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k1 approval and break up

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hey all, wanted to related my current situation with a russian girl (i'm american) i started a relationship with in oct 2013 when we both met in europe... we've met several times over the last 15 months, the last in spain back in july. we started the k1 process back in april 2014, took 5 months for approval, then a couple of weeks to the moscow embassy, interview, approval, etc. the approval was contingent on fixing a small error in the police report required... which was done but she hasn't gone to get the visa

after the spain trip things began to fall off a bit on my end, mainly due to the length of time apart with only whatsapp, phones calls, and the occasional Skype, but i never showed disinterest necessarily, i think i just started to tire of the type of relationship we had and the long wait, etc

when the interview came (in the beginning of november 2014), she was still very much interested/excited to finally come out but she started having doubts soon after for a couple of reasons. one, she had found a new job that she really liked in moscow, and two, she was worried about what would happen after she came to new york. scared of the move on one hand, but afraid things might not work out and she'd have to go back to moscow, losing her job, etc

at this point though she has totally changed her mind and says she doesn't want to come... stating the reasons above, as well as our ability to communicate. i speak no russian and her english is mediocre, i.e. we can't really have any real banter, jokes, etc are lost on each other for the most part

though for most of the time we were together, we were in love, and expressed that daily, etc.

from her end, during the whole time leading up to the interview, she was enamored... always texting, asking to call and hear my voice or Skype to see my face. and we always talked about the fact that it would be difficult for her at first here in the US. she would have to learn english and it would take her a while before she could find the kind of job she wants, etc. she understood that and always just wanted to be with me

the situation now with her though is a bit confusing and painful

a couple of notes, we took 4 trips after the initial meeting we had in europe. i took her to morocco, to thailand/cambodia, i visited moscow, and the spain trip. all of that at considerable expense. i had also been sending her money on a regular basis, a few hundred a month normally. she had gone through a couple of jobs while searching for the right one. and even with a job, the money was not enough. i would send money for some living expense as well as things she may need... dresses and shoes for work, a new winter coat, whatever... again, considerable expense. i paid for her to get into her apartment, paying the first month and security. she had also borrowed money from friends early on in our relationship that i gave to her so she could pay them back. i did all of this due to the long wait for the visa. i wanted her to have what she needed, etc while we were apart for so long

she was in somewhat of a transient state when we met, and a part of me feels like now that she has herself set up in moscow, her motivations may have changed

our only communication over the last two months is by text. twice she has said she doesn't want to leave moscow, that moscow is her home, and that for some reason (she won't say) that over the last two months 'her feelings have become cold between us'

i have tried to salvage this by texting i still love her, miss her, etc, but she has become increasingly distant, not texting back for hours or a day, or not responding directly to anything i might say. again, normally we would text several times a day, and if there was ever no reply from either of us for any amount of time it would be rare and for some legitimate reason. basically, like she has said, she has become cold. if i say i love you or miss you, she does not reply in kind, at all

she has though once, last week, said that there maybe is a chance. i told her that i still had hope for us and she said, yeah, maybe we can try... but again, during the last week, infrequent texts, non responses, or meaningless responses, and reiterated the 'her feelings have become cold between us'... to be honest i don't know exactly what that means. she could simply say she doesn't love me anymore or whatever

i've asked if she met someone and she has said no... but of course you never know. i feel like i'm chasing a dead horse, obviously over the last few weeks the way we communicate is completely different. she has no interest in calling, etc. and honestly i feel like if you're going to make a decision like ending the relationship for those reasons, you should at least have a phone call... texting something like that seems a bit rude

i'm putting this all out there because it's weighing on me and i'm not sure how to proceed or what more i can say to her, if anything. part of me wants to lay into her for wasting the last year of our lives, and wasting a ton of money. i paid for all the trips, all the visa expenses, are cash directly to her. to be straight all of that is roughly $40k over the last year or so. to do all of that, get her life set up in moscow, and to have her behave this way at this stage to me is baffling

i'm looking for any thoughts the group may have on what's happened... maybe it's a russian thing, i don't know, but this is a f*ked up situation for me

thanks

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hey all, wanted to related my current situation with a russian girl (i'm american) i started a relationship with in oct 2013 when we both met in europe... we've met several times over the last 15 months, the last in spain back in july. we started the k1 process back in april 2014, took 5 months for approval, then a couple of weeks to the moscow embassy, interview, approval, etc. the approval was contingent on fixing a small error in the police report required... which was done but she hasn't gone to get the visa

after the spain trip things began to fall off a bit on my end, mainly due to the length of time apart with only whatsapp, phones calls, and the occasional Skype, but i never showed disinterest necessarily, i think i just started to tire of the type of relationship we had and the long wait, etc

when the interview came (in the beginning of november 2014), she was still very much interested/excited to finally come out but she started having doubts soon after for a couple of reasons. one, she had found a new job that she really liked in moscow, and two, she was worried about what would happen after she came to new york. scared of the move on one hand, but afraid things might not work out and she'd have to go back to moscow, losing her job, etc

at this point though she has totally changed her mind and says she doesn't want to come... stating the reasons above, as well as our ability to communicate. i speak no russian and her english is mediocre, i.e. we can't really have any real banter, jokes, etc are lost on each other for the most part

though for most of the time we were together, we were in love, and expressed that daily, etc.

