Bad situation

[Dave-Bhel 84]

Miss post

Edited September 21, 2016 by Dave-Bhel

[Anitafeliz 1,133]

I am going out on a limb.......

I highly doubt hes using you to pay everything. I can almost bet if your being asked to pay these bills hes paying others...you OBVIOUSLY dont have a perception of maintaining a household in the USA...

Most people work just to pay bills and $50 dollars left is a luxury.

Are you even sure he can even add you to insurance yet? Most insurances have a enrollment period.

Edited September 21, 2016 by Anitafeliz

[Ciyara 11]

I am going out on a limb.......

I highly doubt hes using you to pay everything. I can almost bet if your being asked to pay these bills hes paying others...you OBVIOUSLY dont have a perception of maintaining a household in the USA...

Most people work just to pay bills and $50 dollars left is a luxury.

Are you even sure he can even add you to insurance yet? Most insurances have a enrollment period.

no he said get your own you can afford it

[Dave-Bhel 84]

Alright I'm going to try to chime in on this. Hi I'm Dave, I came into this looking for a partner that would be a homemaker. I'm a field service engineer, have a great job that I love, and the job has a great package of benefits. I'm also a single parent of three girls, take care of my 89 year old mother and own a 300 year old family home in Vermont. All of that equals an overwhelmed David in need of a partner who is loving, caring, and wants to build a home for the relationship. Each of us comes into this with expectations, hopefully knowing what we're looking for. It's important that we just don't stop at the first pretty face, yes Bhel is absolutely the most beautiful girl I have ever met but she's also everything else on the list I was looking for. in time Bhel may want to find a job but it's not a priority for us. Right now we're kind of looking at this as a June and Ward Cleaver thing.

My question for the OP is, when you came into this, were their expectations that you would work and pay half the bills? It's not an uncommon thing, I know many couples that operate this way. I know many happy couples that have it worked out to a percentage of their base salary that is put into a family account and the rest goes into their individual accounts. So that the bills get paid and they each have some money based on how much they work and other factors that the couple works out. If you came into this understanding that he wanted a working partner and now you're unhappy with the situation you shouldn't have entered into the situation in the first place.

Now if you entered into this thinking that you would be a housewife and the situation changed it sounds like something for marriage counseling. Situations do change, it may be possible he felt you weren't doing your end of the bargain so now he is expecting you to financially contribute . Given if this is the case then the domestic duties should be equally shared. Arrangements should be reached so you're not contributing 100% of your salary to the relationship and have some money for your personal needs . It doesn't mean that the relationship has to be cold, it can be hotter than ever. With the needs met the two of you can have fun together with what's left over at the end of the day . I've had girlfriends that have said they wanted to be Susie Homemaker and then would sit on Second Life all day while I was at work so I know it can drag you down.

I suppose another scenario would be that you fully expected to be a princess, to be taken care of and catered to in exchange for something that he felt you would be offering to the relationship. I can understand that, I tend to be that kind of guy that wants to treat his girl like a princess but I try to temper this with the reality of life. It's entirely possible that you had visions of setting on a silken pillow while he worked all day to bring home dinner for you. I've seen this type of relationship work too, but remember both parties have to bring something to the bargaining table. Think back to what it was you offered in exchange for the life you thought you were getting. It may be time to remind him of what you bring to the table. This type of relationship only works with crystal clear expectations, communication, and often a contract.

[Roodey.18 3]

You are a legal resident in the US there is no need for you to be afraid.

[Teddy B 17,251]

Any USC that expects their spouse or spouse to be to uproot their entire life in their home country, come to the US and get a job that is capable of paying half of the household bills within a year, is being completely unreasonable.

[Ciyara 11]

So most of you agreed that I have to pay half of the rent and full amount of gass bill and electricity amd cabel and he should only pay for his car and helf of the rent is this fair thank you is this because im not USC im the foriener i have to pay for everything thank you all

Edited September 21, 2016 by Ciyara

[Georgia16 2,858]

So most of you agreed that I have to pay half of the rent and full amount of gass bill and electricity amd cabel and he should only pay for his car and helf of the rent is this fair thank you is this because im not USC im the foriener i have to pay for everything thank you all

Thats not what people are saying. But also there is much more bills then that. Insurance, for health, car, house and so on.

I'm a number geek and for me I need an overview of all bills. Have you tried that so you can actually see ALL the bills and how much it is also do it with income it will give you a clear view of all the money.

Have you offered him that you guys have one joint account that all bills will be paid from and then each of you can transfer to that account from your personal accounts?

You guys really need to sit done and talk about all of the money/bill stuff because it can really put a strain on a marriage if that is not sorted out.

