TBoneTX

Were she of the other political party and the defendant someone else, she'd be toast.

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It is Wednesday already, and time for our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke! It's still January, so read this one about our New Year's resolutions: ============================================================= NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY KEEP Read less. I want to gain weight and put on at least 30 pounds. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store. Stop exercising. Waste of time. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. Watch less television on the small screen and buy a bigger one. Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser. Watch more movie remakes. Procrastinate more. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. I'll become a vegan for a day and subsequently learn that it was a missed steak. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past; instead, I will spend it worrying about the future. Drink! Drink some more! Stop buying worthless junk on eBay, because QVC has better specials. Start being superstitious. Spend more time at work. Stop bringing lunch from home -- I should eat out more. Take up a new habit -- maybe smoking!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nikki Haley Announces She Has Won New Hampshire By Negative 12 Points CONCORD, NH — Presidential frontrunner and conservative favorite Nikki Haley announced that she has won the New Hampshire primary by a whopping negative 12 points, sources confirmed this evening. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/nikki-haley-announces-she-has-won-new-hampshire-by-negative-12-points

Oakland In-N-Out Relocating To Safer Location In Gaza GAZA — Despite the ongoing violent conflict taking place in the region, the leadership of one of America's most popular fast food chains announced the Oakland, California In-N-Out would be relocating to a far safer location in the Gaza Strip. "We just can't subject our customers to the dangers of Oakland anymore," said In-N-Out owner and heiress Lynsi Lavelle Snyder-Ellingson. "For the safety of our employees, we needed to find a location that was far less dangerous than Oakland, and [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/oakland-in-n-out-relocating-to-safer-location-in-gaza

Supreme Court Rules Texas Must Replace Barbed Wire With Giant Red Carpet NOGALES — In yet another 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that Texas must remove all barbed wire along the border and replace it with a massive, plush red carpet. "How will migrants be able to get in the country if there's barbed wire in the way?" said a visibly confused Justice Sotomayor. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/supreme-court-rules-texas-must-replace-barbed-wire-with-red-carpet

Canadian Court Sides With Freedom Convoy! [...] A very brief recap of what was at issue: During anti-mandate Trucker's convoy, PM Justin Trudeau invoked an Act that had been put in place giving the government extraordinary powers under very limited circumstances. It was written in order to give Canada's government the ability to deal with terrorists and was never intended to be used as a tool to suppress the free speech rights of Canadians. [...] https://hotair.com/david-strom/2024/01/23/canadian-court-sides-with-freedom-convoy-n606943

I love the stuff that Twitchy publishes.

= a Republican sweep in November?

Agree? Agree strongly? Disagree? Please comment. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Coming Soon: Lockdowns to Save the Environment? Many Americans are only now beginning to realize the devastating impacts that COVID lockdowns had on our society, as many businesses struggle still to recover and children try to catch up with missed learning opportunities. But what if the pandemic was just a trial run for more drastic restrictions and lockdowns related to climate change? After decades of arguing that the world is at a climate tipping point, Democrats may try to enact restrictions to stop perceived global warming at an order of magnitude larger than the COVID-19 measures imposed during the height of the pandemic. And considering the pandemic's ability to bring out authoritarian streaks in our leaders, this should be worrying for most Americans. [...] https://themessenger.com/opinion/lockdowns-environment-climate-change-green-agenda-shutdowns

If I'm correct, there will be video contact from the nearest large CBP port.

