Should we just wait and see?

[EmKamp 16]

Hey everyone. 
 

I have lived in the US for 2 years... I received my GC in March 2019. I am from the U.K. and my wife is from the US. 
 

I have read multiple topics posted in this section with very comforting answers and basically people speaking the truth. Which is what I like. 
 

Ever since I moved here I have missed the U.K. more and more every day. I just can’t shake the feeling. I love the US because it’s where my wife is from, and the people I have met here are great. Also, the chance for opportunity here is fantastic... 

 

We moved to Las Vegas just over 2 months ago from Denver, CO. Being in my very late 20s I think people will agree it’s incredibly hard to make good friends. I’m still to this day after 2 years struggling to find friends. My wife’s parents lives in Florida, my sister in-law lives in England. It’s so bloody lonely here. Unfortunately, after moving to the states I discovered what depression was. And my god that is real. I miss my friends. Calling them up to see each other and no hesitation. Knowing the ins and outs of what or how to get to things. Surviving! Over here my bills are way larger than what they were back home. Don’t even get me started on healthcare. I miss not dreading going to work just to survive and pay my rent. I’ve never lived like this and it’s the biggest culture shock. Me and my wife are not ones for “Big jobs”, we’re about family and being happy and being close to the ones you love. Not working 60 hour work weeks to pay our ridiculous rent after Uncle Sam takes his giant portion. Oh and again... healthcare. I don’t want this to sound like I don’t want to work hard. That is not what this is. I work extremely hard and love the feeling of working hard... what I don’t love is not being able to afford to travel to see my in-laws... pfft I can’t even afford healthcare. 
 

When I lived in England, I was never worried about where the next months rent was coming from.. and this was living alone. I travelled to the states twice/three times a year (and was paid because holiday pay.. again don’t me started on that) I enjoyed nights out with my friends, traveling to different countries in Europe. Heck, even going to the gym! Being happy, being productive. 
 

I guess what I am trying to say is, do we make the move back? I know it involves a job paying £18,500 and 6 months pay slips plus visa fees and waiting. But in the long run will we will be happier? My wife’s parents are way better off financially to come and visit us than my family. Her sister lives there also. Another hiccup would be me giving up my Green Card. Would it be better to gain citizenship... just Incase? That’s another 3 years away. Our heads are extremely fizzled with this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. or even anyone who has done this process, what is your experience? 

[Cryssiekins 976]

Honestly, I would stick it out.  
 

I’m from Canada so the healthcare and employment laws were a shock to me as well, and over 3 years later and I still have no friends.

 

My husband and I plan on relocating to Canada at some point, but as my window to apply for naturalization opens next week, so I want to

complete this journey first.  
 

10 years from now, if we’re in Canada and decide to come back, it will be nice to just be able to do that, without having to go through USCIS again.

[vanity08 66]

I totally I agree with you, am from UK to, London girl, I miss home sooooo badly, everything you are saying is true. 
One thing I can say is hang in there, and complete the citizenships, am in the process of finishing my, I have my oath ceremony on the 8. Wait and get your citizenship and than you guys can move. 
we are waiting to see what will happen with the UK now, than we will be moving back. 
 

[zochu 255]

^ Agree. Wait it out. 

 

 

[Cheschirecat 176]

1 hour ago, CannonTop90 said:

Hey everyone. 
 

I have lived in the US for 2 years... I received my GC in March 2019. I am from the U.K. and my wife is from the US. 
 

I have read multiple topics posted in this section with very comforting answers and basically people speaking the truth. Which is what I like. 
 

Ever since I moved here I have missed the U.K. more and more every day. I just can’t shake the feeling. I love the US because it’s where my wife is from, and the people I have met here are great. Also, the chance for opportunity here is fantastic... 

 

We moved to Las Vegas just over 2 months ago from Denver, CO. Being in my very late 20s I think people will agree it’s incredibly hard to make good friends. I’m still to this day after 2 years struggling to find friends. My wife’s parents lives in Florida, my sister in-law lives in England. It’s so bloody lonely here. Unfortunately, after moving to the states I discovered what depression was. And my god that is real. I miss my friends. Calling them up to see each other and no hesitation. Knowing the ins and outs of what or how to get to things. Surviving! Over here my bills are way larger than what they were back home. Don’t even get me started on healthcare. I miss not dreading going to work just to survive and pay my rent. I’ve never lived like this and it’s the biggest culture shock. Me and my wife are not ones for “Big jobs”, we’re about family and being happy and being close to the ones you love. Not working 60 hour work weeks to pay our ridiculous rent after Uncle Sam takes his giant portion. Oh and again... healthcare. I don’t want this to sound like I don’t want to work hard. That is not what this is. I work extremely hard and love the feeling of working hard... what I don’t love is not being able to afford to travel to see my in-laws... pfft I can’t even afford healthcare. 
 

