K-1 Wife vanished after receiving conditional green card

[Xanax 349]

IF I MAY ADD:

This day was sort of blur. When I wrote that first blog, I hadn't thought about how the events occurred. I recall it was quite simple. Let me elaborate now.

When we were called into the room, the hearing officer escorted us in, told us to have a seat. She said how are things. Nothing was official yet! It was just a simple gesture of politeness. Same as a waitress or gas station attendant asking how things are. It was irrelevant. My response, irrelevant as it was mere courtesy. Saying the word "Fine" in response to such a gesture is again, irrelevant! IT WAS NOT A DESCRIPTION OF MY MARRIAGE

The hearing officer swore us in. She then asked my wife some standard questions. have you been a hooker? A drug dealer? committed any felonies? Ever been arrested? Deported from the United States, overstayed a visa and some other immigrant type questions.

Next she asked for documents. She asked for our marriage documents, our passports, her visa, her childs visa, her work permit (which she didn't even tell me she had, btw), my tax returns and my pay stubs. There may have been some others but I don't recall what they were. She asked a few questions about where we got married and some other things about how long I had worked my job and a few other things related to the documents.

That was it, she said that was all she needed and sent us back to the lobby to wait for her to process the green card. 10 or so minutes later she came back out and said my wife would have it in 2 to 3 weeks and thanked us for our time.

I'm sorry If I made it sound like I went in professing my marriage was fine. I did not! I replied "Fine" to an introductory, non official statement. I was never asked about the marriage nor did I ever have the opportunity to bring up any issues. I was prepared to explain that we were attending counseling, but it was obvious that no one cared so I didn't discuss it. If I failed by not bringing it up, I appologize. however having worked in in law enforcement for many years before this I know how legal proceedings work. If they don't ask, you aren't obligated to bring it up! I answered the questions and was dismissed.

So, now, I have no history of telling them the marriage was fine. Stop telling me I told them the marriage was fine. I DIDN'T! I answered there questions,

provided documents and left.

Hope that clarifies it for everyone.

Thank you.

This is how I see it:

You did not lie per se at the interview, because you were not sworn in, that's fine, But... by attending the interview and being there supporting your spouse you are saying that your relationship is valid and true, all is well etc.

[EAS 45]

Wonder what her side of the story is.

His side <--------------- "The Truth" ---------------> Her side

I wonder why the original poster posts such a story on an open board, asks for comments/help and is then offended when some tell him that he has not made the wisest of choices. I also wonder what the original poster could possibly have been thinking at the AOS interview. "Well, USCIS isn't asking about my relationship so I am not going to say anything about it."??????

[liluinlove 2]

Hi pal,

I have read you whole sorry - i honestly want to show my compassion. I know mane people here said that there is your mistake and all this stuff,,,

In this situation i would only suggest to file for divorce(1), report her as an immigration fraud(2) and (3) just remember - karma is a ###### and she will come back to her and struck with a hammer on her head twice as hard .

You showed from your side that you are a good man ( yes, may be the choice of your love was not the right one, but you know ###### happens) , you have a beautiful child who will soon become a young woman and most important ( no matter what an awful person this wife was ) she supports your decisions and even wants to help to work it out with the woman she just met.

You said she is from Eastern Europe - honestly, I am not talking about everyone in particular, girls are used to use man for money and ... You just met the one that was a professional in this...

Of course it shold've been a red flag from the first time she said that 3bd2bath home is not enough and also this ridiculous sum of money she requested every week. But we all do mistakes and we should learn on them.

i really want to wish yo all well and hopefully one day you will find the right one=)

Love is somewhere there

[Sheepwalk 12]

Not good at all. amazing when you think I went from corporate pilot to truck driver. God forbid I wanted to have a meal at Dennys or McDonnalds. It seems a wife should be worried her husband is ok out on the road supporting her. I had to eat canned foods heated in a portable 12volt cooker just so she could buy what she said she needed. It would be one thing if she was buying food for the children and her and I suffered so they could eat, but it wasn't. It turns out she was buying outfits, shoes and enjoying starbucks, mall days and other entertainment. A family can survive on $40,000 a year, not great but rent gets paid and food is put on the table. She made me feel like I earned so little I was a popper trying to provide for a queen.

