alexandaaron

I am so so sorry.

First you need to be honest with yourself, you do not 'forget' getting divorced.
 
And no the Catholic Church does not do bigamy.

Yes we can be quick to judge - as a sufferer of massive abuse immediately on landing, there was almost no way for me to hop on a plane back.
 
The slow letting go of my business in home country over time for a variety of reasons including his possessiveness from the time we met, married and then waited for visa
The wrapping of all I had - giving away stuff I had worked for and built over years
Losing all my rather substantial savings during the visa process - long story of how it was related
Social reason can be very big for some of us
My 'home' country is actually a third country and ending all ties there - restarting very expensive.  Not having any times to country of passport
Boiled Frog syndrome is real...
 
Not all of us take action when we see red flags - some of us come from cruel upbringing, abusive past marriage etc
 
and oh some of us really and truly have got attached (may I say fallen in love)... can be very very difficult to let it go

Investment in the process maybe.  
 
Sometimes we judge quickly, although this case surely looks like a write-off if I’ve ever seen one.

It appears you care more about being in the United States, then your own safety. Maybe try marriage counseling or a psychiatrist.

People here care about the well being of others, we have seen cases like yours on VJ every day for years. The last thing any of us want is for you to stay in a relationship that is dangerous. It's difficult to think clearly when you're in the midst of the madness, I've been there. Just know there are many people willing and able to sincerely help you.

I just checked as an add-on to my previous post. Uber is available in your area, and Dulles international airport is only at most 30 miles from where you are. I have already saved the airport in my Uber account, so when your ready, pm me an address and time and I'll schedule a pick-up. I hate to see someone suffer after giving up so much to come here. 

Okay, I've seen in the past abuse. A lot of it, against women.
You have issues with K-1 and being married before coming to USA. Thats one problem already. Technically your K1 isn't valid.
Abusers never change. They promise that they will, and for the matter of fact, they'll promise you anything to keep you tagged along as long as possible. Don't believe ANYTHING they say.
Traveling to TX is very risky and you might get deported on spot. If for some reason CBP checks your paperwork in airport (and that happens sometimes even domestically) you might be on your way back where you are from.
If i were you, pack your stuff, ask for your cousin a ticket back to Your country and start over there.
Even if You were qualified for VAWA, you don't now cause your visa wasn't valid as soon as you got married outside US.
If he couldn't do AoS, he won't definitely do the I130 AND AoS.
Seek help from DV groups and counselors, and get ready to go. 
1. He isn't worth it.
2. Your mental, physical and emotional health is way more important that grocery store.
3. If you stay with them after you complain, your life will literally become hell.
4. Don't wanna sound blunt, but they tricked you into slavery basically, and thought that you'll conform just because of Green Card.
5. You're wasting your life at this point. 
6. It's hard to go back to nothing, but i'd rather go back where i have nothing, rather than stay where each day i'm abused by everyone around me.
 
To others, i know OP sounds like trying to find a way to stay, but this is a cry for help rather than GC issue. Being split, abused, and mentally exhausted is taking a toll on your social expressions, and impairs your ability to separate priorities or expressing your real concerns. Tell a person 100 times that he's wrong, even if he's 100% right he'll start doubting themselves, count that 100 for 365days, and your whole life becomes a massive doubt. Manipulation is as hard to deal with as depression. 
 
 

Nope no support system at all. I literally left with two suitcases to my name. I decided not to proceed with removing the restrictions mainly because I felt my safety, health and sanity were more important than staying in the country. It also entailed a lot of uncertainty with filing wavers, extra expense and I am certain extra abuse along the way would have come. If you have nothing here and nothing back home then I would go back home still. It is safe, familiar and you don't have to live day to day with uncertainty, being treated like garbage and used like a slave.

My first marriage was very similar in a lot of ways to your situation. I surrendered my Green Card and left. It was the best decision I made under the circumstances and absolutely no regrets. 

I agree. My friend insisted on having me over for a few days to feel safe, clear my head and make decisions. But I have to go back soon. 
 
