Unaware of what is really going on????

[Lady J 1]

I am also afraid of him using this VAWA claim, I keep remaining stuck in the ideal that I am in a real marriage so I keep going back "trying to work things out" we have argued in past and I have sent him text messages none threatening, but just the typical ones a wife would send her husband as to why he was mistreating her, I have never hit him.. But he is always claiming he has some type of evidence or witness on me for what I don't know, never have committed any crimes. But I know his people will lie for him. I am staying with my grandma for a bit as we speak, cause things got to hard with him., on a occasion or two he has threatened to call police on me because I am not on his apartment lease? Don't want to risk my freedom and child's welfare by going to this interview, not a criminal and dont want to be perceived as one. But my gut is so uneasy and I am stressed to extremes with this. Thanks everyone

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; My advice is to get the heck out of there ASAP!!

He is USING you like crazy!! He doesn't treat you like you should be treated. In a good marriage you don't have anything to hide from each other. It's clear that he is far from being a good, truthful and faithful husband.

There is a possibility that he is doing some illegal stuff in his "office". Maybe he is helping others to get in the US illegally, you never know. What if it's other criminal stuff he is working on.. It's just a thought, you never know!! And you don't want to put yourself and your CHILD in this kind of situation with this, appearantly "stranger"...

Maybe you can live with your grandma, since she needs help, like you mentioned before. Help her out and you have a SAVE roof above your head and that from your child.

Report him immidiately, don't stay with this guy because he doesn't do you any good and his intentions seem to be waaaaay different from yours.

Take our advice here on VJ, some have dealed with a lot of cases simular to yours and they know what they are talking about.

LEAVE and don't look back..

.. GOOD LUCK & keep us posted

[Ironman140 45]

Please seek help from a local shelter . I'm sure others can post link of some near you. You need to get away from he's circle of people they will only draw you down the wrong road. You need outside help from others who will not push you into the wrong decisions . Your child's interst comes first. How will he survive if you go down this road.

Good luck

I am also afraid of him using this VAWA claim, I keep remaining stuck in the ideal that I am in a real marriage so I keep going back "trying to work things out" we have argued in past and I have sent him text messages none threatening, but just the typical ones a wife would send her husband as to why he was mistreating her, I have never hit him.. But he is always claiming he has some type of evidence or witness on me for what I don't know, never have committed any crimes. But I know his people will lie for him. I am staying with my grandma for a bit as we speak, cause things got to hard with him., on a occasion or two he has threatened to call police on me because I am not on his apartment lease? Don't want to risk my freedom and child's welfare by going to this interview, not a criminal and dont want to be perceived as one. But my gut is so uneasy and I am stressed to extremes with this. Thanks everyone

[Channah&Aaron 51]

; btw, because you are not on his apartment lease isn't an illegal thing, so don't worry about that.. Thousands, if not millions couples haven't put both their signature on the lease together. He can threat all he wants about that one, but it's not illegal not being on his lease.

Though he has the right to ask you to leave since it's his appartment, but you should be far gone before he even asks although you are his only tie here in the US.

Do NOT feel sorry for him, it's really time for you to think about yourself and your child only... He is here illegal, let him deal with his own sh*t... you have your own life to take care of...

Edited June 15, 2011 by Channah&Aaron

[Used to be broken 143]

He had married another African-American woman during that time frame of us not communicating-she divorced him. Suddenly in October he tells me he wants me to go see a lawyer with him, i am very suspicious as to why but he was very elusive(of course). So its veryn early in October i dont remember exact date..but we go to lawyer and the minute i get there, i start seeing things relating to immigration, I was still kinda confused because as far as I knew he had been here for like 20 years (figured all that immigration stuff was squared away) Low and behold the lawyer asks me if

[Dave and Kinnari 31]

I think it's time for you to gather your things and leave and call USCIS from a safe location and get him out of here.

People like this that try to bend the rules and hurt people in the process make me sick.

Good Luck to You!

