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JudeB77

Coping with homesickness

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Filed: Other Timeline
7 hours ago, mc962 said:

When my wife (also doing K1 -> AOS) feels homesick, she makes food from her home country. I'm not sure if that makes her more or less homesick 🤔  but at least it's delicious. 😆

OMG my husband too. Everytime he feels homesick he grills chicken outside to remind him of the Mediterranean cook outs they had with kabobs and such (but the only thing we can afford with his daily cookouts is chicken so chicken it is) and I'll tell ya.. I am POSITIVELY going to grow feathers here pretty soon if I have to eat one more grilled chicken. lol

 

OP,

 

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time and I know it's hard to see it know but it will get easier and the way you are feeling is completely comprehensible. My husband had the worst time when he arrived 2 months ago, mostly with our food (I'm Mexican and we like spicy lol). He went through a rough time a few weeks after he arrived but just this morning he said "It's gonna be weird going back to Lebanon to visit and eat without tortillas or salsa. I think I'm gonna take some with me." My Mom almost choked on her water and I almost cried in pride. haha

 

Staying home has really worn on him, so we make a plan to go out on the weekends when I'm off. Even if it's to a nearby park or a new place he hasn't seen. I know you mentioned the financial issue may be a bit of a pickle, so if planning a trip home right now is too much to budget for, maybe discovering nearby places or states would be fun. As others said, staying busy makes time fly. Try to dissect the culture in your area and really get to know it. You might find things in it that you find enjoyable and that's the key to starting to make that place feel like a home away from home.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

K1 Fiance Visa: 207 days & AOS w/EAD and AP: 180 days

Spoiler

K1 Fiance Visa: 207 days                                                                                                                               AOS from K1 w/EAD and AP: 180 days

09/12/18: NOA1 old site (9/17 new site)                                                                                                     05/22/19: AOS package mailed to Chicago, IL

01/28/19: NOA2 new site (old site never changed)                                                                                   05/24/19: USCIS Received date for AOS/EAD/AP

02/19/19: NVC Received                                                                                                                                05/29/19: Notice date for AOS/EAD/AP

02/20/19: Case Number Assigned                                                                                                               06/19/19: Biometrics Appointment

04/05/19: Interview - APPROVED!                                                                                                                06/14/19: Biometrics Completed - walk in

04/08/19: CEAC-NIV Application Received                                                                                                 08/06/19: Ready to be Scheduled for Interview Status

04/09/19: CEAC-NIV Administrative Processing                                                                                       10/11/19: Interview Scheduled status

04/10/19: CEAC- Issued                                                                                                                                 11/05/19: EAD/AP approved

04/12/19: Visa in hand                                                                                                                                   11/16/19: EAD/AP card Received

04/30-5/1/19: POE via IAH - Houston, TX                                                                                                   11/18/19: AOS Interview - APPROVED! same day status change to Approved, then New Card being Produced

05/10/19: I Do's!                                                                                                                                               11/25/19: Green Card in Hand

                                                                                                                                    

ROC:                                                                                                                                                                  

08/20/21: Filed ROC

08/23/21: USCIS received package

08/25/21: Text received/Case # assigned

08/26/22: Case transferred to NBC for "speedy processing"

 

Citizenship:

08/22/22: Filed N-400 online

08/22/22: NOA1/Biometrics Reused                                                                                                           

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Filed: K-1 Visa Country: India
Timeline

I don't have a whole lot of advice here, but I do want to say that I sympathize with your situation and like others mentioned - your feelings are 100% valid. My husband is homesick often, and how could anyone not be? He gets through by staying busy with work, enjoying our life together, and meeting handful of new friends, but it will never be easy. As long as we live in the US, he will always be away from his family and from his home which is a really difficult thing to grasp.

 

I admire the strength in all of you who moved here to the US. A lot of people outside of this process judge and assume people WANT to come here because, "duh..it's the USA!" But those of us going through this process for the genuine purpose of being with the one we love recognize how difficult of a sacrifice you are making to be here. Just continue to remind yourself why you are here and that if you were back in the UK without your spouse, you would be longing to be back here with them. I know it's hard, but at the end of the day it should always be worth it. Once you get your AP/GC you will be able to visit and I'm sure that will help ease the intensity of it all. 