Greg,

That woman is crazy. I am sorry you had to get hurt so much. She has no right to treat you like that. 40,000 is enough and if she wanted more she should have got her #### to work after she got the green card. If someone lies next time say by by.

[rlogan 2,036]

I'm sorry If I made it sound like I went in professing my marriage was fine. I did not! I replied "Fine" to an introductory, non official statement. I was never asked about the marriage nor did I ever have the opportunity to bring up any issues. I was prepared to explain that we were attending counseling, but it was obvious that no one cared so I didn't discuss it. If I failed by not bringing it up, I appologize. however having worked in in law enforcement for many years before this I know how legal proceedings work. If they don't ask, you aren't obligated to bring it up! I answered the questions and was dismissed.

Greg - My sympathies on how heartbroken you are and there is no personal judgement here. Part of the problem with open message boards is people take pleasure in rubbing salt in your wounds. One of the cowardly means of doing that is pretending they are asking an innocent question when it's really a snide remark like "I wonder if this guy is a pedophile; two sides to every story..." Just ignore it. They want to get you on the defensive. You could just as well ask "I wonder if you are a serial killer" in response. And since the truth is somewhere in-between then they're somewhere between a serial killer and normal. A run of the mill sociopath.

Enough of this vain effort. The government has already made the determination that the relationship was genuine. It's over. The only thing that could change this determination is if you found substantial bullet-proof evidence of fraud like being married to someone else at the same time, correspondence with someone saying she was defrauding you, a confession - it has to be something of extreme gravity to reverse an official determination. There are untold thousands before you who had spouses leave when they got their green card. It's too late.

You aren't thinking clearly, and one symptom of that is hoping you can out-manipulate a manipulator. She is an emotionally abusive, cunning predator. She's already proven more than a match for you so just get yourself free of her as soon as possible.

Edited February 23, 2013 by rlogan

[AmyWrites 593]

This woman is crazy. Don't even attempt to communicate with her. File for annulment/divorce, report to ICE, MOVE ON.

Look folks, when you BRING SOMEONE TO THE USA, think for yourself, "If she was American, would I be okay with her REQUIRING me to get a bigger house?". No, you wouldn't. You'd break up.

[J@L 0]

Well considering you lied to get her the green card you don't have many rights at this point.

I was touched by your story.

Jan

[J@L 0]

Well, here is my story. I am hoping someone can give me some insight. It's very odd according to my attorney, friends and even my "former" wife's friends.

I met a woman in Eastern Europe while working. She was my interpreter for a project I was doing. As luck would have it, things went well and we fell in love. We both shared the status of divorcee and single parent. We both had children close in age and both wanted to have a strong family again. Well, so I was told anyway!

I was foolish for accepting things she told me while we were deciding if this would work out. She divulged that she hadn't been honest with me. Her initial story of being a divorcee was untrue. Her version continually varied in degree from in process, to only physically separated to he still lives there and divorce hasn't even been filed yet. As a fool in love, I accepted this and believed she wanted to be with me. I know, very naive.

She got divorced, came here, and moved in with my daughter and I. Immediately things went downhill. She treated my 14 year old daughter like a criminal and accused her of stealing everything her daughter lost. When I was home she constantly complained about how poor living conditions were in the average 3BR 2BA suburban home, she accused me of abuse because I would only let her have $300 a week to spend after she blew through 2 paychecks nearly getting the power turned off. She insisted that her child have exclusive use of the family swimming pool and asked my daughter to get out. She would go to church with her daughter and refuse to take my daughter. When I told her we are spending to much money she said she didn't care. When I said keep it up and we will be living on the street she called the police and said I was an abusive husband! The police did nothing of course. As time went out she started sleeping in her daughters room and eventually put a front door keyed lock on the room. I told her to remove that from the door or I would have a locksmith come out and remove it (I didn't want to chance any potential threat of violence by doing it myself). She called the police on me again telling them I threatened her. Again they did nothing.

She convinced me we could work through this with counseling so we attended counseling. The day came for her green card interview and she was adamant that I attend with her if I had any hope of saving this marriage. I attended and told the officer things were good. My wife was issued her conditional green card 3 weeks later. The day she received the green card, she abandoned the home and left no information where she was going. She took several of my things, that at this point don't matter but just the principal of it. I couldn't even cook my daughter Thanksgiving dinner because she took my pots and pans. We had it at Dennys! What a life!

