Unaware of what is really going on????

[Lady J 1]

You're assuming too much, too soon, you (so far) sound more credible than him, he looks suspicious just for the so little you've shared about him, please take action before it's too late. We can't force you to do things, but it's helpless if you come here to ask for advice, and your not willing to even help yourself.

[/quote

Trust me I am starting to see the picture here, this will be the plan B/C he is always referring to when I listen to his conversations and also what he means by telling me he has witnesses. Like i said before i have only sent him texts discussing any problems a husband and wife would if they were in a real marriage..I never threatened him harm, I did tell him if this marriage was fraudulent on his part I wanted no part of it because it was a crime..but of course he probably deleted that one. If I could kick myself I would, because ultimately I got myself in this mess and aas of today I have kept digging the hole even deeper. I appreciate your advice and info, and it will not go to waste.

[newhallone 2]

Leave, turn him in, and get a restraining order on him.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

If he accuses you of abuse, he needs to prove it for any legal action to be taken. This is why we are suggesting that you leave, before he starts realising that his green card wife is likely to leave him high and dry by reporting his illegal butt to USCIS. If you report him and stay then he's probably going to be angry and you may put yourself and your son at risk. If you report the situation to USCIS and leave his apartment, then he has no grounds to accuse you of abuse, because you will not be in his life to abuse him. Do you see what I'm saying here? Get your side of the relationship in writing (preferably having USCIS document it while you visit their offices) so that he cannot start making false claims in retaliation.

I know it's scary to have this hanging over your head, but the sooner you do it, the sooner those fears go away and you get a support network that can protect you. Please, if you won't start the process for yourself, think of your child and the mental and emotional harm that you may be causing him by his witnessing the events that pass between you and your husband. You deserve better than this and there is no shame in having made a mistake. The shame would come in choosing to keep living with something you know is wrong.

Be strong.

Many states (maybe most) have mandatory arrest laws for domestic violence. If someone calls the police and claims they were abused, and the police see any evidence of physical abuse - scratches, bruises, etc., then they are compelled to make an arrest. If she is ever alone with him then he can smack himself around and call the police and blame it on her. If he knows she's alone, even if she's not with him, then he can do the same and she won't have an alibi. This is a serious risk, and if he's getting guidance from people who understand the law then they'll be able to tell him how to pull it off. There are web sites that specifically instruct immigrants how to do this.

She needs to lawyer up, and she needs to make sure she's never alone.

[moroccanwife 11]

If I were you...I would go to that interview and give them an ear full of information.

[newhallone 2]

How are things going??

[Lady J 1]

Well, I finally woke up. This past weekend I went to a party with him, he got a DUI after he refused to let me drive... And then ran off road, down into an embankment. He wanted me to say I was driving- I REFUSED.... he then proceeded to blame me for everything that happened. I discontinued contact with him, changed my phone number, and re-filed the divorce... Guess it took coming to near death and then being blamed for it to wake up. At this point, his interview is THursday, haven't served the divorce papers yet, just filed yesterday. I do not feel comfortable contacting his attorney, to let her know I WILL NOT be attending interview, so should I notify USCIS in writing or should I go there and let them know what's going on, at this point I'm afraid of him and don't want to risk coming in contact. Thanks everyone for you advice, this time I will not look back, just want this nightmare to end.

Well, I finally woke up. This past weekend I went to a party with him, he got a DUI after he refused to let me drive... And then ran off road, down into an embankment. He wanted me to say I was driving- I REFUSED.... he then proceeded to blame me for everything that happened. I discontinued contact with him, changed my phone number, and re-filed the divorce... Guess it took coming to near death and then being blamed for it to wake up. At this point, his interview is THursday, haven't served the divorce papers yet, just filed yesterday. I do not feel comfortable contacting his attorney, to let her know I WILL NOT be attending interview, so should I notify USCIS in writing or should I go there and let them know what's going on, at this point I'm afraid of him and don't want to risk coming in contact. Thanks everyone for you advice, this time I will not look back, just want this nightmare to end.

[rlogan 2,036]

Well, I finally woke up. This past weekend I went to a party with him, he got a DUI after he refused to let me drive... And then ran off road, down into an embankment. He wanted me to say I was driving- I REFUSED.... he then proceeded to blame me for everything that happened.

Sweet. He sounds like quite a catch.

I discontinued contact with him, changed my phone number, and re-filed the divorce... Guess it took coming to near death and then being blamed for it to wake up. At this point, his interview is THursday, haven't served the divorce papers yet, just filed yesterday.

Well you can always forgive him. The odds are if you got him immigrated he would bump you off for insurance money or something like that.

I do not feel comfortable contacting his attorney, to let her know I WILL NOT be attending interview, so should I notify USCIS in writing or should I go there and let them know what's going on, at this point I'm afraid of him and don't want to risk coming in contact. Thanks everyone for you advice, this time I will not look back, just want this nightmare to end.

You sound like the kind of person that should not be in his manipulative clutches. So putting it in writing is probably a better idea. Good idea to stay away from him completely and most especially never, never be alone with him. State your case (that you are dropping the application) clearly, and stick with the facts. His previous history along with that will do the trick.

