Wife Been Arrested

[TheResistance 6]

I have been dreading posting back to this site for a long time. I do not need to be criticized or attacked please. I am tired and I am scared. I just need some help and answers. Okay?

My last post mentioned some serious hard times. We still could not afford AOS because of higher rent, car repairs, medical bills, etc. Money, money, money. I did not get the raise I thought I would. Bills just go up (living expenses) and we done what we could to keep food cost down. Did not have cell phones (until last month, just cheap Tracfones), nor TV or cable. With everything that happened since the summer, it takes me 5 weeks of pay to satisfy rent every 4 weeks. I have been tying to find more work. She could easily craft things we could sell, but she gives them away for free instead. Even a few bucks could have helped and she would not feel like she is "worthless." Since then there was counseling and such, and things got a pinch better. There has always still been tension. Even my oldest daughter (11) was always still uneasy, and was still waiting for an apology how the wife treated her some months back (but the wife does not believe in apologizing to children, she should be respected by them). Months got on and the wife is fine with the younger boys but avoids the girl. She and I still have fights that make me really sick. Then she gets on some pills for high blood pressure and anti depressants (which she poured down the drain Friday night). Weeks been okay until Friday night. All kids were here for sleep over. Daughter is complaining about the living room set up (wife wanted to try and make more room for the kids). Anyway the wife, who lately has something against the girl, started yelling at her. She went into the bathroom crying and I told the wife not to be yelling at her. Throughout the night, she kept yelling at her mainly, and the younger boys. She even called my daughter a in front of the 8 and 5 year old boys. Every now and then (this is a small one bedroom place) I try to calm her but it does not work. My car is broken so I can not just take the kids out, but this is their home and they need to feel safe. Eventually the wife (not the first time) tore apart the bedroom, through things that broke, and grabbed my shirt and ripped it (there were massive scratches on me I did not know about until later, and we will come to that). The kids were getting scared (again). All these months of help came down to this. Maybe I could just have taken them out in the dark, waiting for their mother to come get them. Anyway, the kids did not need to be yelled at like that, nor see their daddy, who is tough and strong, attacked by their step mother. To protect the kids, I did the hardest thing and called the cops. The police came over to calm her down (and the kids were still here). None of her friends would come get her so I was hoping the police could take her out (because she would not leave) and find someone to take her. Instead, they questioned her and told them I attacked her. They ended up questioning the kids (their mother was finally here) and got from them that I did not attack. They arrested my wife for domestic assault. It ripped my heart to see her cuffed and crying and screaming my name. She called me Saturday, on a recorded call, saying how I will pay and she will never forgive me.

At this point, I am trying to find someone to pick her up from jail tonight and take her home with them. We can not be together. I did this to protect the kids. The cops I spoke to agreed with me due to her unstable mental state. I have been going around this scenario in my mind on what to do. The kids need a stable home. I have worked hard to give them that. Trying to find what could have been done differently but then this would just happen again, as it always does. One cop said maybe this is her wake up call.

Anyway, this is where I am at. Now, I do not know what to do at this point. Cops said to get a restraining order on her (which I have to take an unpaid day off from work tomorrow and find a way downtown since my car is down, and I got really no one who will take a day off from work to take me, nor money for cab or Uber (if that is trusted). Another thing, and this is the main thing I am asking... do I report her to the USCIS? I know she will "make me suffer so the kids get no more child support and starve" and report me to them for "mentally abusing her." Is this now a "who will report to USCIS" first situation? I only want one of two things:

> I want my wife. I want her to get serious help for months before we could be alone together. She will need to fix things with me and kids.

> She go back to her family to the Philippines.

She may end up staying with friends (she still has no AOS or SSN because SSA screw up her last name and told us to wait that "it will be fixed and ok" then we were denied any fixings)and I will end up supporting her, and if so will face eviction because I cannot give the money she may demand.

I will take valid advice from people on what to do about the USCIS right now please. Do I report her for this? Do I leave it? Do I get a lawyer with money I do not have? Do I wait for her to make a move, if she does?

Again, I am hurt. My kids are hurt. My wife is sick and scared and lonely in jail. I do not need to be criticized right now. I need some support from people who have gone through this.

Thank you.

Edited April 16, 2017 by TheResistance
fixed spelling

[Transborderwife 4,666]

At this point I would not do anything.  They will know her status and chances are she may not even be released from jail.  In the current immigration environment, being arrested can get her deported and without a hearing since she's been here under two years due to expedited removal.  You may not see your wife.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Also has she had her first appearance?  She may have a temporary no contact order IF released.

[TheResistance 6]

Trans, no. She not released yet. Maybe late tonight, but I still got no one who could get her. She has no place to go. This is her first offense, obviously.

 

I rather, if things are ending for sure, they end peacefully. I do not want to report her anymore or do things to harm her, but there is that chance she wants "revenge" for "ruining her life." I gave every bit of support for her I could.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, TheResistance said:

Trans, no. She not released yet. Maybe late tonight, but I still got no one who could get her. She has no place to go. This is her first offense, obviously.

 

I rather, if things are ending for sure, they end peacefully. I do not want to report her anymore or do things to harm her, but there is that chance she wants "revenge" for "ruining her life." I gave every bit of support for her I could.

I understand but even with a first offense this could be a double edged sword and she could have an ICE detainer.  It's important that if she's released upon no contact that you stick to that.  Unfortunately calling the police may have been the nail in the coffin for her.  Do you have anyone else who could pick her up and take her to a shelter?

[Jojo92122 1,924]

If she is released, then she has a right to go home.  Unless there is a court order preventing her from returning home, she has a right to be there.

