Has brining your love to US made you feel guilty

[DPP123 403]

My love arrived last night.  And I am so happy to have him here.  He is here as a K1 visa recipient.  However, I can't help but feel so guilty that he left everything for me.  He left a good job, his family, friends, hobbies, food.  Everything.  I know that no one forced him to do it and he knew what he was doing but I can't help but feel very guilty.  He is from Spain and life there is a lot more easy and comfortable than here in the US.  it took him two years to actually make the decision to come here so I know he thought hard about it.  Okay... I am rambling.  I just wanted to hear from all of my petitioners out there.  How do you deal with the feelings of guilt if you have any?

 

thanks!

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

Just love him hard and love him well. That's all you can do. As the petitioners, we can never duplicate the sacrifice that our partners made just to be with us (unless the tables should ever turn and we move back with them to their home country). That's something we have to accept and live with, on both sides. You will not be infallible or flawless. You will disappoint one another and disagree. Every day will not be perfect. Giving your expectations a reality check does help. I find myself randomly thanking my husband sometimes out of nowhere, because I have those same thoughts sometimes. He tells me every time I never have to thank him. But I just remind him I will always be grateful. And as long as you have a loving relationship and happy life together, your partner will always know that - even if you don't say it out loud.

[Crazy Cat 39,664]

In my case, I don't feel guilty, but I do feel grateful.  Back in 2015, I sold everything I had, and I moved to Taiwan to marry her and live there.  I didn't adjust well, so I returned to the US and we started the CR-1 process.  She then gave up her very good life in Taiwan, and she is now here.  I know how hard it is to adjust to a new culture.  I am happy that she adapts much better than I.

 

[Cyberfx1024 7,978]

22 minutes ago, DPP123 said:

My love arrived last night.  And I am so happy to have him here.  He is here as a K1 visa recipient.  However, I can't help but feel so guilty that he left everything for me.  He left a good job, his family, friends, hobbies, food.  Everything.  I know that no one forced him to do it and he knew what he was doing but I can't help but feel very guilty.  He is from Spain and life there is a lot more easy and comfortable than here in the US.  it took him two years to actually make the decision to come here so I know he thought hard about it.  Okay... I am rambling.  I just wanted to hear from all of my petitioners out there.  How do you deal with the feelings of guilt if you have any?

 

thanks!

Honestly I do feel kinda bad for my wife leaving a lot of family and really good friends since immigrating here. One of her good friends is a older gay gentleman who is a actual trip to be around because of how funny he is and how she loves to be around him. But since she immigrated back in 2012 he has had 2 strokes and is not a lively as he once was. She hasn't said it but I can tell she feels bad because of how good friends they are. She was wanting to send him bp medication because it is expensive for regular people in the USA and she can't do it, but it's also his fault as well because he was acting like he's 30 when he's in his 50's.

[Unlockable 7,306]

Me personally? Not much. In the beginning I felt bad for my wife being separated from family for so long. Something she had never done in her life. My wife had huge amounts of guilt when she first arrived. But now she has adapted extremely well.

 

One of the biggest guilt is "survivors remorse". My wife's immediate family is doing ok by Dominican standards but they don't share the luxuries and spoils that we do. For example, we had a heat wave last week where a few days the temperature was in the high 90's. My wife simply cranked up the AC and sat in the living room with a bag of chips and salsa and binge watched Nextflix. But then she showed me a WhatsApp message from her sister on how her family were sitting outside in the shade to stay cool because their area have daily rolling blackouts to conserve energy. Even though they have AC, fans, and a TV they couldn't use them.

 

Like everyone else here I really do feel bad that her immediate family can't visit. We would love for them to experience some of the famous places of states (Her mother wants to see New York and Vegas). My wife has extended family like cousins and half brothers who have visitor visas. And we meet up with them when they visit but it is not the same. But then I every now and again my wife tells me a story about how yet another friend or distant relative is doing something fraudulent to get to, or, stay in the US. My wife knows how difficult it is for many Dominicans to get visitor visas and when she hear those type of stories, it breaks her heart because she knows it is just adding to the problem.

