Wife committed adultery, what are the chances of my I 751 waiver to be approved?

[merc0230 28]

Not really much to add here as you have been given fairly good advice. 

IMO you do not have to worry about your immigration status as it seems like you would be able to ROC either way.

 

It gets said here a lot. Take care of yourself first. The rest will work itself out.

 

Good Luck.

[NoProblem 69]

33 minutes ago, MariekeH said:

Does it even matter? Your comments aren't helpful.

Mother of two who brought OP to the US, made all the effort all of sudden start to sleep with other folks and somehow is this evil monster.  We should advise folks to somehow work the relationship and salvage it the best they can.  Most times we have a one sided story and we are quick to advise folks to divorce etc and file for ROC.  I personally really dont like to see relationships broken.

[moosy 139]

So sorry, fellow Belgian, that you are going through this.

 

I would definitely include the marriage counseling things, as I think any person who will review your case will see that as an attempt to save your marriage, which you would not be doing at all if you did not hope it would still be fine (ie if it was not a bona fide marriage).  I would add anything that shows that you attempted to save the marriage (and not just for immigration, of course), as the people reviewing are still human, and they will see that the way we are, I think.

You can do this. Don't stay just for immigration purposes, as that is exactly the opposite of what you want to show. 

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

21 minutes ago, NoProblem said:

Mother of two who brought OP to the US, made all the effort all of sudden start to sleep with other folks and somehow is this evil monster.  We should advise folks to somehow work the relationship and salvage it the best they can.  Most times we have a one sided story and we are quick to advise folks to divorce etc and file for ROC.  I personally really dont like to see relationships broken.

This is an internet forum, not a therapist's office. We ALWAYS get the one side of the person who is posting without speaking to any other involved parties. The OP came here with their story, including having already come to the conclusion/decision that the marriage is over - nobody here told them to leave their wife or end the marriage. The advise being given is based on the questions the OP asked. It isn't our place to tell them they made a wrong decision or shouldn't be divorcing their spouse. Based on the OP's comments, sounds like they have made a lot of effort to fix things, but you can't fix a marriage unless both people are actively repairing. If their wife is no longer doing that, then they've done all they can. They've asked what options they have going forward FROM that.

 

Also, your original comment on the OP sounding like they're writing to us from a time machine in the 1990s didn't demonstrate any of this, so forgive us for not understanding your perspective.

[little immigrant 800]

15 hours ago, Char2424 said:

Yeah, I am sorry too. Life can take some weird turns sometimes.

What kind of evidence are you talking about? Evidence that she cheated on me? Or evidence of our legit marriage? 

We are already living seperate at this point.

 

Evidence of your legit marriage. You must prove that you entered the marriage in good faith. 

[tootiespookie 67]

13 hours ago, Starkilla09 said:

Now with regards to evidence, USCIS doesn’t care about the reasons that broke the marriage. What they DO care about is if you can prove that the marriage was entered in good faith at the inception (bona fide), and not just a means of circumventing immigration law to procure a green card. The evidence they’ll like to see are documentary evidence with your spouse showing joint financial liabilities such as lease/mortgage, tax returns, bank/credit card statements, utilities such as water, sewage, garbage, insurance policies etc.   You can equally send secondary evidence as well for support such as affidavits from friends and relatives who knew your marriage, the rehab stuff etc.

While I agree with everything you're saying, there's something in the wording of USCIS policies and all along this forum that strike me as odd. The part about proving the "marriage was entered in good faith at the inception" and not a means to circumvent immigration law, I understand and agree with this part but then USCIS, VJ, and most lawyer websites out there mention how the evidence to prove this is by way of documents showing a joint life DURING marriage, which is after the so called "inception" point they love to mention everywhere. 

 

This may be besides the point and I may need to start a new discussion, I'm just a stickler for details in the writings of law and I like to look at every possible angle and outcome. That being said, the "at the inception" part evidence is the one no one talks about. What if there is no evidence prior to the wedding? what if all the evidence is satisfactory for the duration of the marriage and would show a clear cut case of a true relationship but how does the immigrant prove their intentions were true? how does USCIS even know if there was a prior relationship before a seemingly legit marriage? 

 

I just feel USCIS is too wishy-washy with these terms and the evidence they suggest.

[NoProblem 69]

20 minutes ago, Paul & Mallory said:

Also, your original comment on the OP sounding like they're writing to us from a time machine in the 1990s didn't demonstrate any of this, so forgive us for not understanding your perspective.

Folks make silly mistakes if and when things are made up, however, some other posters cleared up my suspicion by stating that in some cases and from some locations letter based communication is the only possible method and I understood.

[Paul & Mallory 1,398]

20 minutes ago, NoProblem said:

Folks make silly mistakes if and when things are made up, however, some other posters cleared up my suspicion by stating that in some cases and from some locations letter based communication is the only possible method and I understood.

Yes, I was one of those posters. You responded that was unlikely and you stood by your opinion.

 

Nevertheless - what does keeping in touch via letters have to do with the situation as a whole? The letters didn't break up a marriage - infidelity did.

[NoProblem 69]

20 minutes ago, Paul & Mallory said:

what does keeping in touch via letters have to do with the situation as a whole

Initially it was way too off for me to think anyone communicated with their lovers via. letters nowadays so i was not sure about the legitimacy of the initial post.  I though OP just wanted to get out of the relationship, salvage his GC and asking for advise on how to do it the least risky way.  I would not be nice if I suspect a fraud.

