My stepdad hit me.

[dwightcharles 12]

Hey guys.

Whew. I really dont know what to feel. This just happened a couple hours ago.

Two pine trees fell down on our front yard yesterday and as usual, my younger brother and I were outside today helping him clear it. (I hate yard work btw.)

This is not the first time I had issues with my stepdad. My first post all about him. Anyway...

So when we were done "chainsawing" the first tree that fell, we loaded the branches and trunks in the truck to take them to the fire place in our backyard.

After unloading them, my brother and I went back to the second tree and told our stepdad that we will be the one to finish it. He said "Okay." and he will be starting the fire. So we went on "chainsawing" the second tree to smaller portions to fit the truck. When we're done, I went back to the backyard and asked my stepdad if could drive the truck so we could load the "woods". He said yes but he sat on the passenger seat. I still have a learner's permit btw but I have already been driving to work and back home with my mom.

So I was driving, he was in the passenger seat. I was about to make a turn towards the the tree that we chopped off when I kind of drove over some hollow blocks in my mom's garden and almost hit a plant with the side of the truck. To my shock, he shouted at me "NO NO NO!!! GOD DAMN IT!! #%!@%^!$!@*&!!!!" and then he punched me in the arm and went on cursing and shouting so loud that I damaged his truck.

I was speechless the entire time he was hysterical. I didnt even bother the pain. I was in total shock when he hit me.

I got out of the car and he was still shouting. He was saying "I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!!! I WILL DRIVE!!!" and he slammed the door.

I went to my room and I dont know how to feel.

He went on and on telling my brother who was still outside that "I fu*k** up his truck".

----------------

I called my mom and she won't believe me at first and was even thinking I was joking. She told me "No. He can never hit anyone." I told her "Well, he just did." My mom sounded upset and really wanted us to move away from him.

I dont know what I am supposed to be feeling right now.

Should I just ignore this? Is this just a small thing? I am not bothered weather or not I got hurt (I dont mind the punching at all) I am just in shock that he was able to do that to me.

:C

Btw, He is a 78 year old guy and I am 23 year old male. For some reason I feel like I belittled or was stepped on. I had not intentions of hitting him back because I was just sooo schoked that time.

Btw, this is the second time it happened. The first time was to my mom. He didnt hit her but he went hysterical too that my mom had to howl in her room. and what else... oh yeah, he is a #######. sorry but its true. :C

[Darnell 8,478]

Did you have any intention of learning how to interact with older USA Citizens, or no?

I ask, because you've described a classic 'action-reaction' scenario.

[dwightcharles 12]

Did you have any intention of learning how to interact with older USA Citizens, or no?

I ask, because you've described a classic 'action-reaction' scenario.

I actually think maybe, yes, I could just suck it up and ignore what happened. Maybe its just a small thing really. Maybe eventually I will get over it. Maybe I should just Man up and forget about this.

Maybe it was my fault after all.

[yuni03 1]

It's not your fault and it's never ok for someone to hit another person. But let me ask you this.. Would you have felt the same way if it was your real dad that would have done this? Is it because he's your stepdad? I think that you should have a mature conversation with him, later when you are both calmed, and tell him how you really feel. Maybe it will open up conversation between you guys and improve the home dynamics. I don't think it should be ignored or excused but it's also not so bad that you guys need to move out.

[dwightcharles 12]

It's not your fault and it's never ok for someone to hit another person. But let me ask you this.. Would you have felt the same way if it was your real dad that would have done this? Is it because he's your stepdad? I think that you should have a mature conversation with him, later when you are both calmed, and tell him how you really feel. Maybe it will open up conversation between you guys and improve the home dynamics. I don't think it should be ignored or excused but it's also not so bad that you guys need to move out.

I probably would feel the same way. shocked. my dad passed away when I was 14 so I really wouldnt know. maybe.

I hated my stepdad since the first time I got here in the US back in 2012. Theres just been so many things that happened. I am so confused about what to do. Sometimes I ask myself maybe I just need to suck it all up and sleep these things away and maybe eventually I'll get used to him shouting at my mom, telling us that we were poor in the Philippines (which is okay. we were poor. heck we dont even have AC to cool us during the summer back in the Philippines but I hope he doesnt rub it in)

I feel so useless seeing my mom cry and put up with him. I feel so irresponsible seeing my sisters cry too because of him.

I am just over it. This will be the first time he physically attacked a member of the family but throughout our stay here, my mom and my sisters have been emotionally attacked and its just sooo tiring.

We always tell ourselves to just sleep it away and the next day, he will be okay and we will be okay but there is just too much of hoping that we can do.

Here is my first post btw.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/476107-i-dont-get-along-with-my-stepdad-and-he-threatened-to-send-us-back-to-the-philippines-newbie-here/

Edited February 23, 2014 by dwightcharles

[Ontarkie 13,917]

Honestly with everything that has been going on it is time for you to move out. I do not see things getting better, find a place if your mom is ready to go she can follow. If she decides later that she had enough she will have somewhere to go.