[Dave-Bhel 84]

So most of you agreed that I have to pay half of the rent and full amount of gass bill and electricity amd cabel and he should only pay for his car and helf of the rent is this fair thank you is this because im not USC im the foriener i have to pay for everything thank you all

I really don't recall anybody saying that. but it's not uncommon for two people to work together to pay the bills in a household. The amount of money should be relative to how much you make, of course the person who makes more should pay more it's working together as a team to have a life together. I am of course assuming that you want a life with this person, if you don't then get out and find somebody that will offer you what you're looking for. If you decide to leave the marriage make sure you find somebody that is what you're looking for and you're what they are looking.

[NikLR 13,220]

It sounds like you want your husband to be someone he isnt. Some people dont show a lot of emotion. He sounds like he's worried about paying all the bills and wants help and I think you're exaggerating what he's asking. I dont believe for a second you only make $90 a week working full time. Often it is much cheaper to get separate insurance. Bills come first, new clothes come second and there are always 2nd hand stores for cheaper versions.

Either accept your husband as he is, or leave. Pick a direction you want to live your life. Either way this isnt an immigration issue. You have your 2 year card and roc on your own when the time comes

Edited September 21, 2016 by NikLR

[Ciyara 11]

I really don't recall anybody saying that. but it's not uncommon for two people to work together to pay the bills in a household. The amount of money should be relative to how much you make, of course the person who makes more should pay more it's working together as a team to have a life together. I am of course assuming that you want a life with this person, if you don't then get out and find somebody that will offer you what you're looking for. If you decide to leave the marriage make sure you find somebody that is what you're looking for and you're what they are looking.

i only make 300$ a week , i pay for my transportation because I don't drive 125 $ a week plus he makes more then i make , o asked for joining account so we can start saving together for the future he said no everyone save on his own bank account I tried most of thought that i want someone to pay all and do everything no i don't of you said fair its need to be fair i don't mind paying but not everything , and he makes more than i make

[C-ma'am 684]

Hola Ciyara,

IMHO- You and your husband got married without taking in consideration the key points of a relationship, communication. Ideally, two people who get married, need to lay down all expectations (economical, financial and otherwise). Some people who don't have these discussions still figure things out as they go along and they are happy. Some other people cannot figure it out because they realized they cannot compromise on what they both want, turning the marriage a battlefield.

1) Have you discussed this topic with your husband? If my husband did something to me that I do not agree on or if he expects me to do something I don't agree on, you bet your sweet bottom I will be making myself heard.

2) What do you expect from your husband? It seems you would want him to be more caring towards you. Someone who isn't caring, is not about to start being caring because you want them to. Don't expect to change a person.

3) Do you want to stay married for the sake of being married? You can change your stars. You and you only. If it doesn't work, get a divorce, before it's too late and you get pregnant thinking it will save your marriage.. IT WON'T

4) Are you concerned about your immigration status? Once divorced you can still remove your conditions. You will simply have to show that you entered the marriage in good faith.

The solutions to your predicament are there. Think about what you want, communicate it to the one you said those vows to (whatever it may be) and try to be happy... or not.. it's your life.

[Ciyara 11]

It sounds like you want your husband to be someone he isnt. Some people dont show a lot of emotion. He sounds like he's worried about paying all the bills and wants help and I think you're exaggerating what he's asking. I dont believe for a second you only make $90 a week working full time. Often it is much cheaper to get separate insurance. Bills come first, new clothes come second and there are always 2nd hand stores for cheaper versions.

Either accept your husband as he is, or leave. Pick a direction you want to live your life. Either way this isnt an immigration issue. You have your 2 year card and roc on your own when the time comes

90$ was my first job that's what i said not now the work that I have right now is different I didn't have clothes

[BethyWink 96]

You spend 125 a week on transportation when you are not driving yourself? So 25 dollars a day in transpo? Do you try to take the bus? Rideshare? Cut your bills first. 300 a week is 7.50 an hour, are you sure you are working full time since I do not believe this is even minimum wage.

Do you really need cable TV? I honestly know about 4 people who still have this bill, most people have cut the cable years ago.

I think you really need to either go to counseling, or talk to a lawyer.

[SunflowerSweet 1,321]

All these people commenting about OP paying her "fair share" need to remember what it's like for new immigrants in this country. And yes, I consider 9 months pretty new.

There are countless posts on here about qualified workers who take months, sometimes over a year of job hunting here just to end up getting a job bagging groceries for minimum wage. Is it really "fair" to expect people in this position, many whom are still adjusting to a whole new way of life to be in a place where they can afford to pay the same amount of bills as someone who has been here much longer and is well-established?

We don't know how much Op's husband makes. If she is only making $90 a week and he is feasibly making at least $20,000+ a year (assuming he didn't use a co-sponsor for the I-864) is it really "fair" to expect Op to pony up half the rent, pay for her own health insurance/medicine, etc?

While I don't know if I would call his actions "abuse", I can very well see why Op would not be happy in this marriage and I can understand her desire to leave.

**Edit** I just noticed OP's note that $90 was her old job. I'm not sure how mush she is making now, but I would assume her husband still makes quite a bit more.

Edited September 21, 2016 by MorganandMichael