1.6 years and having our fair share of arguments. I was willing to move forward because I loved her. As a compromise, I proposed the idea of a prenuptial agreement again, thinking she changed after the first time. I am searching for a family house using those assets. The rightful owner(s) of those assets want to protect the house should it be purchased after marriage (CA is a community property state). She was again offended by the prenup idea stating I don't trust her. My argument is that the assets are NOT MINE and need to protect it at my family’s request. She complains about me and my pride, ego, etc. Yet she takes offense because my family wants to protect THEIR assets. She argued that she is worth more than any amount of money I hold and that I need to assure my family to trust her. Since this was a deal breaker, I ended the relationship.

Since then, she informed me that she will be leaving California “soon” (presumably back to Houston) to marry someone who “loves” her and will do “anything” for her. I suspect she will follow through on her words since she wants to return to Vietnam, despite allegedly not wanting to stay in the U.S. when she first came to the U.S.

My questions are:

1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?

2. Does she seem to want my family’s money?

3. Was I right or wrong for ending the relationship?

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To me, it sounds like she's after a green card, she even offered you money to marry her. And to ask seven months into a relationship, what your intentions are in terms of marrying her just seems a little early. You've been in a relationship for almost two years but she has someone ready to marry her in a flash in another state?!?! She sounds like a total "green card digger", but that's just my opinion.

And there's nothing wrong with getting a prenup. In fact, when one person in the relationship owns considerably more assets than the other, I think it's only smart. Sounds like Miss smarty pants saw a little cash reward along with the green card she would get from marrying you.

Judging solely from what you've written here, I think you were right to end the relationship. It sounds to me that she was all into taking taking taking and not a lot of giving. Think back over the past year and seven months, how loving and affectionate has she been? Has she done things for you that you know she doesn't like, e.g. joined you in a hobby that you really love but you know she doesn't? E.g. I'm a vegetarian but I'm learning to cook some meat dishes for my husband because I love him and want to be able to cook for him. Things like that are big indicators if someone truly loves another person.


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These are my opinions:

1) maybe yes- if she has been eager to get married in a short period of dating

maybe no- because you said she wants to go back to her homecountry and never wanted to stay here in U.S.

2). I wont mind any prenup . I think if you really love someone, you will understand and accept no matter what. Since she's educated and both of you have decent jobs, you can get to save from your own. I agree that your family assets are not yours alone. You need to protect them too.

3) No one can say if you did it right or wrong. It happened for a reason. Maybe it's not meant to be. I wish you find a " happier place" than before. Goodluck

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1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?


2. Does she seem to want my family’s money?


3. Was I right or wrong for ending the relationship?


My answer to your questions is Yes , she is a green card holder , wants your family money and you are damn right.


If she really loved you , she would accept that prenuptial agreement .


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1. She was clearly after a green card, if her offering you cash for a fake marriage didn't give it away I don't know what will.

2. Hard to tell. She might have been after money or she might have found the pre-nup showed a lack of trust on your part.

3. Only you know to be honest but if she wasn't willing to sign a pre-nup so you could protect the assets of your family and that was a deal breaker for you then yes.

I think if it was me the fact that she started off by wanting a sham marriage would have made me question whether any eventual marriage was entered into genuinely on her part. I think you've done the right thing by not giving in and now you can move on with your life.


My blog about my visa journey and adjusting to my new life in the US http://albiontoamerica.wordpress.com/

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  1. YES

maybe

right


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I think you really dodged a considerably bigger heartbreak and financial ruin bullet.

I'm sorry this happened to you, but sometimes things work out the way they do for the best. Yes, she wanted your family's money and a green card. And if she's ready to marry someone else practically immediately, you know how she feels about love as well. Best of luck for the future.


"Wherever you go, you take yourself with you." --Neil Gaiman

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1- Pretty obvious what the answer is. She made that clear in the beginning

2- I don't think so, but it really doesn't matter due to #1

3- right

I don't think anyone on here will think you made the wrong choice.


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Greetings VJers

So tonight my now ex-girlfriend and I split up after 1 year and 7 months of dating. I would like opinions on whether I was right/wrong to end it. Regardless, I’m sad it ended.

Tension has been building over the past few months. Allow me to elaborate.

The ex is an international student from Vietnam and has been here in the U.S. for the past 6 years. She started in Seattle, WA, later moved to Houston, TX and is now in California (as of October 2013) where we met. We began dating in December 2013 and I knew she was an international student going into the relationship. Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals. Nor do I need the money. I told her I would only get married when I was ready.

We continued dating, hoping we would make progress and enter into a bona fide marriage. However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant. At around 7 months of dating, she asked what my plans were for our future. Since we were only dating for such a short time, I asked her if she would sign a prenuptial agreement if we were to marry because I was in possession of family assets. She was infuriated and offended by the idea, interpreting it as mistrust. I explained to her that the property was NOT MINE and was that of my family. Therefore, they have a right to want it protected. She accused me of being like “everyone else” who thinks she just wants a green card and my money. She rejected the idea and I called it quits. She came back a week later saying she finally understood why I needed the prenup and wanted to proceed. However, that offer was no longer available since she turned it down the first time. We continued dating

Fast forward to this week (around 1 year 7 months in). After she asked me if I was ready to move forward, I decided to make the commitment despite us only dating for roughly 1.6 years and having our fair share of arguments. I was willing to move forward because I loved her. As a compromise, I proposed the idea of a prenuptial agreement again, thinking she changed after the first time. I am searching for a family house using those assets. The rightful owner(s) of those assets want to protect the house should it be purchased after marriage (CA is a community property state). She was again offended by the prenup idea stating I don't trust her. My argument is that the assets are NOT MINE and need to protect it at my family’s request. She complains about me and my pride, ego, etc. Yet she takes offense because my family wants to protect THEIR assets. She argued that she is worth more than any amount of money I hold and that I need to assure my family to trust her. Since this was a deal breaker, I ended the relationship.

Since then, she informed me that she will be leaving California “soon” (presumably back to Houston) to marry someone who “loves” her and will do “anything” for her. I suspect she will follow through on her words since she wants to return to Vietnam, despite allegedly not wanting to stay in the U.S. when she first came to the U.S.

My questions are:

1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?

2. Does she seem to want my family’s money?

3. Was I right or wrong for ending the relationship?

I'd say the writing is on the wall..

And you've seen them.

I have my doubts on 2, but I've seen enough of 1 to know that some people get greedy and proceed to 2

OUtside of that, she is a manipulator and very happy you saw it and moved away.

1- Pretty obvious what the answer is. She made that clear in the beginning

2- I don't think so, but it really doesn't matter due to #1

3- right

I don't think anyone on here will think you made the wrong choice.

Except ex GF.. :devil:

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1. maybe


2. maybe


3. Most likely right, forcing yourself into something you don't want is always a wrong thing


also OP you should know that person well enough after 1.5 years of relationships to answer your questions yourself



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Sounds like she has chased different men around the US

and you dodged a bullet

she is looking for green card, money and would have taken you for all you are worth

congratulations on having some common sense

I would inform USCIS

I'm curious if other VJers would report this to USCIS. I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind. Perhaps I should just leave it alone?

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