Not adjusting to new life in the US

[Daisy.Chain 317]

Getting the K1 was not due to being the mother of USC child...just a happy coincidence - congrats!

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. You might try your local library, church or fb for activities to get to know others around you! Starting over is rough

[HRQX 4,145]

1 hour ago, Daisy.Chain said:

Getting the K1 was not due to being the mother of USC child...just a happy coincidence

Not a coincidence. As a parent of US citizen child OP met an exception to the relevant COVID proclamation way before the recent news regarding K-1 NIE: https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2020/03/16/2020-05578/suspension-of-entry-as-immigrants-and-nonimmigrants-of-certain-additional-persons-who-pose-a-risk-of

Quote

Section 1 of this proclamation shall not apply to:

(i) any lawful permanent resident of the United States;

(ii) any alien who is the spouse of a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident;

(iii) any alien who is the parent or legal guardian of a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, provided that the U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident is unmarried and under the age of 21;

(iv) any alien who is the sibling of a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, provided that both are unmarried and under the age of 21;

(v) any alien who is the child, foster child, or ward of a U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, or who is a prospective adoptee seeking to enter the United States pursuant to the IR-4 or IH-4 visa classifications;

(vi) any alien traveling at the invitation of the United States Government for a purpose related to containment or mitigation of the virus;

(vii) any alien traveling as a nonimmigrant pursuant to a C-1, D, or C-1/D nonimmigrant visa as a crewmember or any alien otherwise traveling to the United States as air or sea crew;

(viii) any alien

(A) seeking entry into or transiting the United States pursuant to one of the following visas: A-1, A-2, C-2, C-3 (as a foreign government official or immediate family member of an official), E-1 (as an employee of TECRO or TECO or the employee's immediate family members), G-1, G-2, G-3, G-4, NATO-1 through NATO-4, or NATO-6 (or seeking to enter as a nonimmigrant in one of those NATO categories); or

(B) whose travel falls within the scope of section 11 of the United Nations Headquarters Agreement;

(ix) any alien whose entry would not pose a significant risk of introducing, transmitting, or spreading the virus, as determined by the Secretary of Health and Human Services, through the CDC Director or his designee;

(x) any alien whose entry would further important United States law enforcement objectives, as determined by the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Homeland Security, or their respective designees, based on a recommendation of the Attorney General or his designee;

(xi) any alien whose entry would be in the national interest, as determined by the Secretary of State, the Secretary of Homeland Security, or their designees; or

(xii) members of the U.S. Armed Forces and spouses and children of members of the U.S. Armed Forces.

 

OP interviewed in Paris while the above proclamation was in effect. https://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=356786 That was the only K-1 visa issued at that post in that month: https://travel.state.gov/content/dam/visas/Statistics/Non-Immigrant-Statistics/MonthlyNIVIssuances/NOVEMBER 2020 - NIV Issuances by Post and Visa Class.pdf Page 42

Edited April 18, 2021 by HRQX

[TBoneTX 43,326]

6 hours ago, JFH said:

Anyway, here’s what I did. It may or may not work for you.

This entire post merits enshrinement in the pantheon of All-Time Greatest VJ Posts.

[Lucky2Lucky 2,526]

I just want to say hang in there. This is a tough time for all never mind moving to a new country, leaving your support system and being a new mother. Make sure you talk with your husband to tell him how you are feeling. I had a baby 5 months ago so I can relate to the new mom piece. It sucks not being to go anywhere with your baby but as more people get vaccinated and it gets safer you will be able to be out and about more. Then soon you’re EAD will come and you will be able to work. Set up FaceTime/zoom calls with your friends and family back home. It will get better!

[Villanelle 4,121]

Try googling 'volunteer from home'. There are tons of things you can do like homemade crafts (knitting caps for babies, sending cards to terminally ill children, care packages etc), there are also opportunities for those who are bilingual for translating things(translators with out borders)- or helping the visually impaired. You can also find some 'keep busy' type tasks through places like 'zooniverse' where they have projects you can join like identifying animals or logging weather data. You can also find some short tasks on catchafire. The most important thing is to find something that speaks to you. If you have any special skills it can be very rewarding to use them to help others and will look great on your future resume. But there are plenty of volunteer opportunities that dont require any special skills as well and those too will be looked upon favorably by future employers.