When I lived in England, I was never worried about where the next months rent was coming from.. and this was living alone. I travelled to the states twice/three times a year (and was paid because holiday pay.. again don’t me started on that) I enjoyed nights out with my friends, traveling to different countries in Europe. Heck, even going to the gym! Being happy, being productive. 
 

I guess what I am trying to say is, do we make the move back? I know it involves a job paying £18,500 and 6 months pay slips plus visa fees and waiting. But in the long run will we will be happier? My wife’s parents are way better off financially to come and visit us than my family. Her sister lives there also. Another hiccup would be me giving up my Green Card. Would it be better to gain citizenship... just Incase? That’s another 3 years away. Our heads are extremely fizzled with this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. or even anyone who has done this process, what is your experience? 

If I was you, I’d get my US citizenship first then make a decision. I know it’s hard. Have you looked for any groups for UK folk? 
Healthcare is indeed horrible to get and pay for! So sorry! I hope things get better! 

[EmKamp 16]

4 hours ago, Cheschirecat said:

If I was you, I’d get my US citizenship first then make a decision. I know it’s hard. Have you looked for any groups for UK folk? 
Healthcare is indeed horrible to get and pay for! So sorry! I hope things get better! 

A lot of people have said this. I suppose it would be better for a “just in case”. It’s a hell of a long way away. I’ve tried going online through friend apps, local meet and greets and Facebook U.K. groups. Its just hard, you know? I’m not the same person anymore and some days it’s extremely hard to just go outside. I know that’s something I have to work on to make myself better, it’s just nice to have friends to talk to and meet up for a drink or even just a little board game and some food. But I really appreciate all your responses. It’s kind of opened my eyes to sticking at it. If we did ever return here the last thing I want is to be dealing with the USCIS again. Thanks again. 

[carmel34 3,531]

I empathize with you OP.  Many immigrants go through a similar experience and it's hard.  My husband is going through a difficult time adjusting to life in the US since his arrival nearly five months ago.  He misses his family and friends terribly, the culture, the food, everything about Brazil basically.  On top of that he's learning English and how to drive a car for the first time, all of it is very stressful, so the combination of everything makes life a real challenge.  He works from home for now but will apply for other jobs once he gets his driver's license and that should help.  I found a very good Brazilian therapist for him, covered through my employer's health insurance, and she is helping immensely to get him through this period of transition.  We have talked about going to Brazil to live some day in the future but we both know that if we do that now, it would be difficult for him to get a US tourist visa to visit my family with me so we are going to wait until he has his US citizenship in a few years and then decide what to do after that.  I have seen first hand how hard it is for the non-US spouse to adjust to life in the US, it makes me sad, but also appreciative of the sacrifice being made so that we can be together.  All I can offer is encouragement, maybe find a good counselor who specializes in life transitions, keep doing what you can to make friends, enjoy life, and appreciate the fact that you are finally with the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life.  Good luck!

[Ontarkie 13,916]

It does take time for some to adjust. Took me a good 3 yrs before I actually felt like this was home.  I found making friends here much more different than back home. I've been here since 08 and just now have a few more friends. My first friends are actually from Canada (the wife) we met online when Connect to Canada used to send out Canada Day packages for parties. Turned out she lived 10 minutes away.  Now I would not move back to Canada, I still feel out of place from time to time but all in all this is my home. 

[TBoneTX 43,058]

Even if we're well aware that homesickness, alienation, et al. are distinct possibilities that should be expected, these can strike, especially suddenly, after we think that things are going more smoothly and we've started to figure things out.  Accordingly, avoid beating yourself up too much.

 

Mrs. T-B., although an incredibly social creature in any environment, had terrible adjustment problems in distinct circumstances.  Now, even the idea of visiting Ecu is distasteful to her.

 

Perhaps adopt a perverse view:  "I hate people, animals, and things, so anything positive that happens to me is an irritating plus!"  This might take some of the pressure off yourself.  

