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insipidtoast

Is it too late to back out? :(

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I admittedly married my wife, because she was living through hell with her ex-boyfriend, and I liked her, and wanted to help out a woman I liked. We're still in lots of danger right now, which is the reason I decided to go the Direct Consular Filing route.

If it wasn't for me, my wife would have been in jail for not having the economic resources to respond to her ex's bogus legal demands. Everyone says that we engaged and got married too quickly. And they're right. I realize that it probably would have been better to just let her continue to suffer and go to jail. I wasted so much time and money in Peru, and now this woman is proving herself to be completely ungrateful. She has a full time job, but she spends her money on superficial stuff, and yet I'm still paying for her food and rent. I've just about had it. I bought her a bunch of clothes, then I realized I needed to stop spending so much money on her. She saw a good deal on a couple pairs of pants and begged me to buy them for her, saying that, in return, she would prepare homemade vegetable juice for me every day with the extractor. So I agreed. Oops.

Well she hasn't been holding up her end of the bargain, and she has a really nasty attitude that I keep having to correct with direct speech, telling her not to disrespect me. Yesterday she was being lazy in the morning so I had to be the one to prepare the vegetable juice. When she finally came into the kitchen the first thing she did was complain to me, saying that I made too much juice and used too many vegetables. Talk about ungrateful! Even when I was helping her with her legal issues, she would still throw nasty temper tantrums, and now as I'm helping her with her Direct Consular Filing process (she basically does nothing) she still complains about every little thing. Like when I tell her to go get her police records, because we're leaving town in a couple days, and we don't have much time, she just wants to argue. Every little thing I tell her she just wants to argue about. Every day before she goes to work she gets all stressed and starts complaining about ANY and EVERY little thing. She tells me she's sorry every once in a while and wants to hug me, but I'm really at the point now, where it has started affecting me to where I no longer feel happy that I met her at all. She has successfully extinguished my love. I'm burnt out.

I don't have a history of being a violent person, but today when I heard her moaning and groaning about how the kitchen wasn't totally clean, I decided I had to leave. It's about the third day in a row that she throws a temper tantrum over something insignificant. She does not know how to communicate assertively, and when I try to explain things to her in a level-headed way, she just wants to test my patience and argue about whatever I'm saying. So, as I heard her whining and complaining in the kitchen this morning, I left the house, and didn't come back until she was already at work. It was all I could do to keep from harming her physically. I then went and threw rocks at a tree for an hour while shouting insults and swear words in English, just to calm down.

Well my dad still hasn't signed the I-864 and sent it as the joint sponsor. I'm thinking about just destroying the document when it arrives via DHL. Unfortunately, I fear that my wife will just get to the USA and become a public charge, and then my Dad will be in the horrible position of having to repay the US government for a mistake that I made. I feel very torn, because I just got done justifying to my parents why they should be the joint sponsor for the "love of my life."

When we went to a psychologist in June, the psychologist diagnosed my wife with Severe Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, because her parents divorced when she was 8 and neither really took good care of her. Her father used to punish her with the belt. And then she met her exboyfriend who on occasion beat her, raped her and threatened her. She has bad insomnia, and she's always complaining about something (either her insomnia, her eyes that dry out and get red too easily, her hair, her acne, her skin discoloration from solar exposure, her belly fat). she just seems so discontented about everything, and the only time she ever says thank you for all the favors I do for her, is when I tell her. She always criticizes me for any arbitrary thing I do. Even when I tell her to act appropriately and be grateful for the favors I'm doing for her, she criticizes me for "rubbing it in." Uggghhh....I was blinded by love and paid the price dearly. What a basket case.

Just for the record, I too was diagnosed with Depression, but I've at least sought out treatment and have pretty much gotten things under control with the help of my medication. My wife, on the other hand, would rather spend her money (and my money) on shoes and beauty creams. It's totally unacceptable. I went home to the USA for three weeks in the summer, and I left her a note telling her to please continue her therapy with the psychologist who diagnosed her. I left her enough money in the envelope for three sessions, and indicated this in my note. Yet when I returned to Peru she said that she only went to one appointment, and started criticizing therapy. She spent the rest of the money on clothes she didn't need.

