Racism???

[Together0515 2]

Hi everybody,

My family experienced a situation today and I'm not sure what to think.

While racism can take various forms, I think it's my duty as a parent to protect my children from all its forms no matter how "subtle" some can be. Unfortunately, most people think that racism can only take obvious, aggressive and direct forms. The reality that a lot of people don't know is that several people won't be that direct about it, they can express it by more " politically correct" ways such us ignoring you, making comments about the way you look or just talking to you like if you don't even speak English. Trust me, I know! Since we moved to Oklahoma, I've been called a sand-n*****, my children half-breeds and ignored or made fan of from people thinking I don't speak the language. I am a Law abiding permanent resident, I help in my community, speak the language, go to school , work and pay my taxes and I'm still not treated with a minimum of respect. Don't get me wrong, most of the people I've had the pleasure to meet here were as good as gold ( I have lately told my mom that the the majority of the people of our community here were the nicest and most courteous people I have ever met) but I find it shocking, how in 2013, some people still can't look past the skin/hair/eyes color. No, I don't want special treatment, I just want to be treated like everybody else.

So long story short, we had to take our children to a trip to the ER today. After a few minutes, the RN calls our names to her office to file paper work and do all the routine checks before seeing the doctor. I could hear her talking and laughing with the parents that she had before us, but the moment we got in; her ton completely changed and she started entering data and asking questions like if we were at the police station ( First red flag but I thought Okay, maybe she just got tired or didn't like us) then she looks at my almost 2 year old with a nasty expression on her face commenting on how unmanageable her hair was! Please let me specify that she didn't have to deal with my daughter's hair or outfit at all, she didn't even have to touch her, all she was doing was filling out paper work and asking questions. Even though my daughter's olive skin is much lighter than mine, she's obviously a Bi-racial child with a very curly hair. Yes, sometimes, her hair gets out of control but you don't walk around telling parents that their children are too dark, too pale, unmanageable hair....etc especially when you are a health professional who has ethics and a moral code to follow. First off, I find her comment to be totally uncalled for; nobody asked her her opinion on our daughter's hair and she clearly didn't mean it as a joke. My husband was offended too, even though he refrained from saying anything to avoid starting any kind of conflict. I'm not being overly sensitive here but I do think that was rude, what if it was the other way around and I tell her that her " weight is unmanageable" for example? ( I don't mean to offend anyone ; weight here doesn't have any racial connotation, it's just one of many insensitive comments that can be made by people) I'm sure by now I would have a dozen of people outside trying to burn my house down and three Lifetime movies based on the incident...

What do you guys think? I'm usually one of the people who gets offended whenever the race card is played as a political asset or a way to manipulate or gain sympathy but in my opinion, her comment was just out of line. I'm just thankful that my daughter is still too young to understand....

What do you guys think? I just had to share it. Did you guys have any similar incidents and how did you handle them?

Edited November 4, 2013 by Together0515

[ricnally 258]

Oklahoma.

Edited November 4, 2013 by ricnally

[Cathi 5,630]

I think you're being overly sensitive

[Loveforever143 13]

Its not a big deal, nd i really cant see any racism involve in this.. are you really a deep thinker person?

saying unmannagable hairs is racism? Come on

[alguien 1]

Her words can only have as much meaning as you're willing to give them. I think you're being overly sensitive.

[Yagisama 93]

I can imagine subtle racism being more prevalent in Oklahoma than elsewhere. We're been living in OKC for the last year though temporarily for my work. I have noticed situations where staff are very cordial and playful with a person and then completely change when dealing with persons of other ethnicity. My advice would be not to worry about it too much and move on. I know it's easier said than done but don't dwell on it.

[Together0515 2]

Thank you guys for your honest opinions; I respect and value each one of them. It's just one of those situations that you have to witness as words cannot describe the situation as lived...... Maybe I am being over sensitive, maybe I'm not.

I would appreciate more input.

[Together0515 2]

I can imagine subtle racism being more prevalent in Oklahoma than elsewhere. We're been living in OKC for the last year though temporarily for my work. I have noticed situations where staff are very cordial and playful with a person and then completely change when dealing with persons of other ethnicity. My advice would be not to worry about it too much and move on. I know it's easier said than done but don't dwell on it.

