Racism???

[scienceworks 64]

People can be prejudicial and it exists all over the world. Two weeks ago while boarding a flight at Minneapolis, the gate agent (middle aged white male) addressed the men (similar age like me) in front of me as "Thank you sir" with a nice smile while when it was my turn, he turned grumpy and didn't greet. If he think a brown guy like me doesn't need respect, my attitude towards him is, "you are freaking gate agent, while I am a PhD with a higher IQ".

my thoughts to you is, if you get attitude, dole it out in the same measuring cup.

Edited November 4, 2013 by scienceworks

[RightClicK 17]

If i were in your place, I woulda have told her off that it wasn't her business specially if she commented on my child not me.

I'm generally a patient forgiving person but if it comes down to my baby, A hell gate would open on you.

And no your not being over sensitive but not too many people would really wear your shoe and none of us were there with you so don't expect much of understanding...No offense meant to no one..Just reality either you agree with me or not !!!

Edited November 4, 2013 by RightClicK

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

So sorry for the past racism you encountered with the remarks you described in your post.

Having been in interracial relationships I have been on the receiving end of numerous racist words

and actions as well and I am white.

Your experience in the ER was perhaps not racism but very rude. I have found that the medical history intake procedure is usually short and

unfriendly overall.

The remark about the hair was out of line. If she was concerned she could have at least put a smile on her face and said

something in a non offensive manner. What the heck ? Are you supposed to take them to the ER dressed up like they are going to a

birthday party ?

I would have said, she is ill, we are ill or whoever is ill and either you were too sick or she was too sick to worry about hair.

This is the ER !!!! You should see me when I just last week went to the ER. It was not a pretty sight.

One is supposed to have manageable hair in the ER ? Puleeaase ! Nonsense. It was unprofessional of her to say that.

I would have also said :"So you have a good hair day when you are very ill or what are you insinuating with that remark ?"

You do not have to be defensive in replying but assertive, replying should not be thought of as "not wanting to cause trouble"

but of clarification of what that person actually is meaning.

By the way, I have seen pics of your kids and they look absolutely adorable and I loooove the beautiful curly hair and

you are a gorgeous looking and gracious lady !

Perhaps some of the unfriendliness you have encountered in your neighborhood in the past is due to pure envy.

Sometimes people are just uncultured, ignorant and rude and sometimes they are racist.

Find a good strategy to process this behavior in the future.

You do not have to remain quiet. Speak up when offended, cool, calm and disarm them with confidence.

Sara's advice is a good way to handle it. Sometimes it requires a firmer way to reply but it's true, kindness works wonders, though

very hard to do in the ER not feeling well.

HUGS

[camden 20]

As a health care professional myself, you learn to keep your personal opinions to.yourself. I think the nurse was being offensive and rude. It was unnecessary and subjective info that she provided. When you receive your customer service survey, which most hospitals send out these days, comment there.

[QueenE 173]

The thing with judging a racist act that isn't overly obvious is that unless your actually there in the room to see how the exchange happened its hard to make other peoples see it for what it is. So the nurse could of possibly been racist but unfortunately we can't tell you yes or no because its complicated, but if your gut tells you something you should listen to it. If your not someone who automatically jumps at the race card then you probably have a good idea of when someone is being racist or not. Its hard to let it go, but try not to let it eat you up because that's doing more damage to your children than the lady's unnecessary remark (children know when something is bothering us). Next time though make a subtle remark back.. like ya she has messy hair cause she actually runs around and gets some exercise, say it while looking at the fattest part of her body and make sure she see you looking. Its petty but at least you would be satisfied.

Some random guy came up to me in the store to scold me to put a blanket on my daughter who sweating all over the place when she was younger. I just stared at his adult acne and that was the end of that.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

my attitude towards him is, "you are freaking gate agent, while I am a PhD with a higher IQ".

I'm not sure that is any better than racism. The man is earning a living and you think you are better than him because you *think* you are smarter and have a better education? How is that any different than him maybe looking down on you because of the color of your skin?

[Morningmist 76]

People can be prejudicial and it exists all over the world. Two weeks ago while boarding a flight at Minneapolis, the gate agent (middle aged white male) addressed the men (similar age like me) in front of me as "Thank you sir" with a nice smile while when it was my turn, he turned grumpy and didn't greet. If he think a brown guy like me doesn't need respect, my attitude towards him is, "you are freaking gate agent, while I am a PhD with a higher IQ".

my thoughts to you is, if you get attitude, dole it out in the same measuring cup.

Yeah happens to me all the time too. My husband is white and they all greet him at the airport all the time and completely ignore me. Even when we were getting our passports verified they treat me like I don't exist and don't even address me at all. It is annoying.

However, when I had traveled on my own, I've been greeted and not greeted in turns and not really singled out because of my race.

I don't know if it is racism what the OP faced but it was rude. I have an Irish heritage co worker whose daughter gets nasty comments about her red curly hair all the time. My coworker does say she has to spend a lot of time getting her daughters hair to look neat.

I would have called the nurse out. Some of them are too opinionated and they need to reminded no one asked them for their unsolicited remarks.

[Holly2234 66]

Im sorry you had this happen to you. It is often a case of poorly educated people who just don't realize that they are being offensive. I'm from England and i also speak perfect English and people still speak to others normally then turn to me and start shouting and speaking slowly...

My reply is often along the lines of "I speak better English than you so you don't have to shout". I also had another say to me "Speak proper English next time". I told him it was him with the problem and i can give him a lesson if he would like. But i always smile and tell them to have a good day whoever they are or whatever they said.