Also, from the petitioner/USC spouse perspective, it brings on a level of guilt that I never thought possible to feel. I feel so guilty that he had to leave all of that behind to be with me, but at the end of the day we chose a life together and made the decision together that US was best at first based on our situation. However, if the day comes where he tells me that it's too hard to be away from home and he wants us to live in his home country instead, I will drop everything and make the same sacrifice without hesitation. I think that's the important piece in these relationships - that each individual in the relationship be willing to make the same sacrifice.

 

Anyway - I truly hope that it gets at least a little bit easier for you as time goes on! 

 

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered "Man.... Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."

- The Dalai Lama

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On 6/23/2019 at 5:31 PM, JudeB77 said:

Hi all. I've been over here in the US for almost four months now - I arrived on March 4 on a K1 visa, married April 3, filed AOS at the end of May. This is meant to be what I wanted, and what I waited for for many months. I love my husband dearly. But I'm homesick.

 

When I say I'm homesick, I mean that I'm crying every day because I miss my home, my friends and my family so much. I lived in London for 18 years before coming over here, where I had a job that I (mostly) enjoyed. I had my life over there. I'm now living in a small town in Mississippi where there's very little to do, and there's not a lot to distract me from thoughts of home.

 

I'm trying to do all the things I've read that you're supposed to do to stop feeling homesick. I'm trying to keep up with hobbies, I'm trying to be social, to accept invitations and to meet new people (my husband knows a LOT of people) even though naturally I'm more of a homebody. But I can't stop thinking that this has all been a mistake and that we should have done things the other way round and my husband should have moved to the UK. 

 

Not being able to work and not being able to leave the country are making things worse. Some friends back home have said I can stay with them if I want to - and knowing that I can't is just killing me. Looking at photos of back home on Facebook just brings on more tears.

 

My husband is being wonderful and supportive. He keeps asking what he can do to help, and says that we can move wherever I want to once I'm able to work. But that's going to be the end of the year at the absolute earliest and I honestly don't know how I can wait that long. All I can think about is that I want to go home.

 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will get better. If you were homesick how did you cope? How long until you got over it? 

 

*hugs* I feel for you - and yes, it will get better, somewhat.

 

I have been in the US now for 3.5 years and the first 6 months were a complete nightmare - I would never do a K1 again in hindsight. The AOS purgartory was horrendous - not being allowed to work, travel - like you I had given up a fantastic career back in Europe and was going stir crazy. Now, I lived (and still live) on the East Coast, barely an hour outside of Manhattan, which definitely helped. I can't imagine having moved to a tiny place in the backend of nowhere - maybe this is something to discuss with your partner from a long term perspective point of view? I spend 5 amazing years of my life living in London - a town in Mississipi, with presumably rather conservative world views, must be an immense culture shock.

 

My husband has been incredibly supportive throughout, but I know he struggled with the guilt of seeing me so unhappy after I moved here.

 

For me things looked up once I had my Green Card and found a great job and subsequently got my career back on track. After about a year the homesickness subsided and I like my life over here very much. I still have twinges of missing Europe - certain aspects of life in the US just don't measure up. Other, however, are much more exciting over here than back home.

 

So it all comes down to accepting that homesickness is normal, adaptation takes time and your new life will never be exactly like your old one. Easier said and done, but try and embrace it and look at the opportunities rather than the things you can't recover.

 

K1 time line

 


I-129F sent: 12/23/2014
NOA-1: 12/29/2014
NOA-2: 06/05/2015 (158 days)
NOA-2 hardcopy: 06/11/2015 (6 days post NOA-2, 164 days total)
Sent to NVC: 06/16/2015 (11 days post NOA-2, 169 days total)
NVC receive: 06/25/2015 (20 days post NOA-2, 178 days total)
NVC case no: 06/30/2015 (25 days post NOA-2, 183 days total)
NVC left: 07/02/2015 (27 days post NOA-2, 185 days total)
Case Ready: 07/07/2015 (32 days post NOA-2, 190 days total)
submitted DS-160, paid visa fee.: 07/21/2015 (46 days post NOA-2, 204 days total)
Packet 3 sent: 07/25/2015 (50 days post NOA-2, 209 days total)
Pack 4 received: 07/30/2015 (55 days post NOA-2, 214 days total)
Medical: 09/17/2015 Interview: 09/23/2015 (108 days post NOA-2, 268 days total)
Interview Result: Approved Administrative Processing: 09/23/2015
CEAC Status Issued: 09/24/2015
Visa in hand: 09/28/2015
POE: 12/29/2015 Wedding: 01/11/2016