I wrote my wife a few emails telling her I wanted this to work. I was still in love with her. She finally wrote back and told me to go to anger management counseling and put my daughter into counseling and then she will consider returning home. I told her ok, we will do that (doing and saying are not the same). She didn't respond to me for over a month after that. I'm still not sure if she was just biding time or if she truly believed this counseling was something we needed. I told her be home by a certain date or I will file for annulment. a few weeks after the deadline she contacted me saying she was ready to make things work but I needed to move to Ohio. I was a bit shocked at that request, but I listened. She said I needed to make this move quickly so we could all rent a 3 bedroom home. She said it was much less expensive than in CA. True, but my job is in CA and to transfer to OH would take some time and preparation. Then she later told me she would move back to L.A. but only if I rented a place in Huntington Beach. My income would probably not qualify for a large enough place. She told me I didn't need to live there, but should rent one for her and her daughter and we can work out our issues later. I said if I could afford to live on the beach, don't you think I would be there already? I grew up near the beach of orange county surfing and playing on the sand! She told me to stop being such a cheap #### and do this if I want to save the marriage. I said I can't do that, I don't have the income. Finally after a few days she said she will return home but I had to get her a ticket in the next 2 days. I did some checking and although over priced, I could do it. I said fine, let me get them for you. I got into a car accident and was held in the hospital for one night. I couldn't contact her because she doesn't trust me with her new phone number. I can only use Email. She will call me from a private number. I had my daughter send her an email telling her the situation.

I got out of the hospital, and heard about 20 messages from her. The last one being if I don't call her back she is going home to Europe. I talked to her friend who told me the reason she had to leave so quickly was because she had been nearly raped by her roommate so she called the police. The police told her she had to leave since her name wasn't on the lease. Apparently there wasn't enough evidence of a crime to arrest the supposed attacker. I tried to contact her but she has refused any more contact with me and her friend has stopped talking to me now. I suspect my wife was upset that her friend told me what happened.

Now I have no more contact with her. I can only suspect this has all been nothing but a huge scam to get into the USA and pursue better career paths. I don't see the marriage as anything about love or family anymore. I would expect a loving wife to be concerned about my condition after even a short hospital stay. Instead she was just angry I didn't contact her even though she made it virtually impossible.

What are my rights? Will immigration do anything? When she asks for removal of conditions will they say no because she has not been my wife? If she says I was abusive even though there was never any evidence of such will she get away with it? If she says her famous line of "Financial abuse" which I have never heard of before her, will anyone care? Is only $200 -$300 a week for food and after bill expenses from a man who earns $40,000 a year abusive? I never wished anything bad upon her, but after all this I don't think she deserves to stay in the USA and I think her selfish arrogant attitude should be rewarded with no permanent green card.

I look forward to your replies. I reported this to ICE and USCIS, but no one seems to be too concerned.

[J@L 0]

I can't help it but I was really moved by your story.

Jan

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Perhaps thats why it has been suggested to not be in a hurry to divorce her. If I go to the hearing and present myself as the puzzled husband still loving his wife, but unsure why she hasn't been home in 2 years, it may be something they have to call. This was one idea I was presented. I have no idea if that will work, but I did file a missing persons report, so I could still be the man looking for his wife. Just a thought. Walk in and say, "Honey..are you ok, we have been so worried. What happened?" LOL.

No, she doesn't have that in writing, I was smarter than that. She called me thru Skype to my cell phone. A number that won't let you call back. That's when I said I was going to the counselor. In email all I have ever said was I want to make this work and something about being willing to work with her. I understand word games. What is interesting, her idea of anger management counseling is to take a one day 8 hour course. Not what I know about anger management courses as what I know about them is they are usually on going for a very long time. Not a one day class. Personally I think she is saying anger management when it should be conflict resolution. Disagreeing is not anger management, throwing things or kicking someone's behind is anger management. Disagreeing without violence is called life and how it works sometimes.

Counseling might be good for my daughter. Im sure having her natural mother abandon her and now a step mom hating her can't be good. Any thoughts on asking my daughter to exit the pool so her daughter could swim? It's a 16 foot round pool. It seems she was just absurdly over protective of her daughter. To the point that mine was treated like a threat to her well being. I'm wondering if she just had to kiss #### to her daughter to get her to stay in the USA. She did tell me that they had to offer her daughter the right to come home if she wanted to and my wife made it very clear she did not want to leave the USA.

