Racial statements about our son

[Mononoke28 134]

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

I quite honestly don't see how this comment can be taken as racist. From what I understand these were children talking about the obvious, that's how children behave and they don't hold back because they don't see anything wrong with it, and in this particular case, I don't either. Now, if they had said something negative about it like "I don't want to play with brown children" or "I think he's ugly because of the color of his skin", then yes, that would be racist.

I remember when we were at an amusement park with my then 5 year old niece and she befriended two African-American little girls who were twins while waiting in line for a ride. After a while my sister asked her if she wanted to stay or go to a different part of the park and she said "no, I want to play with my new brown friends". My sister told her not to call them brown but to simply call them friends since we've always believed we're all equals no matter the color of our skin. My niece stood there confused and said "But... they're brown!" She didn't get it, and like I said earlier, that's just what was obvious to her.

The key is to teach children that yes, we're all different, because you can't hide the obvious, but that we all come in different colors and sizes and that's what makes us unique and beautiful.

Diana

[LA80 3]

Kids (apparently) do not know much about the life and the world outside their own. It is in their nature to notice differences. Children make statements and ask questions that can make adults feel rather uncomfortable. I do not think the little boy made a racial statement, it does not seem that he made fun of your son or was sarcastic. He just made an observation.

I will give a few examples from my life, and they do not have anything to do with race. When I was young (4 or 5), I thought that all kids had a mother and a father and two sets of grandparents. Imagine my surprise when I realized that my cousins, whose parents were divorced, had an additional set of grandparents. We had a family gathering when I asked in front of everybody how that was possible. Not a pleasant situation for my mom at all.

On the other hand, my twin cousins thought that all kids had to have a twin. It was not uncommon for them to ask unknown ladies "Where is your second child"?

Your son is healthy and beautiful, and that is all that matters.

Edited August 17, 2011 by LA80

[Britt♥Marco 9]

I'd really love to know how a child, stating the obvious, is offensive.

[nane1104 146]

Ok, wow, where to start.

Thanks for all your replies, you guys made some very good points, it gave me a lot to think about.

First off, I didn't call this kid a racist, I said the situation, his comment and the moms reaction, or lack of, irritated me and I didn't really know how to take it.

I am still not really sure how to take it. Like I said before, he was a child and I of course give him the benefit of the doubt. It is just hard to explain if you haven't been there, how he looked and the way he said it.

I mean, I have been in situations before where kids are pointing out racial or whatever differences in other people but it just never sounded like this.

I will try to not be hypersensitive about the subject and I sincerely thank everyone who gave me a different look at what might have went through this boys head.

We are in a southern state right now after being in Germany for three years and the differences when it comes to races are huge. Believe it or not, there are still JOP here who refuse to marry interracial couples for example.

So I don't think I have to feel bad about being a little sensitive when it comes to the way multiracial/multicultural families are being treated here.

So, in the future I will try to grow a "thick skin" and ignore comments about my sons looks...and teach him better than to pay to much attention to ones color. I just believe, color really doesn't matter, so why comment, innocently or mean, about it?

Oh, and the posters who totally don't see why I could be a little worked up...I don't know what race you are, but I guess I can echo another poster who said "Most people don't understand the pain from rasicm until it happens to them"

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Nane,

I'm answering this without having read any of the other responses first.

We, people from the current human race, pretend that racism is on its way of being erased, but that's not the case. Without having to delve too much into my educational background, racism, by its true definition, is nothing else than the belief that a certain race or a member of a certain race is more or less qualified at some task than others. In its benevolent form, that means if I believe that blacks are stronger, better boxers, better fighters, better dancers, better basketball players than whites or reds or yellow people, that makes me a racist. So I am a racist by my own admission, as that's what I believe. I may be wrong, but my belief makes me a racist, some would even say a partial supremacist, but let's not get too far away from this.

People raise their children differently, and America has everything from the Redneck to the educated Liberal. It's natural that children are less of pretenders: they see something that interests them and they'll inquire, one way or the other. If a verbal, yet innocent inquiry of a child is responded to by a parent in a certain way, prejudice develops. I too think that the child you are referring to was just trying to figure out what kind of colors the parents of him would have to have in order to arrive to brown. Not easy, as nobody is really white or brown or black, since we all come in skin colors in the range found at any Starbucks drink made with beans and milk, every single one of us.

Thus, the child's inquiry alone I do not find appalling, and my wild guess is that you react a bit sensitive to such events perhaps based on negative experiences you had in the past.

Being white or brown or black or red, or yellow is not a negative trait per se. What matters is that inquiries of children who are still in the process of development are responded to in a normal, friendly, and affirmative way. Yes, the President of the United States is dark brown. He is half black, as his father was black, and half white, as his mother was white. So in reality he is as much white as he is black. But here the negative part begins: like Indians (and I don't mean the descendants of Hindustan), "we" consider somebody not white, meaning black or red if he or she only has a bit of red or black blood in their venes. Isn't it crazy to call Obama a black man, if he's in fact 50% white?

