Some K1 relationships sound crazy

[Jelly2011 1]

Its a bit more complicated than what you suggest.

When Jay and I met online we spoke to each other for nearly a year before ever agreeing to meet in person. We needed to meet in person because there are limitations to the internet and little things can add up quick. You must meet in person because that is the only way you will ever know how you truly are together. Jay came here for two weeks. It was essential that he do so to find out if he would like it in the States enough to move here and to see how we got on in the same space. Two weeks is really nice but even so its not enough time. We then decided to do a three month visa waiver while the 129F is pending approval. He leaves soon and has spent most of the three months here to get use to the area and living here as a family. This gives us great comfort as we are more confident in our choices and feel better about the process and what is to come. Soon he will return home to the UK and he had to make special arrangements with family and friends in order to return home. He could not keep his house and yes he is giving up a great deal. However he still has another three months to decide if this is what he really wants with the fiancee Visa. Over all that is a solid two years of getting to know each other, but 6 and a half months total to see how we are in person. That is very important and necessary when making those difficult choices.

Immigration is a serious test on a relationship and its commitment. It demands a great deal from the individuals on both sides. However it is not a great deal of time. Especially when you consider our military families that spend 6mths to a year apart for deployments on a regular basis. To have to only do it once is well worth it. You have to think about what your doing and the investment of time and money. It isn't cheap and you have to work at it. That is a major part of everyday life. If you can get through this process then you have many things to look forward to. Nothing is guaranteed or full proof. Everything comes with a risk of some kind, but there is nothing wrong in trying to live a dream and going for it. No point in sitting on the sidelines you have to get in the game if you want to win it and life demands active participation. Otherwise your not living your just enduring and there is no fun in that at all.

We feel very good about our relationship, the bonds we have established and how we live and work together as a family. We are looking forward to the process and do not mind the time it takes or the process. Oh sure we would love to know when everything will magically fall into place the when,where,what and how but we also enjoy the mystery and time of exploration. I can tell you the honeymoon period and infatuation has long ago worn off. We argue and get crabby and talk direct about what we like,don't like and sometimes we have a bad day. Still we love,laugh and live a very happy life.

It is stressful for many reasons. For one Jay cannot drive here on visits so he does not have the independence I would like. He cannot go out and explore on his own what he enjoys most here and his own little niche or place. He lives with us and depends on us to get him through. With this visit he now knows he can and trust us to be here for him. That is very comforting and makes a difference but it also plays on his need to provide and be needed. Thankfully he has found in person just how much he is needed by this new family and he is content with the little bit of time he will not be working for what he will be gaining.He wants to work but knows he can't until the paperwork is complete and to not have income effects a person very deeply. But its temporary and it will change when he returns on an approved Visa /permanent resident etc... He will be very busy getting married,licensed and settling in that he will not have time to really notice the time it takes to get his work approval. But getting there takes time and effort. There will be plenty of time to overcome these obstacles and if these are the least of our worries than we are truly blessed and have so much to look forward to.You must think it through,take your time,create your own opportunities to establish a solid relationship and comply with the rules. Pretty straight forward really and a test of your commitment. The challenge is a fun discovery and we are good with it. Anything worth having never comes easy.

I don't know I think it all needs to be kept in perspective. We understand the point of view of immigration and what they ask of us. We don't have a problem with going through the process. We are enjoying our time together and it makes us stronger. We look forward to when we can live on the same continent but its not the most important thing. We just take things as the come.Its a wild ride but we have had a great time and are better for it. That's what really matters. Hope that helps.

)

I honestly think the K1 visa process and immigration could ruin a relationship, it puts way too much pressure on the foreign spouse to immediately give up everything in their life and move to another country after barely knowing someone. Now they are there with nothing to go back to, or onerous process of rebuilding employment/life, and plane tickets are expensive and travel can disrupt the costly and time consuming permanent residency process. Seems like a good way to rush a nascent relationship and spoil it with one spouse feeling like they have no power and are essentially a prisoner in a foreign country. It encourages rushing into marriage as well which is never good, I imagine a lot of these relationships are still in the infatuation stage.