I work in a small village store where i'm the only foreign person. I don't care if i offend anyone with my responses because they offended me and since i work completely alone, people have to know i don't take ####### otherwise i will get problems.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself but be smart about it. Making them feel like they have won is not the way.

[HK12 273]

Oklahoma.

That is a really unsophisticated comment. What are you trying to imply with this comment - that all Oklahomans are racists? I live in Oklahoma, and I can tell you I have never met so many wonderful and nice people in my life (and I can tell you that, I have had to deal not with racism but extremely anti-German comments and behavior back in many countries in Europe, so I know what I am talking about!). Putting all Oklahomans into the same category of 'racists' and globally judging people by where they are from puts you into the same category as many of those racists.

To the OP: I am really really sorry this has happened to you. People like that are usually not very smart and sophisticated. I hope you will still enjoy living here in Oklahoma.

Edited November 4, 2013 by HK12

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

You're not going to be able to avoid jerks, it is what it is.

Live good and well and leave them to wallow in their own ignorance.

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I'm not sure that is any better than racism. The man is earning a living and you think you are better than him because you *think* you are smarter and have a better education? How is that any different than him maybe looking down on you because of the color of your skin?

He has phd and high IQ but probably zero EQ.

[Pinkrlion 2,614]

Welcome to America, your story is consistent with what happens daily to non-white families. You get the same ignorant comments on VJ, it does not change ever.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

Hi everybody,

My family experienced a situation today and I'm not sure what to think.

While racism can take various forms, I think it's my duty as a parent to protect my children from all its forms no matter how "subtle" some can be. Unfortunately, most people think that racism can only take obvious, aggressive and direct forms. The reality that a lot of people don't know is that several people won't be that direct about it, they can express it by more " politically correct" ways such us ignoring you, making comments about the way you look or just talking to you like if you don't even speak English. Trust me, I know! Since we moved to Oklahoma, I've been called a sand-n*****, my children half-breeds and ignored or made fan of from people thinking I don't speak the language. I am a Law abiding permanent resident, I help in my community, speak the language, go to school , work and pay my taxes and I'm still not treated with a minimum of respect. Don't get me wrong, most of the people I've had the pleasure to meet here were as good as gold ( I have lately told my mom that the the majority of the people of our community here were the nicest and most courteous people I have ever met) but I find it shocking, how in 2013, some people still can't look past the skin/hair/eyes color. No, I don't want special treatment, I just want to be treated like everybody else.

So long story short, we had to take our children to a trip to the ER today. After a few minutes, the RN calls our names to her office to file paper work and do all the routine checks before seeing the doctor. I could hear her talking and laughing with the parents that she had before us, but the moment we got in; her ton completely changed and she started entering data and asking questions like if we were at the police station ( First red flag but I thought Okay, maybe she just got tired or didn't like us) then she looks at my almost 2 year old with a nasty expression on her face commenting on how unmanageable her hair was! Please let me specify that she didn't have to deal with my daughter's hair or outfit at all, she didn't even have to touch her, all she was doing was filling out paper work and asking questions. Even though my daughter's olive skin is much lighter than mine, she's obviously a Bi-racial child with a very curly hair. Yes, sometimes, her hair gets out of control but you don't walk around telling parents that their children are too dark, too pale, unmanageable hair....etc especially when you are a health professional who has ethics and a moral code to follow. First off, I find her comment to be totally uncalled for; nobody asked her her opinion on our daughter's hair and she clearly didn't mean it as a joke. My husband was offended too, even though he refrained from saying anything to avoid starting any kind of conflict. I'm not being overly sensitive here but I do think that was rude, what if it was the other way around and I tell her that her " weight is unmanageable" for example? ( I don't mean to offend anyone ; weight here doesn't have any racial connotation, it's just one of many insensitive comments that can be made by people) I'm sure by now I would have a dozen of people outside trying to burn my house down and three Lifetime movies based on the incident...

What do you guys think? I'm usually one of the people who gets offended whenever the race card is played as a political asset or a way to manipulate or gain sympathy but in my opinion, her comment was just out of line. I'm just thankful that my daughter is still too young to understand....

What do you guys think? I just had to share it. Did you guys have any similar incidents and how did you handle them?

Can't tell if there was a connotation of some kind, but I can say that a kid that is ungroomed, unclean clothed, etc could be suspicious of being neglected by parents. Nurses among others are obligated to report and refer any suspicious behaviour to their state agency.

Perhaps she was just testing a reaction to better determine if it was neglect or not.

[Janelle2002 3,865]

I truly suggest that you thicken your skin for what is about to come to you and your kids.

Very rude, ignorant and racist comment. She works at a hospital. She sees people come in their with all kinds of conditions. Who is going to keep their sick child for another 1 to 2 hours to give them the perfect hairdo when they are sick.

The U.S. is still very closed minded and all are not happy about interracial couples. A lot of them will spit this the bible says be separate ####### at you.

Thicken your skin, ignore them, teach your children they are beautiful regardless of if their hair is curly, straight, their skins is dark, or light and make them happy with who they are. Some of these people you cannot change.

[scienceworks 64]

I'm not sure that is any better than racism. The man is earning a living and you think you are better than him because you *think* you are smarter and have a better education? How is that any different than him maybe looking down on you because of the color of your skin?

It is not. I clearly said that. Read it again. I said if that is his attitude, THEN, I behave the same.