[Daisy.Chain 317]

16 hours ago, HRQX said:

Not a coincidence. As a parent of US citizen child OP met an exception to the relevant COVID proclamation way before the recent news regarding K-1 NIE: https://www.federalregister.gov/documents/2020/03/16/2020-05578/suspension-of-entry-as-immigrants-and-nonimmigrants-of-certain-additional-persons-who-pose-a-risk-of

 

OP interviewed in Paris while the above proclamation was in effect. https://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=356786 That was the only K-1 visa issued at that post in that month: https://travel.state.gov/content/dam/visas/Statistics/Non-Immigrant-Statistics/MonthlyNIVIssuances/NOVEMBER 2020 - NIV Issuances by Post and Visa Class.pdf Page 42

Oh, thanks! I didn't realize.

[Sego 31]

On 4/17/2021 at 1:12 PM, JFH said:

My situation was different but similar. There was no COVID when I arrived, I haven’t had to adjust to motherhood and I was able to work from the very beginning. But I went through similar emotions of feeling “lost” and that I would never settle here. It was almost like a grief for my old life. And I’d visited over 40 times before I moved! Case in point that no amount of visits can prepare you for living here. 
 

Anyway, here’s what I did. It may or may not work for you. Stop comparing things to back home. Accept that things are different here and the life you had in Europe has gone for good. Mourn the loss of it, for sure. But convince yourself to start to see things as “different”, not “wrong”. I’m in a group on Facebook for British ex pats and I see posts from people who’ve been here a decade of more still lamenting that they can’t find custard powder or fairy liquid here. Some of them even resort to importing things at huge expense from Europe. Don’t. Just find a new way to make custard or wash your dishes. Find a new way of doing things. I can’t stand the bread here. I grew up in a bakery that my family had owned for generations. Until I went to university I’d never eaten bread that wasn’t made in our own kitchen. The stuff they sell here and call bread, it’s an abomination. Yes, I know they sell so-called artisan stuff here. Still not good enough for me. Much too sweet. So I make my own now. And I actually enjoy it rather than seeing it as the twice-weekly chore that it was throughout my childhood. And much better than ordering from British food suppliers online. It’s my connection to my past and brings fond memories. Allow yourself the memories but don’t be angry that those days are gone. 
 

I’m finding that I’m less and less saying “we don’t do it like that at home” and more and more “that’s different. But it obviously works here”. Some things don’t change, and that’s OK. You will still be you. And your homeland will still be your homeland. But start to see it as a favorite vacation destination now, and look forward to going back again, rather than seeing it as a the home you been pulled away from. Carve out a new you. Keep some bits of the old you but accept that some bits are gone for good. When my mum comes to visit all I hear is “well we don’t do/say/have that in the UK”. My response? Well, this isn’t the UK. Things are not “wrong”, just “different”.
 

Last month I became a US citizen. People I work with were thrilled and sent messages of congratulations like I’d run a marathon. To me it was just paperwork. I’m still me. Someone said “how does it feel that you’re now an American?” And I really don’t know. I’m still me. Still can’t understand the rules of baseball. Still need to use a knife and fork to eat and will never be able to cut food with the side of a fork. Still expect “chicken salad” to be a garden salad with slices of grilled chicken rather than chopped chicken in mayonnaise. Still say “Aubergine” and not “eggplant”. But that’s ok. Not everything has to change. But not everything will stay the same either. 

It’s an adventure to be enjoyed. 

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective! I will definitely keep that in mind and what's funny is I went through the same process when I moved to Japan 4 years ago (I lived there for 2 years) and I remember giving up on trying to bring Europe to me and embrace 100% Japanese lifestyle (no more forks and knife to eat just chopsticks, eating rice the morning, giving up on sweet, etc etc) and I really enjoyed my time there but somehow it is harder to do this time. I guess some things I need to adapt to are just harder to accept for example not being to walk so much is very hard for me, I used to walk everywhere up to 20km so that's a brutal change!

 

But thank you again for sharing your experience, I am convinced that changing my mindset will help. 

[Sego 31]

On 4/17/2021 at 1:37 PM, E&W said:

I have the exact same timeline as you, except no child. And very very similar feelings. Immigrating to a new country is hard enough, Covid on top of all that is another level. Everyone keeps asking me how I like it living here and if there are big differences, expecting some deep insight. I just stare at them baffled, we barely go anywhere since it's a damn pandemic.
I'm lucky my mother in law is a huge crafter and a wonderful person, so she's helping me pick up a few new hobbies. I have plans for my career, part of which I need to research how to do here, so that's taking up a lot of my time. And those things help. Cleaning helps, organizing  the house helps. Figuring out how to cook foods I know and love with ingredients I get here. Living with a pet, after years of not having one. Getting plants to start a garden, to have something to care for and something to force me to get out of the house.  In short, building a life, or at least building a foundation for a life.