There are people posting about getting the physical meeting out of the way so they can file for K1, what?! That is koo koo cocoapuffs! Hell at least the marriage of convenience and fraud cases both people know what they are diving into so at least no one is going to get hurt.

The one scenario where it does make sense is when two people want to try furthering a relationship, but the foreign partners country is too dangerous or unstable for it to be an option. But even then the pressure to get married is suffocating.

I don't have a good answer, and I have nothing against any couples going through the process, I just think its not a good process for building a marriage and relationship. Perhaps the marriage time limit should be extended or the other demands on the couple removed.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Problems I see with the OP's angle here (some already mentioned)...

First, there is no reason that the together time must be in the US. Most Non-VWP countries have little or no requirements for a USC to obtain a Visa, The Philippines for example all a USC needs to do is land in Manila and they get a 21 day Visa.

Second, the 90 days of the K-1 validity is for the couple to "Arrange the wedding & get married" not for them to get to know each other. Anyone using it as the later is misusing the Visa and should get to know their partner more before filing anything.

Third, let's say the K-1 validity is extended to 1 year and the beneficiary has to wear a GPS tag until the wedding so we're sure they will leave if not married, what problem does that solve? None, the beneficiary still has left their home (abandoning job, lease etc) to come to the US.

I don't think there needs to be fourth, fifth or more...

[aashug 0]

I honestly think the K1 visa process and immigration could ruin a relationship, it puts way too much pressure on the foreign spouse to immediately give up everything in their life and move to another country after barely knowing someone. Now they are there with nothing to go back to, or onerous process of rebuilding employment/life, and plane tickets are expensive and travel can disrupt the costly and time consuming permanent residency process. Seems like a good way to rush a nascent relationship and spoil it with one spouse feeling like they have no power and are essentially a prisoner in a foreign country. It encourages rushing into marriage as well which is never good, I imagine a lot of these relationships are still in the infatuation stage.

There are people posting about getting the physical meeting out of the way so they can file for K1, what?! That is koo koo cocoapuffs! Hell at least the marriage of convenience and fraud cases both people know what they are diving into so at least no one is going to get hurt.

The one scenario where it does make sense is when two people want to try furthering a relationship, but the foreign partners country is too dangerous or unstable for it to be an option. But even then the pressure to get married is suffocating.

I don't have a good answer, and I have nothing against any couples going through the process, I just think its not a good process for building a marriage and relationship. Perhaps the marriage time limit should be extended or the other demands on the couple removed.

[/quote

Well Said!!!

[moroccanwife 11]

It's ironic that you criticize people for rushing into marriage without meeting and then admit that you within "almost a month" of meeting your online boyfriend, you were talking about marriage and visas. You don't think meeting somebody for the first time and then talking marriage within a month is fast? (I guess you are counting the year that you "dated" online.)

Ummmm...before you go shooting off at the mouth again, please re READ what I wrote. I said talks of marriage began. I also said we knew it would be awhile before we made that commitment. We were not engaged after a month of meeting. We actually were not engaged until 2 months after. MORON.

[HannahP 119]

That IMO is one of the inherent problems/issues with the K-1. In reality, it allows an entrance to the US without any strings. Sure there is the requirement to get married within 90 days or self deport, but we have all seen the cases where once the immigrant arrives in the US they jump ship so to speak. The one time meeting and options for a co-sponsor make fraud even more of an issue. Granted with the CR-1, you still have those same issues, but there is at least a marriage involveved before the immigrant arrives in the US. But in that case, as we again have all seen, it isn't difficult for a scammer to "fake it" for a couple of years and then dump the person who brought them here. IMO the K-1 has more potential problems because even for the legitimate relationships, the immigrating person has a long period of being in limbo where they can't work or go to school (in many states) and instead of making social connections to help with the adjustment they are in a dead zone until the AOS.

Either way you go, the process is fraught with pitfalls and roadblocks.

