Asking for advice....Having a baby soon.

[emberiza 0]

Hi everybody!

I'm pregnant and due in 3 weeks. I had planned to speak only English to our baby and teach our child my native tongue later on when he gets older. The reason being that I'm so used to speaking English all the time and I don't really want to speak in my native tongue all the time. Also, my husband speaks only English so he would not understand when I talk to our child. Anyway, my Mom is giving me a hard time about this (she doesn't speak English). She thinks our child should speak to me in my native tongue and speak English to my husband and that I should start right away when the baby's born. I understand it's a good idea to teach your kids to be bilingual, but as a parent you would have to be very motivated doing that. And honestly I don't feel motivated speaking only my native tongue to our child. I was planning to teach my native tongue later on though (give lessons to our child). Anyway, I know that if I don't teach our child my native tongue right away, my Mom is going to be highly offended and hurt(which I don't want either). How would you deal with a situation like this? Any advice?

[apple21 953]

As the child's mother, you know better than anyone else.

Since you're permanently living in the US, teach the child English. Your native language is just secondary so you can insert a few lessons later on.

[sancruz 26]

I speak only English and my husband speaks English and Spanish. Our baby is 15 months old. It was/is important to me that my husband teaches him how to speak spanish. Most of his family only speaks spanish so i wanted our baby to be able to talk to his grandmother as well as other family members. My husband speaks both english and spanish to our son and he understands both. He even learned to say Hola before he said Hi. Babies learn so fast that it is very easy for them to pick up on both languages if they are used to hearing both. Your mothers concern is probably just wanting to be included and being able to communicate with her grandchild.

[Darnell 8,478]

Does Mom live with you , or no ?

If no, what's the issue?

[wilfon 30]

Hi everybody!

I'm pregnant and due in 3 weeks. I had planned to speak only English to our baby and teach our child my native tongue later on when he gets older. The reason being that I'm so used to speaking English all the time and I don't really want to speak in my native tongue all the time. Also, my husband speaks only English so he would not understand when I talk to our child. Anyway, my Mom is giving me a hard time about this (she doesn't speak English). She thinks our child should speak to me in my native tongue and speak English to my husband and that I should start right away when the baby's born. I understand it's a good idea to teach your kids to be bilingual, but as a parent you would have to be very motivated doing that. And honestly I don't feel motivated speaking only my native tongue to our child. I was planning to teach my native tongue later on though (give lessons to our child). Anyway, I know that if I don't teach our child my native tongue right away, my Mom is going to be highly offended and hurt(which I don't want either). How would you deal with a situation like this? Any advice?

I wouldn't worry too much, babies are like sponges and pick up on languages much better than older kids or adults. Speak English to your spouse and speak your native language to your baby. You can give your spouse a lesson at the same time if he would like..hehehe. Good luck

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I agree with the other person who said that it's probably about her concern about being unable to communicate with her grandchild, and how it would appear that you don't care for your child to speak to his grandma/other family.

At the same time, I would not like what would seem like a "private language" going on in front of me (thinking of the husband here), so I think it would be best for your husband to learn your native tongue as well OR your mother/other family to start learning English.

[narnia 24]

it's a proven fact that a child's earliest years are possible the most important ones when i comes to learning. an infant's brain has around 2 times more synapses than an adult's brain and the years 0-3 are probably the most flourishing ones concerning learning and influences from the surrounding.

also stimuli from the surroundings help the infants brain to organise. concerning language: in the first year of a child's life they learn with their entire brain, before centres are built and certain areas are responsible for certain tasks. so when exposed to a second language from birth on, the language centre in the brain gets formed and organised with 2 languages on file already. this makes it way easier for the child knowing 2 languages when growing up. whilst a later exposure to the second tongue makes it harder for the child to memorise it.

since an infant's brain is not yet departed in areas, it reacts like a sponge to imformation and gladly soaks it all up.

so if you want your child to be bilingual it is much easier to teach it from the very start. it's also recommended that each parent uses one language to talk to their child, so e.g. the mother uses her native tongue and the father his. this is proven to be the most flourishing way to have a child grow up bilingual.

my mother is a pedagogue and and made all kinds of experiences with bilingual kids. she noticed that parents who don't teach their children their native tongue from the start, usually have a hard time teaching them later.

from my personal experience i know this: my cousin's husband speaks czech, but he didn't teach his kids from start on, and now his son is 7 years old and doesn't know a single word and refuses to learn it even.

so in my opinion, i'd start right away and not wait.

[aaydrian 479]

You speak in your native tongue only to the baby while your husband only uses English with the baby. That way you can ensure the babe isn't over/under exposed to any 1 language while being forced to learn each individual language.

What is your native language?

Edited January 25, 2013 by aaydrian

[LlamaInvasion 76]

One Parent One Language is actually very effective, and I agree starting right away is the best. It will be easier for your child to learn both languages from early on, rather than having a second language taught later in life. Not to mention, a lot of children will actually actively fight against being taught a different language by a parent later. A Norwegian mother I know sometimes speaks English on accident to her 6-year old, and is immediately scolded by that child, because "Mommy doesn't talk like THAT!"

