Racial statements about our son

[nane1104 146]

At the foodcourt inside our BX on base. We are enjoying our Anthonys Pizza.

Kid (about 8-10 yrs old, white, chewing down his big cheeseburger) at the table next to us to our 2.5 year old son:

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

Older brother pokes him in his ribs to shut him up. Then mom shows up, older brother told her what younger brother said. All loud enough for us to hear it.

Mom looks away and avoids any eyecontact with us until we left....

To add, my husband is african-american/filippino and I am caucasian, our son, well, looks very different than most bi-racial kids as he has features of all three races and really doesn't fit the typical "mixed kid look".

People make comments about his look or more specific, his color a lot here in the States, while in Germany, they would comment about specifics, like about his big brown eyes or how he tans so quickly without getting sunburned

but it never had this racial component to it.

I am really not sure what to think about this situation as I'd like to give that kid the benefit of the doubt, but just the fact that he went through that thoughtprocess, really baffeled me...

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

[^_^ 5,021]

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

People tend to not think of stuff they'd say or think as racist, even if it is.

[nane1104 146]

People tend to not think of stuff they'd say or think as racist, even if it is.

I know that...*sigh* Someone (family member) once "nicknamed" him "little cappuccino" and they didn't get why my husband freaked out. LOL

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Expect it to happen, ignore it, and move on. The only satisfaction that those who spew it gets is your reaction.

Most people don't understand the pain from rasicm until it happens to them.

[nane1104 146]

Expect it to happen, ignore it, and move on. The only satisfaction that those who spew it gets is your reaction.

Most people don't understand the pain from rasicm until it happens to them.

That is so true!

I have to admit I never fully understood when my husband told me about comments he got about himself being biracial. To me he was always just my bf, fiance and husband, his skin color was totally irrelevant to me.

Now I am much more sensitive about the whole racial subject but at the same time, I don't want it to become so important either.

[sara..... 371]

we are a multi-racial family my mom adopted five of us.... one full African american girl, one African american/Iranian girl,one African american Italian boy,one cajan(spelling sorry)/African american me Guatemalan (Mayan Indian)and then three of her body born children basque/american and top that all of to being Muslim

now we have had alot of idiots try to give us grief its all in how you teach your child to handle the negative comments and slurs...if you yourself are overly sensitive your children will pick up on it we were taught to let it roll of us us most the time it does i wont lie and say it never bothers us but its all in how you handle it when it does

if you confront them they get a lot of energy and joy out of it...we believe that bullys and prejudiced people only enjoy them selfs if they get a raise out of you......takes two to fight if you get my meaning that dont mean that you lay down and let people walk all over you it just means you have to find the way as a parent to teach your kids how to able to cope with out their self esteem being damaged.......takes a lot of work

sara

Edited August 16, 2011 by sara.....

[Golden Gate 530]

You can expect that there will be people who will act this way all through your son's schooling, I can guarantee it. Kids can be mean and they reflect their upbringing. He won't be dark enough for some blacks or light enough for some whites.

However, how you raise him will help him to be able to deal with these issues in his life. My brother-in-law is black/german with two children, one who is white blonde hair/green eyes. His brother has a son who is black/german/Japanese and a daughter who is white as snow.

The one thing is that they can see many sides of the issue, more so than the people being racist against them.

My brother-in-law was accused of being racist against blacks when he was teaching, when he himself is black. You can't find a more compassionate person. He would take poor students from the projects, who had never even seen the ocean although it was less than a mile away, on camping trips in the mountains of Northern California. Currently, he and my sister have taken guardianship of one of his Mexican students, who is the only one of his siblings without legal status, because he was brought over when he was still a baby. Some people just can't take the higher ground, and instead choose to spew hatred at others because of their own deficiencies.

When I was in San Francisco, my children's dad and I were eating at a Mexican restaurant, and they were openly racist against us, because he is Mexican and I am white. We also had an incident in my home town where a man, burning with hatred, came after us with a bat.

I am sorry that your son will have to face this in his life, but I believe he will be the stronger for it. He will prevail in the end, because he has parents who show what it means to really love.

Wish you all the best!

[Nina~ 431]

I think you are looking too much into this incident. I mean, come on, it was a 8-10 year old kid and kids say the darnest thing all the time because they say what they think with unbridled honesty. Instead of feeling slighted, I would feel disappointed since the mom did not use this as a "teaching moment" for her son and correct him. Since your son in bi-tri-racial, you will come across these kind of situation more often than others, and you will have the perfect opportunity to teach your son to be sensitive & socially intelligent, unlike this other kid.

[nane1104 146]

I know he was only a child, I know they just say what they think...but that was my point- why would a kid of that age even consider the race of a little toddler? I just have never seen that and as a teacher myself, I have come across a LOT of children. The way the mom acted gave us the impression that she knew exactly where this was coming from.

