Pressure from family to bring to U.S.

[InLoveHusband88 0]

Hello everyone,

I am basically a very occasional poster on here, I lost my login info from 10 years ago when I was very active and my wife and I (then fiance) were going through the process. I am happy to say that we have been together for almos 10 years and all is well.

I am here because to be honest I am at a loss and don't know where to turn to for information or what information to get first.

My wife is being pressured from her family for them to come to the U.S. Things aren't great in their country and my wife feels a sense of obligation, which I completely understand. The issue for both of us is that it is just not financially feasible for us to do so. We don't make much, we make enough to get by but by no means are we financially well off. 

Her mother has high blood pressure & diabetes and her sister has a bunch of health related issues. All well taken care of in Brazil which has both public and private healthcare so they do not spend much at all on healthcare costs. All of this complicates things in the states because, honestly how do we pay for their medical expenses? Her mother is no longer working, her sister could work but what would she do until she finds work to get insurance, and even that's a big if. 

The only way other than medicaid would be insurance through the ACA but I believe that would still be expensive. And I don't even believe Medicaid would be an option would it? Don't we have to sign some sort of affidavit that we will support then and they won't become a burden to the government? I'm sorry I just don't know how all this works. 

My wife understands that there's not much we can do but she still feels bad, I'm hoping if I can show her that there really is nothing we can do that she would feel at least a little less responsible. If there is something we can do that'd be great because we obviously want to help I would just love to know what our options are and if we really don't have any at the moment then I want to be able to show her that we at least have done all we could.

Sorry for the long post and thank you very much for your time.

[Roel 7,191]

If you don't have money to support the rest of the family, then there is nothing you can do. Simple. The green card process for the family would be a big expense on its own. Not to mention the sister would have to wait + 10 years.

Yes, you'd have to sign the paper saying that they won't be a burden to the government.

 

It's harsh, but your wife's parents are adult people and they need to make their own life.

Best thing you can do - if you can afford it - is maybe send some money to them now and then, and support them that way.

Edited July 29, 2017 by Roel

[mcdull 474]

18 minutes ago, InLoveHusband88 said:

Hello everyone,

I am basically a very occasional poster on here, I lost my login info from 10 years ago when I was very active and my wife and I (then fiance) were going through the process. I am happy to say that we have been together for almos 10 years and all is well.

I am here because to be honest I am at a loss and don't know where to turn to for information or what information to get first.

My wife is being pressured from her family for them to come to the U.S. Things aren't great in their country and my wife feels a sense of obligation, which I completely understand. The issue for both of us is that it is just not financially feasible for us to do so. We don't make much, we make enough to get by but by no means are we financially well off. 

Her mother has high blood pressure & diabetes and her sister has a bunch of health related issues. All well taken care of in Brazil which has both public and private healthcare so they do not spend much at all on healthcare costs. All of this complicates things in the states because, honestly how do we pay for their medical expenses? Her mother is no longer working, her sister could work but what would she do until she finds work to get insurance, and even that's a big if. 

The only way other than medicaid would be insurance through the ACA but I believe that would still be expensive. And I don't even believe Medicaid would be an option would it? Don't we have to sign some sort of affidavit that we will support then and they won't become a burden to the government? I'm sorry I just don't know how all this works. 

My wife understands that there's not much we can do but she still feels bad, I'm hoping if I can show her that there really is nothing we can do that she would feel at least a little less responsible. If there is something we can do that'd be great because we obviously want to help I would just love to know what our options are and if we really don't have any at the moment then I want to be able to show her that we at least have done all we could.

Sorry for the long post and thank you very much for your time.

In some cultures, you marry the wife= you marry the whole family.

 

Did you try to explain all these to your wife? 

 

You need to be affirmative otherwise you are opening the pandoras box.

[mcdull 474]

23 minutes ago, InLoveHusband88 said:

Hello everyone,

I am basically a very occasional poster on here, I lost my login info from 10 years ago when I was very active and my wife and I (then fiance) were going through the process. I am happy to say that we have been together for almos 10 years and all is well.

I am here because to be honest I am at a loss and don't know where to turn to for information or what information to get first.

My wife is being pressured from her family for them to come to the U.S. Things aren't great in their country and my wife feels a sense of obligation, which I completely understand. The issue for both of us is that it is just not financially feasible for us to do so. We don't make much, we make enough to get by but by no means are we financially well off. 

Her mother has high blood pressure & diabetes and her sister has a bunch of health related issues. All well taken care of in Brazil which has both public and private healthcare so they do not spend much at all on healthcare costs. All of this complicates things in the states because, honestly how do we pay for their medical expenses? Her mother is no longer working, her sister could work but what would she do until she finds work to get insurance, and even that's a big if. 

