Family/Friends unsupportive

[Bunninuts 27]

Most of my family and friends have been very supportive however one important family member and one friend have not been. The politically climate in the US is sticky with judgement around anyone migrating here.

 

Have you dealt with this? Recommendations? I never imagined I would experience this around something that is meant to bring family and friends together. Having finally found a person I want to spend my life with, I wanted to share that joy with people closest to me. It's a heartbreaking experience. I haven't told my fiance yet. Has anyone had to have that talk?

 

Thanks for any support you can offer 💜

[appleblossom 2,694]

13 minutes ago, Bunninuts said:

Most of my family and friends have been very supportive however one important family member and one friend have not been. The politically climate in the US is sticky with judgement around anyone migrating here.

 

Have you dealt with this? Recommendations? I never imagined I would experience this around something that is meant to bring family and friends together. Having finally found a person I want to spend my life with, I wanted to share that joy with people closest to me. It's a heartbreaking experience. I haven't told my fiance yet. Has anyone had to have that talk?

 

Thanks for any support you can offer 💜

 

Really sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to them about this? If your family member and friend aren't supporting your choice or relationship, I'd be having a serious talk with them and explaining the impact their judgement has on you. They need to understand that it's your choice, that you're happy, and that if they truly loved you, they'd support you no matter what country your spouse is from. If they aren't prepared to do that, I wouldn't want them in my life personally. 

 

It is really tricky at the moment, even as a 'safe' immigrant (white and with a green card) I certainly feel very unwelcome thanks to Trump and his anti-immigrant rhetoric. I avoid speaking to people when I'm out now so that they don't pick up on my accent. If he wins, we're out of here, most other immigrants we know have said the same thing. I just wouldn't feel safe staying which is awful. 

[Boiler 45,670]

I have never really noticed anything, well thinking back maybe once many years ago.

 

Where are you moving to?

[Bunninuts 27]

41 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I have never really noticed anything, well thinking back maybe once many years ago.

 

Where are you moving to?

I live in the US and my fiance will be joining me here. Maybe the question of where to move was for Appleblossom.

 

The change in how immigrants are treated has intensified this year with politicians commentary.

 

The judgment against immigrants is why one family member and one friend are not supportive. One thinks my fiance is using me for a green card and the other thinks they should stay in their own country. I'm not sure if country of origin have an impact for others but spanish being a first language always has had negative judgment.

[apnzz 263]

29 minutes ago, Bunninuts said:

I live in the US and my fiance will be joining me here. Maybe the question of where to move was for Appleblossom.

 

The change in how immigrants are treated has intensified this year with politicians commentary.

 

The judgment against immigrants is why one family member and one friend are not supportive. One thinks my fiance is using me for a green card and the other thinks they should stay in their own country. I'm not sure if country of origin have an impact for others but spanish being a first language always has had negative judgment.

Unfortunately there will always be people who think that way. It's extremely narrow minded and completely unwarranted, but Unfortunately that is just how some people are.

 

If they have expressed that's how they view the situation, I can't exactly say it'll magically get fixed, because realistically people who have those mindsets are extremely set in their ways, stubborn and are not open to anyone changing their minds. 

 

It does suck, but at the end of the day if they do not choose to support you in your relationship; regardless of where your fiancé is originally from, then there is a huge chance that they never will.

 

Hopefully in time perhaps they will change their perspective from exposure and education, but there is a very real possibility that this won't happen. And then you have to accept the fact this could alter the friendship/ relationship you have with that family member or friend.

 

 

All that matters is you are both happy in your relationship. You can't control what opinions other people have. Even if they're extremely offensive and rude and hurtful to you.

[Family 4,025]

First off, I am willing to bet half the MILs of the world end up being a bit of a shrew to their daughters-in-law …so don’t get low in spirits , you have a life time of fun ahead as the go between your wife to be and her suegra.

 

Then, please know we ALL have some maga relatives, friends and neighbors. ..so don’t let them uproot your life, just don’t invite them for dinner 😂

 

If you like your city, like your job and most of your people are decent, you two will have a great start.
 

Make big decisions later, together…for now feel free to describe the two nay sayers in magnificent detail and plenty of cursy words.

 

 

Edited October 16 by Family

[Ontarkie 14,280]

~~Moved to Moving Here and Your New life, from K1 P&P- as the topic is not specific to the K1 Process, but judgement and lack of support from family and friends.~~

[Pase2323 9]

I’m sorry to hear that! I have friends and family members who do not understand my love for this country but luckily they all wanted to see me happy and didn’t start arguments… I did have realistic conversations with some though… and I do think it’s important that they know their feelings are valid and valued but tbh it’s really your life and not theirs… if they really won’t support you and your partner I would tell them how you feel and go from there (and in my experience people don’t ask usually what you think if they move away from you so focus on your happiness ☺️)

[Melancholic Mage 113]

4 hours ago, Bunninuts said:

Most of my family and friends have been very supportive however one important family member and one friend have not been. The politically climate in the US is sticky with judgement around anyone migrating here.