AOS Time Line

 

AOS package mailed: 01/13/2016
AOS package received: 01/20/2016 (day 1)
AOS NOA-1 text/email: 01/23/2016 (day 3), actual NOA-1 date 01/22/2016 (day 2)
AOS Fingerprint fee received: 01/22/2016 (day 2)
AOS check cashed: 01-25-2016 (day 5) Got 6 month NJ driver's license: 01-25-2016
3x NOA-1 hardcopies: 02/03/2016 (day 14)

Biometrics letter: 02/05/2016 (day 16) Biometrics appt (Elizabeth, NJ): 02/17/2016 (day 28)

EAD and AP approved email/txt: 03/29/2016 (day 67)

GC approval email/text: 04/04/2016 (day 74)

I-797 for I-765/I-131 in mail: 04/04/2016 (day 74)

EAD/AP delivered: 04/05/216 (day 75)

GC card being mailed status update: 04/07/16 (day 77)

GC received: 04/11/16 (day 84 post AOS NOA-1)

DONE WITH USCIS FOR 21 MONTHS!

ROC Window opens: 01/04/2018

 

ROC Time Line
ROC package mailed to Vermont 01/04/2018
ROC package received at Vermont 01/08/2018 (day 0)
Check cashed: 01/16/2018 (day 8 )
NOA-1 date: 01/09/2018 (day 1)
NOA-1 received: 01/16/2018 (day 8 )
Biometrics notice received: 02/09/2018 (day 32)
Biometrics appointment: 02/23/2018 (day 46)
Received 18-month extension letter: 08/13/2018 (day 209)
ROC Approved: 03/09/2019 (day 425)
Card Received: 03/16/2019  (day 432)
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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Ecuador
Timeline

Glad that you had the talk.  Communication is everything.  Great that you have at least a mental path forward.

06-04-2007 = TSC stamps postal return-receipt for I-129f.

06-11-2007 = NOA1 date (unknown to me).

07-20-2007 = Phoned Immigration Officer; got WAC#; where's NOA1?

09-25-2007 = Touch (first-ever).

09-28-2007 = NOA1, 23 days after their 45-day promise to send it (grrrr).

10-20 & 11-14-2007 = Phoned ImmOffs; "still pending."

12-11-2007 = 180 days; file is "between workstations, may be early Jan."; touches 12/11 & 12/12.

12-18-2007 = Call; file is with Division 9 ofcr. (bckgrnd check); e-prompt to shake it; touch.

12-19-2007 = NOA2 by e-mail & web, dated 12-18-07 (187 days; 201 per VJ); in mail 12/24/07.

01-09-2008 = File from USCIS to NVC, 1-4-08; NVC creates file, 1/15/08; to consulate 1/16/08.

01-23-2008 = Consulate gets file; outdated Packet 4 mailed to fiancee 1/27/08; rec'd 3/3/08.

04-29-2008 = Fiancee's 4-min. consular interview, 8:30 a.m.; much evidence brought but not allowed to be presented (consul: "More proof! Second interview! Bring your fiance!").

05-05-2008 = Infuriating $12 call to non-English-speaking consulate appointment-setter.

05-06-2008 = Better $12 call to English-speaker; "joint" interview date 6/30/08 (my selection).

06-30-2008 = Stokes Interrogations w/Ecuadorian (not USC); "wait 2 weeks; we'll mail her."

07-2008 = Daily calls to DOS: "currently processing"; 8/05 = Phoned consulate, got Section Chief; wrote him.

08-07-08 = E-mail from consulate, promising to issue visa "as soon as we get her passport" (on 8/12, per DHL).

