fiance down

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

My fiance arrived april 4. Since hes arrived we have traveled from Washington dc down to new mexico. We finally settled home in Chicago. But hes bored and we have children together so he watches them. I do take him out in about but there is so much I can do cUse I have to work.

He has a child back in the Dominican Republic and he calls his child daily but seems like hes having a hard ti.e adjusting. Doesn't help neither when he calls for the child and the babymama always tells him the child is ill. Its like every other day. He complains about the US. He ns about everything. The food is terrible. I cook for him to avoid health m eating out but nothing is ever good enough. When I come home from work he always has this look on his face. I am getting discouraged.

[rhein 451]

My fiance arrived april 4. Since hes arrived we have traveled from Washington dc down to new mexico. We finally settled home in Chicago. But hes bored and we have children together so he watches them. I do take him out in about but there is so much I can do cUse I have to work.

He has a child back in the Dominican Republic and he calls his child daily but seems like hes having a hard ti.e adjusting. Doesn't help neither when he calls for the child and the babymama always tells him the child is ill. Its like every other day. He complains about the US. He ns about everything. The food is terrible. I cook for him to avoid health m eating out but nothing is ever good enough. When I come home from work he always has this look on his face. I am getting discouraged.

He's been here 18 days, and you're already 'discouraged?' It takes time to adjust to living in another country - more than a couple of weeks.

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

Its just the tension in the air when I get home. I know it may sound terrible but thats how I feel. I know it takes time. Just all the negativity that he talks about the us is annoying. And hes Christian and everyday he talks about its terrible th at there are so many crosses in the US and how this land is evil. Im like okkkkkk. Hes more focused on whats going on in his country then here. Its annoying

[christeen 966]

Adjustment is difficult... You need to keep an open line of communication with him... And not take it personally when they vent. Take so e time to do something fun and get him out the house... There will be up days and down days, he has to find his own feet...

[Merrytooth 5,748]

I'm sure OP is feeling tired too after the long immigration process, and is doing her best to help her husband to cope with his new life here in US.

But constant complaints from other party could wear her down too.

Both have to work/adjust together to make the relationship work.

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

I take him out all the time. We have traveled so much in these two ast weeks its crazy. Hes seen so much of the US outside of chicago. But hes so negative. I needed to vent. Its just hard when u do all u can and feel like ur running out of options to make ur significant other happy and comfortable.

The cross stuff blows the hell out of me.

[Girl from Celebes 588]

My fiance arrived april 4. Since hes arrived we have traveled from Washington dc down to new mexico. We finally settled home in Chicago. But hes bored and we have children together so he watches them. I do take him out in about but there is so much I can do cUse I have to work.

He has a child back in the Dominican Republic and he calls his child daily but seems like hes having a hard ti.e adjusting. Doesn't help neither when he calls for the child and the babymama always tells him the child is ill. Its like every other day. He complains about the US. He ns about everything. The food is terrible. I cook for him to avoid health m eating out but nothing is ever good enough. When I come home from work he always has this look on his face. I am getting discouraged.

I thought a man would be more stronger than a woman to face difficulty in any situation. I guess am wrong. I have been here almost 90 days. I had no hard time to adjust except dealt with my jet lag that almost a month. He should known that when move to different places, there are a lot things need to adjust. Rather than complain why this or that, he should make himself busy to do useful things.

I am not saying he is lazy but please he must know that you are the one who is working and sole-breadwinner in the family. Doing something meaningful. I know it is hard. I used to work with long hours and hectic schedules and suddenly stay at home alone.

I make myself busy doing many things. Arranged my own websites, cleaning the apartment, learn a new recipes of cooking, taking my cats for walk, reading books or articles on internet, even searching on it about the city where I am living in now. I also talked to my friends and family on Skype, phone, and Facebook. My fiancé and I also went out for different occasions. There are a lot things ready to explore.

He can also started looking a prospect job and what kind requirement the employer wanted so he can be prepare and ready after he gets his EAD or green card. I understand your frustration. After tired from work and you came back home just to hear many complaints. He should stand up as a man and act like a man. No time for cry baby, period.