The only way other than medicaid would be insurance through the ACA but I believe that would still be expensive. And I don't even believe Medicaid would be an option would it? Don't we have to sign some sort of affidavit that we will support then and they won't become a burden to the government? I'm sorry I just don't know how all this works. 

My wife understands that there's not much we can do but she still feels bad, I'm hoping if I can show her that there really is nothing we can do that she would feel at least a little less responsible. If there is something we can do that'd be great because we obviously want to help I would just love to know what our options are and if we really don't have any at the moment then I want to be able to show her that we at least have done all we could.

Sorry for the long post and thank you very much for your time.

And assuming your wife is a US citizen, and if she were to lodge petition to bring her sister here, that application itself will take over a decade. 

[p-ana 933]

Don't get yourself in a bad situation. If need be, have your wife explain your financial situation and how it won't be feasible to bring them. You can only do so much. It's understandable feeling bad and guilty maybe, but when you can't, there's no point in suffering.

as bad as the situation is right now, Brazil still offers a lot. The mother should be getting a pension, her medical expenses are mostly taken care of, etc. I really miss how I'd get a 30 day long paid vacation every year, how much cheaper and scary fees free my health insurance was there, etc

[InLoveHusband88 0]

Thank you! I had forgotten how supportive everyone here is.

 

7 minutes ago, mcdull said:

And assuming your wife is a US citizen, and if she were to lodge petition to bring her sister here, that application itself will take over a decade. 

Whoa! For real?! I had no idea!

 

3 minutes ago, p-ana said:

Don't get yourself in a bad situation. If need be, have your wife explain your financial situation and how it won't be feasible to bring them. You can only do so much. It's understandable feeling bad and guilty maybe, but when you can't, there's no point in suffering.

as bad as the situation is right now, Brazil still offers a lot. The mother should be getting a pension, her medical expenses are mostly taken care of, etc. I really miss how I'd get a 30 day long paid vacation every year, how much cheaper and scary fees free my health insurance was there, etc

Yeah, things are getting pretty bad there but you're right, there are things in place that make certain aspects of life easier over there.

[Coco8 1,039]

I agree with everyone. I think your wife should make them understand (1) Wait of +10 years to move (2) medical insurance is very expensive and you would not be able to pay for it; plus, insurance is the US does not cover everything like in Brazil so there are a lot of extras. She can give them an estimate of how much a relatively good health insurance per month would cost and ask them how are they planning to pay for that (3) they would move to the US and know basically nobody except the 2 of you.

 

I'm from a South American country myself and there are constant ups and downs. That is life there. Now things might be bad but probably in 2 years they are going to get better, as it is going to change in 5 years agains. I would never move my family because they have better health insurance there than they would have here (and friends, and a routine, etc.). Regarding medical insurance, if you know how to look, you can go to the best doctor and the best hospital, and pay basically nothing. My dad had cancer and he had 2 operations (with like a week of hospital bed rest each), plus chemio for like a year or maybe a bit more. He had a ton of studies, doctor's visitors, like 2 or 3 of those studies that they put you in the machine and do pictures of your body each year, etc. Anyway, we had to pay 1,000 dollars for one of the operations so that they could use a laser that the insurance didn't cover and we also had to pay part of his daily medication but it was mostly covered (at least 80% of the cost of the medication was covered). I cannot begin to imagine how much it would have cost in the US! And his medical insurance is not a "top of the line" insurance. He is a high school teacher and pays a bit extra each month to have a better category of the plan.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

This is where our come one come all system with family can be overbearing.  Your family likely has no idea how long the wait is, or that these categories may eventually be removed.

[Unlockable 7,309]

Agreeing with others that it is best not to put yourself in a bad situation. 

 

Supporting them when they get here is one thing but the health conditions will multiply worsening the situation. Basically you will be bringing over multiple adults in which none will be contributing to your financial situation. 

 

You should do some research on medical expenses and even get some quotes if you can. Then take those estimates and budget it into your finances. Can you afford $500, $750, $1000 extra a month in payments? I remember a member brought over her elderly parents and was paying something like $1400 a month for them because she couldn't put them on her own insurance. This would be a good sit down at the kitchen table to illustrate how much it would impact your home.

 

The problem is the misconception of American life. In your wife's family's eyes you are well of no matter what your financial status is now. To them, if you are in America, you are doing good.

 

Also, many foreigners think America is the solution to their problems. You've been given examples on how health coverage is not free. The only difference between their health issues bring taken care of in the US as oppose to Brazil is that YOU  and your wife will be paying for it or if pocket instead of the Brazilian government.

 

I know how bad it has become in Brazil. I have a coworker who arrived here last year on a work visa. He told me how things are and how lucky he was that he got the job and was approved for the visa. He told me how he has a brother with family and other family members that are suffering miserably.