08-27-08 = Phoned consulate (they "couldn't find" our file); visa DHL'd 8/28; in hand 9/1; through POE on 10/9 with NO hassles(!).

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  • 2 weeks later...
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Malaysia
Timeline

Thanks for posting this OP, it's nice to read other comments on their experiences.

I moved to the US only just 3 weeks ago, my USC husband and inlaws are very supportive in helping me adapt but whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed or triggered, I can't run away from that feeling of homesickness either. I suppose I should be expecting this to last for quite awhile.. *sigh*

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 6/23/2019 at 2:31 PM, JudeB77 said:

Hi all. I've been over here in the US for almost four months now - I arrived on March 4 on a K1 visa, married April 3, filed AOS at the end of May. This is meant to be what I wanted, and what I waited for for many months. I love my husband dearly. But I'm homesick.

 

When I say I'm homesick, I mean that I'm crying every day because I miss my home, my friends and my family so much. I lived in London for 18 years before coming over here, where I had a job that I (mostly) enjoyed. I had my life over there. I'm now living in a small town in Mississippi where there's very little to do, and there's not a lot to distract me from thoughts of home.

 

I'm trying to do all the things I've read that you're supposed to do to stop feeling homesick. I'm trying to keep up with hobbies, I'm trying to be social, to accept invitations and to meet new people (my husband knows a LOT of people) even though naturally I'm more of a homebody. But I can't stop thinking that this has all been a mistake and that we should have done things the other way round and my husband should have moved to the UK. 

 

Not being able to work and not being able to leave the country are making things worse. Some friends back home have said I can stay with them if I want to - and knowing that I can't is just killing me. Looking at photos of back home on Facebook just brings on more tears.

 

My husband is being wonderful and supportive. He keeps asking what he can do to help, and says that we can move wherever I want to once I'm able to work. But that's going to be the end of the year at the absolute earliest and I honestly don't know how I can wait that long. All I can think about is that I want to go home.

 

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that this will get better. If you were homesick how did you cope? How long until you got over it? 

 

Hi there.

 

The bad news is you will probably always be a little homesick, especially with such a big change. The good news is it will get better as the months and years pass. I was in the US for 2 years, went back to the UK for one and then came back to the US. I have now been here in the US 8 years (I'd have to check my timeline lol) and still miss things from the UK. I don't work and haven't since I got to the US. Personally I love not working but I understand some people do miss those interactions. 

 

It's nice your husband is trying to help you meet new people but honestly I would focus on meeting your own people outside of your husband's network. I would suggest looking online for local meetup groups for people new to your area (meetup.com is a good one). Sometimes there are groups specifically for immigrants (some even country specific) if you are not too far away from the city. By attending the meetups you will not only get to know your area better but you will also be able to interact with people in similar situations that understand and also start making friends. If there are no groups close by then why not start one? I am sure there are other new to the area or maybe just feeling isolated in general. There is also a site called https://www.girlfriendsocial.com/ you can sign up to. It's all women looking for female friends. 

 

I can relate to being a homebody but honestly in this situation you have to push yourself out of that comfort zone. Nobody is saying you have to attend or arrange day trips or be out partying until the early hours. However meeting for an hour for a coffee or going to watch a movie isn't all that bad and you can always just duck out if you are feeling uncomfortable.

 

I think you will find things improving over time but if you really don't I would suggest sitting down with your husband and discussing it. Unless the marriage isn't working then I would not look at packing up and head back to the UK until an absolute last resort. I would suggest discussing a move in State or out of State where you can both start a fresh and there is more happening than in your small town.

 

Finally just a bit of advice around the FB and social media thing. Try and keep off it or at least limit yourself. Honestly I made that mistake and spent months looking back at the good old times and what I was now missing out on. You think it makes you happy but it doesn't. It does nothing positive it just drags you down when you are feeling isolated and lonely. There will be a time when you can get back online and do the social media thing but right now you are not giving yourself a fair shot at building a life here if you are just spending your days looking back at the past. This is what is making you feel how you feel right now more than anything else.