from her end, during the whole time leading up to the interview, she was enamored... always texting, asking to call and hear my voice or Skype to see my face. and we always talked about the fact that it would be difficult for her at first here in the US. she would have to learn english and it would take her a while before she could find the kind of job she wants, etc. she understood that and always just wanted to be with me

the situation now with her though is a bit confusing and painful

a couple of notes, we took 4 trips after the initial meeting we had in europe. i took her to morocco, to thailand/cambodia, i visited moscow, and the spain trip. all of that at considerable expense. i had also been sending her money on a regular basis, a few hundred a month normally. she had gone through a couple of jobs while searching for the right one. and even with a job, the money was not enough. i would send money for some living expense as well as things she may need... dresses and shoes for work, a new winter coat, whatever... again, considerable expense. i paid for her to get into her apartment, paying the first month and security. she had also borrowed money from friends early on in our relationship that i gave to her so she could pay them back. i did all of this due to the long wait for the visa. i wanted her to have what she needed, etc while we were apart for so long

she was in somewhat of a transient state when we met, and a part of me feels like now that she has herself set up in moscow, her motivations may have changed

our only communication over the last two months is by text. twice she has said she doesn't want to leave moscow, that moscow is her home, and that for some reason (she won't say) that over the last two months 'her feelings have become cold between us'

i have tried to salvage this by texting i still love her, miss her, etc, but she has become increasingly distant, not texting back for hours or a day, or not responding directly to anything i might say. again, normally we would text several times a day, and if there was ever no reply from either of us for any amount of time it would be rare and for some legitimate reason. basically, like she has said, she has become cold. if i say i love you or miss you, she does not reply in kind, at all

she has though once, last week, said that there maybe is a chance. i told her that i still had hope for us and she said, yeah, maybe we can try... but again, during the last week, infrequent texts, non responses, or meaningless responses, and reiterated the 'her feelings have become cold between us'... to be honest i don't know exactly what that means. she could simply say she doesn't love me anymore or whatever

i've asked if she met someone and she has said no... but of course you never know. i feel like i'm chasing a dead horse, obviously over the last few weeks the way we communicate is completely different. she has no interest in calling, etc. and honestly i feel like if you're going to make a decision like ending the relationship for those reasons, you should at least have a phone call... texting something like that seems a bit rude

i'm putting this all out there because it's weighing on me and i'm not sure how to proceed or what more i can say to her, if anything. part of me wants to lay into her for wasting the last year of our lives, and wasting a ton of money. i paid for all the trips, all the visa expenses, are cash directly to her. to be straight all of that is roughly $40k over the last year or so. to do all of that, get her life set up in moscow, and to have her behave this way at this stage to me is baffling

i'm looking for any thoughts the group may have on what's happened... maybe it's a russian thing, i don't know, but this is a f*ked up situation for me

thanks

40K for a year that was a bit excessive. Just moved on and forget these things even if it was hurtful. I myself never asked money from my-then-fiancé ( my now husband) though he wanted to send me money which was I refused it. I had a good job while back in my country. It seems this girl only used you as back up plan. Sorry, but that's my thought.


Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat

- Sun Tzu-

It doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop

-Confucius-

 

-I am the beneficiary and my post is not reflecting my petitioner's point of views-

 

                                       Lifting Condition (I-751)

 

*Mailed I-751 package (06/21/2017) to CSC

*NOA-1 date (06/23/2017)

*NOA-1 received (06/28/2017)

*Check cashed (06/27/2017)

*Biometric Received (07/10/2017)

*Biometric Appointment (07/20/2017)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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~Moved form Off-Topic to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits Forum~

~Similar topics are often discussed at this forum~


Completed: K1/K2 (271 days) - AOS/EAD/AP (134 days) - ROC (279 days)

> Almost 2 years of our lives involved with the USCIS/DOS "shuffle" & worth every second of it ! <

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Forget about her. No self-respecting girl would accept that much money without feeling shitty about it. Doesn't seem like she cares. You enabled her and gave her everything she wanted. Not to mention she ignored your texts/calls (another obvious sign). If you really, really love her your best bet would be to move to Moscow and live with her. If not, just move on with your life.