 

Your sister in law will meet be coming anytime soon. You should inform them of that.

[databit 328]

6 hours ago, InLoveHusband88 said:

I am happy to say that we have been together for almos 10 years and all is well.

 

But it may not be so much longer if her family comes. Lesser stressors have broken up many marriages.

[jostermacedo 54]

6 hours ago, InLoveHusband88 said:

Hello everyone,

I am basically a very occasional poster on here, I lost my login info from 10 years ago when I was very active and my wife and I (then fiance) were going through the process. I am happy to say that we have been together for almos 10 years and all is well.

I am here because to be honest I am at a loss and don't know where to turn to for information or what information to get first.

My wife is being pressured from her family for them to come to the U.S. Things aren't great in their country and my wife feels a sense of obligation, which I completely understand. The issue for both of us is that it is just not financially feasible for us to do so. We don't make much, we make enough to get by but by no means are we financially well off. 

Her mother has high blood pressure & diabetes and her sister has a bunch of health related issues. All well taken care of in Brazil which has both public and private healthcare so they do not spend much at all on healthcare costs. All of this complicates things in the states because, honestly how do we pay for their medical expenses? Her mother is no longer working, her sister could work but what would she do until she finds work to get insurance, and even that's a big if. 

The only way other than medicaid would be insurance through the ACA but I believe that would still be expensive. And I don't even believe Medicaid would be an option would it? Don't we have to sign some sort of affidavit that we will support then and they won't become a burden to the government? I'm sorry I just don't know how all this works. 

My wife understands that there's not much we can do but she still feels bad, I'm hoping if I can show her that there really is nothing we can do that she would feel at least a little less responsible. If there is something we can do that'd be great because we obviously want to help I would just love to know what our options are and if we really don't have any at the moment then I want to be able to show her that we at least have done all we could.

Sorry for the long post and thank you very much for your time.

 

Hi,

 

being a Brazilian myself I understand the pressure you are getting. My two cents: Brazilians think that life in the US is much easier than reality. You and other people already touched the health insurance issues and, while a lot of things are more expensive in Brazil, health insurance is much more expensive in the US. One other thing I would like to mention: Brazilians in general don't speak English and underestimate the effort to learn a new language and a new culture. If you eventually decide to bring your wife's family (although your sister-in-law would have to wait more than 10 years for a visa), take into consideration the pressure your wife will be under. She would be the only family member that would be able to speak to your mother-in-law. A mention this because the devil is on the details. Would your MIL willing to learn English? If not, your wife would have to be a professional translator to handle everything, from going to the grocery store to handle visits to the doctor, DMV etc.

 

My advice: keep them in Brazil and give incentive to your wife to visit them often.

 

Joster

 

Edited July 29, 2017 by jostermacedo

[JFH 12,189]

The simple fact is, unless they can get visas through employment, the only way your in-laws are coming here is if you and your wife petition for them and provide evidence that you can support them. If you don't submit those papers, there is no visa. You are in complete control of this situation. Please remember that. 

 

I have seen many, many threads where people from developing countries have fired off petitions for the entire family before the ink is even dry on their naturalization certificate. I'll wager some of them have been pushed into finding a USC to marry so that the rest of the family can come here. It's very sad. I'm pleased your wife is here for the right reasons and the two of you are very happy. 

 

You need to stand firm with them. It won't be easy but bear in mind they, rightly or wrongly, think the US is the land of milk and honey with money growing on trees and streets paved with gold. We all know the reality for 99% of us is hard work and what seems like less and less reward. You are right to be thinking in very practical terms regarding healthcare. Kudos to you! They are adults and have to accept that life is never fair, we can't always have what we want, and so on. 

 

Is the sister of working age? How about you suggest she uses this goal to her advantage and works her way towards a job that could provide her with a transfer to the USA or a chance of an H-1B visa. Maybe she could take some additional classes to reach her goal. It'll teach her that the good things in life are best earned through hard work and that's how life is here. Not everything is handed to us on a plate. 

[caliliving 606]

the mom could come in a year i believe but the sister would take 10 years.

tell that to your wife and then her mom.  that would be pretty awful to bring the mom here and have the sister wait over a DECADE which would be even longer!!!

 

so that alone should be enough to show it isnt feasible.  

 

 

[Sunnyland 639]

Does your wife's mother and sister have other relatives in Brazil? I would understand if your wife has an elderly parent that she needs to take care of, but your MIL and SIL have each other and can live "easily" decent in Brazil. One thing they will have access is public health insurance like other members already mentioned here. I think you guys will have to re think all this before this become a bigger issue in your marriage. Do not open that can of worms. 

[Boiler 43,882]

Tell them she will file for her sister, nearer 14 years anyway could be a lot longer.

 

Somebody retired and with multiple medical issues coming to the US makes no sense.