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Sis in law breaking my marriage

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Australia
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On 7/10/2020 at 10:19 PM, minions2 said:

She wont stop at nothing to break my marriage with her brother and tbh im tired. We’re married for 4 yrs but been together for 10 yrs. but ever since we had a baby she became unbearable 

If it’s to the point where she’s affecting your relationship between you and your husband, then that’s a serious problem. Regardless, she sounds toxic. I’d say it’s time to remove her out of your lives completely. Just be there for your husband and reiterate all the horrible things she’s done, said, and made you feel. 

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On 7/11/2020 at 6:19 AM, minions2 said:

She wont stop at nothing to break my marriage with her brother and tbh im tired. We’re married for 4 yrs but been together for 10 yrs. but ever since we had a baby she became unbearable 

I agree with an above post. You don't have a problem with your sister in law- you have an issue with your husband who won't put up boundaries. It's on him to support you. I'd advise limited contact and even no contact, if that's not respected.

 

Both of you need to come up with a solution where she abides by your rules so as not to overstep her boundaries and affect your marriage. Good luck, keep strong.

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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On 7/11/2020 at 1:19 AM, minions2 said:

She wont stop at nothing to break my marriage with her brother and tbh im tired. We’re married for 4 yrs but been together for 10 yrs. but ever since we had a baby she became unbearable 


Good morning OP,

 

I don’t exactly know what you are going through but can share my experience. My marriage was at a breaking point recently (Feb 2020) where I felt as though my wife sided/confided in her mother when she should have confided in me. The dynamics with my wife and I were toxic so I left the house for a few weeks to think. What happened really hurt and actually when it came down to it when talking to my wife she understood my point of view. We are cutrently in counseling and doing well. 
 

i would encourage your husband to make boundaries with your sister-in-law. I did this with my wife stating it would take time for me to visit with her family again because of some things that happened. Although I said this, it was inevitable that I would see them again and she is my in law. Although your husband may make boundaries she may still continue to say things. On fourth of July weekend my mother-in-law apparently noticed me making a look when in reality I was watching a Nascar race on the TV which she happened to be in the range of sight of me watching TV. She asked if I was trying to be someone rude that visit to which I stated no. We were also playing cards at the time so I could not get up and walk away. I had to keep telling myself that I could not control what she said. 
 

I say all this to say yes, your husband can make boundaries, but there will be events eventually where you will see each other. Take some time to think of a game plan and follow realize what you can and cannot control. I hope this helps in some way.  

 

 

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Filed: Other Timeline

thank you everyone for the advice. but my husband said, she is the only family he have and have no plans of turning his back on her for the sake of our marriage and family. he said he will always be there for her no matter what. I honestly thought about divorcing him but I think about our baby. 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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Maybe moving to the other side of the country could help. I'm sorry for this, I hope he thinks of you and your child as his family because with a statement like that I would be tempted to divorce too. 

 

 

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Filed: AOS (pnd) Country: Australia
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4 hours ago, minions2 said:

thank you everyone for the advice. but my husband said, she is the only family he have and have no plans of turning his back on her for the sake of our marriage and family. he said he will always be there for her no matter what. I honestly thought about divorcing him but I think about our baby. 

Does she live close to you guys? 

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Canada
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7 hours ago, minions2 said:

thank you everyone for the advice. but my husband said, she is the only family he have and have no plans of turning his back on her for the sake of our marriage and family. he said he will always be there for her no matter what. I honestly thought about divorcing him but I think about our baby. 


So, when I had my issues with my wife earlier this year, one of them was that she went to her mother to discuss our problems instead of coming to me. For instance, instead of asking me what my intentions were, she would ask her mother. Don’t get me wrong, I think its great that my wife and mother in law have a great relationship, but her mother is usually going to side with her. I, on the other hand, leave my marriage issues out of my relationship with my parents, unless there are safety issues. 
 

When I came back from visiting my family in Canada and after a two week break, I told her that we needed counseling because there was no way I was going to live in chaos and feel unsafe. We got counseling and are doing much better. I hope your husband changes his mind about turning his back on his sister. When he married you he was saying you are first in his life. I hope if it came down to it he would pick you over his sister. I have reaped the negativity of being silent when I should not have and my wife is still attempting to forgive me about the situation 5-6 years later. 
 

I would consider counseling at the moment if you are having a hard time with his decision. Marriage is a two way street and I’m sure if you had to you would stick up for him to your family. 

 

 

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who is who ?   which one is the American Citizen, and which country is the foreign spouse from ?  I ask, as there's a blob of cultural issues to address, sometimes.  

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Uruguay
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Man, it is a tough one but I have an idea. If she and her bro would not stop - simply mention anything between you and your husband is only between YOU and your Husband, and he is not allowed to say anything to anyone else as well!*** - the situation I believe you could file a protection order. Just take all the screenshot and write down everything what was said and all in order to file for protection of order. I hope that will do... because the idea here is to stop her from bothering you and your Husband.

 

On the other hand, if your Husband clearly going to disband you just for his sister, you should be prepared of the issues that can come along in the future if he does not consider counseling marriage. You could try to see if anything can come up to get help for yourself as well from the counseling. I'm like the kind of person who thinks the two married couple are together to work out a plan in life and have it easy, not to allow thing to barge in and break it up.

 

Footnote***: The reason why I mentioned this was just because talking to other people are very likely never was a certified counselor, but they can often end up making things turn out worse because some talk of words can go into action... and action makes it worse. So why is it anyone else's business? Can the guy not deal with it himself, decide to seek out to his sister for info to help destroy? Or does he really want help from a counselor that help this situation?

 

By all mean if I get anything wrong, I apologize.

 

On a flip side, I had somewhat a similar situation but reversed position. My mother was asking me all kinds of questions that she can find any reason to provoke for anything and I was starting to think it's a mad house situation. I've been fine with my Husband, no drama, and then why is it only her bugging me to strictly force my husband to do something or else? If I'm willing to bear with something with my Husband, it's between me and him, not my mom. So I got so annoyed and I just calls it quit, no more communication with her because it just too much arguments as well other than just my Husband but other people too like my sister. Just no, I'm not going to put up with a toxic chat that get me mind stressed over something I can't do right away or whatever. Then that's when I realized it just other people are trying to gain me back in favor against my Husband so I preferred to stay with my Husband instead of the toxic people giving me trouble and stress all the times. At this time I only blocked the phone numbers and such, got threatened to have a welfare check on me just because I was not replying, and I told the other people I have connection with to block the number and all... or don't talk to me about it because I'm not in the game. Not trying to be rude but the reality is we don't need the haste and issues.

 

Hang in there, keep trying! It may take some time, but you will figure it out one way or the other. Human are dynamically powerful to handle situations.

Edited by WaterLeaf
Forgot to mention... /r/insaneparents, anyone?

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Mexico
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On 8/11/2020 at 10:09 PM, minions2 said:

I told him if the situation was reversed, i would choose him over my family. 
 

 

It sounds like he's not putting you and your child first. So sorry about that. 

 

I wish I could tell this to every married person but *when you marry you are starting your own family, your very own bubble to protect, anyone else attempting to break into that bubble and get in between a couple, should be stopped/ignored/avoided*

 

At least that's my westernized point of view, it could be a cultural thing too. Is the husband from another culture?

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