[Lady J 1]

Yeah I think I have made some major mistakes here..I can see him trying to claim I caused him mental anguish because he knows he cant prove I physically harmed him. his case is complicated anyway-he has a DUI...discrepancies as to how he entered counrty..he's been nmarried twice once here and once in Canada Now I wish I wouldve called the police when he slapped me or the other times he's touched me. I filed for divorce, but cancelled out of feeling sorry and out of fear of retaliation from him,and actually thinking we were going to work things out. we went to his attorney and she asked me if I was going to interview with him I said yes, but the more and more I replay how he has treated me and the fact that I have no clue as to what is going on here, I am re-evalutaing this situation before I go to this interview and it is too late for me. I wish I would have listened to my gut,but i just keep trying to give benefit of doubt..not realizing how desperate this person is to stay here, how do I really no what he has planned to do to me- he has a lawyer, friends who work at immigration and a friend who is a immigration attorney, I'm really getting scared here-I think it is time that I got my own attorney because I now see a battle ahead of me, I dont want any part of this anymore..because if i think it is a sham on his part..what can I really expect USCIS to feel. I have to reprogram my mind into thinking this is not a real marriage, and need to let this go. How are people so damn cruel, and how can I be so damn stupid..my family has not liked this from the start and they tried to warn me, but of course out of the love for him I didnt listen, and blamed them for not accepting my marriage, as I sit here typing this the red flags are going off in my mind one by one. He is a typical abuser, made me feel I was crazy and lacking, and the reason why he has treated me the way he has, and sadly I believed it. If anyone knows any numbers or resources please I'd appreciate them.

[Casprd 167]

Definately report the situation to USCIS to protect yourself if nothing else. The last thing you want is even the accusation of abuse over your head. Get it all on record now so you are protected.

As others and I have said, contact the local women's shelter. They have attorneys who can help you out. The shelter is more than just a place to stay, it is a network of assistance and aid that will be available to you.

[Channah&Aaron 51]

Yeah I think I have made some major mistakes here..I can see him trying to claim I caused him mental anguish because he knows he cant prove I physically harmed him. his case is complicated anyway-he has a DUI...discrepancies as to how he entered counrty..he's been nmarried twice once here and once in Canada Now I wish I wouldve called the police when he slapped me or the other times he's touched me. I filed for divorce, but cancelled out of feeling sorry and out of fear of retaliation from him,and actually thinking we were going to work things out. we went to his attorney and she asked me if I was going to interview with him I said yes, but the more and more I replay how he has treated me and the fact that I have no clue as to what is going on here, I am re-evalutaing this situation before I go to this interview and it is too late for me. I wish I would have listened to my gut,but i just keep trying to give benefit of doubt..not realizing how desperate this person is to stay here, how do I really no what he has planned to do to me- he has a lawyer, friends who work at immigration and a friend who is a immigration attorney, I'm really getting scared here-I think it is time that I got my own attorney because I now see a battle ahead of me, I dont want any part of this anymore..because if i think it is a sham on his part..what can I really expect USCIS to feel. I have to reprogram my mind into thinking this is not a real marriage, and need to let this go. How are people so damn cruel, and how can I be so damn stupid..my family has not liked this from the start and they tried to warn me, but of course out of the love for him I didnt listen, and blamed them for not accepting my marriage, as I sit here typing this the red flags are going off in my mind one by one. He is a typical abuser, made me feel I was crazy and lacking, and the reason why he has treated me the way he has, and sadly I believed it. If anyone knows any numbers or resources please I'd appreciate them.

You shouldn't be scared about a fact that his "friend" the Immigration Attorney, he prolly uses his friendship with him too, that he can do any harm to you. The only one who should be scared is your HUSBAND as of he is here in the US ILLEGAL. Contact USCIS, explain your situation and go from there. Atleast they will know what is going on... Don't let the things he say scare you, because you're an USC, he is in this country and should follow the rules. Since he didn't, the rest is his own problem. Don't let that become your problem. Focuss on the divorce, and keep in mind that you stand waaaaay stronger than him.

Good luck and please don't listen to your "gut" when it tells you to go back to him and give him an other benefit of the doubt. He has wasted too many chances, and in the end there is only one thing that he wants, unfortunately that isn't you.. but it's a Green Card.

Edited June 15, 2011 by Channah&Aaron

[J&N* 68]

You didn't think he was using you when he asked to marry you right after the court ordered to have him departed? It's obvious that he USED you, I'm very sorry to tell you that I don't believe he married you because he loved you, or your life would be so much different right now and you'd have had a husband who loves you, and respects you. Please, wake up. I wish you the best, don't let anyone take advantage of you, and your son, please think of your son as well, it's not just you.