 

Have you dealt with this? Recommendations? I never imagined I would experience this around something that is meant to bring family and friends together. Having finally found a person I want to spend my life with, I wanted to share that joy with people closest to me. It's a heartbreaking experience. I haven't told my fiance yet. Has anyone had to have that talk?

 

Thanks for any support you can offer 💜

 

I'm very sorry to hear this, Bunninuts. My 'blood' family haven't been the most supportive and if anything they've been more apathetic it feels. (Or in one case violent where I was assaulted then threatened to be reported if I went to the police about it to, in their words, 'f*** my visa up'. Needless to say it didn't happen because the police know victim intimidation when they see it and they aren't stupid.) I've barely had any contact with them since I moved. It honestly does hurt but I've learnt a few things by now. I've done my time. More than anyone should have. I've been there when they've needed it, done my best to make sure they were settled before I left, and even transferred my car to them when theirs was on the verge of being scrapped with age.

In terms of getting that kind of effort paid back towards me? No. Not really. And it's just not worth it anymore. 

 

Your time is precious and it's high time we spent it on ourselves, not on others who do nothing but spread their own misery back onto us. I wouldn't think about this person. I wouldn't even look back.

 

4 hours ago, appleblossom said:

 

Really sorry to hear this. Have you spoken to them about this? If your family member and friend aren't supporting your choice or relationship, I'd be having a serious talk with them and explaining the impact their judgement has on you. They need to understand that it's your choice, that you're happy, and that if they truly loved you, they'd support you no matter what country your spouse is from. If they aren't prepared to do that, I wouldn't want them in my life personally. 

 

It is really tricky at the moment, even as a 'safe' immigrant (white and with a green card) I certainly feel very unwelcome thanks to Trump and his anti-immigrant rhetoric. I avoid speaking to people when I'm out now so that they don't pick up on my accent. If he wins, we're out of here, most other immigrants we know have said the same thing. I just wouldn't feel safe staying which is awful. 

 

I don't want to get into politics too closely here but where I am, if anything, I've been met with intrigue and fascination with my accent. Don't believe what's in the media. Get down to ground and speak to people. Don't be afraid to. You'll always find some who're sour but the 95% general consensus I get from people is that they're wanting to stop ILLEGAL immigration. It's not anti-immigrants, it's anti-ILLEGAL immigrants. And it doesn't matter which 'side' you're on. People are just wanting to protect themselves.

[Boiler 45,670]

This sounds more like a Family issue rather than a US thing and yes of course it happens and I have certainly come across numerous cases on here over the years.

[appleblossom 2,694]

2 hours ago, Melancholic Mage said:

 

I don't want to get into politics too closely here but where I am, if anything, I've been met with intrigue and fascination with my accent. Don't believe what's in the media. Get down to ground and speak to people. Don't be afraid to. You'll always find some who're sour but the 95% general consensus I get from people is that they're wanting to stop ILLEGAL immigration. It's not anti-immigrants, it's anti-ILLEGAL immigrants. And it doesn't matter which 'side' you're on. People are just wanting to protect themselves.

You’ve only just arrived. Give it time! I’ve been speaking to people with no worries for the past 18 months, it’s only recently that the anti-immigrant hate stirred up by Trump has become evident here. And no, not just illegal immigrants. He’s made it very clear that his intention is to get rid of legal migrants too. 
 

I’m not paying any attention to the media, I don’t watch the news here as it’s all so horribly one sided. I’m paying attention to his own words which are sounding more and more Hitler-esque by the day. 
 

But all I can do is wait and see what happens in 3 weeks. I won’t be staying if he does get in, I’d feel even less safe/secure then and won’t stay where I’m not wanted. 

[Theersink 20]

Just for the record, all of my family are Republican and all have supported my decision except for my Dad's "girlfriend" she was just racist against any filipino period. My dad dropped her like a bad habit when she expressed as much, she was a left-center Democrat. Please do not generalize whole groups and this is not the place for political generalizations. You will find those types in all walks of life and all social and economic classes regardless of political affiliation. All you can do is be happy, those that want to share it without hatred or bias welcome them, those that don't do not waste time or energy on them. Life is too short.

[Melancholic Mage 113]

25 minutes ago, appleblossom said:

You’ve only just arrived. Give it time! I’ve been speaking to people with no worries for the past 18 months, it’s only recently that the anti-immigrant hate stirred up by Trump has become evident here. And no, not just illegal immigrants. He’s made it very clear that his intention is to get rid of legal migrants too. 
 