I still have bad days where I am wondering if I should just pack my bags and go home. But then I think of all my plans and everything I get to do and make here, and I start feeling better. Looking forward, not back. Remembering there were things I was unhappy about in my country too, that it wasn't perfect either.  Getting Vitamin D to help with the depressive feelings. Exercise. And sometimes just accept that you are having a bad day and that's just how it is today. And that's ok.
 

Thank you for sharing! We just moved to a new place so that will keep me busy a little bit:  organizing, cleaning, decorating the new place etc etc. Our previous place had zero light and I was not getting out everyday and I am sure the lack of sun was impacting my mood so so much. Looking forward for literally brighter days.

[Sego 31]

On 4/17/2021 at 2:01 PM, JeanneAdil said:

Daddy was Air Force so we moved a lot

then i married into IBM and we were sent to Belgium for 2 years/ not knowing the language was a huge issue for me so i took to studying French but Belgium is divided into 4 areas with French belgic, French German,  and the other 2 

2 years later back to USA and then 2 years after to Japan where i could not work so i went skiing and to the auto and motorcycle races.  but living there in an apartment the size of my bedroom and needing to go out every day to buy food for dinner was an adjustment

funny but the foreign countries were not that bad   /  not as bad as coming back to NJ and then to California

i find California has a lot to offer if you like the beaches or mountains but people there keep to themselves and making friends is hard

and i ,  a USC ,  did not feel comfortable in California

Thanks for sharing! I lived in Japan as well and it was definitely an adjustment but somehow easier than moving to the US and I didn't speak any Japanese, moved on my own etc etc. you'll think that Europe and US are more similar in a way so the adaptation will be easier but not so much for me.  I guess it depends what lifestyle you are into and how you adapt to each country. 

[Sego 31]

On 4/18/2021 at 5:33 AM, Luckycuds said:

I just want to say hang in there. This is a tough time for all never mind moving to a new country, leaving your support system and being a new mother. Make sure you talk with your husband to tell him how you are feeling. I had a baby 5 months ago so I can relate to the new mom piece. It sucks not being to go anywhere with your baby but as more people get vaccinated and it gets safer you will be able to be out and about more. Then soon you’re EAD will come and you will be able to work. Set up FaceTime/zoom calls with your friends and family back home. It will get better!

Thank you for your kinds words and congratulations! I guess our babys are born around the same time, our little girl is 5,5months

[Sego 31]

23 hours ago, Villanelle said:

Try googling 'volunteer from home'. There are tons of things you can do like homemade crafts (knitting caps for babies, sending cards to terminally ill children, care packages etc), there are also opportunities for those who are bilingual for translating things(translators with out borders)- or helping the visually impaired. You can also find some 'keep busy' type tasks through places like 'zooniverse' where they have projects you can join like identifying animals or logging weather data. You can also find some short tasks on catchafire. The most important thing is to find something that speaks to you. If you have any special skills it can be very rewarding to use them to help others and will look great on your future resume. But there are plenty of volunteer opportunities that dont require any special skills as well and those too will be looked upon favorably by future employers.

Thanks for the idea! I actually really like it and would love to find something to do to help but I am wondering, can I volunteer even without my work authorization ? 

[Sego 31]

Overall, I just want to say thank you to everyone who reply to my post. Reading your kind words and personal experiences was very helpful to help me see the bright side and find ways to embrace this new life. Very nice to know there is such a great community on visa journey where you can find some support when times are hard.

[HRQX 4,145]

25 minutes ago, Sego said:

can I volunteer even without my work authorization ?

Yes. As long as no compensation is involved, and the opportunity is officially advertised as a volunteer position, then you may participate. Many community-based organizations offer opportunities for volunteering.

[JeanneAdil 6,227]

2 hours ago, Sego said:

Thanks for sharing! I lived in Japan as well and it was definitely an adjustment but somehow easier than moving to the US and I didn't speak any Japanese, moved on my own etc etc. you'll think that Europe and US are more similar in a way so the adaptation will be easier but not so much for me.  I guess it depends what lifestyle you are into and how you adapt to each country. 

its not the same 

cultural differences are strong between Europe and US   

example i hung a wreath on the door for Christmas and neighbors came to express condolences for the death in my family

that's just one of the things i didn't know about

 

here in the US makes a difference if you live in northeast,  southeast,  northern middle ,  southern middle ,  southwest or northwest as moving from one to another is a cultural shock

 

and try Louisanna    (so totally different than all the rest) 

[Sego 31]

2 hours ago, HRQX said:

Yes. As long as no compensation is involved, and the opportunity is officially advertised as a volunteer position, then you may participate. Many community-based organizations offer opportunities for volunteering.

Thank you very much for the idea, I will definitely look into it.