At this point, I'm just about ready to cut my losses, and go back to how my life was before I travelled to Peru. If she doesn't go see a psychiatrist very soon and get on some heavy heavy medication to calm her down, then there is absolutely no way I'm going to tolerate this marriage.

Edited by insipidtoast

September 25th: I-130 Emergency petition filed at US Embassy in Lima.

October 3rd: I-130 Petition Approved.

October 10th: Consular Section sent checklist and notification scheduling my spouse's visa interview for November 13th.

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It sounds as if you were in like with your wife when you married her, instead of being in love. A marriage based on such a foundation isn't likely to last, as you are finding out.

You can either string it out for a few years and perhaps compound the problems by adding children into the mix, or instead pull the plug now and make a clean break for both of you.


Widow/er AoS Guide | Have AoS questions? Read (some) answers here

 

AoS

Day 0 (4/23/12) Petitions mailed (I-360, I-485, I-765)
2 (4/25/12) Petitions delivered to Chicago Lockbox
11 (5/3/12) Received 3 paper NOAs
13 (5/5/12) Received biometrics appointment for 5/23
15 (5/7/12) Did an unpleasant walk-in biometrics in Fort Worth, TX
45 (6/7/12) Received email & text notification of an interview on 7/10
67 (6/29/12) EAD production ordered
77 (7/9/12) Received EAD
78 (7/10/12) Interview
100 (8/1/12) I-485 transferred to Vermont Service Centre
143 (9/13/12) Contacted DHS Ombudsman
268 (1/16/13) I-360, I-485 consolidated and transferred to Dallas
299 (2/16/13) Received second interview letter for 3/8
319 (3/8/13) Approved at interview
345 (4/3/13) I-360, I-485 formally approved; green card production ordered
353 (4/11/13) Received green card

 

Naturalisation

Day 0 (1/3/18) N-400 filed online

Day 6 (1/9/18) Walk-in biometrics in Fort Worth, TX

Day 341 (12/10/18) Interview was scheduled for 1/14/19

Day 376 (1/14/19) Interview

Day 385 (1/23/19) Denied

Day 400 (2/7/19) Denial revoked; N-400 approved; oath ceremony set for 2/14/19

Day 407 (2/14/19) Oath ceremony in Dallas, TX

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Wales
Timeline

It sounds as if you were in like with your wife when you married her, instead of being in love. A marriage based on such a foundation isn't likely to last, as you are finding out.

You can either string it out for a few years and perhaps compound the problems by adding children into the mix, or instead pull the plug now and make a clean break for both of you.

Were you looking for an expedite some time back, Immigration wise there is no issue to cancel things.


“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

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I would run while I can because it doesn't seem like things will get any better.


AOS from F-1(Married to USC
06.08.12 - AOS mailed
09.18.12 - Interview.....Approved!!

ROC- Divorce Waiver
05/09/14- I-751 packet mailed to CSC
05/12/14- NOA1 Receipt date
07/01/14- Biometrics Appt

08/11/14- RFE received

09/08/14- RFE response received by USCIS

09/22/14- 10yrs GC Approved!!

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
Timeline

~~Inappropriate post removed, post constructively or do not post.~~


Spoiler

Met Playing Everquest in 2005
Engaged 9-15-2006
K-1 & 4 K-2'S
Filed 05-09-07
Interview 03-12-08
Visa received 04-21-08
Entry 05-06-08
Married 06-21-08
AOS X5
Filed 07-08-08
Cards Received01-22-09
Roc X5
Filed 10-17-10
Cards Received02-22-11
Citizenship
Filed 10-17-11
Interview 01-12-12
Oath 06-29-12

Citizenship for older 2 boys

Filed 03/08/2014

NOA/fee waiver 03/19/2014

Biometrics 04/15/14

Interview 05/29/14

In line for Oath 06/20/14

Oath 09/19/2014 We are all done! All USC no more USCIS

 

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Mexico
Timeline

It is not late as long as you do not submit the i864. RUN.