There is no way you will find out her ROC interview date/time. You are MUCH better off filing for divorce asap and making it as quick and painless as possible. This makes you look better than dragging out a divorce. They could assume you did it to damage her status (which is why you would be doing it) and that can be considered a form of abuse.

Okay good that she doesn't have anything damaging in writing.

In my opinion, asking your daughter to get out of the pool was her way of putting your daughter firmly at the bottom of the totem pole, ensuring she realised she was nothing. That no-one wanted her around and that your "new" family were more important than her. I would not be surprised if stuff happened, or stuff was said, that you don't know about. Think about everything your wife said to you, and now imagine the impact of such comments on your 14 y/o.

I think your daughter needs to see someone to make sure she talks about anything that's upsetting her... but ask her if she wants to talk to someone. Talk to her yourself first.

[dwheels76 5,463]

I am so sorry and saddened to read this. And to know she has a child also. Thank God for your daughter, she seems like a well put together young lady. That has alot to do with you. How you handled this situation will help shape how she feels she should be treated as a women. Good for you being the grown up one.

But I am so curious whenever I read these stories of the immigrant leaving soon after arrival. I mean you are in a new country I guess you know no one or how things work. Where do they go? The resources? It's just baffling to me. Okay sorry just wondering out loud.

[InHisTime 110]

Hello Sir, I am so sad about your story. When I read everything how you narrated your story, I just felt that you have a good heart. If you are telling all truth here, then I am telling you -- please MOVE ON and you don't deserve a heartless wife. She was very lucky to have you. Yeah, your financial support may not that enough, but she should be grateful and honored that her husband loves her and doing everything to make things work. She was so lucky and she clearly used you -- because if she isn't into just getting GC, she should try to work out and stay as you treated her well, especially now she got the GC. She can start working and contribute to the expenses of the family and start saving to achieve the quality of life she desires having to, but instead she left and abandoned you. What a life? Now, accept it and move on as God never sleeps.

I was on K-I and my kids were on K-2 and we decided to come home after staying together with my then Fiance because we find it so hard to blend with their house rules especially the attitude of my then mother-in-law to be. We were also accused of many things which we haven't done and always looking for our mistakes and very mean to us. So in short, we were not happy leaving in the US, so I decided to come home and didn't marry. I always think of the welfare of my kids. I work hard for them so I cannot just marry someone who would not accept them well. I don't want to marry just because of GC and then my kids weren't happy because of our situation. We live a healthy, comfortable and happy lives in our country so I expected that was also in the US.

We didn't over stay in the US so we have good background in the embassy. I have a good job here in my country and I am back with my life. I am sharing this to you -- to let you know that not all in third world countries are scammers of GC. Yes America is nice country, but what is important to me is peace of mind and I am loved well with the man I have given up my life and family here just to be in the states with him. I am saying your wife was so lucky because you have given him financial support, while me I haven't receive any money while I was there. But I was Okay with that as even then I am a very independent woman. I had to buy all foods that we need to eat while staying with them. I had to pay for all the shopping we had together with my kids. It was good I had some cash when I went there. So, I think not all would-be immigrants especially from third world countries are just after the GC. I am not bitter about my experiences but of course I have learned a lot of it and even thankful that God brought me be back home safely.

I wish you and your daughter the best of life. God bless.

Edited February 23, 2013 by InHisTime

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

But I am so curious whenever I read these stories of the immigrant leaving soon after arrival. I mean you are in a new country I guess you know no one or how things work. Where do they go? The resources? It's just baffling to me. Okay sorry just wondering out loud.

There is usually a community from their home country they can turn to. I know when I lived in New York, Russians/Ukrainians seemed to know each other and there was even this sort of compound around the Orthodox Church where a lot of the recent immigrants lived.

There is also the possibility that they have been speaking to another man or woman in a romantic sense.

Edited February 23, 2013 by Nola123

[Brian1967## 119]

Gregg there are a lot of information sources on the internet. Some of the forums that a Russian or a Ukrainian Immigrant would use are www.russianfiance.com or www.vk.com these are social websites there are also friends here you may not have known about that coached her. And yes I throw these two websites under the bus, And I am going to say not all women on these sites are bad or have ill intentions to defraud their husbands but I hate to say you have been screwed. Sorry for the loss I Really do know how you feel trust me.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

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