Effects of police report on pending AOS application (merged)

[Allaboutwaiting 2,500]

3 minutes ago, Family said:

Sometimes people need more or different kind of help …not much gets through I-told-you-so approach.

 

I am knee deep in the Letecia Stauch trial and my instinct is to tell OP….list your Red Flags , trust your instincts and if you have that unsettling feeling that you don’t really know/trust  your wife ….RUN!,,,

As you might have read, members believe OP is an "old case" from at least a year ago, that has constantly reported issues with the wife: toxic interactions and violent behavior from the beginning of the marriage. 

 

If the OP is indeed that old case, he has received plenty of advice that he clearly has not taken.

 

We all have a limit, don't we? Empathy and concern can easily transform into annoyance and contempt. 

[Family 3,508]

12 minutes ago, Allaboutwaiting said:

Empathy and concern can easily transform into annoyance and contempt. 

Hmm…all sorts of reasons.

 

https://knowmore.fsu.edu/helping-healing/why-victims-stay

 

Why Victims Stay

[Allaboutwaiting 2,500]

2 minutes ago, Family said:

Hmm…all sorts of reasons.

 

https://knowmore.fsu.edu/helping-healing/why-victims-stay

 

Why Victims Stay

 

Some comments on the old threads suggest he might not be a victim. 

 

I personally see it as very toxic relationship - the old case; current OP could be someone else-.

[TBoneTX 43,133]

Folks, you've been helpful throughout this thread, but it's devolving into speculation about the OP.  Let's allow him to clarify what's really up, please.  OK?

[Thesearethedays 6]

10 hours ago, Family said:

Create a record by assembling the photos of past damage and call a “family intervention “ meeting with someone you trust .( be it therapist, priest, relative or friend) and Talk Openly about the violent outbursts.

 

Put your wife on notice that you will call 911 if it happens again…,and if she hurls a plate at your head, they will arrest her for domestic violence.

 

They will not make a police report  for past incidents.. without an arrest there will not be any impact on AOS…as USCIS won’t know.

 

 

She doesn't want to talk to anyone other than a lawyer. Yet she keeps telling me that I'm the one who needs to make an appointment in that regard.  I've pointed out that her actions are child abuse, but she doesn't seem to understand that or care and tries to justify it. Won't take responsibility for her actions and tries to blame me. She says she acted that way in the Philippines. 

 

It's difficult to know what she wants or what I need to do. One minute she's telling me if I don't call a lawyer, she will up an leave, and take the kids. I told her if she does, she would be in her own and I would pull her affidavit of support.  If she's going to be abusive, she can't take the kids,at least in my opinion. 

 

Then she says she will stay at the house only because I'm supporting them, but not because she loves me which she claims she doesn't. She wants to live with me, but be separated.  

 

So who knows. She's wishy washy about everything and has been since day one 

[Crazy Cat 39,317]

27 minutes ago, Thesearethedays said:

She doesn't want to talk to anyone other than a lawyer. Yet she keeps telling me that I'm the one who needs to make an appointment in that regard.  I've pointed out that her actions are child abuse, but she doesn't seem to understand that or care and tries to justify it. Won't take responsibility for her actions and tries to blame me. She says she acted that way in the Philippines. 

 

It's difficult to know what she wants or what I need to do. One minute she's telling me if I don't call a lawyer, she will up an leave, and take the kids. I told her if she does, she would be in her own and I would pull her affidavit of support.  If she's going to be abusive, she can't take the kids,at least in my opinion. 

 

Then she says she will stay at the house only because I'm supporting them, but not because she loves me which she claims she doesn't. She wants to live with me, but be separated.  

 

So who knows. She's wishy washy about everything and has been since day one 

Is this you?

 

Divorce and children - Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits - VisaJourney

[Family 3,508]

46 minutes ago, Thesearethedays said:

It's difficult to know what she wants or what I need to do. One minute she's telling me if I don't call a lawyer, she will up an leave, and take the kids. I told her if she does, she would be in her own and I would pull her affidavit of support.  If she's going to be abusive, she can't take the kids,at least in my opinion. 

You are in a tough spot…and it will only get worst. Even if after her outbursts she apologized and declared undying love, your future would not look better. At some point you need to decide if YOU want to stay married.
 

Forget walking on eggshells…you are dealing with I E D s.

 

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/17786-intermittent-explosive-disorder

[Family 3,508]

Use Search button ( top right) and see if you can find stories to help you come to a decision. …

 

I 

[Family 3,508]

Who knew …divorce battlegrounds included strong arm alimony or I-864 support .Las far back as 2009.This poster states she “ pinned” down her husband and won…

 

 

 

[Boiler 43,516]

 

[TedsGirl 190]

11 hours ago, Crazy Cat said:

Is this you?

 

Divorce and children - Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits - VisaJourney

Good find!

 

Interestingly enough this is the same person that came to mind when I started reading this post last night. Read eerily similar!

[Redro 4,601]

Even if this is not the same person, the advice remains the same: pull affidavit of support, document the abuse, report to the police. 
if the safety of the children is in question, OP should do everything in his power to protect them from abuse. If that includes reporting their mother to the police, e should explore that avenue. 

[Thesearethedays 6]

3 hours ago, ROK2USA said:

Even if this is not the same person, the advice remains the same: pull affidavit of support, document the abuse, report to the police. 
if the safety of the children is in question, OP should do everything in his power to protect them from abuse. If that includes reporting their mother to the police, e should explore that avenue. 

I've reported it to Child Protective Services and they are going to send a case worker to the home. 

 

Child abuse/domestic violence is a mandatory arrest. Even if asked not to press charges. With a pending AOS she mostly likely could be deported. And the son would have to go with her. That doesn't help him much as he continues to be around an abusive mother. I'm try to get them help, not get my wife in trouble. 

Edited April 15, 2023 by Thesearethedays

[Family 3,508]

13 hours ago, Thesearethedays said:

I've reported it to Child Protective Services and they are going to send a case worker to the home. 

 

Child abuse/domestic violence is a mandatory arrest. Even if asked not to press charges. With a pending AOS she mostly likely could be deported. And the son would have to go with her. That doesn't help him much as he continues to be around an abusive mother. I'm try to get them help, not get my wife in trouble

Realistically, a nice CPS worker will come to a pre arranged appointment in your home, talk a bit ( in private) w you, your wife then her child.
They check to see there are 4 walls of shelter, basic utilities, some food in the pantry…will check with her child’s school and close the case as unfounded for allegations for child abuse/neglect.

 

You get no “ documentation “ as reports are confidential and they don’t pick sides .

 

Your wife is not told to Be Nice , nor is she told she needs Anger  Management Classes…BUT in my view , you just threw oil into a burning fire: your marriage/relationship.

 

Am not clear how you thought CPS could help..since clearly she is still living in the home with YOU and the kids.
 

If you are saying her violent outbursts are too much for both you and the children, then all social support entities ( police, courts, mental health..) will tell you to file a TRO / Restraining Order …and remove her from the home….a police report is not necessarily needed. 
 

If all you want is to “protect” and “ help” your wife finish her AOS and somehow make her Be Nice and Fix the Marriage, get back the woman you fell in love with…..it will be a bumpy ride. 

 

[Thesearethedays 6]

I have decided to withdraw the Affidavit of Support for my wife. She's not willing to make any changes nor go to counseling or speak to a therapist about her behavior. We are still waiting for her green card. 

 

What exactly is the correct process?