Wife possibly cheated and saying married for money

[unknownuser 13]

I come from Belgium as all of you can see. I met my wife through her brother in November 2015. We saw each other in January in the U.S. for the first time. After that she came to Belgium in May to see my family. Now we married on October 17.

​Now just before I arrived on August 31 2016, she was talking to another guy, her best friend told me things were going on and I read messages she had feelings for the guy. Now she has promised me many times to stop texting him, but she still keeps texting him because he is apparently 'the only one who understands her', these are her words. Now when I checked her messages on Facebook, which I know is not a nice thing to do, I read that she married me instead of him for financial security because I am a software developer (read 80K$-125K$ per year). Now I don't know if taking a picture of her saying this to a friend on Facebook will prove anything, but I wish I knew before I said yes.

​Aside from this, she is also very unstable. I believe she has HSP (high sensitivity). She has extreme mood swings, which I started noticing as soon as I arrived here, but eventually I started seeing patterns. She can't take jokes from her friends or me, she sees everything as an insult. Her mom also seems to exhibit the same behavior. One day, my wife was upset, and drove off the parking lot of Taco Bell, and she drove right onto a curb and totaled the car driving 30 mph... When she talks about work, I hear her talking about people are trying to be the boss, now if I didn't know any better, I would say she can't take different opinions than her own and she can't deal with managers. Now she seems to be popular when it comes to having friends at work.

​I also know she complains a lot to her friends and then other days she 'praises' me all the time. I cook for her when she is on lunch break and in the evening, I make sure all her clothes are ironed and our part of the house is clean (since we live with her parents), but I am not sure if I can keep this up if I am getting no love back.

Then there is the fact that she is literally on her iPhone all day. She reads Facebook all the time, scrolling and scrolling the news feed. If she has a day off from work, all she does is just scrolling on her phone or sleeping. But then she complains with her parents we never do anything together, although I suggest a lot of things for us to do all the time, all she wants to do is sit on her butt or lie in bed.

I transferred 3000 USD in August to pay for the wedding, but she used it on buying herself a new iPhone. She is also generally bad at managing money. Specially with her mom saying that she only lives once. (Except that they have no room to talk being unable to afford health insurance and retiring on 1500 USD per month). Not only that, she keeps lending money to people at work (Walmart) without ever asking back for it. And I told her to stop because she is not a bank for other people. But then I realized she is doing it behind my back. Basically her secrets keep piling up.

Now the question is what do I do? Is there any chance I can get citizenship and just divorce while my AOS case is pending? I think my EAD will arrive somewhere in January. It is a harsh thing to say, but right now I am holding on until my AOS is approved and then considering to file for divorce and the ROC (with waiver) if things don't improve. The reason I want to stay is that I invested a lot of money in coming here and buying her that new car. I want it to be worth something. Should I bring this up with an immigration officer at USCIS to ask for advice?

[lost_at_sea 995]

No, you can't get citizenship while your AoS is pending (although, yes, of course you can divorce, but the basis for your AoS will be gone). Getting citizenship is based on either being married (and cohabiting, in a relationship) for 3 years in the USA with a USC partner OR by living as a Legal Permanent Resident in the United States for 5 years. You don't fit either of those statements currently, as you are not even a Legal Permanent Resident yet.

Adjusting from a K1 and then immediately divorcing is likely going to give you some serious trouble doing Removal of Conditions in 2 years time. It's going to look a lot like a marriage of convenience (I'm not saying it is, just looking at it from the point of view of USCIS).

What documentation do you have to show that your marriage was entered into in good faith? Do you share bank accounts, mortgage/rent, insurance? Given that you gave her $3k for the wedding and she spent it on an iPhone... eesh. What did you provide for relationship evidence for the K1?

A quick google threw this up for me: http://www.visatutor.com/fiancee-k-1-visa/k-1-visa-process-and-divorce/

Edited November 15, 2016 by lost_at_sea

[unknownuser 13]

We have picture from travelling in Europe and in the U.S. together. Aside from that, I have my bank statements to show I paid for a 5500$ car, its registration, and then the car insurance. The car is in both our names. Aside from that all our remaining things are still separate. We currently live with her parents. And she is paying for my phone bill. Aside from that this is all.

​I did some research on Google, apparently some people managed to successfully file for ROC early when AOS is approved.

​Well worst case I guess I will wait the 2-3 years and then file the divorce if it hasn't improved. She is still 21, maybe she will have grown up by then.

[lost_at_sea 995]

I mean, the question is... why do you want to stay at all? You don't have a job yet (because no EAD) and you want to divorce your brand new wife immediately. Staying married just to make it to citizenship faster is basically fraud. It seems like you're setting yourself up for a really miserable time.

[Ortolan 381]

It kind of sounds like you two didn't really know each other very well when you married.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

Financial stability isn't really the first thing that comes to mind when marrying someone and them having them move here from a foreign country. Especially considering that you went the K-1 route, you are likely going to be out of work for a while so that "80k-125k" is going to to become less and less relevant as you wait a few months for you EAD. Even after that, do you already have a job in the US lined up? Many new immigrants have trouble finding high paying jobs in their field as foreign experience is not prioritized above local experience, so you may be overselling yourself income-wise.