You do realize that the "one time meeting and options for a co-sponsor" also apply to the CR-1, right? In fact, there are several countries that only allow co-sponsors with a CR-1.

My husband and I had a fairly "normal" relationship as far as international relationships go. Filing for a K1, we probably had *more* co-mingled involvement than many married couples, having lived together for several years prior to applying. We also had a co-sponsor.

[Tim/Mav 305]

Pending engagement or marriage within a year, sure why not. If the relationship just doesn't work out no harm no foul, the foreign partner can return home and there will be no lasting consequences.

Do you know that a USA citizen can only file TWO K1 visa petitions in their lifetime? More pressure.

And I have seen it said if you have ever backed out of a K1 as a foreign partner and returned to your home country without getting married you'll catch hell from the embassy trying to do another. More pressure.

International relationships have WAY more ###### against them from the very beginning compared to a marriage between two nationals, and no one would expect a good outcome putting two same nationals under those kind of restraints. Why expect it to be different for international?

Wow ! Read your own post and what you wrote. It indicates to me: You are planning Divorce already and can Only file one more Petition after this one.

I can send her/him back if I don't like it.

Sounds like you need to get a partner in your own Country.

WHAT DID YOU FILE FOR ? A ROOMATE !

[KittyPollitt 284]

[kutakendra 3]

Because its the only way for the couple to even physically be together in the USA, if the foreign partner is not from a visa waiver country. Now you're locked in, thats never good.

I think some are totally misreading me, I think there should be a pre K1 visa of sorts that would let people live together and get to know each other and decide if they want to live in the USA before having a deadline facing them.

Thats the damn problem that for some countries the K1 or IR1 is the only way you will ever set foot in the USA.

Oh and even if both people are from visa waiver countries, you still face the possible refusal at POE is either of you slips up and mentions you are visiting a boy/girlfriend. Its like the governments expect you to decide whether you're going to commit for life without ever living together even, thats silly.

You are correct about the process being flawed.

1. A K1 recipient cannot work after arriving, so for a man, especially, it would encourage a fast wedding, and the timeline is very uncertain for arrival, yet I have heard about Embassies asking about wedding plans. 90 Days is not enough time to plan a decent wedding.

2. The entire process takes 8-12 months, which is a lot to ask for an engaged couple to be apart, not to mention the stress. It is also expensive, so trips for the USC are few, and the non-USC cannot visit after the visa has been applied for, even in VWP countries.

I would guess many couples do not make it through the time, cost and stresses involved in the process. I know I have been at my wit's end a number of times. Thank heavens for my fiancee's patience.

[jaz00mine 8]

K1 visa you "should" know the person already! It should be a get to know you visa!

[KayDeeCee 4,891]

I honestly think the K1 visa process and immigration could ruin a relationship, it puts way too much pressure on the foreign spouse to immediately give up everything in their life and move to another country after barely knowing someone. Now they are there with nothing to go back to, or onerous process of rebuilding employment/life, and plane tickets are expensive and travel can disrupt the costly and time consuming permanent residency process. Seems like a good way to rush a nascent relationship and spoil it with one spouse feeling like they have no power and are essentially a prisoner in a foreign country. It encourages rushing into marriage as well which is never good, I imagine a lot of these relationships are still in the infatuation stage.

There are people posting about getting the physical meeting out of the way so they can file for K1, what?! That is koo koo cocoapuffs! Hell at least the marriage of convenience and fraud cases both people know what they are diving into so at least no one is going to get hurt.

The one scenario where it does make sense is when two people want to try furthering a relationship, but the foreign partners country is too dangerous or unstable for it to be an option. But even then the pressure to get married is suffocating.

I don't have a good answer, and I have nothing against any couples going through the process, I just think its not a good process for building a marriage and relationship. Perhaps the marriage time limit should be extended or the other demands on the couple removed.

