Newly married and already issues

[Villanelle 4,121]

I agree with @Family above. For VAWA purposes one can claim physical abuse or extreme cruelty (mental abuse) or both. You have to prove what you claim. As explained one act of violence is enough. Financial abuse would need more than just stopping her debit card. There would be no reason why a reputable attorney would suggest she adds such a claim to her case unnecessarily and unwarranted.

 

For family court however and to some extent any RO hearings things like preventing her access to joint accounts or cutting her off financially can be an issue. Yes, the marriage was short but it's still a marriage and he can't just change the locks or cut her off in most jurisdictions hence the advice to contact a family law attorney for assistance. 

 

 

 

 

[Family 3,555]

1 minute ago, LexieJ said:

Does immigration lawyers help petitioners in VAWA cases? Will he need Immigration lawyer or divorce/family lawyer for his situation? I feel for the OP (although he ignored all the red flags so partly he is to be blamed). Are VAWA cases easy to prove?

OP will have no issues with Immigration and will not need an immigration attorney. If he decides to end the marriage, he just sends a letter to USCIS saying, we married 2 months ago but I am filing for divorce.

He should get a Family Law Attorney for divorce ( one that experience with DV / domestic violence allegations, in case she decides to file for TRO/ temporary restraining order).

 

Her VAWA will be strictly confidential and have nothing to do with him…I don’t necessarily think it’s easy on anyone going through establishing a claim, no matter the circumstances…but it’s pretty generous 

[Villanelle 4,121]

10 minutes ago, LexieJ said:

Does immigration lawyers help petitioners in VAWA cases? Will he need Immigration lawyer or divorce/family lawyer for his situation? I feel for the OP (although he ignored all the red flags so partly he is to be blamed). Are VAWA cases easy to prove?

In a VAWA case the immigrant is the petitioner. They can DIY self file, hire an attorney or obtain pro bono assistance through various means.

 

He has zero part in her VAWA case. This can be hard for some to accept. It's important to note a finding of the immigrant being a victim of abuse is simply that. USCIS will determine she is a victim but they do not make an official determination he is an abuser. I know it seems like splitting hairs because how can she be a victim and he not an abuser but it's a very specific distinction in the legal world. Because they don't make any determinations about him- he has no avenue to participate if that makes sense. 

 

VAWA cases can be complex. You still need to prove bonafide marriage as well as abuse. Physical violence is typically easily proven through photos, medical records, police reports and ROs as well as her statement and statements from others who were aware or present. 

 

[Crazy Cat 39,676]

20 hours ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

I messaged my wife bcak in regards to her debit card being blocked. That we had no idea where or who she was with and that I did not want her to be taken advantage of.

Is the card in her name?  Is it a joint account?  If so, you blocked her from HER funds........  It could be seem vindictive or worse.

Edited May 22, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[MarJhi 925]

On 5/20/2022 at 6:55 AM, B_J said:

This is so important.

 

Before my wife came here, I showed her how much I get paid and I showed her what my expenses are.  She, of course, was totally unaware of what expenses are like here.  She just thought of all Americans as rich.  But she quickly found out different.

 

But now she totally runs all of our finances.  Every bit of it.  And she does it much better than I ever could.  

Had this conversation with my fiancé before she was my fiancé. I wanted to make sure she knew what living expenses were like in the US compared to the Philippines. I gave her a rundown of my budget and just because I make 10-12  times what she makes I also have living expenses that are 10-12 times higher than hers as well.

[NoMansLand2020 298]

5 hours ago, Crazy Cat said:

Is the card in her name?  Is it a joint account?  If so, you blocked her from HER funds........  It could be seem vindictive or worse.

This is a joint account. I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was for over 36 hours. She pretty much abandoned the kids without telling them where she was at. We waited in the park for 10 hours for her to come back and finally had to leave when the park closed. She could have been with anyone who migh have been trying to use or take advantage of her. Also because she was upset and distraught and not emotionally in a good place, she could easily have drained our account. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by NoMansLand2020

[Family 3,555]

3 minutes ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

This is a joint account. I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was. She could have been with anyone who migh have been trying to use or take advantage of her. Also because she was upset and distraught and not emotionally in a good place, she could easily have drained our account

Relax about blocking the card ..but know that if : 

The account is joint and she CAN/ COULD simply walk into the bank and take out whatever funds she needs. …much like she CAN/ COULD have called the bank for information on card status/replacement…AND can order a new card…she can even request a new card be sent to the branch for her to pick up, ( I was a banker at some point in my life ). 

 

 

 

[NoMansLand2020 298]

20 minutes ago, Family said:

Relax about blocking the card ..but know that if : 

The account is joint and she CAN/ COULD simply walk into the bank and take out whatever funds she needs. …much like she CAN/ COULD have called the bank for information on card status/replacement…AND can order a new card…she can even request a new card be sent to the branch for her to pick up, ( I was a banker at some point in my life ). 

 

 

 

She has no identification on her for one. So they wouldn't have helped her. The bank only has a couple of branches in the area and I doubt she would remember what bank it was especially with it being a local credit union. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by NoMansLand2020

[Family 3,555]

The name of the bank is on the debit card.. but as I indicated the financial pressure may push your wife to “ forgive you” sooner than later…but be careful what you wish for. 

She is as conflicted as you are but I stand by my position ( and initial post ) that she is teaching you a lesson ( and your future will include more of the same ) or is having a truly tough time and does not want to continue…with the marriage. 

 

 

[John & Rose 7,239]

All I see is "I struck "my filipina" and now she is upset".  The cultural differences are huge and difficult to manage at times.  As difficult as those challenges are, no man should ever strike his partner.  It is interesting that the OP claims the 27 year old is the one who is immature.  If I hit my wife, I would expect her to react the same way.

[MarJhi 925]

2 hours ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

She has no identification on her for one.

She has a passport, so if it is a joint account with her name on it then a passport will be identification enough to access the bank account. 

[Crazy Cat 39,676]

3 hours ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

This is a joint account. I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was for over 36 hours. She pretty much abandoned the kids without telling them where she was at. We waited in the park for 10 hours for her to come back and finally had to leave when the park closed. She could have been with anyone who migh have been trying to use or take advantage of her. Also because she was upset and distraught and not emotionally in a good place, she could easily have drained our account. 

You denied her access to her own funds......You can try to rationalize it all you want.  It looks like you were vindictive and you were trying to punish her..it could even be illegal....not a good look.

[Crazy Cat 39,676]

3 hours ago, Family said:

( I was a banker at some point in my life ).

Then you know she had a legal right to access that account. 

[LexieJ 44]

3 hours ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

This is a joint account. I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was for over 36 hours. She pretty much abandoned the kids without telling them where she was at. We waited in the park for 10 hours for her to come back and finally had to leave when the park closed. She could have been with anyone who migh have been trying to use or take advantage of her. Also because she was upset and distraught and not emotionally in a good place, she could easily have drained our account. 

Did it ever enter your mind to report her as missing person when she was gone for those many hours and you do not know where she was? It could have potentially been advantageous for you if you would have made that report.........

[Crazy Cat 39,676]

Just now, LexieJ said:

Did it ever enter your mind to report her as missing person when she was gone for those many hours and you do not know where she was? It could have potentially been advantageous for you if you would have made that report.........

Before blocking her access to her own funds.