Wife Been Arrested

[Lemonslice 4,555]

It seems she has been abusing you and your kids for months.  While I think that you have some responsibility in the situation (it is not ok to not plan to file AOS on time and wait to have the resources to do so), that is not an excuse for her behavior.  If she is not released to ICE, jail can direct her to local shelters.  Remove yourself from the situation - protect yourself and your children. 

[Roel 7,191]

Divorce. Don't sign any aos forms. Don't be alone with her. 

[TheResistance 6]

17 minutes ago, Roel said:

Divorce. Don't sign any aos forms. Don't be alone with her. 

No. I do not want to be alone with her. She is my wife and I miss her and am hurting for what happened, and I know I will want to hold her. She hates me, that I know.

A friend of hers called asking why I did not call them instead. I said because she is not going to leave. No one can force her out of her home. I have kicked her out twice already. How much more can I take of it?

She called and said she should be released tonight with no bond. I have her stuff packed and trying to find someone to get it late tonight.

[Dutchster 1,106]

I'm going to put in my two pennies with a similar situation except for the home country;

My mother started dating this friendly man mid 2006. All went well until we moved in with him, me, my mother and my younger sister. It was all sunshine and roses the first few months until he starts degrading my mother first. The friendly man was not so friendly anymore. Not long after he starts degrading, me being just sixteen but I rather had him degrading me than my mother. I had a difficult time with my parents being divorced and bullying at school and he became the home bully. What all started with yelling and degrading me, ended with physical abuse. I had to cover up bruises sometimes. But every time he did this, my mom defended him. No matter how hard he hit me or how loud he was yelling in my face, my mother chose his side and wanted to make their marriage work.  Feeling betrayed by my own mother; it really damaged our relationship. Eventually, at the age of 23 after he hit me incredibly hard and my mother still stood behind him, defending him, I packed a few bags and left the house to move in with my dad. Mom is still with him and I'm not sure how she can live under his controlling behavior but I know she isn't happy.

Moral of the story; Choose your kids and yourself, please. I was reading your story and I felt how your 11 year daughter must feel when your wife yells at her for no reason. Please don't damage your relationship with your children by choosing your wife who is capable of hurting them. Just because she doesn't put her hands on them doesn't mean she isn't abusive; Abuse is control, blatant disrespects and hurtful words. Don't settle for emotional abuse thinking it's ok because it's not physical.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Dutchster

[EmilyW 1,222]

I was in the middle of a post and then @Dutchster posted precisely what I was going to say.  Protect your children OP.  Forget about her for now.  She made her bed and she can lie in it.  Even when being arrested, she was threatening you.  She says she hates you.  That's not love.  Do not listen to the weasel words and promises of change that I'm sure will now come once she realizes the deep sh*t she's in. 

 

God bless you for thinking of those children.  They need their dad and you standing up for them.... that's more important that you perhaps realize.  

Edited April 16, 2017 by EmilyW

[Transborderwife 4,666]

7 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

No. I do not want to be alone with her. She is my wife and I miss her and am hurting for what happened, and I know I will want to hold her. She hates me, that I know.

A friend of hers called asking why I did not call them instead. I said because she is not going to leave. No one can force her out of her home. I have kicked her out twice already. How much more can I take of it?

She called and said she should be released tonight with no bond. I have her stuff packed and trying to find someone to get it late tonight.

If you allow her back in and she's formally charged you'd be opening yourself up to possible removal of your children.  You'd be doing the right thing keeping distance 

[jakelake 222]

She does not love you. You have to file for divorce and move on. Why are you putting yourself in this dangerous situation for you and your kids?

If she is acting like this now, just imagine what could happen later.

This is not a good situation at all.

[sparkles_ 456]

You DO NOT want the option of her staying with friends, before she tried some more VAWA-esque stuff. She has shown she would do this once.....don't think you would get so lucky as to have law enforcement realize this twice.

 

You need to make a choice to protect your kids before you are charged with what is termed failure to protect......and then CPS can step in and remove the kids from an unsafe home environment if you let her come back. You might be having a visit from CPS anyway to make sure she stays gone via safety plan since this happened in front of children; police may or may not report this to them. 

 

Pack her stuff and put in outside the front door. Leave her some money. Cancel AOS. Go stay with a friend or family for a day or so with your kids.....get your locks changed in that time. 

Edited April 16, 2017 by sparkles_

[TheResistance 6]

3 minutes ago, sparkles_ said:

You DO NOT want the option of her staying with friends, before she tried some more VAWA-esque stuff. She has shown she would do this once.....don't think you would get so lucky as to have law enforcement realize this twice.

 

You need to make a choice to protect your kids before you are charged with what is termed failure to protect......and then CPS can step in and remove the kids from an unsafe home environment if you let her come back. You might be having a visit from CPS anyway to make sure she stays gone via safety plan since this happened in front of children; police may or may not report this to them. 

 

Pack her stuff and put in outside the front door. Leave her some money. Cancel AOS. Go stay with a friend or family for a day or so with your kids.....get your locks changed in that time. 

AOS is not even processed yet. Not saved the $$ for it.

Kids do not live with me. They live with ex. Can not change locks because this is an apartment complex, but she does not have the key but does have the right to go to office asking for entry.

What kind of "VAWA-esque stuff"?

Edited April 16, 2017 by TheResistance

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, TheResistance said:

AOS is not even processed yet. Not saved the $$ for it.

Kids do not live with me. They live with ex. Can not change locks because this is an apartment complex, but she does not have the key but does have the right to go to office asking for entry.

Is she on the lease?

[TheResistance 6]

1 minute ago, Transborderwife said:

Is she on the lease?

Yes. The only thing we were able to get her name on last summer.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, TheResistance said:

Yes. The only thing we were able to get her name on last summer.

I would check with North Carolina law, you likely don't have the right to withhold her being there unless they order no contact 

[sparkles_ 456]

Just now, TheResistance said:

AOS is not even processed yet. Not saved the $$ for it.

Kids do not live with me. They live with ex. Can not change locks because this is an apartment complex, but she does not have the key but does have the right to go to office asking for entry.

Sorry, yes that is right you did say no AOS due to finances. Well surely don't even look to being this process at the least. 

 

Kids live with the ex, but your visitation rights can be put on supervision due to this mess. Also, you don't have to have kids live with you for CPS to investigate you. It only matters that the kids were in your care when this happened. 

 

Oh yes you can change locks!! Assault and DV warrant that, the office MUST ensure safety of residents. Better go tell the office that she was arrested and should not be given entry and per law you need the locks changed. Even more of a reason to get that protective order. 

 

 

[sparkles_ 456]

By the way, I'm in NC....all I am telling you is valid. I've dealt with this with a friend before. It is in your renter rights. You can get locks changed for reason of a break in, assault/DV (with proof), or even a lost key if you feel it was stolen for intent of entry by a third party.

Edited April 16, 2017 by sparkles_

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, sparkles_ said:

Sorry, yes that is right you did say no AOS due to finances. Well surely don't even look to being this process at the least. 

 

Kids live with the ex, but your visitation rights can be put on supervision due to this mess. Also, you don't have to have kids live with you for CPS to investigate you. It only matters that the kids were in your care when this happened. 

 

Oh yes you can change locks!! Assault and DV warrant that, the office MUST ensure safety of residents. Better go tell the office that she was arrested and should not be given entry and per law you need the locks changed. Even more of a reason to get that protective order. 

 

 

This may only be done with a protective order otherwise she has permission to enter.  You're very right that he needs one