My husband speaks barely more than a lick of Norwegian (my native tongue - he can understand "Hi," "Bye," and a few random words, like "Bread" or "Chicken"), but I still only speak Norwegian to my child. It took me a while to get used to speaking Norwegian in public, but honestly - it's nobody else's business what you're saying to your child. It's challenging sometimes, especially because there's... almost nothing Norwegian in the US. I'm his sole resource for the Norwegian language. I too speak so much English, and speak it so well, that I really have to focus on speaking Norwegian. But it's really important to me, and I think it'll be worth it.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

My husband has the same problem as you think you are going to have. He speaks English well and has some kind of mental block in his head speaking to our daughter in German at home. In public, he'll only speak German, but at home...who knows, whatever he feels like. I'd say 85% English/15% German. I have to reinforce sometimes and I can do that because I do speak German. But I am not a native speaker and I shouldn't have to do most of this myself. She is nearly 7 and she can understand, read, and write German with no problems, but her speaking is a bit of a train wreck because her father never forces her to speak in German. My IL's only speak German, so she Skypes with them now every weekend and that helps some. It also helps that she has a strong natural interest in the language and actively wants to learn. That is still not enough for her father for some reason. He SAYS it is important that she learns German, but then he keeps speaking English at home anyway.

It will be an uphill battle if there is zero outside reinforcement and you already know you may not have the discipline to follow through. It is actually a lot harder than some people make it seem to raise a fluently bilingual child.

[TBoneTX 43,058]

I speak only English and my husband speaks English and Spanish. Our baby is 15 months old. It was/is important to me that my husband teaches him how to speak spanish. Most of his family only speaks spanish so i wanted our baby to be able to talk to his grandmother as well as other family members. My husband speaks both english and spanish to our son and he understands both. He even learned to say Hola before he said Hi. Babies learn so fast that it is very easy for them to pick up on both languages if they are used to hearing both. Your mothers concern is probably just wanting to be included and being able to communicate with her grandchild.

This is what we're doing, si man. Mrs. T-B. handles the Spanish and part of the English, and until tonight I handled only the English. Two-year-old Mini-Bone is picking up both quite well.

However, tonight I taught Mini-B. three 3-word "bad" phrases in Spanish (he picked them up right away), and Mrs. T-B. objected. I reasoned that she wanted him to be bilingual and for me to bond with him, so this covered both bases, si man.

Seriously: If today I had the brain synapses that I had as a child, I'd make it my life's sole priority to learn languages like a wild man. Too difficult now.

[MIDUVIL 34]

I have a 3 year old son, I'm speaking to him in French and his dad in English (only speaks English) and in French for short directives.

I was easier for me to talk to him in French, but it's difficult because his was replying a lot in English (he built his vocabulary mostly by watching English cartoons). Now we went in vacation in my country recently (for one month), his French vocabulary skyrocketed so quickly, maybe because he met some other french speaking children.

It can be hard to raise a bilingual children, but if you want to teach your son later, it can be much more harder. And with an infant you don't need to teach him really, you have just to talk to him, for him to be used to your native language. Even if it's 20% of the time.

But if you don't feel doing it...thinking also that later will be better. You may regret it.

When you go in vacation in your home country, it can be good for him to be able to talk to his cousin.

It's also good for your grandma and your child to be able to communicate.

Good luck

[Darnell 8,478]

in the end, if your husband is comfortable with multiple languages, I say go for it, irrespective of what your mother wants.

Bilingual, trilingual folk have wider vistas when looking for employment,

and if/when yer seeking a masters degree - having that second language helps when meeting the language requirement.

Sure, if you can easily accommodate your mom, then it's not any issue, right?

Teaching multiple languages to a baby is much easier than an 11 year old - there's loads of studies proving same.

I speak, read, and write well in 5 languages, so far. I only can speak in Mandarin - can't read it or write it to save my life (though my translators are useful) ....

English wasna my first language - I only started English in elementary school - but I think I would have had a better shot at it all if my folks were bilingual at home.

So, instead of thinking to acquiesce to your mother's want - think, instead, if your husband would be comfortable. If so, I strongly suggest you teach your baby that native tongue.

Good Luck, whatever you decide to do !

Edited January 25, 2013 by Darnell

[Xanax 349]

I speak only English and my husband speaks English and Spanish. Our baby is 15 months old. It was/is important to me that my husband teaches him how to speak spanish. Most of his family only speaks spanish so i wanted our baby to be able to talk to his grandmother as well as other family members. My husband speaks both english and spanish to our son and he understands both. He even learned to say Hola before he said Hi. Babies learn so fast that it is very easy for them to pick up on both languages if they are used to hearing both. Your mothers concern is probably just wanting to be included and being able to communicate with her grandchild.

+1

[Alaska2012 462]

My baby was born in April, i speak swedish with her my husband speaks English, her big brother who was born and raised in Sweden speaks swinglish ( a mix between Swedish and English). Now she's still really young but she responds to both languages.

I'm sure that English will be her no 1 language but since both me and her brother uses swedish now and then plus that we will visit Sweden every year i want her to at least understand it and be able to speak it.

You will find a way that you feel comfortable with once you get there.