[J&N* 68]

You didn't think he was using you when he asked to marry you right after the court ordered to have him departed? It's obvious that he USED you, I'm very sorry to tell you that I don't believe he married you because he loved you, or your life would be so much different right now and you'd have had a husband who loves you, and respects you. Please, wake up. I wish you the best, don't let anyone take advantage of you, and your son, please think of your son as well, it's not just you.

IF he is doing something rather shameful and illegal (in that office of his), and he gets caught, the police would *assume* that you knew about it, helped him escape and stay by marrying him, and covered up for him, until you prove to the police otherwise, you won't look so good.

[Operator 1,925]

Yeah I think I have made some major mistakes here..I can see him trying to claim I caused him mental anguish because he knows he cant prove I physically harmed him. his case is complicated anyway-he has a DUI...discrepancies as to how he entered counrty..he's been nmarried twice once here and once in Canada Now I wish I wouldve called the police when he slapped me or the other times he's touched me. I filed for divorce, but cancelled out of feeling sorry and out of fear of retaliation from him,and actually thinking we were going to work things out. we went to his attorney and she asked me if I was going to interview with him I said yes, but the more and more I replay how he has treated me and the fact that I have no clue as to what is going on here, I am re-evalutaing this situation before I go to this interview and it is too late for me. I wish I would have listened to my gut,but i just keep trying to give benefit of doubt..not realizing how desperate this person is to stay here, how do I really no what he has planned to do to me- he has a lawyer, friends who work at immigration and a friend who is a immigration attorney, I'm really getting scared here-I think it is time that I got my own attorney because I now see a battle ahead of me, I dont want any part of this anymore..because if i think it is a sham on his part..what can I really expect USCIS to feel. I have to reprogram my mind into thinking this is not a real marriage, and need to let this go. How are people so damn cruel, and how can I be so damn stupid..my family has not liked this from the start and they tried to warn me, but of course out of the love for him I didnt listen, and blamed them for not accepting my marriage, as I sit here typing this the red flags are going off in my mind one by one. He is a typical abuser, made me feel I was crazy and lacking, and the reason why he has treated me the way he has, and sadly I believed it. If anyone knows any numbers or resources please I'd appreciate them.

Sounds like you have your head on straight now. Try here http://www.womenshealth.gov/Violence/state/StateResourcesDetail.cfm?ID=3754

Best of luck to you. Protect yourself and your son.

DO NOT LOOK BACK!

[Lady J 1]

Thanks again everyone. Its really sad that I have to worry about someone who abused me, go and file a claim that I abused them to get a visa. I filed divorce and i shouldve not looked back, then I go and cancel it..and if I file again I am sure he and his lawyer will use this as a claim of him being subjected to some kind of mental cruelty. Before this all, I was a single mother raising my son in peace, no kind of worries like this..if he accuses me of abuse, will it go on my record and could i go to jail?

[J&N* 68]

Thanks again everyone. Its really sad that I have to worry about someone who abused me, go and file a claim that I abused them to get a visa. I filed divorce and i shouldve not looked back, then I go and cancel it..and if I file again I am sure he and his lawyer will use this as a claim of him being subjected to some kind of mental cruelty. Before this all, I was a single mother raising my son in peace, no kind of worries like this..if he accuses me of abuse, will it go on my record and could i go to jail?

You're assuming too much, too soon, you (so far) sound more credible than him, he looks suspicious just for the so little you've shared about him, please take action before it's too late. We can't force you to do things, but it's helpless if you come here to ask for advice, and your not willing to even help yourself.

[Brit Abroad 166]

If he accuses you of abuse, he needs to prove it for any legal action to be taken. This is why we are suggesting that you leave, before he starts realising that his green card wife is likely to leave him high and dry by reporting his illegal butt to USCIS. If you report him and stay then he's probably going to be angry and you may put yourself and your son at risk. If you report the situation to USCIS and leave his apartment, then he has no grounds to accuse you of abuse, because you will not be in his life to abuse him. Do you see what I'm saying here? Get your side of the relationship in writing (preferably having USCIS document it while you visit their offices) so that he cannot start making false claims in retaliation.

I know it's scary to have this hanging over your head, but the sooner you do it, the sooner those fears go away and you get a support network that can protect you. Please, if you won't start the process for yourself, think of your child and the mental and emotional harm that you may be causing him by his witnessing the events that pass between you and your husband. You deserve better than this and there is no shame in having made a mistake. The shame would come in choosing to keep living with something you know is wrong.

Be strong.