Thrilling Tuesday report, see man: Non-monsoon rain off & mostly on, How Dry We Aren't man. Arose at o'dark-Many to get Mini-B. to History tutorial, finish late assignment wee man. Learned that History teechur was absent, man! Mini-B. claims to have finished the project, man. Still groggy from trip, travel hangover we man. Weakly intended to hit Costco, purchases + lunch man. Of course, it began raining right then, forget it man. Lunch was onepouch of microwave "Japanese curry noodles*," disgustingly ingest we man. *bought at a previous ES, financially savvy we man It was among the worst comestible item that we've ever consumed, blecccch man. However, it was cheap and filling, ingest anyway we man. We actually used mouthwarsh afterward, highly necessary man. Who would ever buy that revolting glop at full retail, huh man? A restorative siesta was taken with no interruptive calls or texts, zzz we man. Not raining at skool pickup, well-timed respite man. Mini-B. bombed Non-P-Math quiz, man. Mini-B. was told to complete Science project and turn it in ASAP, man. Din-din was Korean chicken followed by ice cream, ingest Two Guys man. Mini-B. completed** a partially done English assignment, man. **completable in half-of-half an hour but took over an hour Mini-B. began missing pages of Science project, q.v. below man. Between running downstairs to help/yell at Mini-B., we, see man: -- wrote to Science teechur, promising completion man. -- wrote to Non-P-Math teechur, promising early-morn Tutorial attendance man. -- wrote to Band teechur, explaining priority of Non-P-Math tutorial over Sectionals man. -- wrote to English teechur, alerting to assignment completion man. -- wrote to History teechur, lobbying for acceptance of assignment upon return man. Mini-B. took >2 hours flailing about on Science project, arcane questions man. We finally researched the Texas Water Development Board & Texas Environmental Quality Commission sites, partial information gained man. Nowhere on the Internet or in ChatGPT is information on the Sabine River water table's depth, no man. Got Mini-B. embedded half + half-of-half an hour late, embed wee man we man. We are Many00% exhausted yet again, this has to stop man. Must arise at o'dark-Many on Wednesday to take Mini-B. to Non-P-Math tutorial, man. Must go back with him after din-din for "Many'th-grade course selection," yeah like that's realistic man. Of note, it is supposed to monsoon like an absolute illegitimate male child all day Wednesday, man.

They're Band and Fizzicle Education, for God's sake man! Times precised, see and si and mam ma'am. Time of arising precised, see and si and mam ma'am. Score precised, mam ma'am. Potential average precised, mam ma'am. Somebody needs remedial P-math, see and si and mam ma'am.

Supreme Court Rules It's Illegal For National Guard To Guard Nation U.S. — In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court has ruled that it's now illegal for the Texas National Guard to guard Texas or the nation. "Using the National Guard to guard the nation is an egregious misuse of the National Guard," wrote Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, who sided with the majority. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/supreme-court-rules-its-illegal-for-national-guard-to-guard-nation

Dementia And Double Standards At an event in North Carolina last Thursday, President Joe Biden called out for a congresswoman with whom he claimed he'd just been photographed. She was, at the time, in Washington, D.C. At an event in New Hampshire the next day, presidential candidate Donald Trump appeared to mix up Nancy Pelosi and Nikki Haley when talking about Jan. 6. Guess which mental lapse was ignored while the other was covered by the New York Times, USA Today, CNN, ABC News, The Hill, PBS, and countless other news outlets. [...] https://issuesinsights.com/2024/01/22/dementia-and-double-standards/

Floridians wait to see which version of Ron DeSantis returns from the presidential campaign trail TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – When Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis first took office in 2019, he surprised many with actions indicating he'd be a much more moderate leader than anticipated: He corrected a decades-old racial injustice, took the side of medical marijuana supporters over GOP leaders and hired a liberal Democrat for a key state position. But then he set his eyes on the White House and veered far to the right as he rolled to a 2022 reelection blowout and entered the presidential race. His message was loud and relentless and focused on how he had beaten down the "woke mob" with policies that upset Black and LGBTQ+ Floridians. Not even Republicans dared stand up to his iron-fisted governing style for fear of being punished. Now that he's dropped out of the presidential race and is returning to govern Florida for another two-plus years, which DeSantis will Floridians see? It's a question Tallahassee insiders are speculating about, but [...] https://www.click2houston.com/news/politics/2024/01/22/floridians-wait-to-see-which-version-of-ron-desantis-returns-from-the-presidential-campaign-trail/

This sounds like one of the worst horror stories ever. Fortunately, the groom escaped just in time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Couple's Wedding Is Canceled After Bride Is Caught Having an Affair with Groom's Uncle A bridesmaid is sharing the chaos that caused her friend's whole wedding to get canceled the day of. On Reddit's Wedding Shaming Subreddit, the woman explains how leading up to her friend Dana's, wedding, which was supposed to be on Jan. 14, her friend, 29, had crazy demands for the members of her wedding party. For example, she asked all her bridesmaids to spend $2,000 on their dresses and also cancel their family vacations to go on her bachelorette trip. Additionally, she told her fiancé, Josh, that he wasn't allowed to invite any of his single female friends. "Now the meat of the story comes on the wedding day," the bridesmaid writes. [...] https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/couple-wedding-canceled-bride-caught-202849290.html

Her N.H. results may be artificially high because of crossover votes, which apparently are permitted. It will be humiliating when Trump barbecues her in her own home state.