:yes:Intelligence trumps muscle... Imagination trumps both! :yes:

IR-1/CR-1 Visa
Service Center : Nebraska Service Center
Consulate : Cd. Juarez, Mexico
Met: January, 2006 :D
Marriage (if applicable): 2012-10-26 (L)
I-130 Sent : 2014-08-01
I-130 NOA1 : 2014-08-04

I-130 NOA2 : 2015-05-14

Shipped to DoS: 2015-05-22

Received at NVC: 2015-06-01

Case Created at NVC: 2015-06-10 (from Julian Date calculation)

AOS and IV Fee Invoiced: 2015-06-11
AOS and IV Fee Paid: Website down as of 06-15... Just waiting...
AOS and IV Fee Paid: 2015-07-05 CEAC site finally UP! :dancing:

AOS and Civil Docs received at NVC: 2015-10-13

NVC checklist for obsolete i864: 2015-11-25

Submit updated i864: ?????? when my lawyer desires... :clock:
Submit updated i864: Did NOT wait for lawywer. Did it myself 2015-12-10
NVC received reply to checklist i864: 2015-12-10 (yes.. same day O.O)

NVC case completed: 2016-01-07
NVC assigned interview date: 2016-01-23
Interview at CJS consulate: 2016-03-30

Visa "Issued": 2016-04-05
Entered the US: 2016-04-27

SSN Arrived: 2016-05-07 ... wow TEN days!

=============

N-400

Filed Online: 2020-06-30

NOA: 2020-07-01

Biometrics Letter: Waiting...:dancing:
Interview Date: ????

Oath:

=============

event.png

event.png

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

I agree with all above. Sever the ties as quickly and completely as possible.

How wise is the old saying "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"...


06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Belgium
Timeline

I know what she went through, I've been through the same from a young age on & for way too years.. This is not an excuse for being a pain in the ###. I have been a pain in the b


K1

AOS

ROC

09/14/2017 : Package Sent (CSC)

09/15/2017 : Package Received (CSC)

09/15/2017 : NOA1 Date

10/12/2017 : Biometrics

--/--/---- : Interview

--/--/---- : Decision

N400

09/01/2018 : Application Sent (online)

--/--/---- NOA1 Date

--/--/---- : Biometrics

--/--/---- : Interview

--/--/---- : Decision

So it's not gonna be easy.

It's going to be really hard;

we're gonna have to work at this everyday,

but I want to do that because I want you.

I want all of you, forever, everyday.

You and me.. everyday.

___The NoteBook

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Belgium
Timeline

Oh Gosh I hate using the mobile site, my texts always get sent like this ... I am sorry

I know what she went through, I've been through the same from a young age on & for way too years.. This is not an excuse for being a pain in the ### eventho I have been one myself in the beginning of the relationship. I made him pay for what happened to me in the past until he told me to stop he's a great man and he loves me to death but he won't put up with my attitude.

Have you tried doing that?

If it doesn't work... Then maybe it's best to part


K1

AOS

ROC

09/14/2017 : Package Sent (CSC)

09/15/2017 : Package Received (CSC)

09/15/2017 : NOA1 Date

10/12/2017 : Biometrics

--/--/---- : Interview

--/--/---- : Decision

N400

09/01/2018 : Application Sent (online)

--/--/---- NOA1 Date

--/--/---- : Biometrics

--/--/---- : Interview

--/--/---- : Decision

So it's not gonna be easy.

It's going to be really hard;

we're gonna have to work at this everyday,

but I want to do that because I want you.

I want all of you, forever, everyday.

You and me.. everyday.

___The NoteBook

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: England
Timeline

Looks like you need to be out of that marriage and leaving aside whether its a good idea for you it definitely isn't fair on your dad to proceed!


My blog about my visa journey and adjusting to my new life in the US http://albiontoamerica.wordpress.com/

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