Edited September 20, 2018 by NoProblem

[Paul & Marina 53]

 

Again, like others you in a situation none of use would like to be in. Substance use/abuse rarely has a good outcome. I would like to look at this in a different way.

1. Do you have legal standing as the children’s father, either as the natural parent or by adoption (please do not make any conclusion that either way you become a parent makes you a better loving parent)

a. If you do not she can legally keep the away from you.

 

2. Evidence:

a. For divorce it’s not really needed unless you have legal standing as the father.

b. Today we have no-fault divorce and no evidence of this is needed.  

 

                A no fault divorce refers to a type of divorce in which the spouse that is filing for divorce does not have to prove any fault on the part of the other spouse. All a spouse has to do is give any reason that the state honors for the divorce. (this reason goes by such names as "incompatibility," "irreconcilable differences," or "irremediable breakdown of the marriage).

 

c. If you do have legal standing as father, it mostly has some value as to who gets custody (as a psychologist who was involved in many custody hearings. The court doesn’t want to hear all the details as you see on TV. I’ve never seen a judge grant custody solely on infidelity. It’s more about who can provide a more stable/safer environment for the children. Substance abuse (it’s very rare you would go to inpatient for abuse. It’s highly probable if it’s a dependence. It’s funny that people separate alcohol from drug’s as they are for drugs or substances). Mental Health/Rehab records are more difficult to get and only by subpoena. Also, all the people who charted in her record have the right to redact anything they want.

 

b. Just FYI, a custody battle takes a long time, very expense, and sometimes children are moved to grandparents or relatives.

 

c. It maybe of value for USCIS, an Immigration Attorney could give you the best advice.

 

As all, we wish only the best for everyone involved.  

 

 

[Chocobo 196]

OP - how long as she been clean and sober?  Are you 100% sure she is clean and sober?  Addiction makes people do really stupid things (as evidenced by her leaving you and the kids to go on a 2 week binge), so I would make sure that you are confident in what you're looking at.  

 

As she has kids who you are quite attached to, and they you from what you're saying, I would consult with a family attorney who is familiar with immigration (or has someone in their practice who is familiar with immigration law.)  If you have not adopted her children, then you have no legal standing to remain in contact with them if she doesn't want you to be.   (I'm very sorry to have to say that.)    

 

In the meantime, if you are looking at divorce - document document document!  This will help with both the immigration side and the divorce side.  

 

I wish you all the best in this difficult time.

[Loren Y 2,732]

If your going for divorce, Hire the Heavy Hitter attorney and go all in and get full custody of her kids. With the rehab and drug things if you want I am sure you could convince a judge the kids are better off with you. And just to add salt to the wound ask for child support and alimony. Welcome to America.... run by lawyers for the past 100 plus years...LOL. 

 

It really sucks, but there comes a time where you have to decide what is best for you, and your future, and make the hard stand.

[Char2424 4]

3 hours ago, NoProblem said:

Initially it was way too off for me to think anyone communicated with their lovers via. letters nowadays so i was not sure about the legitimacy of the initial post.  I though OP just wanted to get out of the relationship, salvage his GC and asking for advise on how to do it the least risky way.  I would not be nice if I suspect a fraud.

Not sure where you get that from. 

It definitely was a legitimate marriage. And I think I have a lot of proof. But I dont want to make mistakes going through this process. 

Not sure what the thing about the letters is. She was allowed to make a phone call in the morning and in the evening. She mostly talked to her kids then. 

I mailed her care packages. She wrote me one letter, and it was very upsetting...and I didnt keep it (not thinking at that point we would be where we are now). 

Ofcourse I am worried about my greencard. Not only am I dealing with losing my family here, I also have to worry about my GC. Believe me when I say I rather didnt... things are hard enough as they are now. 

[Char2424 4]

2 hours ago, Chocobo said:

OP - how long as she been clean and sober?  Are you 100% sure she is clean and sober?  Addiction makes people do really stupid things (as evidenced by her leaving you and the kids to go on a 2 week binge), so I would make sure that you are confident in what you're looking at.  

 

As she has kids who you are quite attached to, and they you from what you're saying, I would consult with a family attorney who is familiar with immigration (or has someone in their practice who is familiar with immigration law.)  If you have not adopted her children, then you have no legal standing to remain in contact with them if she doesn't want you to be.   (I'm very sorry to have to say that.)    

 

In the meantime, if you are looking at divorce - document document document!  This will help with both the immigration side and the divorce side.  

 

I wish you all the best in this difficult time.

As far as a I know she is sober now. Finding her 'high' in other things...such as working all the time and sleeping around. 

Unfortunately I have no legal standing with the kids... if something really were supposed to go wrong they would go to their dad or her mom...her mom already has custody over my wife's kids...also addiction. 

Luckily it seems like she wants me to be in touch with them...which makes me really happy. I'm hoping we can stay cordial, even tho that has shown to be hard some of the time...especially with my hurt. 

Yeah I will try to document things. In retrospect I should've started way sooner, but I never would've imagined I'd need to... I was happily married... 

[Char2424 4]

7 hours ago, NoProblem said:

Who stays in relationship through letters nowadays.  Seems like this was written in the 90s.

I just now saw where this letter confusion came from. 

Yes. She stayed in touch with the woman through letters. First from rehab, more recently from jail... the woman got arrested for burglary after leaving rehab... (what a mess I know). I took pictures one night of some of the letters, but couldnt get myself to open them. So not sure what the content of the letters was. At that point my wife had already admitted to sleeping with her at rehab.