Thrilling Monday report, see man: Got Mini-B. to skool in the continuing monsoon, groggy man. Mega-caffeination didn't help, so we went back to bed, zzz we man. Miu is delighted that both Daddy and Big Bruddah are present, attention-gluttonous miu man. Lunch was onecan of Progresso chicken noodle soup*, ingest we man. *bought on markdown from a supermarket's dent/clearance bin, financially savvy we man Din-din was weenies + beans**, ingest Two Guys man. **Mini-B.'s request, would rather have saved it for later in the week as a treat we man Mini-B. had Many -- si man, Many -- late skool assignments, man. He brightly announced, "But I'm passing 2 classes, si man!" man. After din-din, we put him to work, si man. First was a science project, probably hyskool-level man. We helped him with some research, search wee and research we man man. We pointed out instructions that he didn't read, man. "Read carefully, interpret literally, and answer completely, si man," quote pushbrk we to wee man man. Mini-B. finally mostly finished that one, e-mailed the teechur with stuckpoints wee man man. Did (non-P-)Math assignment, rather easy man. Did 2 more science assignments, coach wee man regarding efficiency we man. Will attend History tutorial early Tuesday to do that late one, need skoolbook wee man. Barring further late assignments to be discovered, this should catch him up, man. We, conversely, need blood-pressure HSM, must ingest we man. As a boon, Mini-B. managed to accomplish his pre-bed stuff exactly by revised deadline, small victory man. It is not supposed to rain as much on Tuesday***, so we shall run some errands, hope we man. ***but look out for Wednesday, mega-monsoon forecast man Mornin', absent Polish Commie-**** and other babes with lavishly allocatable upvote inventories! ****Bad absent Asia! Bad, BAD absent ABSENT Asia!

Oh, we're fine, whee man. Better worry more about the rubias, hee hee man.

What a relief for you! You got off cheaply, too. Your sense of freedom must be overwhelming. All the best to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trans Pro Golfer Outed As Man After He Flawlessly Parallel-Parks Golf Cart ORLANDO, FL — After managing to hide his true gender while winning a women's golf tournament, local man Hailey Davidson was outed as a man after flawlessly parallel parking his golf cart as he was leaving the course. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/trans-pro-golfer-outed-as-man-after-he-flawlessly-parallel-parks-golf-cart

DeSantis Says He Will Try Running Again When He's A Senile 75-Year-Old TALLAHASSEE, FL — Governor Ron DeSantis has officially suspended his Presidential campaign, deciding to wait until he is 75 years old and senile before attempting to become leader of the free world. "My time has not yet come," said DeSantis as he ably walked up a flight of stairs carrying a dozen pizzas. "I still have complete control of my mental and physical faculties." [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/desantis-drops-out-of-race-after-evidence-surfaces-of-him-not-being-over-75

Child Who Dreamt Of Being NFL Referee Gets Devastating News That He Was Born With 20/20 Vision PIERRE, SD — According to reports, young Martin Durfling had his dream of being an NFL referee completely crushed after learning he was born with a genetic condition that would prevent him from ever reaching the big leagues. After multiple visits, doctors confirmed that Durfling was born with 20/20 vision. [...] https://babylonbee.com/news/child-who-dreams-of-being-nfl-referee-gets-devastating-news-that-he-was-born-with-2020-vision

Thrilling Sunday report, see man: Did ____, ____, and ____ with the rubias, and twice on Sundays man. Slept poorly, temperature of room too hot with half a Manyzen hot rubias man. Awoke at o'dark-Many, ungodly hour man. Packed and out-checked, bye hotel man. Got proper directions to other airport from helpful toll-booth agent, helpful he man. Rental-car surrender as slick as pickup had not been, schizoid man. Made airport in ample time, if we're making a habit of this we must be sick man. Timely flight, si man. Inflight lunch was twobags of cinnamon-flavored graham crackers and a can of Coke, ingest we man. Flight landed early, boon man. Suitcase promptly off carousel, boon man. Parking shuttle almost right there, boon man. T-B.-mobile started readily after sitting for Many days in non-Texas-like weather, boon man. Hit casa at 1 p.m., return we man. Miu half-angry at us for absence and half-confused that it was us, discombobulated miu man. We had to drop everything to thoroughly brush miu, typical situation man. We then had to treat/lunch miu, typical situation man. Unpacked, everything almost put away man. Went back out grocerying for Two Guys week, must prepare we man for wee man man. Finally got our shower, rid self of airport funk we man. Din-din was onecan of beef stew, ingest we man. A deep hourlong siesta was taken, zzz we man. Sunday chores compressed into a few hours, not our preference man. Exhausted still, need zzz we man. Supposed to monsoon on Monday, long skool lines man. Welcome casa-ward, si we man.