Edited April 29, 2014 by Girl from Celebes

[christeen 966]

Your cant "make someone" adjust... They need to come to that realization in their own... But sounds like you are trying.. Maybe have a heart to heart as to what his expectations were vs what he sees now... Boredom plays a major role too... Talk about some,projects he can work on while you are gone. Adjustment is so very hard... Again, don't take it personally, but be honest with him about how it makes your feel... This is why everyone says the actual visa process is just the beginning, the real work comes when they arrive and have to adjust to new lives.

[MRS.MONTILLA 4]

I am trying so hard. I have tried so hard. I downgraded my schedule from 14 hours to 8. I come home I cook. Clean wash clothes and attend to our twins who are 1 and my 5 yr old son. I have tAlked to him heaet to heart and he g err s upset. He told me last nite no one can help him because the only one is god.

He worries about his son in the Dominican all the time. When he eats he always says he feels bad cUse he dont know if his son has eaten. But get this when I ask him has he fed our twins hebtells me all I gave them was milk. Im like #######. I had to get babysitter because he isnt caring for them right. U would think he wouldnt b bored he has thebtwins he co should b enjoying but he so focused on his other child. Its just crazy

[Girl from Celebes 588]

I am trying so hard. I have tried so hard. I downgraded my schedule from 14 hours to 8. I come home I cook. Clean wash clothes and attend to our twins who are 1 and my 5 yr old son. I have tAlked to him heaet to heart and he g err s upset. He told me last nite no one can help him because the only one is god.

He worries about his son in the Dominican all the time. When he eats he always says he feels bad cUse he dont know if his son has eaten. But get this when I ask him has he fed our twins hebtells me all I gave them was milk. Im like #######. I had to get babysitter because he isnt caring for them right. U would think he wouldnt b bored he has thebtwins he co should b enjoying but he so focused on his other child. Its just crazy

Oh please, by saying only God can help him showing how irresponsible he is and justified his behavior as "God's willing" and only God can save him.

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

-George Bernard Shaw- (1856-1950) Irish writer.

[apple21 953]

I am trying so hard. I have tried so hard. I downgraded my schedule from 14 hours to 8. I come home I cook. Clean wash clothes and attend to our twins who are 1 and my 5 yr old son. I have tAlked to him heaet to heart and he g err s upset. He told me last nite no one can help him because the only one is god.

He worries about his son in the Dominican all the time. When he eats he always says he feels bad cUse he dont know if his son has eaten. But get this when I ask him has he fed our twins hebtells me all I gave them was milk. Im like #######. I had to get babysitter because he isnt caring for them right. U would think he wouldnt b bored he has thebtwins he co should b enjoying but he so focused on his other child. Its just crazy

Maybe it's because he has a closer relationship with his other son as compared with his twins that's why he may see them as "strangers". But that's not an acceptable reason for him to neglect them.

Just trying to look into his point of view. I have no other advice but to just give it more time. Good luck.

[longtruelove 11]

Have you added him to your insurance? Go to counseling together. Some people have a harder time than other adjusting to a new country/culture. If you want to help him I suggest couple counseling to help you both deal with the new changes. I am sure your having a difficult time knowing he is not happy here. There is nothing you can do to make him happy. Its his own responsibility and you have to realize that. I say speak to a counselor to help you through this stage.

[preciousday73 2]

Hi, sorry to hear he is not adjusting. But give him time. I know from experience. I was born in PR. moved to NY state as a baby. Now after so many years now I live on the island. Its been two years and I am just starting to adjust. At first I was unhappy, moody, cried because I missed my family in NY. I made new friends and learned to get around. Now I can truly say I love it here. So with that said just give him time he will eventually adjust. If you are connected to internet have him read and learn about Chicago. He may also need to meet other people that are from his country and he can sit and vent and in turn they can tell him how they adjusted. Good luck and have faith. It'll get better. Praying for you both.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I thought a man would be more stronger than a woman to face difficulty in any situation.

Nah, men are babies Wait 'till they get a cold or a fever, waa waa waa the world will end!

[Teddy B 17,251]

Nah, men are babies Wait 'till they get a cold or a fever, waa waa waa the world will end!

Get back in the kitchen!

Who gets jet lag for a month??