[fozzie 41]

Ok, wow, where to start.

Thanks for all your replies, you guys made some very good points, it gave me a lot to think about.

First off, I didn't call this kid a racist, I said the situation, his comment and the moms reaction, or lack of, irritated me and I didn't really know how to take it.

I am still not really sure how to take it. Like I said before, he was a child and I of course give him the benefit of the doubt. It is just hard to explain if you haven't been there, how he looked and the way he said it.

I mean, I have been in situations before where kids are pointing out racial or whatever differences in other people but it just never sounded like this.

I will try to not be hypersensitive about the subject and I sincerely thank everyone who gave me a different look at what might have went through this boys head.

We are in a southern state right now after being in Germany for three years and the differences when it comes to races are huge. Believe it or not, there are still JOP here who refuse to marry interracial couples for example.

So I don't think I have to feel bad about being a little sensitive when it comes to the way multiracial/multicultural families are being treated here.

So, in the future I will try to grow a "thick skin" and ignore comments about my sons looks...and teach him better than to pay to much attention to ones color. I just believe, color really doesn't matter, so why comment, innocently or mean, about it?

Oh, and the posters who totally don't see why I could be a little worked up...I don't know what race you are, but I guess I can echo another poster who said "Most people don't understand the pain from rasicm until it happens to them"

To be honest the Mom was probably just very uncomfortable and didn't know how to handle the situation. Then again she may have been wholeheartedly racist and did not want to look you in the eye. I guess you'll never know.

[nane1104 146]

Just Bob,

thank you for your comment!

"Racial statement about our son" was probably a poor choice, I should have thought about it more before I wrote it when in fact I wasn't sure how the comment of this boy was really meant. Him being a child, I am sure, or I at least hope, he didn't mean any harm and as the worst case, echoed what he might have heard at home or from other adults.

You are also right in your guess that I had very negative experiences in us being a multi-racial family. Oh well, life goes on...lol

Thanks again though, you made some very good points!

[MIDUVIL 34]

Hello,

Just to add my part, I'm black from the caribbean and my husband is white.

We have a son, caramel color (almost like me). Here I never, never suffer about racism.

I know "all" the background of this country, however american-african people do a lot of stories...(end of the story).

If somebody tells me I'm black, it's the truth- it's not a racial stuff. My husband's niece (around 5 years old) asked me why I'm not like the others (the family), I explained her. And even if somebody else will ask me this kind of question (are they all black in your country....). For me, it's only curiosity.

Everybody tells that my son is...(handsome) , one day a woman was joking , she needs to pay to have his color of skin, and he has it naturally. I wasn't shocked-

I'm not sensitive about this question, even if i know about racism (it's another story).

So take it easy, an observation is not racism. In my country, they will tell somebody is white without racism, or asian, or whatever. just to describe somebody.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Hello,

Just to add my part, I'm black from the caribbean and my husband is white.

We have a son, caramel color (almost like me). Here I never, never suffer about racism.

I know "all" the background of this country, however american-african people do a lot of stories...(end of the story).

If somebody tells me I'm black, it's the truth- it's not a racial stuff. My husband's niece (around 5 years old) asked me why I'm not like the others (the family), I explained her. And even if somebody else will ask me this kind of question (are they all black in your country....). For me, it's only curiosity.

Everybody tells that my son is...(handsome) , one day a woman was joking , she needs to pay to have his color of skin, and he has it naturally. I wasn't shocked-

I'm not sensitive about this question, even if i know about racism (it's another story).

So take it easy, an observation is not racism. In my country, they will tell somebody is white without racism, or asian, or whatever. just to describe somebody.

Please tell me what do you know, have you every had to sit in the back of a bus because your color is different than others on a bus, have you ever been told you didn't qualify for a job, b/c of the color of your skin?

You'll have never face racism, so you'll don't know. It been enlighten to read these comments, I will say again, You'll have NEVER face racism, it's not a good feeling.

To all who says that a 10 year child didn't known what he was saying, are living in a false world. When that kid saw that little boy, it wasn't the first time that kid had seen a person of color. People of color are on every TV station, as well in every sport. I bet you, that kid even know the words to some rap songs, now he may not know the words meaning but he has seen people of color before in his life.

The kid was rude and his mother was even rudder, she couldn't even apologize for her son rudeness. Yes, American is still full of racist, Hell VJ even has them. Read the OFF Topic, it's being written and discussed there every day. But no has the guts to stop it, just like America.

So lets keep pretending that it doesn't happen.

[nane1104 146]

Please tell me what do you know, have you every had to sit in the back of a bus because your color is different than others on a bus, have you ever been told you didn't qualify for a job, b/c of the color of your skin?