I guess I'm not not seeing any decisive proof that yeah she married you only for your money. Financial stability is a completely valid factor to consider when choosing a life partner so her saying that doesn't really sell of for me. I'm not saying your marriage is good or worth continuing, just that if you were planning on somehow using the idea of her marrying you for your money to overcome any suspicion against you down the line with ROC you end up divorcing after a short marriage you may be out of luck.

I'm also curious as to when iPhone prices went up to $3000. That's sorta insane.

Edited November 15, 2016 by MorganandMichael

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

You read your wife's message on FB to her ex, telling him the only reason she married you and not him is for financial

security ...... what are you still doing there ? A GC should not be that important to you, Belgium is a nice country, go back and

find someone who loves you for who you are not for financial security. She is running after her ex and you want to stay for

citizenship ? You are really selling yourself short. Forget the money you spend on her and move on or get it together as a couple.

Citizenship is not worth all this drama.

[Inikamoze 86]

It's a shame you are considering divorce at such an early stage of your marriage. Nobody here should be chastising you for your choice of partner as although people might say you should have got to know each other for longer there are plenty of marriages gone past 10 or 20 years where new information of a secret double life gets revealed!! So time isn't everything but a factor USCIS will surely look at.

If you both genuinely entered into marriage in good faith then you have nothing to worry about.

As said earlier you are in somewhat of limbo land as you don't even have a GC yet so put all thoughts of citizenship to one side for now. Work on your issues and resolve those to make the rest of the immigration journey as easy as possible at least.

Do you foresee on the horizon that you could run into problems if you have an interview as you say yourself she is hyper sensitive and "on the day" have a mood swing that might get you into trouble, be wary is all I say.

[Inikamoze 86]

Very easy for people to say why stay here... go back... etc

For some folks it might just be a lifelong dream to live and work (legitimately) in the USA and they happened to have found a US spouse to share that dream with (see plenty of countries where that is evident of people trying to get in to the US)

You personally may not have cared where you and your partner ended up living 'anywhere in the world just as long as we are together" but for many others it really is a factor... land of opportunity... giving your kids the best start you can... which might mean being in the US is exactly what they want from life.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Inikamoze

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

Very easy for people to say why stay here... go back... etc

For some folks it might just be a lifelong dream to live and work (legitimately) in the USA and they happened to have found a US spouse to share that dream with (see plenty of countries where that is evident of people trying to get in to the US)

You personally may not have cared where you and your partner ended up living 'anywhere in the world just as long as we are together" but for many others it really is a factor... land of opportunity... giving your kids the best start you can... which might mean being in the US is exactly what they want from life.

Then there should be no complaints of her cheating, talking to her ex, wanting him for money, being lazy etc etc.

There is no "I want a better life" visa, it must be a viable marriage otherwise to pretend it is just for the sake of the GC

and then citizenship borders on fraud.

[Inikamoze 86]

Well now you enter into the realms of what constitutes a marriage, that is a subjective opinion as you ask 50 couples from all walks of life and you'll get 101 different responses.

Lots of couples gripe, many cheat... some partners accept this, others go out and do it themselves and some don't put up with it at all..

Some want a wife to stay at home looking after the house whilst others say go out and earn your money....

The scenarios are endless. I didn't really hear the OP moaning at his situation per se, more a practical question on how he would obtain citizenship (running ahead of himself there I would say!)

From the snippets you have read in 3 paragraphs you mention potential fraud, even with him saying to stick it out just to get his GC. It would be hard to actually prove that as they still live together... actually in her parents place so there is family consent there too otherwise they would be out in their ears. She pays for phone bill, he's paid for a car so there is financial intermingling of sorts already.

Doesn't jump out as fraudulent other than what he's typed about intentions so on face value alone and without a confession in my humble opinion an io might be inclined to rubber stamp an approval but hey what do I know.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Inikamoze

[Boiler 43,429]

Snippets

All I see.

[jakartausa 28]

This seems like such a role reversal to me. Usually the beneficiary comes here and is totally dependent on the petitioner, however in this case its the beneficiary who despite not having a job was the one paying the bills. Interesting.

All kidding aside I would strongly considering looking to go back to Belgium. Here is what I would do in your case:

1. First determine if the marriage is salvageable - If so great , if not go to 2
2. Start looking for jobs in Belgium via the net and revise your resume.
3. Try and save up or ask family for money to go back to Belgium.
4. While doing 2 and 3 - Still try to reconcile with your wife however explain to her that you may be forced to return to Belgium if the marriage cannot be saved.
5. Once funds are secured to return home, still attempt reconciliation however if all hope is lost move home.

This your only path now.

Edited November 15, 2016 by jakartausa

[aidan80 9]

I hate to be blunt to the OP but sounds like you got used, horribly by this 21yr girl. What age is the OP if you don't mind me asking? It also seems as if the OP wants to live in the US? If I where you I'd sit tight get your AOS over with then leave her one you have your temporary resident card in hand. Get your life moving forward if you can then hire a lawyer to get you through removal of conditions when the time comes. Worst case you get denied along the way and sent back home. Heading home is still an option to ease the damage from what seems to be a train wreck in progress.

[Cathi 5,609]

Staying married just to obtain citizenship is fraud. Why is US citizenship so important when you have only been here a few months?