[milimelo 4,194]

I'd go to the scheduled interview to make sure they understand what is going on and hopefully take in writing the reasons why you're not going through with sponsoring him. If you're not there, he or his attorney could possibly blame you for everything and you don't want that. You can go early and say why you're there and request to speak to an IO before the interview.

[designer 2]

Well, I finally woke up. This past weekend I went to a party with him, he got a DUI after he refused to let me drive... And then ran off road, down into an embankment. He wanted me to say I was driving- I REFUSED.... he then proceeded to blame me for everything that happened. I discontinued contact with him, changed my phone number, and re-filed the divorce... Guess it took coming to near death and then being blamed for it to wake up. At this point, his interview is THursday, haven't served the divorce papers yet, just filed yesterday. I do not feel comfortable contacting his attorney, to let her know I WILL NOT be attending interview, so should I notify USCIS in writing or should I go there and let them know what's going on, at this point I'm afraid of him and don't want to risk coming in contact. Thanks everyone for you advice, this time I will not look back, just want this nightmare to end.

This is almost to unbelievable! After everything you posted prior to this post, YOU went to a party with this creep? And then you drove with someone you knew was drunk?

I'm a bit skeptical if this is actually the USC posting. But in the event it is the USC wife:

Lawyer up and FAST.

Get out of that apartment. I would not hesitate to call your local Police and inform them of your move and request officers be present for safety reasons. Tell them there is a history of (un-reported) domestic violence.

On your way out (but before the cops get there) get into that locked room and take photos of anything and everything.

Seek a restraining order, YESTERDAY. Use whatever you can from that locked room to help with this.

Make an info-pass appointment, yesterday.

[Eric-Pris 1,602]

Well, I finally woke up. This past weekend I went to a party with him, he got a DUI after he refused to let me drive... And then ran off road, down into an embankment. He wanted me to say I was driving- I REFUSED.... he then proceeded to blame me for everything that happened. I discontinued contact with him, changed my phone number, and re-filed the divorce... Guess it took coming to near death and then being blamed for it to wake up. At this point, his interview is THursday, haven't served the divorce papers yet, just filed yesterday. I do not feel comfortable contacting his attorney, to let her know I WILL NOT be attending interview, so should I notify USCIS in writing or should I go there and let them know what's going on, at this point I'm afraid of him and don't want to risk coming in contact. Thanks everyone for you advice, this time I will not look back, just want this nightmare to end.

Sorry, I'm not buying this fairy tale. But who knows, maybe there are women so desparate for a man that they would marry an illegal who's been married twice before (obviously seeking a GC), allow him to beat them, keep secrets from them, accuse them of abuse, and still go out to a party with a creep (& drunk driver) like that?

Edited June 28, 2011 by Eric-Pris

[Harsh_77 716]

Yep, I would agree its hard to believe case that after so much abuse and knowing whats happening OP was still in contact with her husband.

[rlogan 2,036]

One can never rule out even an elaborate troll, but this is hardly an exceptional case.

Lady J you asked about resources. If you google "how to deal with manipulative people" you are going to find this is a well-understood science. Their strategies and tactics have names. There are different categories of manipulative specialists. My favorite book is "In Sheeps Clothing". There are many good ones, but that one is superb for understanging how a guy like your husband operates. More imporantly, it gives you insight into yourself. Manipulative people choose their targets in the same way a purse-snatcher looks for the "victim stance", as criminologists call it. They're hunting for the trusting and naiive person, too willing to give the benefit of the doubt.

You asked how can people like this exist, and the problem is that they simply exist, and on much graver scale like with serial killers and mass murderers. There's nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can change is yourself, like mainly how not to become victimized by manipulative people. Some of us are disabled in being unable to separate words from deeds.

The most interesting thing of all is hearing you say that you should have listened to your gut, because this is what the books say to learn how to do.

[Darnell 8,478]

If this is a green card interview, then I suggest you go, but go by yourself, check in at the front desk, tell them you are withdrawing the I-864, affadavit of support.

Bring a letter with you, simply stating that you are withdrawing the affadavit of support, give it to the clerk,

and

ask to see the ICE Shift Supervisor.

[Lady J 1]

I understand how the people who posted negative comments feel trust me I do. But as my counselor suggested I seemed to have gotten into a "battered woman" type syndrome, I am going to counseling, to ensure nothing like this ever happens to me again, plus I am absolutely ashamed of myself that I kept subjecting myself to this, with the false pretense I was in a "real marriage" I faced the fact it's time to get my act together, because more important than me, I have a child to raise who needs me. I have filed my divorce, paid to have the papers served, and have decided that I will go early to the office tomorrow morning and withdraw my petition, and have explained in writing the reason why.

[rika60607 215]

Excellent plan! Stay strong.

I understand how the people who posted negative comments feel trust me I do. But as my counselor suggested I seemed to have gotten into a "battered woman" type syndrome, I am going to counseling, to ensure nothing like this ever happens to me again, plus I am absolutely ashamed of myself that I kept subjecting myself to this, with the false pretense I was in a "real marriage" I faced the fact it's time to get my act together, because more important than me, I have a child to raise who needs me. I have filed my divorce, paid to have the papers served, and have decided that I will go early to the office tomorrow morning and withdraw my petition, and have explained in writing the reason why.