You'll have never face racism, so you'll don't know. It been enlighten to read these comments, I will say again, You'll have NEVER face racism, it's not a good feeling.

To all who says that a 10 year child didn't known what he was saying, are living in a false world. When that kid saw that little boy, it wasn't the first time that kid had seen a person of color. People of color are on every TV station, as well in every sport. I bet you, that kid even know the words to some rap songs, now he may not know the words meaning but he has seen people of color before in his life.

The kid was rude and his mother was even rudder, she couldn't even apologize for her son rudeness. Yes, American is still full of racist, Hell VJ even has them. Read the OFF Topic, it's being written and discussed there every day. But no has the guts to stop it, just like America.

So lets keep pretending that it doesn't happen.

Thank you.

If I may add, racism comes in many forms and variations. Some people make very "subtle" racial comments, some maybe subconciously so I wouldn't even call them racist as I think that would require intent.

As for the boy, I really don't think he meant to be hurtful but at the same time I can see how he might have heard racial comments before that he was processing and subconciously applying to my son.

Like I said, we are living in the south, in Louisiana and we have experienced a lot of discrimination. We often get the shittiest tables in restaurants, have to wait for service or the waiters are rude. And don't get me started on nasty looks

we get almost anywhere we go.

It's getting really "funny" when my husband is wearing his uniform and gets asked if he is really an officer. Seriously? It's 2011!!!

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Honestly I think your reaction is based on a couple of things:

1. You're a mother and you felt like someone insulted your child but it was a child so you weren't entirely sure;

2. You just realised that some parents are going to turn their children into racists and that your child may face it;

I think it's more disbelief at the racism (having now seen it for yourself in a young child and I think maybe *hoping* it was dying out with the older generations) and concern for your child and realising you're going to have to start self-esteem damage control to make sure he realises that "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind".

I will also mention that I don't exactly get racism, but sometimes at work the girls, innocently, make jokes about thing I say wrong or differently and keep "correcting" me. One girl has taken to yelling "speak American!". Today for instance, I asked about stationary.. you know, pens, pencils etc and they had no idea what I was talking about. Apparently here it's just called office products or pens or pencils or whatever. Instead of saying just that (because I explained it and they now understood) they went on and on about how random that was, and what they thought I meant, and how I need to "speak american!". It find this annoying and it DOES get old.. very very quickly. Just accept I have an accent, ask me if you're not entirely sure what I'm saying and it'll be fine.

[Golden Gate 530]

I live in the south also. I can tell you that there is racism going on. It goes all ways - whites against blacks, blacks against whites, blacks against Mexicans, Mexicans against blacks, whites against Mexicans, and then there are the Native Americans. I am a teacher, also, and I have worked in the public schools where we have all these populations. It is deeply ingrained in their upbringing. They are perpetuating their environment. There are names for all colors of skins and you will see children being very mean to a student who is too black for them, for example. Children can be cruel, unless they are taught otherwise. These children are very familiar with the people around them - it isn't something novel for them that would peek their curiosity, as though they've never seen it before. They are around it every day.

[rlogan 2,036]

It sounds like the 10 year old was thinking with a child's innocence. As you know, children sometimes state the obvious without historical reference of shoulds and should-nots. He was probably using logic and analysis with no thought to race or whether this might hurt someone who has a pre-disposed sensitivity. As to the parent.... they quite probably had a discussion with the child in private.

Yeah, you know when I was about that age, maybe just slightly less, I went fishing with my father and we saw a guy fly-fishing in another boat while we were fishing with bobbers and worms. I pointed to him and blurted out "look daddy, that man doesn't know how to fish"... and his reaction made me cry because he stifled me instead of explaining what fly fishing was. I don't see anything wrong with explaining in public either. Kids can blurt out something parents think is appalling were it an adult saying it, and not so much weight should be assigned to it. No big deal.

I had a 4th grade classroom teacher that said whites and blacks should not get married because their children would be mullatto. I thought it meant polka-dots because I could not see anything wrong with being a shade in-between both parents.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I would tell the young man who offended you, "When God was baking the little kid cookies, he took the white one out too early, the black one out too late, but the brown one was just perfect." Young kids think in concrete ways. Besides, the community just isn't so sure the young person's comments were malevolent. Maybe just observational.

No matter what color we are on the outside, all of our blood runs red on the inside.

Turn a negative into a positive and otherwise make it an "educable moment" for our young people and future leaders of America.

Peace.

[TBoneTX 43,184]

Years ago, a black acquaintance of mine was racially "baited" in public (not quite an insult, but it could have escalated). He immediately looked shocked and pallid, and said "What?! I'm black?! Omigod, omigod, omigod!" and he continued the self-horrified act. That settled things down in a hurry, si man.