[Darnell 8,478]

I'm not suggesting that it's your fault, I'm asking you really, what your intentions are with dealing with an older USA Citizen.

The age gap on your two resembles grandson-grandfather. The fella was raised during a time when corporal punishment was standard, and it's most likely he's not going to change that.

To mention 'you were poor in the PI' as part of an argument or rebuttal smells of very low class, regardless of his economic situation.

I suggest you and your brothers/sisters do something else:

Ask that step-father if you can have a plot of land to grow a large vegetable garden,

then you four prepare it, till it, plant, and tend it.

The man has gone from 0 to 5 people in his house, and he has hit the edge of his coping skills. I'm not suggesting he's right or wrong - but he married your mother for love - and if it's not love that motivating him with everything else going on there, you need to take another look.

Still, action-reaction can be really difficult with that age-gap; most grandfather-aged fellas expect (and usually get) a level of respect from grandchildren. You might want to get to the local campus library and review books on caring for the elderly, soonish.

I would suggest this hitting during an accident is normal for his age group and background - but do not view it as acceptable behavior on yer person.

Although your situation is difficult, I feel it can be mitigated if you and your siblings actually put out a huge garden - he'll see the work effort and recognize it, and you will get other conversations about it, with him.

[dwightcharles 12]

I'm not suggesting that it's your fault, I'm asking you really, what your intentions are with dealing with an older USA Citizen.

The age gap on your two resembles grandson-grandfather. The fella was raised during a time when corporal punishment was standard, and it's most likely he's not going to change that.

To mention 'you were poor in the PI' as part of an argument or rebuttal smells of very low class, regardless of his economic situation.

I suggest you and your brothers/sisters do something else:

Ask that step-father if you can have a plot of land to grow a large vegetable garden,

then you four prepare it, till it, plant, and tend it.

The man has gone from 0 to 5 people in his house, and he has hit the edge of his coping skills. I'm not suggesting he's right or wrong - but he married your mother for love - and if it's not love that motivating him with everything else going on there, you need to take another look.

Still, action-reaction can be really difficult with that age-gap; most grandfather-aged fellas expect (and usually get) a level of respect from grandchildren. You might want to get to the local campus library and review books on caring for the elderly, soonish.

I would suggest this hitting during an accident is normal for his age group and background - but do not view it as acceptable behavior on yer person.

Although your situation is difficult, I feel it can be mitigated if you and your siblings actually put out a huge garden - he'll see the work effort and recognize it, and you will get other conversations about it, with him.

IM SORRY BUT I REALLY DONT GET WHAT YOU MEAN BY GROWING A LARGE VEGETABLE GARDEN. where is this coming from? lol

[Pinkrlion 2,607]

You are 23, you informed your mother. You, mom, and stepdad need to discuss the situation, and have communication, so you can understand each other.

Also, you work, MOVE OUT ON YOUR OWN. You are 23 be an adult.

Edited February 23, 2014 by Pinkrlion

[dwightcharles 12]

Honestly with everything that has been going on it is time for you to move out. I do not see things getting better, find a place if your mom is ready to go she can follow. If she decides later that she had enough she will have somewhere to go.

I know sir. Actually on Monday, my mom and I will go to her lawyer for consultation since she also wants to move out along with us.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Why are you 23 and living with a step-father? I think you were driving badly, he could see you were going to run over stuff and wreck, and he freaked out. He is 78 (!) after all. That is very old. He hit you on the arm to get you to stop, not to hurt you.

I'll bite my tongue on the rest.

Edited February 23, 2014 by Harpa Timsah

[dwightcharles 12]

You are 23, you informed your mother. You, mom, and stepdad need to discuss the situation, and have communication, so you can understand each other.

Yea. My stepdad and I havent spoken about it yet since it happened but when my mom arrived from work earlier, he told her about hitting me and that there was $300 something damage on his truck. When my mom told me about this, I seriously wanted to slap $550.00 check on his face. $250 for my biweekly contribution plus $300 for his "car damage". And NO, there was no damage made. I didn't hit anything except for driving over some hollow blocks which is hardened sand. whew.

[dwightcharles 12]

Why are you 23 and living with a step-father? I think you were driving badly, he could see you were going to run over stuff and wreck, and he freaked out. He is 78 (!) after all. That is very old. He hit you on the arm to get you to stop, not to hurt you.

I'll bit my tongue on the rest.

Actually he shouted first and then I stopped because I was rattled. When I stopped, he kept shouting and then he punched me. He didn't punch me to stop. I am living with him because I am not yet financially stable. I don't have a car yet. I am trying my best to work things out so that one day I can buy a car and eventually move out.

Edited February 23, 2014 by dwightcharles

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

Actually he shouted first and then I stopped because I was rattled. When I stopped, he kept shouting and then he punched me. He didn't punch me to stop.

That's not what your original story says.

You said because he hit you, you wrecked the truck.

[dwightcharles 12]

That's not what your original story says.

You said because he hit you, you wrecked the truck.

I am only responsible of what I say. If that's how you understand it, so be it. that smiley face lol its working btw