[Wuozopo 4,285]

On 1/2/2020 at 11:18 PM, CannonTop90 said:

A lot of people have said this. I suppose it would be better for a “just in case”. It’s a hell of a long way away. I’ve tried going online through friend apps, local meet and greets and Facebook U.K. groups. Its just hard, you know? I’m not the same person anymore and some days it’s extremely hard to just go outside. I know that’s something I have to work on to make myself better, it’s just nice to have friends to talk to and meet up for a drink or even just a little board game and some food. But I really appreciate all your responses. It’s kind of opened my eyes to sticking at it. If we did ever return here the last thing I want is to be dealing with the USCIS again. Thanks again. 

 

Here's a new thread for you to read https://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/728129-filing-dcf-through-london/

 

They went to the U.K. and now want to come back. It's not the first, third, or tenth time I've read similar stories. What if your wife can't adjust to the U.K.?  

 

Everybody is different so I can't really help you settle. You might want to move to an area with a lower cost of living, maybe a small town where people tend to get to know each other better. Or move closer to the inlaws in Florida. Wondering if there was a reason to pick Vegas?  

 

And another thing I have observed from life experience...

When you're in your 20's, hanging out with your mates is a big part of your life. But as everybody grows up, gets married, has kids, moves to a different town, your attachment to them changes. You get involved with new work mates, your kid's mini soccer league, new neighbors etc. I've observed it with my own adult kids. The rock band and partying with the band mates drifted apart. But they are happy being a fireman, a teacher, an IT manager and parents. I understand your frustration with the new culture, but your life in England won't remain the same life you are pining for now. 

 

I wish you luck in finding your happy place. I have to force myself to even visit the UK every 2 years or so. And when we spend all that money to go, everybody is too busy to spend more than a few hours with us and we end up driving around in the car we hired just sightseeing by ourselves. I know your pain is real so think about it real hard and try to find what will work for the long haul of your future. 

 

Edited January 4, 2020 by Wuozopo

[Going through 5,668]

On 1/3/2020 at 12:18 AM, CannonTop90 said:

A lot of people have said this. I suppose it would be better for a “just in case”. It’s a hell of a long way away. I’ve tried going online through friend apps, local meet and greets and Facebook U.K. groups. Its just hard, you know? I’m not the same person anymore and some days it’s extremely hard to just go outside. I know that’s something I have to work on to make myself better, it’s just nice to have friends to talk to and meet up for a drink or even just a little board game and some food. But I really appreciate all your responses. It’s kind of opened my eyes to sticking at it. If we did ever return here the last thing I want is to be dealing with the USCIS again. Thanks again. 

You sound like me  

 

I've been living here since 2004 and I still do not have one person "in real life" in this country that I can call a "friend".  VJ has become the stand-in for any sort of social life, which is the main reason why I've still stuck around the forums after naturalizing.

 

I also vote for sticking it out.  It's not as long as you may think----put it this way, you've come this far already in your immigration journey...another 3 years will fly by in comparison even though it doesn't feel that way now.  The main benefit being you can come and go as you please afterwards.  The main drawback being that you have to file US taxes for the rest of your life no matter where you live.

 

 

 

[mandsophia 160]

I would stick it out as well. I also have been having issues adjusting. I like the US dont get me wrong, but all the things you said, paying for healthcare, no friends and no family near, still feeling a bit out of place, etc have made me very depressed. I am onfident it will pass in time, because it starts to feel more and more like home every day. But the biggest thing for me personally will be to make some friends...I have zero here. And I have no idea how to make any. 

[Going through 5,668]

On 1/3/2020 at 2:00 PM, Ontarkie said:

My first friends are actually from Canada (the wife) we met online when Connect to Canada used to send out Canada Day packages for parties.

Sounds interesting----does this Connect to Canada thing still exist?  I'm assuming it's some sort of social meetup group/online group for expats living in the US?

Edited January 11, 2020 by Going through

[Ontarkie 13,916]

Just now, Going through said:

Sounds interesting----does this Connect to Canada thing still exist?

It does, sadly they did end the Canada Day gift packs they would send. I'm hoping they bring it back seems a lot of ppl were disappointed last year. Its https://connect2canada.com/ In June their Canada day across America site goes live. 

 

[Cheschirecat 176]

21 hours ago, mandsophia said:

I would stick it out as well. I also have been having issues adjusting. I like the US dont get me wrong, but all the things you said, paying for healthcare, no friends and no family near, still feeling a bit out of place, etc have made me very depressed. I am onfident it will pass in time, because it starts to feel more and more like home every day. But the biggest thing for me personally will be to make some friends...I have zero here. And I have no idea how to make any. 

http://www.canadianexpatnetwork.com/public/department36.cfm