I’m not paying any attention to the media, I don’t watch the news here as it’s all so horribly one sided. I’m paying attention to his own words which are sounding more and more Hitler-esque by the day. 
 

But all I can do is wait and see what happens in 3 weeks. I won’t be staying if he does get in, I’d feel even less safe/secure then and won’t stay where I’m not wanted. 

 

That's true, I'm very much less experienced. I'm just here to promote my early-life crisis into a mid-life one! (lol) But being here in what's meant to be a blue state, I'm surprised by how many views I've heard that voice quite the opposite of what you would expect. I do very much worry about the comparisons people make towards Trump in terms of his language though: it's a free country which is the beauty of it so, of course, free speech! But comparing his words to Hitler worries me. It's why there's so much hate and unrest regarding him, let alone disgusting assassination attempts.

 

America is built from immigrants and I've seen footage and articles from his campaign and agenda that highlight that - the VP Debate being just one. I haven't heard of anyone who legally went through the immigration process being consciously targeted or sabotaged by his policies.

 

But apologies, I'm running my mouth, and this isn't the place for it. I wish you all the best @appleblossom and I hope no matter what happens November 5th we can stand together as one country and as one people. <3 

 

5 minutes ago, Theersink said:

Just for the record, all of my family are Republican and all have supported my decision except for my Dad's "girlfriend" she was just racist against any filipino period. My dad dropped her like a bad habit when she expressed as much, she was a left-center Democrat. Please do not generalize whole groups and this is not the place for political generalizations. You will find those types in all walks of life and all social and economic classes regardless of political affiliation. All you can do is be happy, those that want to share it without hatred or bias welcome them, those that don't do not waste time or energy on them. Life is too short.

 

I have my own stories to tell too from the many visits I made here before I was able to enter as a legal resident. Very true not to generalize and absolutely right. There's so much going on these days that I think we're all losing sight to what's really important. You need to live your life and do what you need to do for the coveted pursuit of happiness as written in the declaration of independence. Only one thing's for sure for myself: I'm here for the long haul. Britain never felt like home to me - ever. I don't belong there. America could be on fire and I'd still stand in the flames. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

Guess the best advice I can give is not my own but Dr. Seuss':  “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

[TBoneTX 45,540]

Thanks to all for minimizing political talk in this thread.

---

To the OP:  There will always be a small segment of people (related to us or not) who will consider anyone from Panama, Ecuador, or wherever to be a "stupid Mexican" or an "illegal" or whatever.  Simply ignore it, from all quarters.

 

If a stranger or slight acquaintance says something, blow it off.  Why should we value the opinion of someone whose advice we would never ask for?

 

If it's an "important" relative, give him/her time, and let your beneficiary win him/her over by means of friendly, smiling, gracious behavior.  Try to have that relative outnumbered in the company of supportive relatives, especially at first.

 

If it's a supposed friend, try the same as just above; if this isn't successful, re-evaluate whether this person is a genuine friend, and act accordingly.

 

If anyone openly says anything prejudiced or rude, get in their face and let them have it, verbally -- even if (and especially!) in public.  That should shut them up and make it clear exactly how wrong they are.  Hopefully, this won't be necessary, but bullies will always back down when we stand up to them.

 

I don't think that the relative and friend are necessarily part of a political environment.  Rather, I think that people react as individuals in negative or dismissive ways when they fear the unknown, whether it's an unknown situation or a person whom they haven't met.  Legal immigration, as we here know, is a process unfamiliar to probably 99.44% of non-VJ people.  When you let your reluctant people see that your newcomer isn't a threat and you educate them to the process bit by bit, I think that they'll come around.  Mentally formulate a couple of avenues and approaches in advance, tip off your beneficiary as to people's possible ranges of reaction, and you'll be prepared.  I have a feeling that all will turn out fine for you.

[SL2024 72]

1 hour ago, appleblossom said:

You’ve only just arrived. Give it time! I’ve been speaking to people with no worries for the past 18 months, it’s only recently that the anti-immigrant hate stirred up by Trump has become evident here. And no, not just illegal immigrants. He’s made it very clear that his intention is to get rid of legal migrants too. 
 

I’m not paying any attention to the media, I don’t watch the news here as it’s all so horribly one sided. I’m paying attention to his own words which are sounding more and more Hitler-esque by the day. 
 

But all I can do is wait and see what happens in 3 weeks. I won’t be staying if he does get in, I’d feel even less safe/secure then and won’t stay where I’m not wanted. 

Are you saying you would go back to the UK?