Did she just want a green card? Money?

[kkjiang 11]

oh and look at ur topic and all the words u have said.

you are making assumptions too.

[Tom1440 12]

well, if u insist.

like I said, it always takes two.

Agreed. All relationships take both parties to work things out. I won't say I didn't make any mistakes. However, I was willing to compromise (i.e. get married before I was ready). If it were solely my assets, I would not have any issues not getting a prenup..

Edited July 19, 2015 by Tom1440

[Tom1440 12]

oh and look at ur topic and all the words u have said.

you are making assumptions too.

LOL! Funny guy you are. I posed questions. I made educated guesses based on my experiences. Look up imply versus infer.

Edited July 19, 2015 by Tom1440

[Illiria 980]

then why would u keep talking about what ur parents want and their money and assets?

u believe u will get a divorce or u jus simply dun believe her or in this relationship, and that is why u insist on signing up a preup.

cant u see where it went wrong in ur relationship?

OP I totally understand your financials. My husbands mother has for various inheritance and tax reasons given my husband money prior to her potential passing to reduce the amount of inheritance tax he will owe, this is totally legal and as it is part of his mothers money that I do not have a moral right to. If his mother did not face these tax and inheritance issues he would not have been given the money yet. Therefore I had absolutely no issue with a post nup, we left it too late for a pre nup. For me it's nothing to do with trust but my respect of his mothers financial consideration towards my husband.

Your ex was upfront about wanting a sham marriage by offering money for a marriage. It's at this point that I would have ended it. To offer money to get you to marry them shows they don't love you and if love is important to you in marriage then you shouldn't get married for any other reason.

Don't feel bad about ending it, i wouldn't chase her in telling the new guy about what she offered as I would want to cut ties completely. Change cell numbers, if she has keys to your place and you can't get them back then get the locks changed. If this new guy changes his mind then she may come running back to you, be resilient and don't give in to her as she has shown want is more important. The green card over building a true relationship over time.

Yes this is only one side but there is no way the other side of offering money for a fake marriage is going to magically be a good thing.

[Tom1440 12]

OP I totally understand your financials. My husbands mother has for various inheritance and tax reasons given my husband money prior to her potential passing to reduce the amount of inheritance tax he will owe, this is totally legal and as it is part of his mothers money that I do not have a moral right to. If his mother did not face these tax and inheritance issues he would not have been given the money yet. Therefore I had absolutely no issue with a post nup, we left it too late for a pre nup. For me it's nothing to do with trust but my respect of his mothers financial consideration towards my husband.

Your ex was upfront about wanting a sham marriage by offering money for a marriage. It's at this point that I would have ended it. To offer money to get you to marry them shows they don't love you and if love is important to you in marriage then you shouldn't get married for any other reason.

Don't feel bad about ending it, i wouldn't chase her in telling the new guy about what she offered as I would want to cut ties completely. Change cell numbers, if she has keys to your place and you can't get them back then get the locks changed. If this new guy changes his mind then she may come running back to you, be resilient and don't give in to her as she has shown want is more important. The green card over building a true relationship over time.

Yes this is only one side but there is no way the other side of offering money for a fake marriage is going to magically be a good thing.

A person with sense! Quite refreshing. It is totally about respect for the rightful owner's consideration.

[madtownguy 164]

I think you were in a relationship with a female, they lack using rationale. I don't think she was necessarily with you because of a green card, the prenup could get any girl mad, so it's not fair to assume she was trying to get money down the road. Unfortunately the way the system works it is going to put pressure on her to get married, I personally would not get married if my wife didn't need it for her green card because I don't really believe in marriage or a piece of paper telling me a relationship is more or less than what I want it to be. There's plenty of ways to protect money or a house so your wife can not get it with out a prenup. I've dated a girl who was similar to your gf and pushed the marriage thing, but it was after like a month or two. I think when you're at over a year and a half you should know if you want to push forward or not. Good luck with whatever road you pick in life, only you know if the girl has good intentions or bad. Trust your intuition.

[onye uwaoma 131]

@ madtownguy, I think you read the post and forget what the op stated... Maybe you should read the post again before posting your comment.

[Eric & Idalia 56]

1.- I don't know. Once my husband's coworkers said I was with him just for the green card and that really made me mad. Once I asked him about plans for the future because I wanted to know, he acted weird. After sometime he told me he wasn't sure about marriage. Now I understand his concern. I came back to Mexico and some months later he came and proposed. He got to meet my family and friends. We got married here and he lived with me almost a year and a half. He felt in love with Mexico and its food. Now we are happy with all that happened in USA. That helped us to be a better couple.

So I'd say maybe she just wanted to know her options for the immediate future. In my case, I wanted to start looking for jobs months before coming to Mexico and prepare myself mentally about coming back. I had hard time in the USA the first months and I didn't want that the other way around in Mexico.

EDIT: Oh she wanted to pay you to get married? Well... so she had that option in mind since the beginning

Better give it some time. Maybe you saved yourself a lot of trouble. Nasty divorce, children support problems, etc. In the mean time enjoy your life, forget about her.

2.- Maybe

3.- You're the only one who truly knows about it. You had the relationship with her and I am pretty sure you shared with her more than what you mentioned. Give it some time.

Also don't get married (to anyone) if you are not sure about it.