 

Since she has not AOS, an arrest for domestic violence can derail any future attempt.  It doesn't matter if you do not pursue this, she must still report the arrest and it's dissolution on her AOS.

 

If she is turned over to ICE, then she will be deported and there is nothing much you can do.  She can not file for AOS if she is in removal proceedings.  

 

Keep the recording to protect yourself.  She has already accused you of abuse, so be careful.

 

You really put her in a bad position.  Bringing her to the US and making her an illegal alien who can't work or do much else.  Maybe the isolation and lack of status affected her mental state.  

 

Good luck and hope all ends well.

Edited April 16, 2017 by Jojo92122

[Transborderwife 4,666]

7 minutes ago, Jojo92122 said:

If she is released, then she has a right to go home.  Unless there is a court order preventing her from returning home, she has a right to be there.

 

Since she has not AOS, an arrest for domestic violence can derail any future attempt.  It doesn't matter if you do not pursue this, she must still report the arrest and it's dissolution on her AOS.

 

If she is turned over to ICE, then she will be deported and there is nothing much you can do.  She can not file for AOS if she is in removal proceedings.  

 

Keep the recording to protect yourself.  She has already accused you of abuse, so be careful.

 

You really put her in a bad position.  Bringing her to the US and making her an illegal alien who can't work or do much else.  Maybe the isolation and lack of status affected her mental state.  

 

Good luck and hope all ends well.

AOS can be filed in front of an immigration judge, however she may not have the right to see one.

[TheResistance 6]

13 minutes ago, Transborderwife said:

I understand but even with a first offense this could be a double edged sword and she could have an ICE detainer.  It's important that if she's released upon no contact that you stick to that.  Unfortunately calling the police may have been the nail in the coffin for her.  Do you have anyone else who could pick her up and take her to a shelter?

Trying to find someone that could get her, but not even sure if she will be released tonight. She did call earlier, saying there is no bond. However, the cop told me last night that the number I call after 9p could tell me if such an order is placed.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, TheResistance said:

Trying to find someone that could get her, but not even sure if she will be released tonight. She did call earlier, saying there is no bond. However, the cop told me last night that the number I call after 9p could tell me if such an order is placed.

No bond is common in DV cases.  

[TheResistance 6]

8 minutes ago, Jojo92122 said:

If she is released, then she has a right to go home.  Unless there is a court order preventing her from returning home, she has a right to be there.

 

Since she has not AOS, an arrest for domestic violence can derail any future attempt.  It doesn't matter if you do not pursue this, she must still report the arrest and it's dissolution on her AOS.

 

If she is turned over to ICE, then she will be deported and there is nothing much you can do.  She can not file for AOS if she is in removal proceedings.  

 

Keep the recording to protect yourself.  She has already accused you of abuse, so be careful.

 

You really put her in a bad position.  Bringing her to the US and making her an illegal alien who can't work or do much else.  Maybe the isolation and lack of status affected her mental state.  

 

Good luck and hope all ends well.

 

I do not have the recordings, except ones I personally did when we had arguments here in the past. Snippets really. For the phone calls she made, I do not know how she made them or if they were recorded.

In truth, she always seemed to have had issues with her anger, with telling me how she will commit suicide and such, just over our long distance relationship. Maybe like a fool, I thought because of the environment she was in and how her employers treated her. I always prayed that her coming here would let her enjoy life and be calmer.

[Sukie 1,464]

Please find your way to free legal help and find out your options.  I understand that that is difficult if you do not have a car, but it is important that you know what you can and cannot and must or must not do.

 

Also, please ask yourself if the struggle is worth it.  You obviously love and cherish your kids.  Figure out what is most important for YOU, and use that path.

 

I'm so sorry for the struggles.  It's terrible when our dreams get smashed flat.

 

Sukie in NY

[TheResistance 6]

I can not edit the posted, so here is some info I forgot...

They kept asking the wife about the scratches (which I told you I would mention later). Later when the cop told me to take pictures of my neck for scratches, I had no idea I had them.I looked in the mirror and saw my neck cut up a bit on both sides.

[Transborderwife 4,666]

Just now, TheResistance said:

I can not edit the posted, so here is some info I forgot...

They kept asking the wife about the scratches (which I told you I would mention later). Later when the cop told me to take pictures of my neck for scratches, I had no idea I had them.I looked in the mirror and saw my neck cut up a bit on both sides.

Did they ask for a statement?  Did you make one?

[TheResistance 6]

Just now, Transborderwife said:

Did they ask for a statement?  Did you make one?

When the two cops were here, they asked what was going on and got basic info of the past few hours from me, her, and my 11 year old daughter.

Last night a cop called, who was trying to get more info, asked how long this had been going on, how we met, some basic info on all that. Then for 20m I was crying on the phone telling him how things have been happening, and how so many stuff was not the first time she did things (like torn apart the apartment, grabbed me, yelled at the kids, etc).

[Transborderwife 4,666]

4 minutes ago, TheResistance said:

When the two cops were here, they asked what was going on and got basic info of the past few hours from me, her, and my 11 year old daughter.

Last night a cop called, who was trying to get more info, asked how long this had been going on, how we met, some basic info on all that. Then for 20m I was crying on the phone telling him how things have been happening, and how so many stuff was not the first time she did things (like torn apart the apartment, grabbed me, yelled at the kids, etc).

Sounds typical for how it'd go.  Chances are, since it's a first offense she may at state level get ROR'd with no contact and no official charges filed.  However I would be more concerned at this point with an ICE detainer