Is it too late to back out? :(

[insipidtoast 3]

I admittedly married my wife, because she was living through hell with her ex-boyfriend, and I liked her, and wanted to help out a woman I liked. We're still in lots of danger right now, which is the reason I decided to go the Direct Consular Filing route.

If it wasn't for me, my wife would have been in jail for not having the economic resources to respond to her ex's bogus legal demands. Everyone says that we engaged and got married too quickly. And they're right. I realize that it probably would have been better to just let her continue to suffer and go to jail. I wasted so much time and money in Peru, and now this woman is proving herself to be completely ungrateful. She has a full time job, but she spends her money on superficial stuff, and yet I'm still paying for her food and rent. I've just about had it. I bought her a bunch of clothes, then I realized I needed to stop spending so much money on her. She saw a good deal on a couple pairs of pants and begged me to buy them for her, saying that, in return, she would prepare homemade vegetable juice for me every day with the extractor. So I agreed. Oops.

Well she hasn't been holding up her end of the bargain, and she has a really nasty attitude that I keep having to correct with direct speech, telling her not to disrespect me. Yesterday she was being lazy in the morning so I had to be the one to prepare the vegetable juice. When she finally came into the kitchen the first thing she did was complain to me, saying that I made too much juice and used too many vegetables. Talk about ungrateful! Even when I was helping her with her legal issues, she would still throw nasty temper tantrums, and now as I'm helping her with her Direct Consular Filing process (she basically does nothing) she still complains about every little thing. Like when I tell her to go get her police records, because we're leaving town in a couple days, and we don't have much time, she just wants to argue. Every little thing I tell her she just wants to argue about. Every day before she goes to work she gets all stressed and starts complaining about ANY and EVERY little thing. She tells me she's sorry every once in a while and wants to hug me, but I'm really at the point now, where it has started affecting me to where I no longer feel happy that I met her at all. She has successfully extinguished my love. I'm burnt out.

I don't have a history of being a violent person, but today when I heard her moaning and groaning about how the kitchen wasn't totally clean, I decided I had to leave. It's about the third day in a row that she throws a temper tantrum over something insignificant. She does not know how to communicate assertively, and when I try to explain things to her in a level-headed way, she just wants to test my patience and argue about whatever I'm saying. So, as I heard her whining and complaining in the kitchen this morning, I left the house, and didn't come back until she was already at work. It was all I could do to keep from harming her physically. I then went and threw rocks at a tree for an hour while shouting insults and swear words in English, just to calm down.

Well my dad still hasn't signed the I-864 and sent it as the joint sponsor. I'm thinking about just destroying the document when it arrives via DHL. Unfortunately, I fear that my wife will just get to the USA and become a public charge, and then my Dad will be in the horrible position of having to repay the US government for a mistake that I made. I feel very torn, because I just got done justifying to my parents why they should be the joint sponsor for the "love of my life."

When we went to a psychologist in June, the psychologist diagnosed my wife with Severe Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, because her parents divorced when she was 8 and neither really took good care of her. Her father used to punish her with the belt. And then she met her exboyfriend who on occasion beat her, raped her and threatened her. She has bad insomnia, and she's always complaining about something (either her insomnia, her eyes that dry out and get red too easily, her hair, her acne, her skin discoloration from solar exposure, her belly fat). she just seems so discontented about everything, and the only time she ever says thank you for all the favors I do for her, is when I tell her. She always criticizes me for any arbitrary thing I do. Even when I tell her to act appropriately and be grateful for the favors I'm doing for her, she criticizes me for "rubbing it in." Uggghhh....I was blinded by love and paid the price dearly. What a basket case.

Just for the record, I too was diagnosed with Depression, but I've at least sought out treatment and have pretty much gotten things under control with the help of my medication. My wife, on the other hand, would rather spend her money (and my money) on shoes and beauty creams. It's totally unacceptable. I went home to the USA for three weeks in the summer, and I left her a note telling her to please continue her therapy with the psychologist who diagnosed her. I left her enough money in the envelope for three sessions, and indicated this in my note. Yet when I returned to Peru she said that she only went to one appointment, and started criticizing therapy. She spent the rest of the money on clothes she didn't need.

At this point, I'm just about ready to cut my losses, and go back to how my life was before I travelled to Peru. If she doesn't go see a psychiatrist very soon and get on some heavy heavy medication to calm her down, then there is absolutely no way I'm going to tolerate this marriage.

Edited October 11, 2014 by insipidtoast

[Hypnos 6,576]

It sounds as if you were in like with your wife when you married her, instead of being in love. A marriage based on such a foundation isn't likely to last, as you are finding out.

You can either string it out for a few years and perhaps compound the problems by adding children into the mix, or instead pull the plug now and make a clean break for both of you.

[Boiler 43,431]

It sounds as if you were in like with your wife when you married her, instead of being in love. A marriage based on such a foundation isn't likely to last, as you are finding out.

You can either string it out for a few years and perhaps compound the problems by adding children into the mix, or instead pull the plug now and make a clean break for both of you.

Were you looking for an expedite some time back, Immigration wise there is no issue to cancel things.

[Villanelle 4,121]

First- No 864, no immigration. Period.

If your dad hasnt signed it, or if he does sign it and you receive it and destroy it instead of submitting it to them- then your wifes immigration is at a halt. Until they have an 864 that meets the criteria- no visa.

As for your personal issues. Clearly you must see you and your wife are NOT compatible. People can come along and post all kinds of 'helpful

posts explaining her behavior or encouraging you to stick it out, but the bottom line is sometimes people are just not compatible.

You want a wife who will behave a certain way- due to her emotional trauma/history- she is not it. You state youd be fine with her if she actively sought therapy and took heavy meds. She has no interest in doing such. Just like you cant force a square peg into a round hole, you cant make your wife be the woman you want her to be. You have to accept her for who she is- problems and all and you dont. So---incompatible.

IMO you should NOT present the 864 to the consulate. Advise them that you are no longer intending to immigrate as you will be divorcing. Then file for divorce and move on.

[Torete 121]

To answer your fundamental question, no, it isn't too late to back out.

[Newbie608 103]

I would run while I can because it doesn't seem like things will get any better.

[NikLR 13,220]

I agree with Capri.

[Ontarkie 13,915]

~~Inappropriate post removed, post constructively or do not post.~~

[Mark88 183]

You can still back out, and should.

[UnaMexicana 153]

It is not late as long as you do not submit the i864. RUN.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

I agree with all above. Sever the ties as quickly and completely as possible.

How wise is the old saying "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"...

[hir0 49]

I know what she went through, I've been through the same from a young age on & for way too years.. This is not an excuse for being a pain in the ###. I have been a pain in the b

[hir0 49]

Oh Gosh I hate using the mobile site, my texts always get sent like this ... I am sorry

I know what she went through, I've been through the same from a young age on & for way too years.. This is not an excuse for being a pain in the ### eventho I have been one myself in the beginning of the relationship. I made him pay for what happened to me in the past until he told me to stop he's a great man and he loves me to death but he won't put up with my attitude.

Have you tried doing that?

If it doesn't work... Then maybe it's best to part

[Hotter Otter 1,211]

Looks like you need to be out of that marriage and leaving aside whether its a good idea for you it definitely isn't fair on your dad to proceed!

[tringuyen 11]

Get the hell out before she ruins your life. Immediately call your dad and tell him not to sign the affidavit of support otherwise he will support her for 10 Years. Ignore her sob stories. You need to save your life before destroys it. I speak from experience.