There should not be any pressure to get married. The K-1 is used when you already know you want to get married. You are engaged, and already decided to spend the rest of your lives together as a married couple. The K-1 should not be a factor in rushing into a marriage. If the couple rushes in, they rush in. It has nothing to do with a visa. Nowhere in any of the paperwork for a K-1 does it mention using it to 'get to know and build a relationship'. The K-1 is for 'intending to marry soon(within 90 days of US entry)'. Many couples that live in the same country rush into marriage, and others take their time getting to know each other longer before making the leap to marriage. I just do not see how needing a visa changes this aspect of human nature. Everyone is different, and develops relationships at different speeds. So goes life, whether face-to-face daily, or long distance with less frequent in-person interactions.

I was with my husband for 8 and a half years before we became officially engaged. We had been a couple for 10 years before I sent off the petition for a K-1. He could never get a tourist visa to visit me in the US, so I made trips to Mexico instead. If your foreign fiance cannot visit you in the US, you visit them in their country, or you pick a country to meet up in where you can both travel freely to. We had reasons why we chose to live in the US instead of Mexico, mainly because of my children. We had already developed a relationship before petitioning for a visa.

[TJC78 2]

I feel dumber just reading this #######. What exactly is your purpose for being on this forum anyways?

[BirdyGirl85 23]

I honestly think the K1 visa process and immigration could ruin a relationship, it puts way too much pressure on the foreign spouse to immediately give up everything in their life and move to another country after barely knowing someone.

After barely knowing someone? I guess some people do that on the K1, but my husband and I were together for four years before we decided on getting married and going the K-1 route. We had twelve different visits spanning over five years, nine times my husband came to the U.S. and three times I went to Finland. In total, we spent over 2 years together in person before my husband moved to the U.S. on the K1 visa. I wouldn't say that's barely knowing someone.

Oh and even if both people are from visa waiver countries, you still face the possible refusal at POE is either of you slips up and mentions you are visiting a boy/girlfriend.

My husband always told the customs officer that the reason he was visiting was to visit his girlfriend. (This is back before we were married of course) He was never refused entry into the U.S... I guess that's not always the case for everyone but I think most of the time you aren't refused for visiting a boyfriend or girlfriend unless you already filled K1 and the process is not finished yet.

[KayDeeCee 4,891]

they foreigner only has to stay with his/her spouse 5 years and then is free. that is what should be extended to cut fraud. So, many 20 year old women will marry old men to get a visa.

And the ante is upped.

Just as an fyi, there is not a 5 year minimum on the beneficiary's part.

Yes, what is this 5 year minimum to 'freedom'?

[southcalhog 43]

Pending engagement or marriage within a year, sure why not. If the relationship just doesn't work out no harm no foul, the foreign partner can return home and there will be no lasting consequences.

Do you know that a USA citizen can only file TWO K1 visa petitions in their lifetime? More pressure.

And I have seen it said if you have ever backed out of a K1 as a foreign partner and returned to your home country without getting married you'll catch hell from the embassy trying to do another. More pressure.

International relationships have WAY more ###### against them from the very beginning compared to a marriage between two nationals, and no one would expect a good outcome putting two same nationals under those kind of restraints. Why expect it to be different for international?

You are Putting Incorrect Info out there on the Number of K-1s a USC can file. Look at the I-- 129F Instructions and IMBRA Regulations. It depends on circumstances involved regarding the THIRD one, and when you would file. You would need to apply for a waiver and of course that would probably be hard to do! So bascially although hard to get a third one approved, the Law doesnt say.....2 is the limit!

[FB14 14]

What about the petitioner? I think there is as much strain on a petitioner as well because in the beginning the fiance would have to adjust to America and with the economy in the state that it is, who knows if the fiance will be able to get a job right away? Going through immigration alone whether married or engaged is very draining and nerve wrecking. I met my fiance and decided that he was worth the risk and I decided to file a K1 visa due to the fact that the distance is harsh and we both know we have strong feelings for each other. Coincidentally I've been to Jamaica various times which made us qualify for the physical aspect. You shouldnt judge everyone. although its only been a few months for me and my fiance we definitely know that we love each other and want to be with each other.