Edited July 19, 2015 by Eric & Idalia

[onye uwaoma 131]

I think you were in a relationship with a female, they lack using rationale. I don't think she was necessarily with you because of a green card, the prenup could get any girl mad, so it's not fair to assume she was trying to get money down the road. Unfortunately the way the system works it is going to put pressure on her to get married, I personally would not get married if my wife didn't need it for her green card because I don't really believe in marriage or a piece of paper telling me a relationship is more or less than what I want it to be. There's plenty of ways to protect money or a house so your wife can not get it with out a prenup. I've dated a girl who was similar to your gf and pushed the marriage thing, but it was after like a month or two. I think when you're at over a year and a half you should know if you want to push forward or not. Good luck with whatever road you pick in life, only you know if the girl has good intentions or bad. Trust your intuition.

...also, though I am not the moderator, I am strongly recommending an appropriate sanction that qualifies your advocacy for marriage fraud for green card.

[Boiler 43,463]

Sounds like you knew the deal from day 1

[Jawaree 717]

YES

YES

Yes

To OP 3 questions..dude move on. let her go to the next petitioner

[Cathi 5,610]

why would you continue to stay in a relationship with a woman who was in it for a green card from the very beginning? That's the biggest question. Not sure why you would even ask these questions when it is very clear what she was after.

[jyaku 138]

To the Original Poster.. in this day and age.. even if you're marrying Donald Trump (pun intended), ask for a prenup.

At least at the very worst, you'll end up with the amount specified in the prenup.

That said since she's been eager to get a green card and was paying you.. it's obvious sham marriage for green card..

And there's loving someone and being in love. Being in love is when you're desperate to hang onto someone and lose something.

Up to you what you want to do but I would never enter into a marriage without a prenup. If you think there's love.. consider the possibility that love is an illusion and the illusion of "love only stops" when the damage to bank account and heart is done.

[Fan_Dancer 171]

Do you have any right to tell another person how to distribute their money? Especially if they work tirelessly for what they have? I think not. It's not my money. I have no say in what happens to it and how it gets used. If my parents decided not to give me $0 and give it all to my brother or sister, that is their choice, NOT MINE. Make sense?

How would you like it if someone told you how to spend your hard earned money?

What does that have to do with what I said? If your parents want to give you and only you money, they can do so. You don't need a pre-nup for that.

Secondly, you must be young. I do tell my husband all day long how to spend his money, because I am in charge of paying bills, working the credit cards, and the general finances of the household. Because, you know, people get married to achieve somethign together, not to have separate accounts and "your money, my money" all day long. What if one spouse makes 100,000 and the other is a housewife/husband? The one that works gets to leave on an exotic vacation, while the other one stays home?

Edited July 20, 2015 by Fan_Dancer

[indhiraastacio 38]

Greetings VJers

So tonight my now ex-girlfriend and I split up after 1 year and 7 months of dating. I would like opinions on whether I was right/wrong to end it. Regardless, Im sad it ended.

Tension has been building over the past few months. Allow me to elaborate.

The ex is an international student from Vietnam and has been here in the U.S. for the past 6 years. She started in Seattle, WA, later moved to Houston, TX and is now in California (as of October 2013) where we met. We began dating in December 2013 and I knew she was an international student going into the relationship. Very early in the relationship, in fact immediately, she wanted me to enter into a [sham] marriage (in exchange for money should the relationship not work out) to help her obtain a green card. I said no because that is a violation of the law and against my morals. Nor do I need the money. I told her I would only get married when I was ready.

We continued dating, hoping we would make progress and enter into a bona fide marriage. However, the pressure to get married for her a green card began shortly and were constant. At around 7 months of dating, she asked what my plans were for our future. Since we were only dating for such a short time, I asked her if she would sign a prenuptial agreement if we were to marry because I was in possession of family assets. She was infuriated and offended by the idea, interpreting it as mistrust. I explained to her that the property was NOT MINE and was that of my family. Therefore, they have a right to want it protected. She accused me of being like everyone else who thinks she just wants a green card and my money. She rejected the idea and I called it quits. She came back a week later saying she finally understood why I needed the prenup and wanted to proceed. However, that offer was no longer available since she turned it down the first time. We continued dating

Fast forward to this week (around 1 year 7 months in). After she asked me if I was ready to move forward, I decided to make the commitment despite us only dating for roughly 1.6 years and having our fair share of arguments. I was willing to move forward because I loved her. As a compromise, I proposed the idea of a prenuptial agreement again, thinking she changed after the first time. I am searching for a family house using those assets. The rightful owner(s) of those assets want to protect the house should it be purchased after marriage (CA is a community property state). She was again offended by the prenup idea stating I don't trust her. My argument is that the assets are NOT MINE and need to protect it at my familys request. She complains about me and my pride, ego, etc. Yet she takes offense because my family wants to protect THEIR assets. She argued that she is worth more than any amount of money I hold and that I need to assure my family to trust her. Since this was a deal breaker, I ended the relationship.

Since then, she informed me that she will be leaving California soon (presumably back to Houston) to marry someone who loves her and will do anything for her. I suspect she will follow through on her words since she wants to return to Vietnam, despite allegedly not wanting to stay in the U.S. when she first came to the U.S.

My questions are:

1. Do you think she is a green card hunter?

2. Does she seem to want my familys money?

3. Was I right or wrong for ending the relationship?

Congratulations!!! You dodged a bullet. I don't know you but I feel so proud of you just as if you were my family. Listen young, smart man, just the mere fact that she proposed to you at one point to get in a sham marriage is definitely a red flag. I think that you made a wise/executive decision in ending the relationship. Going by what you posted it is evident that the young lady is somewhat of a opportunist. Now I'm not sure if I'm answering all of your questions but point blank period, judging from what I've read, yes I do believe she is out to get a green card. Once again congratulations on getting out of dodge. Just my opinion people.