K1 Visa Event Date Service Center : Texas Service Center Transferred? No Consulate : Juarez, Mexico

I-129F: Sent 9/5/2014

I-129F: Arrived at Lewisville 9/8/2014

I-129F: NOA1 Text message/mail 9/11/2014

I-129F: Alien Registration Number Changed 9/16/2014

I-129F: Request to correct on document or notice assigned to an officer for response 10/25/2014

I-129F: Name Change request made 10/31/2014

I-129F: Crickets as of today

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As hard as it may be, and you are already "in deep"....STOP THE BLEEDING, AND MOVE ON.

Better you have this breakup now then when/if you bring her here to NYC, if you bring her here and things are still "cold" as she says and she wants to bolt, your on the hook for her financially for a few years.

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If this is how she treats you now, when you guys are so close to finally being together, I dread to think how the relationship would progress. I am terribly sorry you have had to go through this but it sounds to me like it needs to stop. Move on and find someone more deserving of your love.

Good luck.


Immigration Timeline

 

June 2013: Met whilst working at a summer camp in Michigan 

K1

November 1st 2014: I-129f submitted for K1 visa

February 24th 2015: Visa in hand!

February 26th 2015: POE at Las Vegas airport, then onwards to Oregon! 

March 6th 2015: Marriage (with a "real" wedding to follow next year on 7/6/2016)

March 9th 2015: AOS, EAD & AP submitted

September 22nd 2015: Interview

January 14th 2016: Two year Green card received -phew!

ROC

August 8th 2017: 90 day window begins! ROC time!

September 28th 2017: Biometric Appointment in Portland, OR

March 5th 2018: Case received by local office

August 18th 2018: 18 month extension letter mailed

N400

August 8th 2018: Window opens to submit naturalization application

August 13th 2018: N400 Application submitted online :dance:

August 14th 2018: NOA1

September 6th 2018: Biometrics

 

I am the Beneficiary

 

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Honestly cancel the petition and move on with life. Getting angry at someone when you chose to spend money on them is silly. Either she is nervous because you were distant for some time or she let you set her up. Either way there seems to be not much you can do about it beyond live and learn. Best of luck in the future.


You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  - Dr. Seuss

 

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Sorry that this has happened to you, the best thing you could do would be to move on with your life to be honest.

Your other option would be to fly to Moscow and meet her in person and see if you can repair things/ find out what happened but there would be a good chance it would be more money wasted.


My blog about my visa journey and adjusting to my new life in the US http://albiontoamerica.wordpress.com/

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Forget about her. No self-respecting girl would accept that much money without feeling shitty about it. Doesn't seem like she cares. You enabled her and gave her everything she wanted. Not to mention she ignored your texts/calls (another obvious sign). If you really, really love her your best bet would be to move to Moscow and live with her. If not, just move on with your life.

I agree with the above comment! It's pretty unusual for a woman from that region; who's not playing with you, to ask about money. Many consider that to be a shameful act...again, the ones that are genuine!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I say move on and find someone you deserve!

Edited by Hin-d

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...look at it this way, $40K is a very cheap price to pay to find out the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with is not the woman for you. If you both were really in love distance and communication barriers would not be an issue because you would make it work. You can't assume that being physically together would change all of that, because if a minor obstacle such as distance already has caused a change of heart than the relationship may not be strong as you once thought.

In my opinion, "closure" is overrated.


The total amount of days from the date I mailed in our K1 Visa application to the day my fiancé stepped foot into the USA:

1 year, 3 months and 8 days.

The amount of days from the date we mailed in our AOS to the date everything was approved (after 3 RFEs):

7 months & 5 days

Which makes our journey a total of:

2 years, 3 months, and 8 days


(L)"I remember the days I prayed for everything I have now." (L)


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Hello Sidccc

Well i think you need to make a step forward and confront the situation and call her and try to have the a honest and very open conversation, maybe you already know what is the result but it is better always to make our own decisions and understand what comes around on us to be in peace in the future and do not regret anything about our past.

Try to get back your inner peace either with or without her, the most important thing at this confusing moment is you.

Praying for you.

Jhon.


_____________________________________________________________________________________// 8011269.gif
I-129 Sent - July 23, 2014
NOA-1 - July 28, 2014
NOA-2 - February 3, 2015
NVC Received: --
February 17, 2015
Consulate Received: -- March 02, 2015 (Probably before but we never knew about it lol)
Packet 3&4 Received: -- March 02, 2015
Interview Date: -- March 24, 2015
Interview Results: --
POE: --

s-event.png---------> Go Pirates!z9EfMv2.png

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