[rrobin0609 387]

One of our biggest fights was over if I would ever move to the UK. I said that I would but he didn't seem convinced. When I was applying for jobs just before graduating college, I did apply for several positions in the UK and Ireland so I did have to mention that to him during our fight. He's not here yet, but I do feel guilty. I know he'll be leaving a lot behind even though he just has a few close friends and doesn't talk much to extended family. I know he's excited though and right now I feel more excited than guilty. I make more than the average income for my city and I'm just a year and a half out of school so I'm not concerned about us not being able to visit once every year or two. I think I feel most guilty for his parents because I want to have kids about a year after we get married and I know they won't get to spend as much time with their future grandchildren as much as my parents will. I also feel bad that they will miss being there in person for our wedding, but my Italian sister will also miss it (she's an only child in real life) and my older sister will be moving to Spain to teach English just before he's likely to get here.

[fascinating123 38]

Yemen is a war zone right now. People are dying of hunger. The only thing I feel guilty about is not being able to convince my wife to stay the first time around (when we were in college). I'm glad she's here now of course, but it would have cost both of us less sleep had she not been living in Yemen when the war broke out in 2015. Maybe she wouldn't have PTSD either.

Edited July 10, 2018 by fascinating123

[Jhonny 472]

On 9/7/2018 at 8:10 AM, DPP123 said:

My love arrived last night.  And I am so happy to have him here.  He is here as a K1 visa recipient.  However, I can't help but feel so guilty that he left everything for me.  He left a good job, his family, friends, hobbies, food.  Everything.  I know that no one forced him to do it and he knew what he was doing but I can't help but feel very guilty.  He is from Spain and life there is a lot more easy and comfortable than here in the US.  it took him two years to actually make the decision to come here so I know he thought hard about it.  Okay... I am rambling.  I just wanted to hear from all of my petitioners out there.  How do you deal with the feelings of guilt if you have any?

 

thanks!

Life is based on sacrifices and more sacrifices.

I left behind in my country my family, the job that I hardly fight and study for it: Flight Dispatcher, but I left all those things behind because I found the woman of my life and I wanted to be with her, jobs are temporarily thing, money is also, but being with your true love deserves whatever sacrifice, we all in here are adults and in the big meantime that takes the Visa Process we are plenty of time to think and set our priorities, and when you find your true and big love, everything else in the list of priorities is placed behind...Don´t feel guilty or something...

[DPP123 403]

8 minutes ago, Jhonny said:

Life is based on sacrifices and more sacrifices.

I left behind in my country my family, the job that I hardly fight and study for it: Flight Dispatcher, but I left all those things behind because I found the woman of my life and I wanted to be with her, jobs are temporarily thing, money is also, but being with your true love deserves whatever sacrifice, we all in here are adults and in the big meantime that takes the Visa Process we are plenty of time to think and set our priorities, and when you find your true and big love, everything else in the list of priorities is placed behind...Don´t feel guilty or something...

Beautifully said.  thank you

[Jhonny 472]

Just now, DPP123 said:

Beautifully said.  thank you

Thanks to you for sharing your feelings and let other to share it too! It´s a very sensitive thread...

Have a Nice day and God Bless U

[lucybelle 453]

Yes.  I felt guilty.  But we have to remember that we do what is best for the relationship.  The best thing for our relationship at that time was to move to the USA.

 

Here four years later and what's best for us is to be back in his home country.  So here we are.

 

(But yeah, those four years in the USA was rough.  His family would WEEP every time he left.  I felt terrible being like "yeah, so I'm stealing your son away to the USA...")

[Jon&Margz 132]

No, I don't feel guilty.  My wife (Filipina) was working in Thailand 80-90 hrs/week as an RN (no overtime), living in a small flat with 3 roommates.   She arrived 18 months ago .. we married .. and have done some travelling:  Seattle,  San Francisco,  San Diego,  LA/ Hollywood,  Dallas to see her brother/wife/nieces.   She makes 4x the salary,  Has her own car,  and periodically sends money home to family on special occasions: graduation,  wedding, etc.   I remind her every day I love her.  We are a team. One day .. we would like to buy a home in her families province where could stay for extended trips.    We have our ups and downs like any couple .. but no guilt or 2nd-thoughts.