You're right! Dwelling on the incident would just give them more power. I'm glad you noticed, it took time to my husband to notice how in the small town where we used to live some people would stop and make conversation with him for hours and not even say Hi to me. He wasn't native to the town either so it's not like they've known him for years, and I managed to maintain a 4.0 GPA so I don't think my English is the problem.

OR Maybe, for this specific situation, I'm just being too sensitive - as the other members pointed out- and in that case I would have to re-assess the situation and learn a valuable lesson on how I shouldn't see racism in every rude behavior.

[lierre 224]

Pick your battles. While it is true that that health "professional" could have been racist, you were not denied the appropriate medical care for your child. Words hurt. But, I suggest you only bat an eyelash when it affects your health, your reputation or your dignity.

Knowing that this exists in your community, you're now better armed to inform your child of what being colored means in a largely Caucasian society. Use this experience to learn, not to keep a grudge.

[journey95 5]

I think the incident is more of a case that this nurse thought (not her business) that you weren't keeping up with your child's grooming. Some health professionals think that they can give opinion on parenting and whatever else comes their way. Its not racism here but being a snob. I don't know what your child went to the ER for but maybe she related her unmanageable hair and clothing to her not being well taken care of? It would of been fine for you to tell her that her comment offended you , then she might have been embarrassed by her comment, people like her need to know it's not ok to say things like that.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Oklahoma.

^ Interesting place to choose to live if you weren't ready to face this issue.

I think the incident is more of a case that this nurse thought (not her business) that you weren't keeping up with your child's grooming. Some health professionals think that they can give opinion on parenting and whatever else comes their way. Its not racism here but being a snob. I don't know what your child went to the ER for but maybe she related her unmanageable hair and clothing to her not being well taken care of? It would of been fine for you to tell her that her comment offended you , then she might have been embarrassed by her comment, people like her need to know it's not ok to say things like that.

This as well. At least here, children are expected to be impeccably groomed - I spend time every morning and before we go out, braiding my daughters hair into elaborate hairstyles or doing something with it. Perhaps this is a "if you don't do something soon with this girl's hair, she's probably going to get made fun of at school" issue?

[sara..... 371]

I have two african american sisters a bi-racial sister and brother we are a mixed family with many different skin colors, hair and personalities.......we are also Muslim .......i think the reaction of the parent when something like this happens goes a long way in teaching the child how to handle hidden or flat out racism........for example i probably would have said in return yeah its one of those days im sure you know what a bad hair day is like. rolled my eyes...and gone on my way.....or something like that....people that are racist only get their power from the way that we react to their comments or actions.....if we portray a relaxed attitude...smile and dont appear to be effected most racists dont know what to do.......by the way we live in a town of about 600 people......we found that as long as we are happy and out going most people return the kind of attitude towards us that we give out.......its kind of hard to say something mean to someone that is happy and smiling

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Aren't hospitals mandatory reporters for child abuse/neglect? I don't think that the comment you got was nice, but it was certainly not racist. Maybe if your daughter's hair was super messy the nurse thought she should ask about it to make sure the kid is being cared for (especially if the child is also in the ER, what happened to her?)

[MIDUVIL 34]

I'm black, my husband white, we have a bi-racial child.

I don't really think that it's racism, maybe being rude or inconsiderate.

I have this experience with my husband, with people talking with him more than with me.

But, I'm 100% certain that it's because my husband is much more outgoing than me; he is able to talk with stranger during hours talking about rain, weather, mechanics, sports....talking even when he is sleeping or alone, Me, i can stay hours without talking.

I don't know if you have my kind of personality...but I learnt more than 20 years ago (without doing it...lol) that I have to go also towards people. In my case, i think that it's more the problem.

And when i'm going towards people, it's better (except that i have a strong french accent and receive a lot of "blank stare"...).

Just my 2 cents.

Have a nice day.

[ConGau1981 56]

When I was in Vietnam I went with my fiance and her family to Vung Tau and I was the only white guy on the beach. I was confronted by a group of vietnamese men and even though I couldn't understand what they were saying I could tell it wasn't nice and my fiance just grabbed my hand and pulled me away. So racism is everywhere and it sucks. Ignorant people are impossible to win an argument with so don't even try. Later we went to Nha Trang and it was a completely different experience then Vung Tau