She met him and made him feel bad for notdoi g AOS. He "promised that he will adjust status as soon as I return" (not believing it but playing along). He doesn't like that she is American and "knows stuff"... But she did introduce me to this forum and I'm thankful to your help, everyone.
 
I really hope that he applies, that's when I lose the sense of imprisonment and I can go out and do whatever with my life. Outside  and away fromt their toxic cycle. 
 
I have to come up with a plan B because I don't trust him giving up his upper hand controlling all cards that easily.

Will do. I can't decide quickly. So many factors at play. Each route is difficult. I need the SAFEST route for everything is messed up.
 
I am NOT holding on to stay here. If anything, my experience here has been horrible. I want to forget the people and places and start over somewhere else.
 
I just really hate to face all the old chatty women and be stigmatized for nothing. That path is SO hard for anyone knowledgeable in eastern cultures. 

Ok so I'm screwed... He doesn't know this, it's not why he won't file. It's to keep me trapped. 
 
I probably need to consult a lawyer, having learned all this now..

Thank you everyone for your replies and thoughts put into helping out - including the cynical questions! I can't sum up my life in a post, I tried to focus on what is relevant. Here is a clarification to help make some points clearer: 
 
1) I am an educated woman. I have an undergraduate degree from an American university overseas. I can speak English and organize my questions  
 
2) My spouse's sister lives in my country. She knew that he wanted to marry someone from home, she arranged for us to meet. We spoke for 2 years before I move here. Unfortunately, I came to find a different man. Most of what I was told was a lie or empty promises. 
 
3) We got religiously married overseas and were legally registered in my country. I knew the seriousness of having to file for a marriage certificate here within 90 days from the embassy and the airport officer. As time was leading up to 90 days, I packed up and was ready to leave until he took me to file for it. In reality, we were already married. This was just a matter of showing intent to make me legal here or not. That's when his intentions were becoming questionable to me. 
 
4) "No one can force any adult to do anything." That's what an observer would say. When you are home, without money, driver license to drive, bank account, credit card, and anything else really.... A lot can change. Please don't comment on that part if you have not lived it yourself. No one enjoys any kind of abuse. 
 
5) Finally, as for my stay here vs going back home.  I was engaged for 2 years to this man. I left my house, my job, and everything to move here with him. You may have heard of divorce stigma and my culture lives on it. I really don't want to start over and face an old fashion culture at no fault of my own. It's a difficult situation for me no matter how you see it. 

Unfortunately, in some cultures (my own included), up until a not-too-distant past, a son getting married is viewed exactly that: the family is gaining some free labor. It’s rooted in primitive agricultural societies where sons/boys/men are more valuable not only because they are more productive on the rice paddy fields but also they can get married and the family practically “gain” another free laborer, whereas the girl’s family practically “lose” one. In these societies there is always a version of the saying: “A father of girls can never smile”. 

I think it's incredibly sad, too, and as someone who's come from a family where I have always had multiple aunts, uncles, cousins, older siblings, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, etc. who have been ready, able, and willing to provide love and support to me or any other child or cousin -- should we need it -- this is really hard to understand.
 
It is an option, but obviously not a preferred one, as we're in the middle of waiting for his 10-year green card and cannot be resident elsewhere until that process ends. However, should things get really dire and nothing else works out; I would rather we abandon this process and try again at some point in the future than abandon this kid.
 
Someone else in the thread has suggested boarding in the UK, which is a possibility that I hadn't really considered before (no idea why), but will look into now. It's just so frustrating because we're in such a good position to provide daily care for her; we're stable and loving and financially comfortable here in the US, I work from home and have a terminal degree (so no need or intention to leave work in the near future), we have no children -- just a small dog, my parents live 15 minutes away and have no grandchildren (but enjoy providing care for older kids and have done so for my other cousins), my husband is a full-time student so he's at home a lot for additional support, and our local schools are so good... the things that we have to give her aren't strictly monetary, but they're exactly the things she cries about/asks for when she's in England (or when she visits us). Why can we not share what we have with her? It's breaking my heart.
 
That said, the situation is what it is, I suppose. I'm going to explore boarding in the UK, as well as private school here and see what options we can come up with. I'm also going to apply for some positions in England.
 
Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread.

I think it's incredibly sad, too, and as someone who's come from a family where I have always had multiple aunts, uncles, cousins, older siblings, grandparents, great aunts and uncles, etc. who have been ready, able, and willing to provide love and support to me or any other child or cousin -- should we need it -- this is really hard to understand.
 
It is an option, but obviously not a preferred one, as we're in the middle of waiting for his 10-year green card and cannot be resident elsewhere until that process ends. However, should things get really dire and nothing else works out; I would rather we abandon this process and try again at some point in the future than abandon this kid.
 
Someone else in the thread has suggested boarding in the UK, which is a possibility that I hadn't really considered before (no idea why), but will look into now. It's just so frustrating because we're in such a good position to provide daily care for her; we're stable and loving and financially comfortable here in the US, I work from home and have a terminal degree (so no need or intention to leave work in the near future), we have no children -- just a small dog, my parents live 15 minutes away and have no grandchildren (but enjoy providing care for older kids and have done so for my other cousins), my husband is a full-time student so he's at home a lot for additional support, and our local schools are so good... the things that we have to give her aren't strictly monetary, but they're exactly the things she cries about/asks for when she's in England (or when she visits us). Why can we not share what we have with her? It's breaking my heart.
 
That said, the situation is what it is, I suppose. I'm going to explore boarding in the UK, as well as private school here and see what options we can come up with. I'm also going to apply for some positions in England.
 
Thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread.

I think it’s incredibly sad that the rest of the family has effectively abandoned the kids because they have a problem with the mother.  Unfortunately with all your good intentions and resources, there is a limit to what you can do to help her if you want to stay in the US - you’re basically dependent on her being granted an F1 visa. Is it totally out of the question to return to the UK for a few years and see her through this there? You mention your husband has second+guessed the decision to leave, which makes it sound like being there is an option. If she’s attempted self-harm more than once badly enough to get her into hospital imo this is pretty critical to get sorted out.  

I know that if things get absolutely, critically dire, there is always the police and child neglect reporting. But obviously, that is a significantly more traumatic option with long-lasting ramifications for the mother, the younger siblings, and any potential future relationship with her, so it's something we'd really really prefer to avoid.

Okay.  Well, as England has an amazing social welfare infrastructure, perhaps the most immediate action would be to contact the DHSS/child protective services?  Because if the 15 year old is in danger (does not have to be physical danger) or being neglected, chances are the other children are also.

It is way more complicated than community college vs university.  And since it is fraud to come on an F-1 with intent to adjust status, that option doesn't seem to fit.   OP would have to first obtain legal custody of the niece, and then be prepared to relocate to the UK for two years to live with her there.  
 
Hague convention adoption is a complex process, and probably not for DIY.

That’s correct. True, unrelated orphans do not have this requirement which is how people adopt babies and toddlers from China, for example. That’s why there was an outcry with one of Madonna’s  adoptions - there was concern that the child wasn’t a true orphan. 
 
If one parent is still alive then the residence requirement kicks in.

He received orders
she didn't
even USC many of us stay stateside when husband gets orders to another country / sometimes we follow later after a house is sold or kids are out of school for the summer

A Hague Convention adoption does not require the adopting parent to reside with the child abroad.
 
With a private and non-Hague adoption, the 2 years residing with the adopted child abroad is required.
 
You are operating under the flawed logic that all adoptions are the same.  They are not.  Different types of adoptions have different requirements.

Who was the attorney? Are you going to report him/her to their state bar?
 
The advice you claim you were given wasn't even close. If you were able to stay in the country you'd not need a k1 (since its a visa, it enables entry to the country). The other points similarly bore no relation to the actual law.
 
And you mentioned applying for AOS/EAD in May and you said you still don't have that. Considering EAD is supposed to be issued within 90 days, I'd have thought you'd be asking about that.

https://my.uscis.gov/helpcenter/article/when-i-file-form-i-765-how-long-will-it-take-to-receive-a-decision
 
So all in all you painted a rather unbelievable story.