Yes, maybe I am looking to much into it but remembering my sons confused look, I know that some day we will have to teach him about races and where he is coming from.

See, I grew up in "white Germany" and I guess I can say majority of germans are pretty "colorblind", so I never had to deal with this kind of issue, while my husband is totally used to this kind of scrutiny. He always warned me that we would have to deal with peoples comments about our children and I always brushed it off as "it can't be that bad" until someone referred to him as "cappuccino". I know it wasn't meant to be mean but I know that same person would never refer to a white kid as "milky", kwim?

It's hard to ignore those comments but I'll try...*sigh*

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Only those who haven't felt the sting from racism doesn't see a problem with what happen. Young children grows up to be gown adults, generally mind set doesn't change.

Edited August 16, 2011 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[Golden Gate 530]

Yep, the children learn from their parents.

[Krikit 1,163]

It sounds like the 10 year old was thinking with a child's innocence. As you know, children sometimes state the obvious without historical reference of shoulds and should-nots. He was probably using logic and analysis with no thought to race or whether this might hurt someone who has a pre-disposed sensitivity. As to the parent.... they quite probably had a discussion with the child in private.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

At the foodcourt inside our BX on base. We are enjoying our Anthonys Pizza.

Kid (about 8-10 yrs old, white, chewing down his big cheeseburger) at the table next to us to our 2.5 year old son:

" If you have a black Daddy and a white Mommy, that makes you brown."

Older brother pokes him in his ribs to shut him up. Then mom shows up, older brother told her what younger brother said. All loud enough for us to hear it.

Mom looks away and avoids any eyecontact with us until we left....

To add, my husband is african-american/filippino and I am caucasian, our son, well, looks very different than most bi-racial kids as he has features of all three races and really doesn't fit the typical "mixed kid look".

People make comments about his look or more specific, his color a lot here in the States, while in Germany, they would comment about specifics, like about his big brown eyes or how he tans so quickly without getting sunburned

but it never had this racial component to it.

I am really not sure what to think about this situation as I'd like to give that kid the benefit of the doubt, but just the fact that he went through that thoughtprocess, really baffeled me...

My sister doesn't understand at all why I would be irritated by his statement!?

Some people are @ssholes. You're gonna have some of that. You do not have to be a different color, just having a funny accent is all it takes for some Einsteins. Once you get over caring what anyone else thinks and just care about your family none of that matters anyway.

Besides, it would make him gray, not brown.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Gary and Alla

[Maleman 5]

I rarely chime in on any personal matters, but would like to briefly add some thoughts. Yes, a prejudice point of view still survives in America. However, it not only comes from both sides, it spreads itself throughout a number of factions. I too received my share of prejudice remarks when I was a child. Although, my father was born in America, he did not speak English until he went to the public schools. In those days you learned to speak English as your primary language. Amazing though, I never declared myself a partial American to compensate for ill biased thoughts or remarks. Teaching children that someone is African-American or Caucasian is plainly wrong. If you are a legal citizen of the United States of America you’re an American. By the way where is the country of Caucasian located? A true American should respect different cultures. Yet, we also need to tell those stories, and relate the history of slavery to all children in America, along with other hardships that we have encountered. Many Americans paid the price of freedom in this country. And, all should be proud to be Americans and not a sub group of this great gift given by others in the past. Outside of these thoughts, I believe kids will be kids. Teach your children to set an example and the others will learn. However, never should we separate ourselves through different labels.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I know he was only a child, I know they just say what they think...but that was my point- why would a kid of that age even consider the race of a little toddler? I just have never seen that and as a teacher myself, I have come across a LOT of children. The way the mom acted gave us the impression that she knew exactly where this was coming from.

Yes, maybe I am looking to much into it but remembering my sons confused look, I know that some day we will have to teach him about races and where he is coming from.

See, I grew up in "white Germany" and I guess I can say majority of germans are pretty "colorblind", so I never had to deal with this kind of issue, while my husband is totally used to this kind of scrutiny. He always warned me that we would have to deal with peoples comments about our children and I always brushed it off as "it can't be that bad" until someone referred to him as "cappuccino". I know it wasn't meant to be mean but I know that same person would never refer to a white kid as "milky", kwim?

It's hard to ignore those comments but I'll try...*sigh*

I had a heart attack and quad bypass surgery and it is a rather traumatic thing, you are told you are going to be "out" for about 36 hours and of course you hope to actually wake up on the other side.

When I did there were 5 people in the room with me, 4 sons and my wife, three of them have foreign accents. My wife had never left the room and one of the boys had come all the way from Moscow, interrupting his studies. I haven't had a bad day since then. Some people matter. Just decide which ones and you will be a lot happier.

Your husband and son will always be there for you, they are your family and if you do not care what color their skin is why does it matter what anyone else thinks?