Edited by LisaUK

I have been through the K1 Visa process twice. My first journey began in 2006 & I surrendered my Green Card prior to filling the I-751

*My timeline shows my Visa Journey second time around*

 

N400 - Citizenship - Santa Ana CA

15/07/2018: Filed online

24/07/2018: NOA

09/08/2018: Biometrics Appointment 

19/07/2019: Interview - APPROVED

22/08/2019: Oath Ceremony

JOURNEY COMPLETE. OFFICIALLY A US CITIZEN

**I was eligible to apply for citizenship in 2014,  I just hadn’t done so**

 

DS-11 - Application for Passport

27/08/2019: Submitted application through USPS


Member Reviews: None Found

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  • 2 weeks later...
Filed: K-1 Visa Country: Canada
Timeline

Jude, I moved to the U.S. about 3 years ago and I'm still terribly homesick -- especially after I go home to visit for a while and come back. I experience the same feelings of regret you mentioned and wonder why I did this all for one person, and why my husband couldn't move to Canada to be with me. I often miss everything about the part of Canada I'm from (which is a 25 hour drive / 7-12 hours in flights and very expensive to travel back and forth from). The culture is different, the laws are different, their standard of living here is lower, the politics are ridiculous, the people in the New York area where I am now are aggressive for the most part and have funny accents. I wish I could offer you some help and tell you it gets easier, but for me it still hasn't. When I'm here, I feel like I'm living away at a job. Like an extended business trip. It doesn't really feel like "home". I'm comfortable and all, but I think home will always be home. You can love it and cherish it in your heart forever, and be absolutely grateful every time you go back. And if you ever want to speak your mind, you know where to come! :)

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  • 1 month later...
Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Turkey
Timeline
On 6/27/2019 at 4:54 AM, JudeB77 said:

He wants to get out of this town almost as much as I do, so the next step is to work out where we want to move to. It's not going to make the time until I can work go any faster but at least it gives me something to work towards and to focus my mind on.

I felt such relief for you once I read this, because honestly after living in London I can't possibly even imagine what crash landing it would be to find yourself in * the peak Bible Belt, deep south,  which they affectionately call the heart of darkness over in NY. So, yeah, absolutely, getting out is a great idea, working towards it is even greater motivation.

 

I lived in Ankara and Antalya-  two  big cities and the latter is just gorgeous with beaches and Greco-Roman ruins, my entire life,  even the graduate student life in  a liberal college town on the the Rust Belt North East was hitting heavy on me back then. That's why we decided against AOS despite the whole situation in Turkey. 

 

I started working out like a beast during this time,  really really helps with anxiety, at least I can say I am in the best shape of my life. 

 :D Also, probably would help  keeping  those insane calories of southern cuisine off, it is really *really  easy to gain weight in the US.

Gyms in the US  serve as social gathering places like pubs in the UK or religious congregations.  You might make some new friends, not all would be  gym rats, either. Just a thought. 

 

I really felt you, best luck!

 

 

 

Spoiler

ἦθος ἀνθρώπῳ δαίμων

When Hubris calls, now you know who answers. 

⚖️ 4️⃣0️⃣ 9️⃣ ⚔️
 

NOA1 10/05/2018

NOA2 5/17/2019

NVC Received Case : 10/02/2019  ( 139 DAYS 💀 )

NVC Case Number Created: 10/31/2019

NVC fees PAID 11/14/2019

AOS  completed: 11/17/2019

IV  completed: 11/24/2019

DQ:  01/03/2020

Interview Date: 02/25/2020

Issued: 02/27/2020

Visa at Hand: 03/02/2020

Entered the country : 03/19/2020

NOT received GC  💀 120 day period is over -  

USCIS Status stuck at Immigration Fee Received 
First Inquiry by phone: 7/29/2020 —  30 day wait for response. 
Filed for  Change of Address form online : 8/27/20

“Receipt Received” and My “Recent Inquiry“ 9/1/20 — acknowledged the change of address and informed me the card is in production and will be sent in 30 days.
Status changed to “Card is being Produced” : 9/4/20

”Card was Mailed to Me” : 9/11/20

Received PRC on 9/16/20 in new address

End of Chapter


To be Cont’d ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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